Analog Science Fiction and Fact - June 2013
Analog Science Fiction and Fact - June 2013
Analog Science Fiction and Fact - June 2013
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ANALOG<br />
I love; I cannot love the one I touch.<br />
And at that moment the detector overheats,<br />
its cold ceramic casing shattering as the cesium<br />
gas within exp<strong>and</strong>s a millionfold. Pain<br />
tears through my systems as searing-cold gas<br />
pours into spaces it was never meant to<br />
touch.<br />
My heart bursts because it has taken in too<br />
much.<br />
Oblivion.<br />
Light stabs my eyes. I wince <strong>and</strong> squirm<br />
away from the pain, raising h<strong>and</strong>s to defend<br />
myself, but something restrains me.<br />
“Whoa, whoa, malyutka!” It’s Evon’s voice,<br />
Evon’s h<strong>and</strong>s on my wrists. “Don’t fight. Is<br />
only me. You okay?”<br />
“Uh . . .” My voice is ashy. “I’m alive . . .”<br />
“Here. Drink.” A cool glass is pressed into<br />
my h<strong>and</strong>s. Water. I realize I’m parched. “Not<br />
so fast!”<br />
The glass is taken away. My thirst tells me<br />
I’ve been insensate <strong>and</strong> unserviced for some<br />
time. “How . . . how long?”<br />
“Sixteen hours.” He h<strong>and</strong>s me another glass<br />
of water, <strong>and</strong> a food bar. It’s the most delicious<br />
thing I’ve ever tasted. “Was getting pretty cold<br />
before I managed to get door open. Lifesystem<br />
working now, anyway.”<br />
I shiver. It’s still pretty cold. “I’m sorry I<br />
locked you in.”<br />
“I’m sorry detector exploded. Next one will<br />
have better compensators. Big question is, can<br />
you fly ship?”<br />
The helmet’s indicators have all gone black,<br />
but the wall displays are operative. Drive systems<br />
are good; navigation is running on back-<br />
38<br />
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ups, but the coordinates of the last transition<br />
are still locked in. “Yes. I can get us back to<br />
the Institute, anyway.”<br />
Evon blows out a sigh. “Is good.”<br />
I turn the cold helmet over in my h<strong>and</strong>s.<br />
The shipmind is dead. A new one can be<br />
grown from backups, of course, but it won’t<br />
be exactly the same.<br />
I won’t be exactly the same.<br />
What do I want me to be?<br />
I stare into the blind eye of the helmet’s<br />
dead power indicator. It stares blankly back . . .<br />
<strong>and</strong> suddenly I realize there’s a more immediate<br />
problem. “My data!”<br />
Evon quirks an eyebrow at me.<br />
“All the data I’ve gathered here. Is it safe?”<br />
He shrugs, spreads his h<strong>and</strong>s. “I would never<br />
consider looking. Raw research data, after<br />
all. Subject to misinterpretation.” Though his<br />
words are light, his eyes are as hard <strong>and</strong> cold<br />
as one of his technical readouts. “You underst<strong>and</strong>.”<br />
I gather breath to snap a response . . . then<br />
stop myself, letting it back out slowly. I begin<br />
again. “Will you . . . would you, please, check<br />
it for me? Make sure it’s properly stored <strong>and</strong><br />
backed up before we fire up the system for<br />
the transition back to the Institute?”<br />
A small smile, <strong>and</strong> a nod. “Since you ask so<br />
nicely.”<br />
“Thank you.”<br />
There’s still a lot of noise crusted on my<br />
soul. It will take a while to scrape it all off.<br />
“Okay,” he says. “Where are manual controls?”<br />
Together, we set to work. ■<br />
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