Marina Tsvetaeva, Her Life in Poems - Rolf Gross

To Mama
When you played an old Strauss waltz,
we, for the first time, heard your quiet, distressed call,
Since then we have been aliens among living beings
And only enjoyed the quick passing of the hours.
We, like you, welcomed sunsets,
Hypnotized by the proximity of your end.
On better evenings you made us feel enriched,
As you fought for our hearts
.
You served our childhood dreams tirelessly
(Without you, we only look at the months!)
You guided your girls through your
Bitter life of sufferings and pains.
In our early years you were close to us, you who was sad,
A joyless and alien home remains in our blood ...
Our ship was set assail at a bad moment
And founders at the whim of every wind!
Ever paler grows the blue island – of our childhood,
We stand alone on deck.
We see the sadness in the inheritance
You, O mother, left to your girls!
1907
They returned to the big house on Three Ponds Lane, which now seemed empty. Their
father buried his grief in his work. A theft from the museum roused Ivan's enemies and
the envy of the imperial administration. Their accusations hurt him deeply and aged him.
Over his desk he had hung a photo of Maria in her coffin, which fascinated and frightened
the girls. There is a poem by Marina (1913) which seems to reflect this photo.
None of their relatives offered to take in the two orphans. They were considered too
difficult. Marina was sent to a private boarding school (Vonderwies) in Moscow. She only
came home on weekends. Ivan finally hired Varvara, an old teacher of his daughters from
their Yalta days, to be their companion and run the household. Varvara did not succeed to
regain Asya's and Marina's affection. Asya asks herself why: “This is one guilt that weighs
on me, and that I cannot explain.” The wounds were too deep. After a few months,
Varvara quit her job and returned to the Crimean.
Marina hated school, it bored her. She attached herself to a group of long-haired costudents
who considered themselves “revolutionaries”. At the end of the year the school
expelled her. She never mentioned this experience. “Anger was Marina's element. Her
other was shyness. She could barely control the torments caused by embarrassment,”
writes Asya. “She would blush to the roots of her hair. If this happened before the prying
eyes of a poetry-reading, she would hauntingly walk to her execution, livid with disdain.
Had she raised her cast down green eyes, she would have appeared like Medusa.” - At
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