THE MEMOIRS OF MUSTAPHA HUSSAIN - Malaysia Today

302 Memoirs of Mustapha Hussain
went missing and her distraught father ordered his men to announce that
whoever returned his princess to the palace would have her hand in
marriage. A fortune-teller was the first to offer his help. He claimed that
a huge legendary bird had flown her to a faraway island. A renowned
boat-maker offered his services and built a strong boat for the journey.
Several warriors sailed to the island and saw the huge bird guarding
the princess in a mountaintop cave. To kill the bird, a famous archer
came forward and with one arrow killed it. The princess was returned to
the palace.”
Now, who deserves the princess? I called upon fellow detainees to
guess the most deserving person; the fortune-teller, the boatman or the
archer? There was a lot of commotion as they discussed the matter
among themselves, making so much noise that a constable came to shut
us up. Some named the boat-maker, for without the boat, no one could
have reached the island. Others cited the fortune-teller for it was he who
foretold where the princess was. Only one detainee chose the archer and
kept defending his argument. The one who chose the archer was the
informer ‘kicked into’ our lock-up and he was the one often called out
for ‘interrogations’. This somewhat weird guy napped each afternoon.
Because of his sinus, he snored heavily and sometimes spluttered in his
sleep. We thus nicknamed him ‘sawmill’ and when he spluttered, we
would say, “The saw must have hit a tough node.”
When fellow detainees insisted on the right answer to the puzzle I
said all answers were correct. But as soon as the ‘sawmill’ left for another
‘questioning’ I revealed the true answer. I told them whoever chose the
fortune-teller was lazy, just like the fortune-teller. All fingers pointed to
an Indian man who had given himself away. He was indeed the laziest.
He would not wash his clothes, comb his hair or help other detainees on
bed bug eradication campaigns. Then the one who guessed the boatman
asked, “What about the boatman?” “The one who chose the boatman is
a hardworking fellow,” I revealed. Everyone agreed, saying “True, true”,
pointing their fingers at Ibrahim, Special Police member from Tapah. He
was always doing something. He would go on bed bug eradication campaigns
not only in his area but the entire lock-up. My lock-up mates were
growing impatient to know the trait of the man who chose the archer. I
replied in one sentence, “His tongue is as sharp as his arrow!” The entire
group agreed, “We suspected him all along!”
Some detainees went on a mission. They collected bed bugs in a
matchbox. Later, when the ‘sawmill’ spluttered in his sleep, one detainee
poured the matchbox full of bed bugs into his mouth. The ‘sawmill’ sat
upright, screaming in between chokes. I heard the commotion as I was