February 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST 

The Most Unusual Digest in America 

2015 

Androscoggin Chamber 

President’s Award 

Recipient 

FREE 

February 2015 

Looking to BUY or SELL a HOME 

Attend a FREE Home Buyer/Seller Education Class! 

See page 5 for our upcoming schedule! 

Contact Debbie TODAY for all your mortgage needs! 

Voted Greater 

Lewiston/Auburn’s 

Best Mortgage 

Company for 2014! 

NMLS ID# 1760, ME Supervised Lender License No. SLM2537; Equal Housing Opportunity 

Debbie Bodwell, NMLS#280336 

VP, Mortgage Banker 

181 Center Street | Auburn, ME 04210 

P 207-777-1551 | F 207-777-1933 

Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.com 

www.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwell 

The Extra Money You’ve Been Looking For... 

IS HERE! 

• Low Rates 

• Low Payments 

• Extended Terms 

• One Hour Loans 

Restrictions & qualification apply 

Great Falls 

Federal Credit Union 

We have 

the financing 

for you! 

Two convenient 

locations: 

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 

760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 

www.GreatFallsfcu.com 

Armandsab@aol.com

Homework 

Policy 

Submitted by Jimbo 

Here is an explanation 

of the school homework 

policy: 

“There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.” — Zig Ziglar 


Recipient of the 2015 PRESIDENT’S AWARD 

Students should not 

spend more than 90 

minutes per night. This 

time should be budgeted 

in the following 

manner: 

15 minutes looking for 

assignment. 

11 minutes calling 

a friend for the 

assignment. 

15 minutes explaining 

why the teacher is 

mean and just does not 

like children. 

5 minutes in the bathroom. 

10 minutes getting a 

snack. 

18 minutes checking 

their Facebook status. 

6 minutes telling parents 

that the teacher 

never explained the 

assignment. 

10 minutes sitting at 

the kitchen table waiting 

for Mom or Dad to 

do the assignment. 

S-sir, I'm afraid you've 

gone mad with power." 

"Of course I have. You 

ever tried going mad 

without power It's boring, 

and no one listens 

to you! 

Uncle Andy’s Digest 

2 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

I'm on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people. 

UAD staff who attended the Awards 

Banquet (l to r): 

Tim Rucker (Sales), 

Pam Ashby (Graphic Designer), 

Thomas Hill (Internet Specialist) 

& Jimbo Marston (Owner) 

Proud to 

be part 

of what 

makes 

Lewiston/Auburn 

GREAT! 

“A local treasure! Uncle Andy’s Digest engages its readers and lubricates 

the wheels of commerce.” – Chip Morrison, Chamber President

If you're a Repo Man, what you seize is what you get. 

MODERN WOODMEN 

OF AMERICA 


Thursday, Feb 5th 

Dubois Café 7am – 10am 

(Chapter 14437) 

906 Sabattus St, Lewiston 

$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest 

Saturday, Feb 7th 

Red Claws vs Westchester 

Knicks 7pm 


Portland Expo 

$4 

Tuesday, Feb 10th 

Sam’s Noon – 7pm 


Marketplace Mall, Lewiston 


Wednesday, Feb 18th 

99 Restaurant 4pm - 7pm 


650 Center St, Auburn 


Saturday, Feb 21st 

KC Sacred Heart Bean Supper 

4:30-5:30pm 


8 Sacred Heart Place, 

Auburn 

$5 Member; $6 Guest 

Dick Courtemanche 

207-786-3622 

Lewiston 

Art Chamberlain 

207-514-7003 

Lewiston 

Paul Colasante* 

207-782-8823 

Lewiston 

Michael Courtemanche* 

207-783-8921 

Lewiston 

Sunday, Feb 22nd 

Flagship Cinema(Chapter 

12749) 

Lewiston/Auburn$4 Member; 

$5.50 Guest 

Tuesday. Feb 24th 

Ari’s Pizza 11:30 – 1pm 


457 Main St, Norway 

$5 Member 

Happy 

Valentine’s! 

Forest Cluff* 

207-725-4606 

Brunswick 

Ron Ouellette* 

207-786-3612 

Lewiston 

Kim Pelkey* 

207-786-2573 

Lewiston/Norway 

Deb Wagemann* 

207-783-8804 

Auburn 

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC. 

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE- 

TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED 

Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If 

additional info is needed, please call our office, 

please do not call restaurants. All activities can 

only be attended at the times listed. 

************************* 

Tickets need to be purchased at the 

Modern Woodmen District Office, 

184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all 

activities and can only be picked up the 

week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 

9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon 

(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833. 

WENT TO THE DENTIST AND NOW I'M USING ALL CAPS. 


...with 

Jimbo 

February 2015 UncleAndys.com 3


is published by the first 

Friday of every month by Maine 

Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. 

with offices at 9 Grove Street, 

Auburn, ME. 

It is distributed free throughout 

Central Maine and mailed to 

subscribers all over the world. 

Subscriptions are $30/year. 

Send a $30 check made out to 

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST to: 

P.O. Box 3363, 

Auburn, ME 04212 

Production Staff 

TIM 

Marketing 

Consultant. 

PAM 

Graphic 

Design. 

JIMBO 

Jack of all 

trades, 

master of 

none. 

THOMAS 

Internet 

Specialist. 

It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the 

road. 

AFFORDABLE DENTURES 

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired 

on-site, usually same-day service! 

Also see us for: 

• Full Dentures 

• Immediate Dentures 

• Partial Dentures 

• Rebases 

• Relines 

• Repairs 

• All work done in house, 

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again! 

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted 

We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider 

FREE CONSULTATIONS 

including metal frameworks 

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 


MAILING ADDRESS: 

PO Box 3363 

Auburn, ME 04212 

EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com 

PHONE: 207 783-7039 

FAX: 207 777-3898 

UncleAndysDigest.com 

801 Webster Street, Lewiston 

514-0660 

SmileAgainDentures.com 

Or email us at: 

smileagaindentures@gmail.com 

Mike & Joe 

Adkins, 

licensed 

denturists 

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to 

ensure the accuracy of the information in our 

client’s advertisements and our publication in 

general, we are not responsible for vendor 

availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, 

product pricing errors, or omissions. 


4 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Maybe I should just start feeding the puppy wood furniture.

The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them 

evenly into one hour. 

Voted Greater 

Lewiston/Auburn’s 

Best Mortgage 

Company for 2014! 

You’re Invited... 

We had a FANTASTIC 

response to our request 

for sweetheart pics. 

We hope you enjoy 

all the love! 

Keep reading to find out who 

our winners are!! 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

To Attend a FREE 

Home Buyer/Seller Education Class 

When: 

Time: 

Where: 

Wednesdays: 

February 11th, February 25th 

March 11th, March 25th 

6:30 – 7:30pm 

Residential Mortgage Services 

181 Center St, Auburn, ME 

Speaker: Debbie Bodwell 

Come join us and find out about programs that can help you 

on your way to home ownership! 

• Shopping for a Home Mortgage 

• Mortgage Myths & Misconceptions 

• Understanding Qualifying Factors 

• The Prequalification Process 

Seating is limited – MUST PRE-REGISTER 

via email: Courtney.Vincent@RMSmortgage.com 

or call 207-777-1551 

Light refreshments will be served. 

Scott Wagner & 

Karen Bergeron 

Cassandra Doak 

& Matthew Baker 

Debbie Bodwell, NMLS#280336 

VP, Mortgage Banker 

181 Center Street | Auburn, ME 04210 

P 207-777-1551 | F 207-777-1933 

Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.com 

www.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwell 

NMLS ID# 1760, ME Supervised Lender License No. SLM2537 

Equal Housing Opportunity 

For information purposes only and is not a commitment to lend. Programs, rates, terms and conditions are subject to change at any time. Availability dependent upon approved 

credit and documentation, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Not all programs available in all areas. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation headquartered 

at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. MMLS ID #1760; ME Supervised Lender License #SLM2537; CT Mortgage Correspondent Lender License 

#14352; Licensed by the Delaware State Bank Commissioner to engage in business in Delaware, License #017813; FL Mortgage Lender License #MLD232; MA Mortgage Lender 

License #MC1760; MD Mortgage Broker License #21114; Licensed by the New Hampshire Banking Department, NH Mortgage Banker License #8816-MB; Licensed NJ 

first mortgage lender; Ohio MB Exemption MBMB.850210.000; Licensed Mortgage Lender #44857; RI Licensed Lender #20092626LL; RI Licensed Loan Broker #20122931LB. 

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant." – Anne Bradstreet 

Christine & 

Mike Cote 


...with 

Jimbo 


That’s Nuts 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

John is out with his 

friends and stops by 

his grandmother’s 

house for a visit. 

There’s a bowl of 

peanuts on the coffee 

table, and John and his 

friends start snacking 

on them. 

When they’re ready to 

leave, his friends say, 

"Nice to meet you, 

ma’am, and thank you 

for the peanuts." 

I’m not stalking. I'm researching. 

Sweet Pea Designs 

Flower Shoppe 

777-1520 

FREE Delivery in L/A 

SweetPeaFloralDesignsme.com 

Grandma says, "You’re 

welcome. Ever since I 

lost my dentures, all I 

can do is suck the 

chocolate off of them." 

Round She 

Goes 


After I bought my 

mother a compact-disc 

player and some CDs, 

she was excited to discover 

she no longer 

needed to rewind or 

fast-forward tapes or 

move the needle on 

her record player. 

Pamper your sweetheart 

this Valentine's Day! 

Gift Certificates Available 

Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm 

232 Center Street, Auburn 

753-9368 

(next to Play It Again Sports) 

Michelle Higgins, Lynn Norris & Peg Montoya 

Stylist Owner/Stylist Stylist 

Knowing she was not 

that technically astute, 

I called her a few days 

later to see how she 

was managing. "Fine. I 

listened to Shania 

Twain this morning," 

she said. 

"The whole CD" I 

asked. 

"No," she replied, "just 

one side." 


6 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

New Patient Special 

$ 

88 Includes: Cleaning, Exam, & Xrays 

“Affordable Dental Excellence” 

Caring family dentist & specialists • Now Offering Implants $2,999 

488 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-8800 • www.androscoggindentalgroup.com 

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you start this thing"

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I texted her and said, 

"Did you get my drift" 

Call us 

TODAY! 

You’ll be glad 

you did!! 

Get In Shape! 

You know you want to. 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Buy 2 months of 

classes get the 

3rd month FREE! 

Limit one per person. 

Call for details. 

✃ 

Expires 2.28.15 

3 Individual 

Training Sessions 

for just $ 99. 

~ Introductory pricing ~ 

Limit one per person. 

Call for details. 

✃ 


Don & Heidi 

Covert 

Group Classes 

One-on-One Training 

Nutrition Services 

Team Training 

272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979 • Prime360Training.com BJ Grondin, CSCS 

ADOS: Attention Deficient – Ooh, shiny… 

Come Celebrate Mardi Gras with Us! 

February 9th - 17th 

• Drink Specials - Hurricanes, Sazerac, Hand Grenade 

• King Cake • Serving Chicken Okra Gumbo Soup 

Special Menu Mardi Gras Night, Feb. 17th 

Book Your Reservations Now! 

Lisa & Duncan 

Philbrick 

• Locally Owned 

• Thoughtfully Sourced 

• Made from Scratch 

• Maine Craft Artisans 

Reserve our 

function room for 

your next party or 

event! 

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com 

Monday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm 

Thomas to Jimbo: I wasn't sleeping. My desk was bleeding, so I was applying pressure, 

with my head. 

Gene Couillard 

& Pam Foulke 

Q: What did the cat 

say after eating two 

robins lying in the sun 

A: I just love baskin’ 

robins. 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEARTS! 

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong, and she agrees with me. 

Genevieve Hering 

& Colby Michaud 

Jamie McClendon & 

Stephanie Arsenault 

Jared & Sarah 

Legare 

sweethearts since college, 

May 27th will be their 15th 

Anniversary! 


8 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy marshmallows, which is kind of the same 

thing.

We're not retreating; we're advancing in a different direction. 

It’s not too early to book your spring and summer events! 

Weddings • Summer Events • Reunions 

Company Parties 

Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all! 

Dad’s Catering 

Division 

345-9009 DadsPlace.info 

FREE 

COFFEE EVERYDAY! 

Free coffee with purchase of any 

Breakfast Sandwich 

EVERYDAY in February! 

exp. 2.28.15 

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders… 

Call Diana or Larry for 

more info and pricing! 

Baby, it’s 

COLD 

outside! 

Our $ 10 GIANT 

one-topping pizza is sure to 

warm you up!! 

Not to be combined with any other special. 


✃ 

Let Dad do the 

cookin’! 

Over 200 menu items 

to choose from! 

There’s NO PLACE like... 

Dad’s Place 

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Crystal Robinson 

& Jeffrey Cote 

Glenn Foss & 

Darcy Ames 

Colleen & Dave 

Verreault 

Q: What is the difference 

between a dressmaker 

and a farmer 

A: A dressmaker sews 

what she gathers, a farmer 

gathers what he sows. 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Jeff Tveraas & 

Debbie Schmidt 

Now in Austin, Texas. 

Jeff used to do graphic 

design for Uncle Andy’s 

Digest back in the day! 

Denise & Jerome 

Lizotte 

Bring ideas in and entertain them royally for one of them may be the king. 

GREAT COMFORT FOOD 

We think you’ll find it’s Egg-ceptional! 

“Home of the 

Double Yolker” 

Serving breakfast & lunch daily. 

Breakfast available all day! 

Egg-ceptional Restaurant 

5 Pigeon Hill Rd (Rte 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 

Mon - Fri: 7am - 2pm; Sat - Sun: 6am - 2pm 

4COMFORTABLE 4CARING 4STRESS-FREE 

Affordable, Personalized Dental Hygiene. 

Dental Hygiene & Wellness 

241-0667 

137 East Ave, Lewiston 

SassevilleHealthySmile.com 

Dental Cleanings 

Oral Cancer Assessments 

Sealants 

All Ages Welcome 

Fluoride Treatments 

Athletic Mouth Guards 

Most Insurances Accepted 

No Referrals Needed 

$ 

1.00 

OFF 

one coupon per visit 

Not to be combined w/ any 

other Specials 

UAD 

when you spend 

$ 

10 or more 

10% off 

larger orders! 

✃ 


New Patients Receive 

10% OFF 

First Visit with ad. 

Early evening & 

Saturday appointments 

available! 

Lisa-Marie Sasseville, IPDH 


10 

Karen & Jim 

Albert 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Bring Your Tax Return 

& Select the Vehicle of Your Choice! 

733 Sabattus St. Lewiston 

777-7200 • 866-264-7685 • ThriftyCarMart.com 

We Finance! 

Tax Time 

Savings! 

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance 

Business is no laughing matter 

(unless you’re Jimbo) 

Business Quiz 

MATCH THE NAME 

Let’s make a Dill 

Flantastic 

A Slice Is Right 

Hunan Resources 

Silent but Dehli 

Jockular 

Spruce SpringClean 

Lord of the Fries 

Tequila MockinBird 

WITH THE BUSINESS 

New Mexican restaurant 

An old-fashioned deli 

Mexican desert bar 

A pizza joint 

A sports bar 

An up-scale Mexican restaurant 

A new Lewiston fast food joint 

A large Chinese restaurant 

An up-scale cleaning firm 

That fun quiz was just to get you in the mood – to look at your business. If you really 

look at YOU and YOUR BUSINESS, what do you see Are there changes/improvements 

you need to make If you have had these challenges for a while; working too hard, 

managing time, cash, people or the work itself, Please give us a call. You know your 

business better than anybody! WE ARE BUSINESS COACHES – LET US HELP YOU 

MAKE IT GREAT!! 

Kurk Lalemand, Business Coach; 

Erna Koch, CPBC; Rose Creps, Financial Analyst 

NEXT Level Business Coaching . biz 

207-754-2003 

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

Weight Study 


I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four. 

One time when I was 

home visiting my folks, 

my mom asked me to 

set the table for dinner. 

I opened the refrigerator 

and taped to the inside 

of the door was a 

risque picture of a 

lovely, slender, perfectly 

built, but scantilyclad 

young woman. 

"Mom, what's this" I 

asked. 

"Oh, I put that up there 

to remind me not to 

over-eat," she 

answered. 

"Is it working" I asked. 

"Yes and no," she explained. 

"I've lost 15 

pounds, but your dad 

has gained 20!" 

The Bachelor 

Cookbook 


Two confirmed bachelors 

sat talking, their 

conversation drifted 

from politics to 

cooking. 

"I got a cookbook 

once," said one, "but I 

could never do anything 

with it." 

"Too much fancy work 

in it, eh" asked the 

other. 

"You said it - Every one 

of the recipes began 

the same way - 'Take a 

clean dish.'" 


12 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

Rembrandt painted 700 pictures in his life time and art collectors have all 7,000 of them. 

Honesty. Tenacity. Courage. 

Realistic Solutions for Your Legal Needs! 

Ask About Home Visits! 

We specialize in: 

Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, 

Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning 

& Court-Appointed matters. 

The Law Offices of 

Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq. 

207-440-2130 

87 Essex Street, Lewiston 

(inside the Action Computer Services building) 

Call for your FREE 

consultation! 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Lise & Jeff 

Lothrop 

Married June 24 1978 and 

still going strong 

Checking the time twice because you forgot it the first time. 

THE 2ND AMENDMENT IS NOT ABOUT HUNTING 

Learn how to defend yourself and your family. 

Lynn Poor & 

Gordon Frank 

Check our website & Facebook page 

for current & upcoming SPRING Classes! 

NRA Certified Instruction 

CC Permit • Basic • Advanced 

rdtacticalhandgun.com 

Don Mailhot 

NRA - Law Enforcement 

576-5131 

Bill Rousseau 

NRA - Law Enforcement 

576-6961 

Mandy & Nick 

Zielinski 

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here." 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEARTS! 

SON OF A B…iscuit. Oh, hey mom… 

HUGE DISCOUNTS 

on Kitchen Cabinets & Flooring 

Pam & Pat 

Veilleux 

^ 

and Quality 

Our Gift Cards make 

perfect Gifts! 

Pat Malcuit & Jim 

Malcuit with Ginger 

15% OFF 

All Tile & Vinyl 

Rems 

Cortney & Paul 

Brunelle 

with their boys, Paul & Dominic 

Q: What do you call an 

alligator in a vest 


14 

A: An Investigator 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

675 Main Street, Lewiston 

Mon – Fri 8am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 4pm 

ShermArnoldsOutlet.com 

782-0831 

I have been single for a while, and I have to say; It’s going very well. 

Like, it’s working out. I think I’m the one.

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat. 

L 

K 

Don’t spend $18 + at the 

beauty salon, get your... 

Mens & Boys CUTS for 

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome. 

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts 

Marcel’s 

Barber Shop 

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444 

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm 

$ 

12 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Maria Carbone & 

Jessie Burlock 

Cassiels.com • 71 East Ave. Lewiston • 783-3321 

For the month of February 

One Hour Massage For Couples 

Rose Scented Pedicures 

Complimentary Chocolate covered Strawberries 

Champagne with every side by side service! 

Rollodrome 

WINTER SCHEDULE 

School Vacation Skate 

Wednesday - 1:30 - 4:00 

Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm 

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00 

Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm 

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm 

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm 

Available for private parties 

Where 

Good Skaters 

Meet 

First things first, but not necessarily in that order. 

Since 1954 

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 

www.rollodrome.com 

Monica & Michael 

Marin 

DIY 


Every year on my birthday, 

I looked forward to 

my aunt’s gift—a scarf, 

hat, or sweater knitted 

by hand. 

One year, she must 

have had better things 

to do because I received 

a ball of yarn, 

knitting needles, and a 

how-to-knit book. 

Her card read "Scarf, 

some assembly 

required." 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEARTS! 

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.” 

Get A Healthy 

Dose of VEGGIES 

“Razor Ray” Beaudoin 

& Sue Tracy 

Razor Ray was a longtime 

contributor to UAD. 

brought to you in part by: 


16 

Ron & Nichole 

Major 

Ron & Peggy 

Polley 

Q: What happened 

when wheel was 

invented 

A: A revolution occurred 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Saturday March 7th 

8pm - Midnight 

American Legion Post 150, Mechanic Falls 

Tickets: $15/per person 

Proceeds Benefit All the Programs of the 

Mechanic Falls Recreation Department 

Door Prizes • 50/50 

Dancing & Lots of Fun! 

Tickets can be purchased in advance at Bryant Energy in Mechanic Falls or 

Call Jeff Martin at 577-9243 or email mechanicfallsrec@yahoo.com 

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

A pun spun with a good yarn gets fabricated! 

Pick a Proven Winner 

Choosing a Real Estate Agent can be difficult. 

Rollie Heckethorn: 

• Licensed in Real Estate since 1988 

• 2014 AVBOR Realtor of the Year 

• Assisting buyers & sellers of residential, 

commercial & investment properties all 

over the state of Maine 

Choose one with a proven track record! 

Well versed 

in home buyer 

programs. 

Call Today! 

I heard Einstein got along well with his parents ... relatively speaking. 

CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980. 

Rollie Heckethorn 

207-344-0007 

www.DunhamRealty.com • Office: 207-729-7297 

I just don’t have time for the nervous breakdown 

that I deserve. 

Out ’n About at the 

Chamber Awards 

Banquet 

If I have 

seen further it is by 

standing on the 

shoulders of 

giants. 

Chip Morrison 

Androscoggin Chamber President 

will retire later this year. 

Three Hymns 


One Sunday a pastor 

told the congregation 

that the church needed 

some extra money and 

asked the people to 

prayerfully consider 

giving a little extra in 

the offering plate. He 

said that whoever gave 

the most would be able 

to pick out three hymns. 

After the offering plates 

were passed, the pastor 

glanced down and 

noticed that someone 

had placed a $1,000 

bill in offering. 

He was so excited that 

he immediately shared 

his joy with his congregation 

and said he'd 

like to personally thank 

the person who placed 

the money in the plate. 

A very quiet, elderly, 

saintly lady all the way 

in the back shyly raised 

her hand. 

The pastor asked her 

to come to the front. 

Slowly she made her 

way to the pastor. 

He told her how wonderful 

it was that she 

gave so much and in 

thanksgiving asked her 

to pick out three 

hymns. 

Her eyes brightened as 

she looked over the 

congregation, pointed 

to the three handsomest 

men in the 

building and said, 

"I'll take him, and him, 

and him." 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google. 

An 

IMPOSSIBLE 

Brain Teaser 

Shawn Leone & 

Alicia Baril 

Sherri & Chad 

Sylvester 

Steve & Pam 

Hecker 

Q: Which U.S. State 

has the smallest soft 

drinks 

Answers are on page 47. But at least give it a shot first! 

Used by permission www.spelling-words-well.com 

A: Mini-soda 


18 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

It was so cold... When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

It was so cold... Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs! 

Get Your 

Sweetheart a 

Heart-shaped 

Donut! 

Every Friday 

Buy 1 dozen donuts at 

regular price ( $ 7.50) 

and get the 2nd dozen 

at half price! 

$ 

11.25 for both 

161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston 

784-7042 

LabadiesBakery.com 

Mon. 6am-noon • Tues-Fri 6am-3pm 

Whoopie Special 

Buy 1 dozen get 

the 2nd dozen for 

Only $ 1.00 

✃ 

Expires 2.28.15 (UAD) 

with coupon 

In-Store Only 

Wire electrical jobs so fun 

Over Insured 


The insurance agency I 

work for draws business 

from a retirement 

community. Once, 

when applying for auto 

insurance for a client, I 

asked him how many 

miles he drives in a 

year. He said he didn’t 

know. 

"Well, do you drive 

10,000 miles a year" I 

asked, "or 5,000" 

He said the numbers 

sounded high. "What 

month is this" he 

asked. I told him it was 

July. 

Visit our award winning website www.brendafontaine.com 

Insanity you say We like to call it “Personal Happiness”. 

"Maybe this will help," 

he said. "I filled the car 

with gas in February." 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEARTS! 

I'm not in denial; I'm just selective about the realities I accept. 

Tisha & Shawn 

Blais 

Venise & Tony Pratt 

Still madly in love 

Trisha Marston & 

John Acker 

Another Day at the 

Digest office... 

Thomas to Jimbo: 

“My memory is so 

bad!” 

“How bad is it” 

www.rainbowfcu.com 

“How bad is what” 


20 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

It was so cold... I chipped a tooth on my soup! 

PROTECTING 

What You Love. 

What You Do. 

What You Cherish.. 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Steve & Sasha 

Vurnakes 

Kerrie Robbins 

Commercial Insurance 

Specialist 

232 Center St., Auburn 

786-0417 

VarneyAgency.com 

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm 

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health 

It was so cold... We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up! 

Tim & Vickie 

Rucker 

21st Valentine's Day 

Sweetheart Headquarters! 

Brad, Kaitlyn, Drew, Lauren & Angela 

SABATTUS 

MAIN STREET MARKET 

For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more! 

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502 

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm 

Please 

Keep 

It 

Local 

“Try us once, 

you’ll be a regular!” 

$ 

3 OFF 

ANY LARGE PIZZA! 

Limit one per customer per visit 

(UAD) Expires 2.28.15 

Tim & Shani 

Smith 

29th Valentine's Day 

Q: What do you get 

when you cross an 

elephant and a skin 

doctor 

A: A pachydermatologist. 

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEARTS! 

When the investor came home from work he was spent. 

Since 1953 

Mon-Sun: 9am - 10pm 

LuiggisPizzeria.com 

Yohanan Svitavsky 

& Stephanie Gravel 

SUNDAY 

Baked Ziti 

$ 

6.00 

THURSDAY 

Mini Pizza 

1 topping $ 

2.99 

2 toppings $ 

3.99 

MONDAY 

The Fergy 

sm $ 

2.50 

lg $ 

5.00 

TUESDAY 

Meatball Subs 

WEDNESDAY 

Spaghetti Dinners 

1 meatball, salad, 

sm $ 

3.35 w/ch $ 3.99 

garlic bread, drink 

lg $ 

6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $ 

5.25 

FRIDAY 

$1.00 OFF 

Any Large Pizza 

SATURDAY 

2 Ham or Salami 

Italians 

$ 

7.99 

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50 

Ernie & Patti 

Gagne 

The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast. 

Photo credit: Bell Photography, 

Gray, ME 

It’s been 

one heck of a 

ride, honey... 

Josh Pelletier & 

Steph Gagne 

Lori Gagne & 

Bill Gagne 

Out ’n 

About 

at the Chamber 

Awards Banquet 

Chip & 

Jane Morrison, 

sweethearts sharing a 

moment during the festivities at 

the Ramada in Lewiston. Chip, 

Androscoggin Chamber President, will retire 

from his long-time position later this year. 


22 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

A whopping 542,629 acres of Maine is a part of national and state parks.

The Acadia National Park is the second most-visited national park in America. 

Mid Maine Drug Screening & Investigations 

Full Service 

Drug 

Testing 

Company & Private 

Investigator 

577-6000 • www.MMDrugScreening.com 

You 

don’t 

know... 

unless you check. ck. 

ena 

nt Screeninn 

g Pre-Employment 

State & National Criminal History Local, State, National and Federal 

includes: 

Criminal History includes: 

• SSN verification/Address Verification 

• SSN Verification/Address Verification 

• InstaNational Criminal History 

• InstaNational Criminal History 

• Maine SBI 

criminal history 

• Federal Criminal History 

• Terrorist Watch List 

• Maine SBI Criminal History 

• Interpol / FBI Most Wanted 

• Terrorist Watch List 

• Sex Offender/Violent Offender Search 

• Sex Offender/ 

All States 

Violent Offender Search All States 

• Trans Unionn Credit Report w/ credit score 

• National Eviction Check 

(Civil courts, all states) $ 

49 • Interpol / FBI Most Wanted 

Only 

Te 

• Drug & Alcohol Testing 

• Hair Folicle Testing 

• DNA/Paternity Testing 

• Private Investigations 

9.99 

each 

Other 

Services 

• Pre-probation Drug Testing 

• Instant Drug Test Kits & Supplies 

• Trial Preparation 

Online Orders for Background checks 

Run a backgorund check right from your own computer! 

Pain Mangement Clinics 

• Private Practices - Rehab Centers 

Property Management Companies • Hospitals 

Call us for more information @ 577-6000 

Ask about 

quantity 

discounts! 

He made a slow start in the sport of weightlifting but he picked it up eventually. 

Ray Hurilla 

of Ray Hurilla Plumbing 

and Heating is a sole proprietorship. 

His homebased 

business is 

located in Lewiston. 

Ray is a Master Oil 

Burner Technician and 

also a Master Plumber. 

He is licensed and insured 

in the state of 

Maine with over 15 years 

experience. 

Providing advice and 

assistance to residential 

customers on new installations 

(new construction 

and existing homes) and 

service of their oil heating 

systems. 

His many years of experience 

in trouble shooting 

with older systems 

really benefit many of 

Ray’s customers. Relying 

heavily on referrals from 

satisfied customers, he 

makes sure the job is 

done right the first time. 

Contact Ray Hurilla 

Plumbing and Heating at 

485-7357, visit his 

website: 

rayhurillaplumbingandheating.com, 

find him on 

Facebook and most importantly, 

see his ad on 

page 30. 

Q: What is that no man 

ever saw which never 

was but always will 

be 

A: Tomorrow 


...with 

Jimbo 


Rare 

Company 


The state of Maine is estimated to contain 6,000 lakes and ponds. 

A factory owner said to 

a store owner, "Thank 

you, Mr. Smith, for your 

patronage. I wish I had 

twenty customers like 

you." 

"Wow, it's nice to hear 

that, but I'm kind of 

surprised," admitted 

Smith. "You know that I 

argue every bill and always 

pay late." 

The factory owner said, 

"I'd still like twenty customers 

like you. The 

problem is, I have two 

hundred." 

So a dog walks into a 

bar and asks the bartender, 

“Do you have 

any jobs” 

The bartender says, 

“Why don’t you try the 

circus” 

The dog replies, “Why 

would the circus need 

a bartender” 

Microsoft: You've got questions; we've got dancing paperclips. 

I do five sit-ups every morning... It may not sound like many but there are only so many 

times you can hit the snooze button. 

I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday. 

Winter 

Punderland 


As we waited for a bus 

in the frosty weather, 

the woman next to me 

mentioned that she 

makes a lot of mistakes 

when texting in 

the cold. 

I nodded knowingly. 

“It’s the early signs of 

typothermia.” 

Friday Nights 

Live! 

2/6 American Ride 

Maine 

2/13 Tina Kelly 

Band 

2/20 Midlife Krisis 

2/27 Bad Penny 

136 Sabattus Road, Sabattus 

(Across from Cumberland Farms) 

375-4188 

We close out the weekend 

every Sunday with the 

original Retro Party!! 

Saturday 

Nights 

Mixers is the 

HOTTEST 

Night spot 

around! 


24 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

If you wanna see the rainbow you must first endure the rain.

“The greatest science in the world; in heaven and on earth; is love.” – Mother Teresa 

Burlesque Chair Workouts 

Come find out what the buzz is all about! 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Evening classes offer the privacy 

that is essential to experience the 

proper atmosphere of Burlesque! 

With the lights dimmed down 

low the room warmed with body 

heat, pointed toes for instant 

sexiness and slippery chairs 

for easier glide. 

BURLESQUE Chair 

SHOULD be in EVERY 

Woman’s life! 

BUR 

LES 

QUE 

John & Corrina 

Tancrede 

Married 21 years 

Don’t let the class atmosphere 

mislead you ~ 

Burlesque Chair is a TOTAL 

Body aerobic workout with 

the sexy kick that we forget 

we ALL can have! 

SPRQ Burlesque Performance Workshops 

Tj Niles & Jasmine 

Kronstrand 

Beginning week of March 23rd (day of week & time TBA) 

Ranging from $75 - $150 per person 

Includes Full Burlesque Costume (3 choices) 

5 weeks of performance training with leg/core/ab fitness segments 

Amy Knight & 

Mark Brookes 

A friends/family LIVE PREVIEW Performance at the end! 

181 Sabattus Rd., Sabattus 

Check out our 

Complete Class Schedule 

Visit our website: 

www.SPRQstudio.com 

Ann & Dan Dumais 

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEARTS! 

In 1623, America's first sawmill was established in York, Maine. 

Local Radio... The Way It Should Be! 

The only FM Station just for the L/A Area!! 

Brittanie & Adam 

First Dance 


26 

Cassandra & Kyle 

Mann 

Danny & Jen 

Banker 

Darlene Hersom 

& Brian Benoit 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

• The Hits of Today 

Shake It Off/Taylor Swift, Stay With Me/Sam Smith, 

Am I Wrong/Nico & Vinz, Maps/Maroon 5, Rude/Magic, Try/Colbie 

Caillat, All About That Bass/Megan Trainor... and much more. 

• And Classic Hits 

Songs from the 80’s thru Today! 

• Breakfast Club with Matty B 

Live interviews with local guests Monday – Friday 6-10am. 

Local News & Sports 

• Great Music All Day 

10am-2pm: “Rush Hours” with Jeremy Rush. “Retro Lunch” 12-1pm 

2-6pm: The “Dean” of Radio, Dave Dean LIVE weekdays. 

4-5pm: Dave’s “Friday Free For All”, featuring local artists. 

6pm-12am: The “Night Shift” with L/A’s own Gene Cassidy. 

Sat 8-11am: Z105.5 Top 30 Countdown. 

4 WAYS TO LISTEN: 

Around L/A at 105.5-FM & 1240-AM, 

Online at www.z1055.com & Tune-In App. 

My skiing skills are really going downhill.

“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra 

Rolly’s Diner 

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! 

Breakfast & Lunch 

Specials Daily 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Rolly’s Diner was proud to receive the Small Business 

Leadership Award from the Androscoggin Chamber on 

Thursday, January 22. 

*Photo credit: Bell Photography Gray, ME 

• Unusual Omelettes 

• Crepes 

• Breakfast All Day 

• Extensive Menu 

87 Mill St. 

New Auburn 

753-0171 

(for take-out) 

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm 

Sunday 7 am – noon 

Deanna & Shane 

Laccase 

I would rather tell you one truth you don’t like than to tell you a hundred lies you do like. 

NEW AUBURN SOCIAL CLUB 

7 SECOND ST. AUBURN • 782-9039 

Valentine’s Dance 

February 14th • 8pm - 12midnight 

Heart Necklace Door Prize 

All Ladies will 

receive a Rose 

Friends of Bonnie & 

Larry Pelletier 

Please Join Us for a Benefit Spaghetti Dinner 

Saturday Feb. 28th 5-6:30pm 

$5/per person • Lots of Raffle Items and 50/50 drawing! 

Greg & Tracy 

Dubois 

Jim & Jeanne Sullivan 

married 50 years 

$ 

1.25 

Every Tuesday & Wednesday 

Bud, Bud Light, Coors Light & PBR Cans 

Jocelyn French & 

Steven Sidelinger 

“If you want to make enemies, try to change something.” — Woodrow Wilson 


...with 

Jimbo 


Wrinkle Cream 


A nine-year-old girl 

walked in while her 

mom was getting ready 

for work. "What are 

you doing" she asked. 

"Putting on my wrinkle 

cream," her mom answered. 

"Oh," she said, walking 

away. "I thought they 

were natural." 

Guerrilla 

Marketing! 


A new hair salon 

opened up for business 

right across the street 

from the old established 

hair cutters' 

place. 

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. 

Assisted Home Care II 

“Our Family 

Assisting Your Family” 

Assisting Families since 1997. 

• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency 

• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief 

• 24 hour Personal Care and Response 

• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers 

• Assist with Independent Living at Home 

Now expanding 

our services to the 

Midcoast Region! 

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org 

Out ’n About at Day’s Jewelers in Auburn 

Tyler is so 

tall you can put my 

voice bubble right 

above my head. 

How 

convenient! 

They put up a big bold 

sign which read: 

"WE GIVE $7 HAIR 

CUTS!" 

Not to be outdone, the 

old Master Barber put 

up his own sign: 

"WE FIX $7 HAIR 

CUTS". 

Shopping for 

jewelry 

Well yeah! 

Linda Arel, Jessica Campbell 

& Kelly Ryder 

Kim Beth, Tyler Barnies & 

Mykayla McCann 

Blind Date 


"How was your blind 

date" 

"Terrible! She showed 

up in a 1932 Rolls- 

Royce." 

"What’s so terrible 

about that" 

“She was the original 

owner." 


28 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

If you let go of the past, it no longer has a hold on you. 

Auburn Exchange Club’s 

39 th Annual Twin Cities 

GUN SHOW 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Lou & Connie Clavet 

Old Orchard 45 years ago 

at the 

Lewiston 

Armory 

Central Ave., 

Lewiston 

SAT. MARCH 28 th 9-4 

SUN. MARCH 29 th 9-3 

Tammy Clavet-Bureau 

& Marc Bureau 

in Las Vegas 17 years ago 

Dealers from 

throughout 

New England 

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC 

• 250 Tables of Guns & Related Items 

• Firearm Laws Will Be Observed 

• CONTEMPORARY & ANTIQUE 

GUNS OF ALL KINDS 

• KNIVES & OTHER RELATED ITEMS 

Admission: Adults: $ 8 

Children under 12: Free with adult 

Maria Carbone & 

Jesse Burlock 

Richard Patrie 

& Melissa Ann 

When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them 

all to come running. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Assisted Home 

Care II 

“Our Family Assisting Your Family” 

Now expanding our services to the 

Midcoast Region! 

See page 28 to learn more about 

the services we offer. 

CALL THE PROS 

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org 

Now Hiring Stylist! 

Apply within 

Paul Mitchell Focus Salon 

954 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 241-0205 

Our 

Gift Cards make 

great Valentine’s 

gifts! 

• Driveways 

• Patios 

• Walkways 

• Porches 

• Steps 

• Poolscapes 

Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewiston 

cubiclesinmaine.com | 783-4820 or Toll Free 866-464-CUBE 

$AVE on Your Heating Bills! 

FREE Heating System 

Inspection & Evaluation 

CALL TODAY! 485-7357 

Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating 

207-485-7357 

RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com 

34 Center St. Auburn 

333-3069 

yourbestskinofmaine.com 

FREE 

Consultation 

• Botox & Fillers 

• Spider Vein Removal 

• Rosacea Treatment 

• Spot Fat Reduction 

• Tattoo Removal 

• Reduce Wrinkles, 

Spots & Scars 

• Acne Treatment 

• Laser & Hydra Facial 

MD Treatments 

Specializing in 

Straight Razor Blade 

Cuts & Hot Lather 

Shaves 

1761 Lisbon Road, Lewiston 

(next to the Elks Lodge) 

956-1793 

Hours: Tues - Fri 10am - 5pm 

Sat 10am - 1pm 

Like us on 

Bookkeeping 

Plus 

QuickBooks Classes Offered 

Bookkeeping Services 

9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124 

I could hide for days in the laundry hamper because no one in my house knows how to open the lid.

Presented by: 

How young can you die of old age – Steven Wright 

Local Music Line-up 

FRIDAY FREE FOR ALL 

Live on the air every 

Friday 4–5pm. 

Tune into Z105.5FM 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

A special thanks to 

Eddie Boucher of 

EAB International 

(music line-up) 

BROOKE 

LACHANCE 

February 6th 

COLON 

BLOW 


JOE 

BRIEN 


WALTER 

WEYMOUTH 


Pam Ashby & 

Brian Craig 

“I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did 

all year.” – Bridger Winegar 

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place 

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm 

(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays) 

DAD’S PLACE 

REDEMPTION 

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 

Bottle Drives 

Welcome! 

✃ 

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon 

MORE FOR YOUR $$ 

Get more for your returns 

at Dad’s! 

Dad’s Redemption 

6¢ 

on all 5¢ returns 

with this coupon. 

(must present coupon at 

Redemption Center prior to counting) 

UAD expires 2.28.15 

Cheryl & Pete Godin 

Rachel Flannery & 

Michael Harrington 

Paul & Anita 

Gagne


32 

Backfired 


One day a little girl was 

sitting and watching 

her mother do the 

dishes at the kitchen 

sink. 

She suddenly noticed 

that her mother had 

several strands of 

white hair sticking out 

in contrast to her 

brunette head. 

She looked at her 

mother and inquisitively 

asked, "Why are 

some of your hairs 

white, Mommy" 

Her mother replied, 

"Well, every time that 

you do something 

wrong and make me 

cry or unhappy, one of 

my hairs turns white." 

The little girl thought 

about this revelation for 

a while and then said, 

"Mommy, how come 

ALL of grandma's hairs 

are white" 

Family Ties 


On New Year's Eve, 

Marilyn stood up in the 

local pub and said that 

it was time to get 

ready. At the stroke of 

midnight, she wanted 

every husband to be 

standing next to the 

one person who made 

his life worth living. 

As the clock struck, the 

bartender was almost 

crushed to death. 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record 

10% OFF Your First Snow Plowing 

FREE 

QUOTES 

Commercial & Residential 

SNOW PLOWING • SANDING & SALTING 

SNOW REMOVAL 

Morin 

excavating 

Inc. 

Andy Morin 

207.784.8293 

cell: 207.576.4714 

amorinexc@roadrunner.com 

In Celebration of 

Chinese New Year! 

All take-out orders will receive a Red Envelope with 

$ in it! The 50th take-out order will have a $50 .00 

Gift Certificate in their envelope! 

5% of all Take-Out Orders 

will be donated to the 

Auburn Knights of Columbus 



Banquet 

Live Entertainment 

Valentines Evening! 

Book Reservations 

Today! 

730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza • 376-4855 • jasminecafemaine.com 

Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be 

Patti Gagne 

of the Patti Gagne 

Agency accepts the 

Ray Geiger Award 

(flanked by Chip Morrison, 

Matt Jancovic & 

Clif Greim) 

Photo credit: 

Bell Photography, Gray, ME

What do birdies see when they faint 



Banquet 

Brian Craig & 

Pam Ashby 


I wonder what 

I’m thinking... 

What do butterflies feel when they're in love 

JT Reid’s Gun Show 

& Auction 

Saturday April 11th 9am - 4pm 

Sunday April 12th 9am - 2pm 

Elks Lodge, 108 Odlion Road in Bangor 

Gun Show - $5/per person 

(Under 16 & Active Military FREE) 

Concealed Firearms Prohibited 

even with permit 

Auction - Sat. at 6pm 

Maine Law Enforcement 

Confiscated Firearms and 

Estate Firearms* 

*Now Accepting Personal & Estate Firearms for Auction. 

Call JT Reids Gun Shop 777-3579 • 86 Court St. Auburn • jtreidsgunshop.com 

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest 

Thomas Hill 


Tim loves 

being married to 

the total 

package. 

Tim & Vickie 

Rucker 



...with 

Jimbo 




Banquet 

Quite honestly, 

I believe the Patriots 

deserve an apology. 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

A closed mind is a good thing to lose. 

Art Chamberlain 

Modern Woodmen of America 

Photo credit: 

Bell Photography, Gray, ME 

Jonathon & 

Sheena Burgin 

Justin & Courtney 

Vincent 

Dr. Chen & Lily Chen 

Auburn Plaza Dentistry 

Lisa & Nathan 

Laurie Ouellette 

Sweet Pea Designs 

Photo credit: 


BolducShannon & Greg 

Webster 

Shane Smith & 

Sarah Dailey 

Kelli Gilzow & 

Chad Stowell 

Heather Maxim-Barnett 

& Mark Barnett 

sweethearts since 1999 

Daryl & Bonnie 

Caron 

Kohen Steele 

Don’s Automotive 

Photo credit: 


Tiffany & Casey 

Victoria Rogers & 

Kevin McBean 


34 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this, the dog

RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE 

5 Locations for Your Convenience 

ROOPERS 

LISBON ST. 

Now Selling 

Liquor! 

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks! 

Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn 

New Walk-in 

Soda Cooler! 

Minot Ave, Auburn 

WHAT’S BREWING 

AND ALWAYS NEW 

YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS 

Since 1992 

Main Street, Lewiston 

Beer Specials 

Shipyard 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 

Sam Adams 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 

PBR 18pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99 

Bud & Bud Light 18pks 16oz . . . . . . .$14.99 

Miller Lite & Coors Light 18pk 12oz . .$14.99 

Shock Top 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10.99 

Woodchuck 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99 

Long Trail 12pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 

Wine Specials 

Noble Vines 750ml . . . . . . . . . .$8.99-$12.99 

Bota Box 3L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99 

Twisted 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$18.99 

Josh 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99 

Robert Mondavi 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 

Soda 

Coke 12oz. 6pks . . . . . . . . .$1.79 or 2/$3.00 

Dr. 

McGillicuddy’s 

1.75 

$19.99 

Save $6 

Jack Daniels 

750ml $21.99 

Save $3 

Pallini Limoncello 

750ml $17.99 

Save $5 

HPNOYIQ 750ml 

$16.99 

Save $5 

Ryan’s Cream 

750ml 

$9.99 

Save $3 

Ole Smokey Moonshine 

All Varietals 750ml 

$22.99 

Save $3 

694 Main St. 

Lewiston • 782-1482 

794 Sabattus St. 


1420 Lisbon St. 


545 Minot Ave. 

Auburn • 783-2047 

303-311 Main St. 

Auburn • 783-9098

Wannabe 


Peter was telling a 

friend that he had just 

lost his job. 

"Why did the foreman 

fire you" the friend 

asked in surprise. 

"Oh," Peter said, "you 

know how foremen are. 

They stand around with 

their hands in their 

pockets watching 

everybody else work." 

"We all know that," 

replied his friend. "But 

why did he let you go" 

"Jealousy," answered 

Peter. "All the other 

workers thought I was 

the foreman." 

If you mix flour, water and salt you get glue. If you add eggs, baking powder and oil, 

you get cake. Where does the glue go 

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE 

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 

$10 OFF 

ANY Service 

with Coupon! 

Happy Valentine’s 

Day!! 

We can do it: 

• Wheel alignment 

& balancing 

• Complete brake work 

• Engine tune-up 

• Lube-oil-filter 

• State Inspections 

60 Minot Ave., Auburn • 782-6666 or 783-2026 

OUR TIRES 

A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. – Chinese proverb 

Join us for some Affordable FUN! 

$ 

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100 

Sunday at 6:00PM 

Wed., Thurs, & Friday 

at 6:30PM 

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 

475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS 

1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, 

Auburn 

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801 

AndroscogginOrtho.com 

TOWNLINE 

ANTIQUES 

Buying & Selling 

837-3784 


36 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

“If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet” – Robin Alumbaugh

20% Off 

all Burgers every 

Monday! 

Celebrate 

Valentine’s 

Weekend at 

Mac’s! 

Come watch your favorite 

sporting event in our brand new 

1,300 sq. ft. bar area. 

11 TV’s • 16 beers on tap 

Full menu all the time! 

Mac’s Grill 

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn 

Bring your 

sweetheart to 

Mac’s, you’ll 

LOVE it! 

30% Off 

all drafts every 

Monday! 

Call Mac’s 

for all your 

catering 

needs! 

783-6885 macsgrill.com

Generation Gap 


If the world is spinning so quickly why don't we all get dizzy 

I've got 3 TVs, cable 

and a satellite dish. I 

have 3 phone lines in 

the house, a cell phone 

and one in the car. 

I use 2 computers, 3 

ISPs and a fax. I subscribe 

to two daily papers 

and one weekly 

one. I watch both the 

local and the network 

news every evening. 

And my kids have the 

nerve to tell me I'm out 

of touch. 

SWEET 

HEARTS! 

Cullen, Christine & Gabby Walker 

Looking Good 


Even at age 88, my 

mother was vain about 

her looks. At a party, an 

old friend exclaimed, 

"Edith, you haven’t 

changed in 20 years." 

Kim Haddon & 

William Poirier 

Bill, Stacy, Emily 

& AJ Redmun 

Abigail L'Heureux & 

Danielle Pelletier 

"Oh," said Mom, horrified. 

"I hope I didn’t 

look like this 20 years 

ago." 

Buckle Up 


I was driving with my 

three young children 

one warm summer 

evening when a 

woman in the convertible 

ahead of us stood 

up and waved. 

Amy Wasilkowski 

& Nate Peterson 

Trevor Saunders & 

Pam Ashby (mom) 

Jimbo & Sue 

Marston 

She was stark naked! 

As I was reeling from 

the shock, I heard my 

five-year-old shout 

from the back seat, 

"Mom! That lady isn't 

wearing a seat belt!" 


38 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Ernie & Patti Gagne, Father Paul Dumais, 

Monique & Andy Gagne 

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons 

Service 

Rental 

Sales 

G.A. DOWNING 

CO., INC. 

111 Woodman Hill RD 

Minot, ME 04258 

207.782.4508 

800.924.4500 

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities 

Do not neglect 

your Septic System 

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically. 

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT 

We carry risers, covers, 

baffle replacements, septic additives. 

I hate audio correct! 


Chamber Awards Banquet 

Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME 

Gettin’ with the Times 

Jen Pike, Erica Madore & Ashley Somma 

Jen & Ashley are with Twin City Times, 

Erica represents Austin Associates 

Goin’ Dental 

Chelsea Letourneau & friends 

of Center Street Dental 

Twitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke'. 

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away. 

Now’s the time to quit smoking... 

Try 

136 Sabattus Rd, Sabattus • 577-0468 

10% OFF with this ad 

Limit one per person per visit 

Exp. 2.28.15 

Ron & Marge Partridge 

Owners of Dons Automotive accepted the 

Lisbon Business of the Year Award from Joyce Gibson 

A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. 

Isn't that handy 


...with 

Jimbo 


SWEET 

HEART 

Here are our 

WINNERS! 

We had an incredible response to our social media call 

out for sweethearts to send us their photos. As you can 

see the Digest is full of them. These 3 couples were randomly 

chosen as winners of our prize packages. All 3 will 

get the same package: 

A Wind & Fire bracelet from: 

Gift certificate from: 

A goodie bag from: 

Romance Boutique 

1/2 Dozen Chocolate covered 

$5 Gift card 

Strawberries from: 

from: 

Maine Gourmet Chocolates Top It Frozen Yogurt Bar 

Congratulations! 

Mandy Cote & 

Justin Audette 

Getting married in June 

These three lucky couples 

will be contacted to pick 

up their prize packages. 

Thank you to everyone 

who participated. We had 

a great time with it! And 

thank you to the sponsoring 

businesses who donated 

prizes!! 

The team at 


Whitney & Michael Lovely 

with their children, Bailey & Brody 

Mikayla Welch 

& Tim Myers 

We’re sure she said yes! 

I have no issue with people who have let themselves go, it’s the people who have let themselves stay that bother me. 

“Thought is free.” — William Shakespeare 

WHEN 

YOU’RE 

TIRED OF 

THIS... 

GIVE US 

A CALL! 

Fully Insured 

Free Quotes 

Servicing the Mechanic Falls, 

Minot & Poland areas. 

JMAR 

PLOWING 

Reasonable Rates 

576-4844 


40 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

With age comes wisdom. Apparently, wisdom weighs about 30 pounds.

The cleanest dog will roll on the dirtiest thing- it's science. 

This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair. 

Calling All Lovers 

Join us for dinner Valentine’s Weekend 

You’re Old 


Her college assignment 

was to interview 

an "old person" about 

his life, so my niece 

asked me, "What was 

the biggest historical 

event that happened 

during your childhood" 

"I’d have to say the first 

moonwalk," I replied. 

Make Your 

reservations NOW! 

Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 

Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com 

Sometimes I feel like a #1 pencil at a standardized test location. 

She looked disappointed. 

"That dance 

was so important to 

you" 

Q: If it took eight men 

ten hours to build a wall, 

how long would it take 

four men to build it 

A: No time at all, it is 

already built. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Out ’n About at 

Day’s Jewelers 

in Auburn 

Catered by Dad’s Place 

I’m exhausted. I spent all day saying “no” to my children and “yes” to my wife. 

A place where family & friends 

gather for good food & cheer 

at great prices! 

Every Sunday: 12” Cheese Pizza - only $ 5.99 

$ 

5 well Bloody Mary’s! 

Stop in and try one of our 

Daily Specials!! 

782-2135 

Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm 

Sun. 11am - 5pm 

Yvonne Franklin 

Let us cater 

your next event, party 

or wedding! 

Artesian 735L Spa 

• Energy Efficiency Package 

• 5-6 Seats w/Lounger 

• LED Lighting Upgrade 

• Ozonator 

* Used as display at 

2 Home Shows 

ONLY 

$4,999 

(Retails @ $7,499) 

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewsiton • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com 

Welcomes... 

Larry Roy 

aka DAD, 

serves hors d'oeuvres to 

happy shoppers 


42 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Dustin Torres, Goldsmith 

Dustin has 10 yrs experience in 

the Jewelry Industry! 

Specializing in Handmade Jewelry 

600 Center St. • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 784-6766 • www.DaysJewelers.com 

If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of

A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. 


Day’s Jewelers 

in Auburn 

Catered by Dad’s Place 

What a great 

turn out for our 

Customer Appreciation 

night. Thank you, 

everyone! 

Mark Poulin 

Manager of Day’s Jewelers 

Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action. 

Service with a 

smile and bacon! 

(wrapped scallops). 

F E E L I N G 

L U C K Y 

Watch our Facebook page for our 

upcoming St. Patrick’s Day contest 

with fabulous prizes and possibly 

a pot of gold. 


Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected 

Sue Marston 

Dad’s Place Catering 

Q: How can you drop a 

raw egg onto a concrete 

floor without 

cracking it 

A: Concrete floors are 

very hard to crack! 


...with 

Jimbo 




Banquet 

Why aren’t unripened oranges called greens 

Shawn’s Lawns 

can’t come soon 

enough! 

Shawn & Tanya 

Cornish 

10:00am–event begins 

4:00-6:00pm–Poker Hands being dealt/dinner 

6:00pm–Fireworks display 

Trails running through Sabattus, Lewiston, Greene, Leeds and Turner, Maine. 

Event to conclude at Glen Dube’s Excavation in Sabattus. 

Jimbo Marston & 

Kurk Lalemand 

of Next Level Business Coaching 

Betsy Libby 

& Jean Blais 

Photo credit: 


Q: If you had three apples 

and four oranges 

in one hand and four 

apples and three oranges 

in the other 

hand, what would you 

have 

A: Very large hands. 


44 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon

Enthusiasm can be like a fire that needs an occasional poke with a stick. 


Pedro O’Hara’s 

in Lewiston 

with live music by 

The Whiskey Militia 

High five 

right here, 

girlfriend! 

Just 

wanna say 

Hi to all my 

peeps. 

Q: How does a squid 

go into battle 

A: Well armed 

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.” – Steven Wright 


...with 

Jimbo 


Picks • Strings 

Tuners 

Metronomes 

“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.” – Mary Bly 

Main St. Music Lessons 

& Instrument Repair 

Authorized Fender Service Center 376-3376 

8 teachers offering lessons in: 

Guitar, piano, bass, voice, banjo, mandolin, violin, brass 

& woodwinds & music theory 

We carry quality new & used instruments • Call us for service on any instrument that needs repair. 

CALL NOW TO BOOK YOUR LESSONS 

134 Main Street, Auburn • 376-3376 • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com 

Time Traveler 


If someone from the 

1950s suddenly appeared, 

what would be 

the most difficult thing 

to explain about life 

today 

One answer: 

“I possess a device in 

my pocket that is capable 

of accessing the 

entirety of information 

known to man. I use it 

to look at pictures of 

cats and get into arguments 

with strangers.” 

The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL 

Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem... 

NO PROBLEM! 

• Appointments required 

• Fully warranteed & certified 

• $60/hr labor rate 

Brad’s Precision Auto 

We 

love power 

tools! 

Brad’s mechanics: (front) Dan & Mallory 

333-0364 (back) Marek, Eli & John 

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn 

Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word. 

Come see us 

at our NEW 

Location! 

We’re now at 

61 Mill Street in 

New Auburn 

(in the old Pontbriand 

Hardware building) 

61 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706 

Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com 

Walk-ins 

Welcome 

740-6316 

$ 

10 CUTS 

184 Turner St. Auburn 

(Next to Coastal T-shirts) 

hwilliamsbarber.com 

Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4 

Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12 


46 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

“You might be a redneck if… you take your dog for a walk and you both use the tree 

at the corner.” – Jeff Foxworthy

“You might be a redneck if… you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting 

dog.” – Jeff Foxworthy 

The Perfect Valentine’s Gift 



in Lewiston 



We are your cleaning solution! 

• Excellent References, Dependable & Trustworthy 

• Complete Home & Office Cleaning 

• Move-ins & Move-outs, Construction Clean-up 

• Daily, Weekly & Monthly Programs 

Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction Guaranteed 

FREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates 

Call Chrissy TODAY! 

Sponsor 

This is my other 

good side. 

Your Sweetheart deserves the gift of 

RELAXATION 

185 Webster St., Lewiston • 783-0200 

Get her a Gift Certificate for 

the Best Spa Pedicure in L/A! 

Valentine Ball Updo Special! 

Book with Debbie (Basic Updo starts @ $25) 

An IMPOSSIBLE Brain Teaser 

Answers to puzzle on page 18. 

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat. 


...with 

Jimbo 




Banquet 

“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” – Tom Peters 

Shawn’s Lawns 

can’t come soon 

enough! 

Shawn & Tanya 

Cornish 

Jimbo Marston & 

Kurk Lalemand 

of Next Level Business Coaching 

If there's so much laborsaving machinery, why don't we have more free time 


Chamber Awards Banquet 

Betsy Libby 

& Jean Blais 

Photo credit: 


By the time the wedding 

planner finally 

bothered to order the 

flowers there were 

none left. 

The service ended 

up being quite 

lackadaisical. 


48 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Gary & Elaine Hemenway 

Owners of Payroll Management accept the Business Leadership Award, 

presented by Robin Robbins & Hillary Dow. 

Photo credit: Bell Photography, Gray, ME 

“Common sense is not so common.” — Voltaire

“Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.” — Warren Buffett 

Enjoy Valentine’s Day 

at 



in Lewiston 



Dine with us on Valentine’s Night and 

you will be entered to win our Romantic 

Package for Two: 

It’s easy 

to get lost in 

a sea of 

people... 

• Dinner for Two at Sea40 

• Overnight Stay w/Breakfast at the Hilton Garden Riverwatch 

• One-hour massage for two at Cassiel’s Day Spa 

• Bouquet of Roses from Sweet Pea Designs 

All reservations made before Feb. 12th will be entered to win this 

drawing. Winner will be announced on Sea40’s Facebook page on the 

morning of Feb. 14th. 

Call today for your dining engagement 

795-6888 

Prize will be given upon reservation check in 

(Sea40 has the right to cancel or amend special promotions at their 

discretion without notice or compensation and reserves the final right to 

make such decisions.) 

40 East Avenue, Lewiston 

www.Sea40.com 

Follow us on 

Twitter & Facebook 

for Promotions & 

Give-a-ways! 

"I must remember this" I say to myself, as I instantly forget what it is. 

Scott Welsh & 

Bill Welsh 

Father & son dynamic 

duo at Pedro’s 

At the store today, 

when the cashier said, 

"Strip down facing me" 

apparently she was referring 

to my credit 

card! 


...with 

Jimbo 


Pure Faith 


Two nuns were driving 

down a country road 

when they ran out of 

gas. 

Out ’n About at Pedro O’Hara’s 

in Lewiston 

My BFF is a Bowl of Fattening Food. 

They walked to a farmhouse 

and a farmer 

gave them some gasoline, 

but the only container 

he had was an 

old bedpan. 

The nuns were happy 

to take whatever they 

were offered and returned 

to their car. 

As they were pouring 

the gasoline from the 

bedpan into the tank of 

their car, a minister 

drove by. 

Roland Berube, Kim Ray & Jim Laliberty 

For every mile of road there's two miles of ditch. 

I pick things 

up and put them 

down. 

He stopped, rolled 

down his window and 

said, "Excuse me, sisters. 

I'm not of your religion, 

but I couldn't 

help admiring your 

faith!" 

Happy Valentine’s 

Day 

That guy from the transmission shop looks kinda shifty. 

Cutting Room floor tidbits 

No Separating 

Required! 

743-3891 

Now serving 

Lewiston & Auburn! 

Call us for a FREE quote. 

Serving: Norway • West Paris 

Minot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford 

& NOW Lewiston/Auburn! 

70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com 

Barry Morrill & Matt Drewal 

tried to sneak this photo into our “Sweetheart” Contest. 

They do make a cute couple, but the editors at 

UAD would have none of it. 


50 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin and muffins are healthy; 

You’re welcome.

A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee. 


Chocolat 

6th Annual 

Chocolate 

Competition 

at the Green Ladle 

Lewiston HS Campus 

All of the above with one phone call! 

Uncle Andy’s Digest • 783-7039 • UncleAndys.com • editor@UncleAndys.com 

Rolly Blais & 

Mary Bolduc 


Austin Perrault 

Central Maine 

Community College 

Megan Labbe & 

Tamara Morgan 

Green Ladle students 

The yogurt aisle is so confusing now: It's all Greek to me. 


...with 

Jimbo 



Chocolat 

6th Annual 

Chocolate 

Competition 

at the Green Ladle (LRTC), 

Lewiston HS Campus 

Michele Bisbee & 

Daisy Taylor 

Bates College 

The Digest 

is awesome! I look 

forward to it every 

month!! 

Ladies 

Tees 


A husband and wife 

who are avid golfers 

have been happily 

married for 30 years, 

and on the day of their 

30th anniversary they 

enjoy a wonderful day 

together. They have a 

delicious breakfast in 

bed, then proceed to 

one of their favorite 

golf courses. They play 

through to the 9th hole, 

both having an amazing 

game. The husband 

watches his 

beautiful wife tee off 

and feels a rush of 

emotion and guilt. 

"Honey, I have to tell 

you something. At the 

very beginning of our 

marriage, I was with 

another woman. It only 

happened once and 

I've been faithful ever 

since. It was a mistake 

and I hope you can forgive 

me." 

We had social networking back in the day. It was called 

“go outside and play”. 

Out ’n About at Chocolat 

6th Annual Chocolate Competition 

Sadie Blais, Chris Page 

& Jordan Blais 


Rolly’s Diner 2015: 

1st Place - Display 

1st Place - People’s Choice 

3rd Place - Judges Choice 


52 

Annette Roy 

Chocolat Lover 

Her 6th year 

attending (and working)! 

A dog goes into a bar 

and orders a martini. 

The bartender says, 

“You don’t see a dog in 

here drinking a martini 

very often.” 

The dog says, “At 

these prices, I’m not 

surprised.” 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

The wife looks fondly 

at him. "I forgive you. 

We've had a very 

happy life together. I 

love you." 

The husband is so relieved, 

feeling light as 

a feather. They play a 

few more holes in bliss 

when suddenly the 

wife turns to her 

husband. 

"Honey, I too have 

something to confess." 

(continued on next page) 

Chocolate is 

goooooooooood! 

Cathy, Darren, Zayda & Xen Morse 


Of course women don’t work as hard as men. They get it right the first time.

SAVE $ 1,000! 

Sweet February 

Deal! 

NOBODY 

BEATS 

OUR 

PRICES! 

I drink coffee... for your protection. 

When you use your income tax 

return on any above ground pool 

See store for details 

POOL BUILDERS OF MAINE 

Quality Workmanship, Outstanding Service 

27 Years 

Experience 

1525 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-7222 • poolbuildersofmaine.com 

My bucket list: Ice – Wine. 

(continued from previous page) 

The husband smiles 

and says, "Anything 

dear - you were so 

gracious to me, and we 

can make it through 

anything." 

"Before we met, I had 

an operation. I used to 

be a man." 

The husband throws 

his club down and 

starts swearing and 

kicking up turf. 

The wife is in shock. 

"But I forgave you for 

your secret!" 

The husband, red 

faced, turns to her and 

says, "All these years! 

All these years you've 

been teeing off from 

the ladies tee box you 

cheater!!" 

Out ’n About at Pedro O’Hara’s 

in Lewiston 

Out ’n About at Chocolat 

6th Annual Chocolate Competition 

at the Green Ladle (LRTC), Lewiston HS Campus 

Valerie Estabrook & 

Melissa Audette 

Stephanie, Corrie, Lyndsay, Jerry & Jeremy 

Representing Maine Gourmet Chocolate & Top It Frozen Yogurt Bar 

I never use my turn signal. It’s nobody’s business where I’m freakin’ going. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Funny 

Classified Ads 


Actual Newspaper Ads 

and Classifieds: 

AMANA WASHER $100. 

OWNED BY CLEAN 

BACHELOR WHO SEL- 

DOM WASHED. 

SNOW BLOWER FOR 

SALE... ONLY USED 

ON SNOWY DAYS. 

FREE PUPPIES... 

PART GERMAN SHEP- 

HERD, PART DOG 

2 WIRE MESH 

BUTCHERING 

GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 

3-finger, PAIR: $15 

✃ 

I can rise and shine. But not at the same time. 

Just Darn Good Deals 

1/2 PRICE PIZZA! 

Buy any small pizza, 

Get second @ 1/2 price! 

(2nd pizza equal or lessor value) 

Not to be combined with other specials 

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 2.28.15 (UAD) 

Inside 

Lewiston 

Variety 

145 College St, Lewiston • 786-0785 

1/2 OFF DINNER 

✃ 


SAVE $ 1.10 


✃ 

Grant’s Bakery 

525 Sabattus St. Lewiston 

783-2226 

GrantsBakery.com 

FREE SMALL BREAD STICKS 

✃ 


TICKLE ME ELMO, 

STILL IN BOX, COMES 

WITH ITS OWN 1988 

MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO- 

MATIC, EXCELLENT 

CONDITION $6,800 

TICKLE ME ELMO. 

NEW IN BOX. HARDLY 

TICKLED. $700 

FREE YORKSHIRE 

TERRIER. 8 YEARS 

OLD. UNPLEASANT 

LITTLE DOG. 

GERMAN 

SHEPHERD. 85 lbs. 

NEUTERED. SPEAKS 

GERMAN. FREE. 

FULL SIZED 

MATTRESS. 

20 YR WARRANTY. 

LIKE NEW. SLIGHT 

URINE SMELL. 

FOR SALE: LEE MA- 

JORS (6 MILLION 

DOLLAR MAN) - $50 

(continued on next page) 

at the Ramada 

490 Pleasant St. Lewiston • 784-2331 

$ 

6 and Up 

Here’s Your Sign! 

Hand painted signs by Amy Bean 

✃ 


We’re more than purses! 

785 Main St. 

Lewiston 

FREE DESSERT 

✃ 


40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888 

Sea40me.com 

$ 

3 OFF 

85 Center Street, 

Auburn • 784-8221 

PatsAuburn.com 

Limit one per customer per visit. 


✃ 

Sabattus 

Main Street Market 

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502 

20% OFF 

ANY LARGE 

PIZZA! 

✃ 


808 Main St. Lewiston 

753-3054 

KellysFabricConnection.com 


54 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Therapy helps but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper.

✃ 

I’m 99% sure you think I’m bitchy... And I’m 100% sure I don’t care. 

Just Darn Good Deals 

10% OFF 

Total Order 


(continued from previous page) 

CHARMIN ULTRA 

BATHROOM TISSUE- 

BONELESS 

SHAKESPEARE'S 

PIZZA - FREE CHOP- 

STICKS 

GEORGIA PEACHES - 

CALIFORNIA GROWN - 

89 cents lb. 

770 Main St. Lewiston (Marden’s Plaza) 

783-4500 • SaucyPots.com 

✃ 

✃ 

$ 

25 OFF 

Any service of 

$100 or more. 

Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD) 

Complete Auto Care 

147 East Ave, Lewiston • 782-1125 

BerubesAutoCare.com 

BOTTOMLESS BOWLING 

All-You-Can-Bowl 

Wednesdays 1PM – Close 

2 hours only $6pp. 

(shoe rental extra) 


24 Mollison Way, Lewiston • 786-2695 

Sparetimerec.com 

✃ 


161 Lincoln St. 

Lewiston 

784-7042 

LabadiesBakery.com 

$ 

1.00 OFF 

Any Breakfast Pizza 

Just mention this ad! 

GEORGIO’S 

740 Minot Ave, Auburn 

783-2981 

myGeorgios.com 

Buy Any Meal at reg. price 

Get 2nd at 1/2 price 

✃ 


The Library Cafe 

49 Spring St. Auburn 

784-2300 

AuburnLibraryCafe.com 

CUTE KITTEN FOR 

SALE, 2 CENTS OR 

BEST OFFER 

WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN 

OVEN - FROST FREE! 

FREE: FARM KITTENS. 

READY TO EAT. 

FROZEN SOFT & GEN- 

TLE BATH TISSUE - 4 

ROLLS 99 CENTS 

1 AMERICAN FLAG - 

60 STARS - POLE 

INCLUDED - $100 

TIRED OF WORKING 

FOR ONLY $9.75 PER 

HOUR WE OFFER 

PROFIT SHARING AND 

FLEXIBLE HOURS. 

STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 

PER HOUR.. 

It must be 

my birthday or 

something... 

Goodie Bag 

( 

✃FREEAdult $ 15 value) w/ every 

$ 

50 purchase 

w/ coupon; 

(Must be 18 years old) 


675 Main St, Lewiston • 804-615-7451 

$ 

3 OFF 


✃ 

Dad’s Place 

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls 

345-5551 • DadsPlace.info 

Katelyn Ingerson 

& Sidney Hill 

If life’s a journey, mine is between the fridge and the computer. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Hey Tim, 

quiz time: What is 

it the Digest does 

better than 

anyone else 

The only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England. 

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm 

Fri. by appointment 

Jimbo 

Well Jimbo, 

that list is pretty 

long... but getting 

businesses top of 

mind awareness at an 

affordable price is 

a good place to 

start! 

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. 

Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit 

with results that you will be proud to show off. 

Visit us at our state of the art office at: 

730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza 

783-1351 

Same Day Emergency Care 

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider 

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com 

Tim Rucker 

Check out our NEWLY Designed website: UncleAndys.com

February 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?