Health & Heels - Winter 2021-2022

healthy families
The Meaningful
Marriage
Manual
Lately, I’ve been thinking about
something that we probably think
that we do, and probably think,
“Sure, of course, it’s no big deal.” But
do we really do it often enough, and
do we do it well enough?
By Debbie Selengut
And that is complimenting our husbands. We
really feel like we compliment, and we probably
do compliment, but let’s see if we can do a little
better.
First, for a compliment to really feel good to
the other person, it has to be authentic and
genuine, not fluffy. General statements like
“you’re amazing” can feel good too, but the
more specific the better it feels.
Here are some examples. “When I come
out in the morning and you’ve cleaned
the snow off of my car, it makes my
morning so much easier.” “Thank you for
taking care of that bill, it was weighing
me down.” “I see how your siblings really
all look to you for guidance…” “Cleaning up
supper tonight was such a lifesaver, I was
out of energy.”
• Genuine, not fluffy
• Check body
language
• Acknowledge their
circumstances
• Details matter
• Attach your feelings
Third, acknowledging something going on in his life
adds to the sincerity of the compliment. “I know it’s
crunch time at work now. I really appreciate you
helping me out with the errands today.” “I know
you’ve been keeping such late nights too; thank you
for letting me sleep a little late today.”
Fourth, think about the details. Instead of
“thank you for the flowers” we can try “I
love hydrangeas! These are stunning.”
“You made my coffee with exactly
enough sugar.”
And fifth, attaching a feeling to the
compliment takes it to a new level...
“When you do the dishes after dinner it
makes me feel so appreciated.” “When you
take care of the repairs around the house I
feel so taken care of.”
Second, check our body language when we
compliment him: eye contact and a smile. Once
we are more aware of our body language we will
notice how often we talk to people and forget to
look at them!
If this is not easy, or it’s new to us, it can take time
to get used to. Try to set a goal. A compliment a
day? On average, it takes 66 days to create a new
habit… It’s a great goal, and will create feelings of
appreciation, love, and respect! Go for it!
Winter Issue
Mrs. Debbie Selengut serves as an
assistant principal in Bnos Bracha of
Passaic. She serves as a consultant
in schools and does teacher/new
teacher training. She is a graduate
of the Yesod Ma’ala New York
Regional Fellowship of Principals,
a division of Torah Umesorah. She
teaches post-high school education,
pre-marriage education, parenting
and adult education courses. She
is married to Rabbi Dovid
Selengut, a rebbe at Joseph
Kushner Hebrew Academy,
and a therapist in private
practice. She is a mother
and grandmother.
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