Marina Tsvetaeva, Her Life in Poems - Rolf Gross

She writes and a few days later describes the state she is in.
This trembling, for what really,
Am I longing in my dreams -
For the ironic charm
that is yours - not his
Under your caresses' lush plaid
Yesterday's dream.
What was it - Whose victory -
Whose defeat
Rethinking everything once more,
I am torturing myself again.
In fact, I do not know the words for,
Was it love
Who was the hunter - Who – the prey
All devilishly-around!
Did I recogniize that long-purring,
Siberian cat
In that duel of willfulness
Who, in whose hands was the ball
Whose heart - yours or mine, was
Flying at a gallop
And yet - what was it
What do I want
I still do not know: Oh, did I win
Or was I conquered
October 23, 1914
What was it - I venture to suggest that Marina had one of her crushes on Sofia, and
when Sofia, attracted by her obvious inexperience, took advantage of that – a deep kiss
caresses - Marina discovered a hitherto unexplored erotic world that left her reeling. Her
love of Seryozha was one between two lonely, deeply wounded children. They were both
equally innocent, and in her poems to her “shining guard” she kept this innocence
throughout her life. Erotic allusions never entered her poems to him. Sofia introduced her
to the sensations of an entirely more consuming way of loving.
Pra and Max Voloshin, who disliked Sofia, were truly afraid for Marina and her marriage.
However, practical Pra, in a letter to Seryozha [VS. p.102] realizes that nothing could be
done about “the spell this Sonya has put on her.” - It had to burn itself out.
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