May 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST 

The Most Unusual Digest in America 

Find our 

HUGE 

Announcement 

inside! 

FREE 

May 2015 

Voted best International Restaurant 

AND Best Sushi Restaurant by You, 

via Market Surveys of America, 

2 years running! 

Book Your Prom 

Reservations Now 

for a Chance to Win 

Dinner for Two! 

Reserve Your 

Mother’s Day Dinner 

before May 8th and 

automatically be entered 

for a Give-a-way! 

* Mother’s Day Dinner Drawing * 

One Lucky Mom will win a FREE Dinner 

Japanese Cuisine 

Open Mic 

Every Wed. at 7pm 

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 

www.sea40me.com 

Mermaid Nights 

Thurs. Nights 7:30-10pm 

Drink & Food Specials 

for the ladies 

Affordable Dental Excellence! 

Crown Special! 

*Effective June 1 – August 31, 2015 

.00* 

* Some exclusions Apply 

Only $ 

895 

New Patient Special $ 

88 .00 

Includes: Cleaning, Exam, & Xrays 

Call Today to Book Your Appointment! 

488 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-8800 

www.androscoggindentalgroup.com 

Armandsab@aol.com

I once had a job in a deli, but just couldn't slice it. No matter how hard I tried, 

I could not cut the mustard. 

MODERN WOODMEN 

OF AMERICA 


Sunday, May 3rd 

Sabattus American Legion 

Breakfast 7:30am - 10am 

Island Rd, Sabattus 

$5 Member; $6 Guest 

Wednesday, May 6th 

Grid Iron 4pm – 7pm 

(Chapter 14346) 

1567 Lisbon St, Lewiston 


Sunday, May 10th 

KC Mother’s Day Brunch 

9am – 11am (Chapter 7938) 

Columbus Drive, Brunswick 

$6 Adults; $2 Child under 10 

Tuesday, May 12th 

Dubois Cafe Breakfast 7am – 10am 


906 Sabattus St, Lewiston 

$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest 


Chick-a-Dee Lewiston 4pm – 7pm 


1472 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 


Saturday, May 16th 

KC Sacred Heart Bean Supper 

4:30 – 5:30 pm (Chapter 8609) 

8 Sacred Heart Place, Auburn 


Tuesday, May 19th 

Luiggi’s 4pm – 7pm 


63 Sabattus St, Lewiston 

$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest 


Dairy Joy 3pm – 7pm 


Campus Ave, Lew/ Spring St, 

Auburn 

$1 Member 


Norway Soft Serve 5:30pm – 7pm 


65 Main St, So Paris 

$1 Member 

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. 

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE- 

TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED 

Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to 

change. If additional info is needed, please 

call our office, please do not call restaurants. 

All activities can only be attended at 

the times listed. 

************************* 

Tickets need to be purchased at the 

Modern Woodmen District Office, 

184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all 

activities and can only be picked up the 

week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 

9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon 

(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST 

is published by the first 

Friday of every month by Maine 

Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. 

with offices at 9 Grove Street, 

Auburn, Maine, USA. 

It is distributed free throughout 

Central Maine and mailed to 

subscribers all over the Free 

World. Subscriptions are 

$30/year. Send a check made out 

to UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST to: 

PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212 

UncleAndysDigest.com 

Office: 207-783-7039 

Fax: 207-777-3898 

UAD Super Heroes 

SPIDY 

TIM 

CAPTAIN 

JIMBO 

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. 

AFFORDABLE DENTURES 

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired 

on-site, usually same-day service! 

Also see us for: 

• Full Dentures 

• Immediate Dentures 

• Partial Dentures 

• Rebases 

• Relines 

• Repairs 

• All work done in house, 

including metal frameworks 

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again! 

HULK 

SMASH 

THOMAS 

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted 

We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider 

FREE CONSULTATIONS 

BATGIRL 

TRACY 

WONDER 

WOMAN 

PAM 

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 

801 Webster Street, Lewiston 

514-0660 

SmileAgainDentures.com 

Or email us at: 

smileagaindentures@gmail.com 

Mike & Joe 

Adkins, 

licensed 

denturists 

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to 

ensure the accuracy of the information in our 

client’s advertisements and our publication in 

general, we are not responsible for vendor 

availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, 

product pricing errors, or omissions. 

Uncle Andy’s Digest 

4 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

The secret of the universe is: “We’re sorry, you have traveled outside 

of your coverage area.”

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. 

Upscale Comfort Food & 

Home Style Hospitality in a 

Historically Distinct Setting. 

Outside Patio 

Opening Soon! 

Rails is giving back! 

10% OFF for All Military 

& Emergency Personnel!! 

(please provide proper ID) 

*Wed. Hump Day - Happy Hour 4-8pm 

$ 

2 Domestic Beers • $ 4 Well Drinks 

Thirsty Thursday - Ladies Night • 1/2 priced drinks 

*Every Wednesday Rails will donate 5% of all sales to the GOFUNDME for the Great Falls Balloon Festival 

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com 

Tuesday - Thursday 11am - 8pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm 

Congratulations 

Maine State High School Bowling Champions! 

Job Search 

Submitted by Jimbo 

A lawyer called Governor 

LePage’s mansion 

shortly after midnight. 

"I need to talk to the 

governor -- it's an 

emergency!" exclaimed 

the lawyer. 

After some cajoling, 

the governor's assistant 

agreed to wake 

him up. "So, what is it 

that's so important that 

it can't wait until morning?" 

grumbled Governor 

LePage. 

"Judge Pierson just 

died, and I want to take 

his place," begged the 

attorney. 

"Well, it's OK with me if 

it's OK with the funeral 

home," replied 

Governor LePage. 

Stage Fright 

Submitted by Thomas Hill 

You’ll probably 

see us on the 

PBA Tour soon. 

A big advantage 

bowling has over golf is 

that you seldom lose a 

bowling ball. 

During a performance 

for the high school 

drama class at the 

local theater, a hole 

was cracked in the 

stage floor. Subsequent 

acts managed to 

avoid the damaged 

area until Little Jimbo, 

juggling bowling pins, 

accidentally stepped 

through the hole up to 

his knee. 

The team (L to R): Assistant Coach Steve Dubuc, Cullen Burgess, Corey Harvey, Zach Brito, 

Cheyenne Kritzer, Head Coach Ali Breault, Jacob Dubuc, Avery Goulding & Captain Damon Douglas. 

Members absent were Zac Lessard, Seth Kolreg & Dominic Moore. 

The Androscoggin Valley Vipers recently took home the title of High School Bowling Champions in Skowhegan 

recently. The team is a co-op comprised of students from Edward Little, Lewiston, Lisbon, and Leavitt 

High Schools. High School Bowling is open to anyone in grades 8 thru 12. 

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. 

He apologized to the 

audience for his clumsiness. 

But a heckler in 

the back of the theater 

shouted: "Don't worry, 

Jimbo! It's just a stage 

you're going through!" 


...with 

Jimbo 

May 2015 UncleAndys.com 5

Lunch & Learn 


The company I work 

for sometimes puts on 

what they call "Lunch 

and Learn" seminars 

during the employees' 

lunchtime. These seminars 

deal with a variety 

of physical and mental 

health issues. If the 

seminar lasts beyond 

the normal lunch 

hours, we're supposed 

to get managerial approval 

to attend. So, 

last week, this flier 

came around: 

LUNCH AND LEARN 

SEMINAR: 

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 

DONATION YOGA 

Offering Donation Only Yoga Classes 

Class Schedule: www.Yogave.com 

FEEL GOOD 

Reduce Stress Improve Wellness 

WHO'S CONTROL- 

LING YOUR LIFE? 

(Get your manager's 

permission before attending) 

Inquisitive 


Sue: I just don't understand 

the attraction golf 

holds for men. 

Diana: TELL me about 

it! I went golfing with 

my husband one time, 

and he told me I asked 

too many questions! 

Sue: Well, I'm sure you 

were just trying to understand 

the game. 

What questions did you 

ask? 

Diana: I thought I 

asked legitimate questions 

like, "Why did you 

hit the ball into the 

lake?" 


6 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Well Heart Yoga 

Teacher Training School 

Become a Yoga Instructor! 

Monthly Training: www.wellheartyoga.com 

200 hour YTT Certification; 95 hour CRYS Children’s YTT Certification; 

300 hour Advanced Study Certification 

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn • 170 US Rt 1, Falmouth • Yogave.com 

If there was an award for laziness, I'd probably send someone to pick it up for me.

That awkward moment when you want to laugh but it's completely inappropriate. 

We’re 

Hiring! 

Out ’n About 

at the Auburn 

Exchange Club’s 

39th Annual 

Gun Show 

at the Lewiston Armory on 

March 28th & 29th with 

J.T. Reid’s Gun Shop 

Express Employment Professionals (Staffing Agency) is recruiting for: 

in Auburn 

& Turner 

50¢ increases 

every 30 days for 

first 90 days* 

u Management Opportunities u 

*Need to meet requirements 

Call Express for an interview at 207-761-9933 

Out ’n About at the Auburn Exchange Club’s 39th Annual Gun Show 

Jamie Pelletier 

Manager of JT Reid’s Gun 

Shop in Auburn 

ENJOY A MEAL WITH US 

We think you’ll find it’s Egg-ceptional! 

“Home of the 

Double Yolker” 

Serving breakfast & lunch daily. 

Breakfast available all day! 

Egg-ceptional Restaurant 

5 Pigeon Hill Rd (Rte 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 

Mon - Fri: 7am - 2pm; Sat - Sun: 6am - 2pm 

$ 

1.00 

OFF 

$ 

10 or more 

one coupon per visit 

Not to be combined w/ any 

other specials 

UAD 

✃ 

Expires 5.31.15 

I can’t wait 

to show Mommy my 

new rifle! 

Jeremy & 

Hallie Johnson 

“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” – Peter Ustinov 


...with 

Jimbo 


Round She 

Goes 


I heard that you like bad boys. At Wal-Mart, I enter through the exit doors. 

A husband and wife 

went to the fairgrounds. 

The wife 

wanted to go on the 

Ferris wheel, but the 

husband wasn't comfortable 

with that. So 

the wife went on the 

ride by herself. 

The wheel went round 

and round and suddenly 

the wife was 

thrown out and landed 

in a heap at her husband's 

feet. 

"Are you hurt?" he 

asked. 

"Of course I'm hurt!" 

she replied. "Three 

times around, and you 

didn't wave once!" 

Expecting 


We had been trying for 

a child for years, so I 

was ecstatic when I got 

up at five one morning, 

took a home pregnancy 

test, and found I 

was expecting. 

"Richard," I yelled to 

my husband, "we're 

going to have a baby!" 

"Great," he said and 

rolled over. 

"How can you go back 

to sleep?" 

Muttering into his pillow, 

he said, "I'm stocking 

up." 


8 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Thomas to JImbo: Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years!

I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four. 

Spring and Summer dates are filling up fast – Book NOW! 

Weddings • Summer Parties • Reunions 

BBQ’s • Lobster Feeds 

Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all! 

No Party too Big or too Small 

Out ’n About 

at the Auburn Exchange 

Club’s 39th 

Annual Gun Show 

at the Lewiston Armory on 

March 28th & 29th with 

J.T. Reid’s Gun Shop 

HUNGRY? 

Call Us Today for a Free Quote! 

345-9009 

DadsPlace.info 

Let Dad do the cookin’! 

Over 200 menu 

items to choose 

from! 

May Special 

Call Diana or Larry for 

more info and pricing! 

FREE 

COFFEE FRIDAY! 

Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase 

of Breakfast Sandwich 

every Friday. 

Cheeseburger Basket 

with fries 

Only 

$ 

5 

There’s NO PLACE like... 

Dad’s Place 

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info 

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. 

YOU! 

How you doin’? 

John Reid 

Owner of JT Reid’s Gun 

Shop in Auburn 

Having an ad 

in this fantastic 

magazine is on my 

list of to do’s... 

Shawn Holt 

selling raffle tickets 


...with 

Jimbo 


My Forgetter 


Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. 

My forgetter's getting 

better, But my 

rememberer is broke. 

To you that may seem 

funny, But, to me, that 

is no joke. 

For when I'm "here" I'm 

wondering If I really 

should be "there" 

And, when I try to think 

it through, I haven't got 

a prayer! 

Often times I walk into 

a room, Say, "What am 

I here for?" 

I rack my brain, but all 

in vain, A zero is my 

score. 

At times I put something 

away where it is 

safe, but, Gee! 

The person it is safest 

from Is, generally, me! 

When shopping I may 

see someone, 

Say "Hi" and have a 

chat, 

Then, when the person 

walks away I ask myself, 

"Who was that?" 

Yes, my forgetter's getting 

better, while my rememberer 

is broke, 

And it's driving me 

plumb crazy, and that 

isn't any joke. 

My wife suggested a 

book for me to read to 

enhance our relationship. 

It's titled: "Women Are 

from Venus and Men 

Are Wrong." 


10 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance 

Own your 

own business? 

Want to make 

it better? 

Call us. 

NEXTLevelBusinessCoaching.biz 

207-754-2003 

Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

Draft Pick 


I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. 

A high school history 

teacher was discussing 

the funeral of Pope 

John Paul II with his 

class. One student 

asked how they chose 

the new pope. 

The teacher explained 

the process, finishing 

with, "So the cardinals 

pick him." 

A student in the back of 

class, asked, very seriously, 

"Why would they 

let a baseball team 

pick the next pope?" 

Tea Time 


Little Johnny was left to 

fix lunch. 

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. 

When his mother returned 

with a friend, 

she noticed that 

Johnny had already 

strained the tea. 

The two women then 

sipped their tea happily 

while having lunch. 

"Was it hard finding the 

tea strainer in the 

kitchen?" Johnny's 

mother asked. 

"I couldn't find it Ma, so 

I used the fly swatter," 

he replied. 

His mother nearly 

fainted, so Johnny 

hastily added: "Don't 

get excited, Ma, I used 

the old one!" 


12 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

I'm in shape... Unfortunately, it's the shape of a potato.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood. 

ALL ABOUT 

41 Broad St., Auburn 

784-5407 

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 

894 Minot Avenue • Auburn 

Open daily 10am – 7pm 

You’re Golden! 

Shine Bright on Your 

Big Night Out! 

Book Your Prom-do with Us 

and receive a FREE gift! 

AllAboutUsalonla.com 

Follow Us on Facebook & Instagram 

to find out about our Spring Promo’s 

Eat In - Take Out 

Call Ahead for Quick Service 

Offering Fried & 

Baked Specialties 

Freshest Retail by 

the Pound 

Haddock • Stuffed Shrimp 

Lobster • Lobster Salad • Scallops 

Seafood Stuffing • Clams 

Crab Meat • Salmon 

Stuffed Mushrooms 

Homemade Crab Cake 

Jumbo/Medium Shrimp 

777-5871 • www.macsdowneastseafood.com 

I changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so that whenever I forget, it will tell me, 

"Your password is incorrect." 

Doctor Visit 


A pretty young woman, 

visiting her new doctor 

for the first time, found 

herself alone in a small 

waiting room. She 

began undressing 

nervously, preparing 

herself for the upcoming 

examination. Just 

as she draped the last 

of her garments over 

the back of a chair, a 

light rap sounded on 

the door and a young 

doctor strode in. 

Coming to an abrupt 

halt, the doctor looked 

his nude patient up and 

down carefully. 

"Miss Jones," he said 

finally, "it seems quite 

obvious to me that 

until today you have 

never had an eye 

examination." 

What’s Good 

Tonight? 


Our family-owned 

restaurant is the setting 

for many of our discussions 

about how to 

handle the customer 

who asks, "What's 

good tonight?" 

Obviously, we would 

never serve anything 

we didn't think was 

good. I braced myself 

one Saturday night 

when I heard the 

dreaded question 

posed to my husband. 

He calmly replied, 

"Anything over $17.95" 


...with 

Jimbo 


Out ’n About at 

Sparetime & Bowl 

for Kids Sake 

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. 

Therefore, chocolate is salad. 

HUGE DISCOUNTS 

on Kitchen Cabinets & Flooring 

These guys 

want a show? 

I’ll give ‘em 

a show... 

Ya! 

I just got a 

strike!! 

^ 

and Quality 

Our Gift Cards make 

perfect Gifts! 

Really dad? 

You got a gutter ball. 

Select 

Tile 

.29¢ SF HARDWOOD 

starting at 

$ 

1.99 SF 

LAMINATE 

starting at 

.56¢ SF 

Largest Selection of In-Stock Hardwood in L/A 


14 

Rick & R.J. 

Bourgeois 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

675 Main Street, Lewiston 

Mon – Fri 8am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 4pm 

ShermArnoldsOutlet.com 

782-0831 

Damn, I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 10 years in a row now.

Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake, 

everybody knows polar bears drink Coca-Cola. 

Don’t spend $18 + at the beauty salon, get your... 

Mens & Boys CUTS for only 

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome. 

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts 

$ 

12 


Sparetime & Bowl 

for Kids Sake 

Come on, bud... 

Don’t leave me 

hangin’! 

Since 1963 

Marcel’s Barber 

Shop 

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444 

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm 

’Tis The Season 

WOW!! $ 1,000 OFF all in-stock Spas! 

Good thing 

those grown-ups are 

using the bumper pads. 

You should use that 

lane, Dad! 

FREE 

Auto Cleaner 

with every 

Above Ground Pool! 

$ 

800 

OFF 

A Salt System 

when you purchase a new 

Inground Pool! 

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com 

Rollodrome 

Closed Mother’s Day • May 10th 

SPRING SCHEDULE 

Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm 

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00 

Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm 

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm 

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm 

Available for private parties 

Where 

Good Skaters 

Meet 

Since 1954 

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 

www.rollodrome.com 

I just saw an Apple store get robbed... does that make me an iWitness? 

This kid 

funnier than 

me... 

Duh! 


...with 

Jimbo 


Waite’s Country 

Café Opens in 

Mechanic Falls 

If Apple were to ever make a car... would it have Windows? 

Shawn & Mitzie Waite 

opened Waite’s Country 

Café, located at 15 Elm 

Street in Mechanic Falls on 

March 4 of this year. They’re 

open 7am - 2pm and serve 

breakfast all day and lunch 

starting at 11am. Plus baked 

goods made fresh daily. 

Shawn wanted a pizza 

joint. Mitzie wanted a small, 

cozy restaurant that was 

warming and family oriented. 

Shawn compromised and 

jokingly told the Digest that 

he wasn’t giving up his idea 

of at least getting pizza on 

the menu. 

Mitzie has been cooking 

since she was 12 years old. 

She learned Italian cooking 

from one grandmother and 

Southern cooking from another. 

They both stressed 

the importance of cooking 

everything from scratch, 

using only the freshest ingredients. 

Mitzie’s dad, George, 

taught her all about southern 

biscuits, sausage gravy and 

corned beef hash. 

It’s a family affair at the 

café, their daughter, Karissa, 

does a lot of the waitressing 

and at 14 does a great job. 

Shawn preps and lends a 

hand wherever needed. He 

also handles the bookkeeping 

and the marketing for the 

restaurant. Mitzie is the 

cook, which she is passionate 

about, using the skills 

taught to her by her family. 

Giving back is very important 

to the Waite’s. They 

are very active in their 

church and their Christian 

faith keeps them on point. 

They give 10% of their profit 

to a local shelter. Mitzie is 

excited to see the café grow 

so they can give more. 

This down home countrythemed 

café is a must visit 

for breakfast or lunch. You’ll 

also enjoy the local crafts for 

sale on their shelves. Stop in 

and check them out for yourselves. 

Be sure to follow 

them on Facebook to catch 

all their daily specials. 

See their ad on page 31. 


16 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Shout out to my fingers, I can always count on them.

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out? 

Restaurant • Miniature Golf • Driving Range • Ice Cream Stand 

Celebrating 

Years 

1940 2015 

Out ’n About at the 

15th Annual Celebrity 

Waiter Dinner 

Now Open for the Season! 

Our completely NEW & Re-designed 

Miniature Golf Course Opening Soon! 

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn 

www.tabersgolf.com 

Amanda & Bob 

Deflumere 

The Celebrity 

Waiter Name Game. 

I love that show. 

Bowl For Kids Sake Big Brother Big Sister Team TD Bank: 

Chelsea Beatty, Danielle Marston, Angela Wentworth, Vickie Rucker & Kim Hinson 

Blame Game 


Ashley asked her 

daughter Annabella 

what she would like for 

her birthday. 

Bev & Leroy Walker 

There’s 

nothing better than 

some face time 

in the Digest! 

"I'd like a little brother," 

said Annabella. 

"Oh my, that's such a 

big wish," said Ashley. 

"Why do you want a little 

brother?" 

"Well," said Annabella, 

"there's only so much I 

can blame on the dog." 

Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what 

my friends' food looked like. 

Dee Chapman 

& Leah Cross 

All About You Salon 


...with 

Jimbo 


Laplante 

Promoted 

Time flies whether or not you're having fun. 

Brain Teaser 

Complete these common words 

by using all of the letters A to Z, 

each exactly once. 

Jhanae Laplante 

Community Credit 

Union has promoted 

Laplante to Branch Operations 

Support in the 

Auburn Branch. Jhanae 

joined the Credit Union in 

2011 as a Member Representative 

and then moved 

to Visa Card Coordinator in 

2012. The Branch Operations 

Support position will 

support the Auburn Branch 

Manager with lending, operations 

and member service. 

Laplante resides in 

Poland. She’s a member of 

the Community Credit 

Union softball team and is 

chairperson of the Community 

Recycle Day event 

as well as a volunteer for 

many other events. She 

enjoys time with her nieces 

and nephews outside 

work. 

Community Credit 

Union is a member-owned, 

full service financial institution 

that has been serving 

its members and Androscoggin 

County since 

1945. Community Credit 

Union has branches located 

at 144 Pine Street, 

Lewiston, 40 Stanley 

Street, Auburn and 1025 

Auburn Road, Turner. For 

more information, log onto 

communitycreditunion.com. 



18 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

1. _e_er 

2. __eue 

3. _ _ o 

4. m a _ 

5. _p_a_e_ 

6. _erso_ 

A stinky man walks into a bar. Unfortunately it isn't of soap. 

PROTECTING 

What You Love. 

What You Do. 

What You Cherish.. 

7. ___k_am_on 

8. _ouse 

9. _ a _ 

10. _ ur_ 

11. ___igent 

Bet ya can’t get ‘em all! 

Answer is on page 46. 

232 Center St., Auburn 

786-0417 

VarneyAgency.com 

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm 

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health 

Courtesy of 

Brainbashers.com 

My vacuum broke in the middle of cleaning and I can't tell if the situation sucks or not.

My body is like a dictionary filled with blank pages: thick and no definition. 

Mon. 

6am-noon 

Tues-Fri 

6am-3pm 

Donut Special Every Friday 

Buy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ( $ 7.50) 

and get the 2nd dozen at half price! 

$ 

11.25 for both 


EVERY 

Mon. Tues. & Wed. 

Buy 1 dozen 

Whoopie Pies 

get the 2nd dozen 

for only 

$ 

1 .00 

784-7042 

161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston www.labadiesbakery.com 

"I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you." – Robin Williams 

Call Today to Schedule Your Pool Opening 

783-0858 • Before It’s too Late! 

www.abcpools.com 

207-783-0858 800-244-0858 

1975 Lisbon Rd, Lewiston 

Dancing Fool 


A husband, who is not 

the most outgoing guy, 

relents to his wife's 

months of nagging to 

take her out dancing. 

During the evening one 

guy on the dance floor 

is showing off - break 

dancing, moon walking, 

back flips, the 

works. 

Seeing this performance, 

the wife turns to 

her husband and says, 

"See that guy? Twentyfive 

years ago he proposed 

to me and I 

turned him down." 

Her husband replies, 

"Looks like he's still 

celebrating!" 

"I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me." – Warren Buffett 


...with 

Jimbo 




Waiter Dinner 

Oh la la! 

Denis & Rhonda 

Webber 

The Cage 

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." – Jim Carrey 

Call NOW for Reservations 

Mother’s Day Sunday, May 10th 

Our Outdoor 

Patio Opening 

Soon! 

NOW HIRING for Summer Wait Staff 

Apply in Person 

Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 

Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com 

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." – Don Marquis 


20 

Bridget McAlonan 

Come on now... 

Give till it 

hurts! 

Lisa Bogue 

Assistant District Attorney 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Rates as low as 2.75%* 

Great Falls 

Federal Credit Union 

Stop by 

and 

apply 

today! 

Call one of 

our loan 

officers Ken, 

Natalie or 

Michelle! 

34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 

www.greatfallsfcu.com 

*Member eligibility required, qualifications & restrictions may apply, no in-house refinancing, annual percentage rate. 

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them." – Mitch Hedberg

My calling in life went straight to voicemail. 

BE YOUR OWN BOSS! 

Booth Rentals Available 

for Experienced Stylist/Nail Techs 

232 Center St, Auburn 

(next to Play It Again Sports) 

753-9368 

Apply 

Within 

HOURS: 

Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm 



Waiter Dinner 

There’s more 

where this came 

from! 

Molly Nelson 

Out ’n About at the Bowl For Kids Sake (Big Brother Big Sister) 

Now Offering 

Remote Starters! 

L/A, we’re worth the 

drive! We’re 5 minutes 

from the Ramada. 

$ 

10 OFF 

Alignment in May 

(reg. $69.95) 

Excludes additional 

hardware if needed 

Coupon expires 5.31.15 

183 Lisbon Street, Lisbon • 353-9862 • www. QCA.me 

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. 

✃ 

Michael Boisvert 


...with 

Jimbo 



22 

Cowboy Bud 


A cowboy named Bud 

was overseeing his 

herd in a remote mountainous 

pasture in California 

when suddenly a 

brand-new BMW advanced 

toward him out 

of a cloud of dust. 

The driver, a young 

man in a Brioni suit, 

Gucci shoes, RayBan 

sunglasses and YSL 

tie, leaned out the window 

and asked the 

cowboy, "If I tell you 

exactly how many 

cows and calves you 

have in your herd, will 

you give me a calf?" 

Bud looks at the man, 

obviously a yuppie, 

then looks at his 

peacefully grazing herd 

and calmly answers, 

"Sure, why not?" 

The yuppie parks his 

car, whips out his Dell 

notebook computer, 

connects it to his 

Galaxy S4 cell phone, 

and surfs to a NASA 

page on the Internet, 

where he calls up a 

GPS satellite to get an 

exact fix on his location 

which he then feeds to 

another NASA satellite 

that scans the area in 

an ultra-high-resolution 

photo. 

The young man then 

opens the digital photo 

in Adobe Photoshop 

and exports it to an 

image processing 

facility in Hamburg, 

Germany. 

(continued on next page) 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

At my age, I don't take naps outdoors. People start breaking out the shovels. 

Live music by: 

Midlife 

Krisis 

Benefit 

$10 Cover charge 

Food • Auction • Dancing 

50/50 • And More! 

Dinner 

For 

Cindy Aube 

of Auburn 

who is battling 

Breast Cancer 

Saturday, 

May 16th 

4 – 8pm 

VFW Hall 

588 Minot Ave, 

Auburn 

Help us help Cindy, who has custody of her 3-year old granddaughter. 

We’ve all been affected by cancer and know how it can turn your life 

upside down and cause financial stress. Please join us on May 16th 

for a night of fun while supporting a great cause! 

Does the Apple Watch replace your phone too, or just your family?

If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday. 

(continued from previous page) 

Within seconds, he receives 

an email on his 

Palm Pilot that the 

image has been 

processed and the 

data stored. He then 

accesses an MS-SQL 

database through an 

ODBC connected 

Excel spreadsheet with 

email on his Blackberry 

and, after a few minutes, 

receives a 

response. 

Finally, he prints out a 

full-color, 150-page report 

on his hi tech, 

miniaturized HP Laser- 

Jet printer, turns to the 

cowboy and says, "You 

have exactly 1,586 

cows and calves." 

www.mendabody.net 

"That's right. Well, I 

guess you can take 

one of my calves," 

says Bud. 

He watches the young 

man select one of the 

animals and looks on 

with amusement as the 

young man stuffs it into 

the trunk of his car. 

Then Bud says to the 

young man, "Hey, if I 

can tell you exactly 

what your business is, 

will you give me back 

my calf?" 

The young man thinks 

about it for a second 

and then says, "Okay, 

why not?" 

"You're a Congressman," 

says Bud. 

Average Loss Month One = 17.5lbs 

My new car is so high tech, I need my 10 year old to teach me how to drive it. 

"Wow! That's correct," 

says the yuppie, "but 

how did you guess 



...with 

Jimbo 



that?" 

"No guessing required," 

answered the 

cowboy. "You showed 

up here even though 

nobody called you; you 

want to get paid for an 

answer I already knew, 

to a question I never 

asked. You used millions 

of dollars worth of 

equipment trying to 

show me how much 

smarter than me you 

are; and you don't 

know a thing about 

how working people 

make a living - or about 

cows, for that matter. 

This is a herd of sheep. 

Now give me back my 

dog. 

Don’t Waite to 

take advantage of the 

10% off deal in our ad! 

See page 31. 

My house has really let itself go. 

Prom Season Headquarters 

You 

Pick 

Him... 

We’ll 

Dress 

Him! 

The Best Tuxedo Rental Shop in L/A! 

Book 

your updo & 

get a 60 minute 

Tanning 

Package! 

S&J Tuxedo 

located INSIDE Sarah Jeanne’s 

at 77 Sabattus Street in Lewiston. 

A must for Proms & Weddings! 

• Updos 

• Hair Services 

• Hair Extensions 

• Manicures 

• Shellac Polish 

• Pedicures 

• Massage 

• Tanning 

• Tuxedos 

• And More! 

Shawn & Mitzie 

Waite 

Owners of Waite’s Country 

Café in Mechanic Falls 

Q: How do you get a 

baby astronaut to go to 

sleep? 


24 

A: Rocket 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Brian Saucier, LMT; Sarah, Stylist; Ron, Tuxedo Specialist 

Jane, Owner/Stylist & Nancy Marcotte, Stylist 

Sarah Jeanne’s 

Family Hair Care, Day Spa & Tanning 

Suit & Tuxedo Sales & Rental 

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • SarahJeannes.com 

795-6778 

Pretty sure I'm meant to be a weekend person. The lifestyle suits me.

“Gotta thin the herd.” – Me eating animal crackers 

Exclusive! 

Clark Kent quits his job at 

the Daily Planet to pursue a 

lucrative career at Uncle 

Andy’s Digest.* 

Step aside folks, 

the ‘man of steel’ 

has arrived! 

www.srcu4u.com 

Due to heavy fog, my brain has been grounded until further notice. 

Try us once, you’ll be a regular! 

Daily Specials: 

Monday: Ham Italian ...................sm. $1.59 lg. $2.59 

Tuesday: 10” 1-topping Pizza ............................$3.99 

Wednesday: Chicken Salad ..........................sm. $1.99 

........................................................................lg. $3.49 

Thursday: Bowl of Chili......................................$3.99 

BLT .............................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49 

Friday: Tuna Italian ......................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49 

Saturday: Baked Beans ................qt. $3.59 pt. $2.59 

Sunday: .................................$2.00 off any large pizza 

$ 

5 .00 OFF 

SABATTUS 

MAIN STREET MARKET 

2 Main Street, Sabattus 

375-8502 

Maxwell Draper 

bears his super power 

for the world to see. 

*All this recent talk at the 

Digest about super heroes, 

Maxwell’s mom, Tracy, who 

works at UAD claims she’s 

known about Maxwell’s 

super powers for years. She 

said, “He’s my super hero, 

that’s for sure!” 

Tom: My uncle and I 

went on a safari to 

Africa last year. 

ANY 2 LARGE 

PIZZAS 

UAD Expires 5.31.15 

OPEN 7 Days 

6am - 8pm 

Tim: Oh, yeah? How 

did it go? 

Tom: We spotted a 

leopard. 

Tim: Don't be silly. 

They're born that way! 

Hang on, let me overthink this. 


...with 

Jimbo 



Marcel’s 

Barber Shop in 

New Auburn 

I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more. 

Ernie Olson 

I think that 

Uncle Andy’s guy 

could use a trim.. and 

maybe a color! 

Judy Hlister 

"I see you went crazy 

at that big summer 

sale." 

"You got that right. I almost 

bought their elevator 

'cause it was 

marked down." 


26 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Never put all your eggs in one basket. Unless they’re chocolate eggs, and it's my basket.

The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry's in the oven. I'm going to bed. 

Rolly’s Diner 

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! 

Breakfast & Lunch 

Specials Daily 

I like going to 

Rolly’s with Grampa... 

he let’s me have whip 

cream on my pancakes 

and fries! 

Rylee Childs with Grampa, Bill Childs 

• Unusual Omelettes 

• Crepes 

• Breakfast All Day 

• Extensive Menu 

87 Mill St. 

New Auburn 

753-0171 

(for take-out) 

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm 

Sunday 7 am – noon 

You never have to worry about love at first sight if you keep looking at your phone. 


Marcel’s 

Barber Shop in 

New Auburn 

Some things 

are glaring... don’t 

let your hair be one 

of them! 

Tina Croteau 

Owner 

CHAMPIONSHIPS ARE WON 

IN THE OFF-SEASON! 

Attention Coaches & Athletes: 

We can help with your off-season training 

and get your team ready to compete at a 

higher level... Guaranteed! 

Call 

Jin Lau 

TODAY! 

Call for a 

FREE quote 

Today!! 

Group Classes 

One-on-One Training 

Nutrition Services 

Team Training 

272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979 • Prime360Training.com 

I majored in set design because it was good at making a scene. 

BJ Grondin, CSCS 

At a job interview they 

asked, “Do you have a 

police record?” 

I said “No. But I do 

have a few of their albums 

on cassette.” 


...with 

Jimbo 



Mend A Body’s 

Grand Opening 

The hardest part of Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting 

you don't have a problem. 

Allie Hopkins 

Fitness instructor at 

Mend A Body 

The average 

weight loss in the first 

month is 17.5 lbs. 

See page 23 to 

learn more! 

Mark your calendar 

for Saturday, 

August 15th. 

Join us outdoors at 

Mac’s Grill! 

4-6pm Happy Hour/Networking 

6-10pm Live music 

by the Whiskey Militia! 

Lots of 

giveaways & 

TONS of fun! 

A HUGE THANK YOU 

Jane Campbell 


Mend A Body 

Q: What do you get if 

you cross an oyster 

with an owl? 

A: Pearls of wisdom. 


28 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results 

is called parenting.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. 

We’ve partnered with 



Grand Opening 

The turn out 

was great! Thank you 

to all who attended our 

Grand Opening!! 

Maine 

Our goal is to grant 

at least one wish to 

a local child! 

Help us meet that goal!! 

Food, Games, 

50/50 & 

Cash Bar! 

Debra Ann 

Sellinger 

Owner of Mend A Body 

TO OUR MAJOR SPONSORS! 

Ask us how you 

can become a 

sponsor of this 

great event! 

Kristy Leconte 


Mend A Body 

"If you could kick the 

person in the pants 

responsible for most of 

your trouble, you 

wouldn't sit for a 

month." 

– Theodore Roosevelt 

If really good-looking people are "eye candy" I guess that puts me somewhere 

around the "eye broccoli" category. 


...with 

Jimbo 


CALL THE PROS 

Rachel Larrivee Massage Therapy 

Also offering on-site 

services for the 

workplace & home 

FREE MOTOR CLEANING 

($89.95 VALUE) 

WITH COMPLETE 

IN/OUT RECON 

Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD) 

✃ 

183 Main Street, Lewiston 

754.7707 • LewistonMassage.com 

Complete Auto Care 

147 East Ave, Lewiston 

782-1125 

BerubesAutoCare.com 

No Separating 

Required! 

GOT TRASH? 

Call us for a 

FREE quote! 

1-844-638-7274 

Serving: Norway • West Paris • Minot 

Mechanic Falls • Oxford & 

NOW Lewiston/Auburn! 

70 Main St, South Paris • HarrisBrothersRubbish.com 

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS 

1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn 

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801 

AndroscogginOrtho.com 

Paul Mitchell Focus Salon 

241-0205 A-PLUS 

AUTO REPAIR 

Now Hiring Stylists 

& Nail Techs 

954 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 241-0205 

Our team 

of mechanics 

will take great 

care of you! 

Chance 

Apprentice Mechanic 

747 Minot Ave, Auburn 

(Behind Fastenal Services) 

AUTO REPAIR 

786-0522 


I hate when I get to the office and there isn't a smoking crater where the building was. 


FREE 

State Inspection 

with coupon 

UAD 

A-PLUS

CALL THE PROS 

Make those moments stand still 

Standing Still 

Photography 

Nathaniel Ray, 

Photographer/Owner 

207-212-4534 

mrray2011@aol.com 

Aceto & Sons 

Earthwork LLC 

• Driveways 

• Patios 

• Walkways 

• Porches 

• Steps 

• Poolscapes 

Excavation & Landscaping 

Dan Aceto 

740-6763 

daceto@live.com 

Fully Insured 

Certified in Erosion Control 

Your Best Choice For A New 

Boiler, Furnace or Oil Tank! 

Turn off your boiler this summer and save your 

oil for winter. Heat your hot water with a 

GEOSPRING for less than $20 per month! 

CALL TODAY! 

Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co. 

207-485-7357 

RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com 

Eat In or Take Out 

Good Food 

Great Value! 

15 Elm St. Mechanic Falls 

7am-2pm 

10% off 

when you mention 

this ad Expires 5.31.15 (UAD) 

The GIVAUDAN GROUP is 

NOW HIRING CUSTOMER SERVICE 

REPRESENTATIVES! 

Are you looking for a rewarding career 

and enjoy talking to customers via phone? 

Send your resume and cover letter to: 

johnfagmer@live.com 

Residential & 

Commercial 

• Asphalt Paving 

• Seal Coating 

• Hot Rubberized Crack Repair 

Fully Insured • Bonded • Family Owned & Operated 

345-3529 or 650-7273 • CooperPavingllc.com 

“My second favorite chore is ironing. My first is hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.” – Erma Bombeck

CALL THE PROS 

New Advertisers get 10% OFF 

Call Tim TODAY! 

Join us for some Affordable FUN! 

$ 

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100 

Tim Rucker 576-8049 

Audrey Martin 

Independent Hair Stylist 

240-2591 

Schedule your appointment before noon 

and receive 15% OFF any service! 

746 Main St, Ste 2, Lewiston • escadahairstudio.com 

4COMFORTABLE 4CARING 

4STRESS-FREE 

Affordable, Personalized Dental Hygiene. 

Dental Hygiene & Wellness 

241-0667 137 East Ave, Lewiston 

SassevilleHealthySmile.com 

Sunday at 6:00PM 

Wed., Thurs, & Friday 

at 6:30PM 

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 

475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 

Small Jobs, Trees/Stumps 

Ditching, Foundations 

Drain Pipes 

Driveway Grading 416-3611 

Blackie’s Farm 

Fresh Produce 

Open Year Round 

966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 786-0005 • 6am - 8pm 

or 

996 Sabattus St, Lewiston • 786-4356 • 6am - 6:30pm 

VOLKSHOP 

Parts, Sales, Service & Salvage 

784-2545 

26 Nickerson Ave. 

Auburn 

Larry Wedge 

(Owner) 

207-657-2747 

volkshop67@yahoo.com 

Kevin Washburn 

(Service Technician) 

119 Sabbath Day Rd 

New Gloucester 

Full Service Salon Now Seeking 

BOOTH RENTERS 

Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don’t do it.

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy. 

Options 


Morris realized he 

needed to purchase a 

hearing aid, but he felt 

unwilling to spend 

much money. 

"How much do they 

cost?" he asked the 

salesperson. 

"That depends," he 

said. "They run from 

$2.00 to $2,000." 

"Let's see the $2.00 

model," said Morris the 

miser. 

“I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.” – Roseanne Barr 

Out ’n About at Sparetime & Bowl for Kids Sake 

for Big Brother Big Sister 

The salesperson put 

the device around Morris' 

neck. "You just stick 

this button in your ear 

and run this little string 

down to your pocket," 

he instructed. 

"How does it work?" 

asked Morris. 

"For $2.00 it doesn't 

work," the salesperson 

replied. "But when people 

see it on you, they'll 

talk louder!" 

Time Flies 


A man pacing back and 

forth glanced at his 

watch and yelled upstairs 

to his wife, 

"Honey, are you ready 

yet?" 

At the time of this printing, these awesome people (and more not pictured) 

raised over $30,000. 

Coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, working together 

is success! 

Shouting back, the 

woman replies, "For 

crying out loud, Dewey, 

I've been telling you for 

the last half hour... I'll 

be ready in a minute!" 


...with 

Jimbo 




Waiter Dinner 

Law of Window Cleaning: It’s on the other side. 

Media Moguls 

Unite! 

Jeff Peterson, WGME-TV 

& Tracy Draper, UAD-Mag 

Giving is 

winning in my 

book! 

Joe Walker 

New Auburn Social Club 

Keri Myrick 

ACAC 


34 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.

RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE 

5 Locations for Your Convenience 

ROOPERS 

LISBON ST. 

Now Selling 

Liquor! 

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks! 

Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn 

New Walk-in 

Soda Cooler! 

Beer Specials 

Minot Ave, Auburn 

WHAT’S BREWING 

AND ALWAYS NEW 

YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS 

Since 1992 

Malibu 1.75L 

Coors Light, Miller Lite 18pk . . . . . . . .$13.99 

$21.99 Save $5 

Bud/Bud Light 16oz. 15pk. . . . . . . . . .$11.99 

Blue Point 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99 

Goose Island 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99 

Shipyard, Sam Adams, Grittys 12pk . .$13.99 

Founders 15pk All Day IPA . . . . . . . . .$14.99 

Red’s Apple Ale 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 

Wine Specials 

Josh 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10.99 

Meiomi 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$16.99 

Stemmari 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 for $12 

Belle Ambiance 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7.99 

Soda 

Hard Rock Energy Drinks . . . . . . . . .2/$1.99 

Enter Our Raffle for a 

Bacardi Fridge or a 

Smuttynose record player!! 

TRUCK LOAD SALE! 

Jim Beam PET 

1.75L $24.99 

Save $7 

Barcardi 750ml 

$9.99 

Save $5 

Absolut 1.75 

$29.99 

Save $5 

Main Street, Lewiston 

1800 Tequila 

750ml $21.99 

Save $6 

Boston Coffee Brandy 

1.75L $12.99 

Save $6 

694 Main St. 

Lewiston • 782-1482 

794 Sabattus St. 


1420 Lisbon St. 


545 Minot Ave. 

Auburn • 783-2047 

303-311 Main St. 

Auburn • 783-9098


Elks New England 

Regional Hoop 

Shoot Competition 

Ellie Legare, age 8, won the 

Regional competition held in 

March. This earned her a 

spot on Team New England 

to shoot in the National competition 

held on April 18th in 

Springfield, MA at the Basketball 

Hall of Fame. 

I could really 

get used to all this 

fame and fortune! 

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"? 

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE 

Scooter 

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 

I can fit you 

in today AND 

get you $10 OFF 

ANY Service 

with Coupon! 

We can do it: 

• Wheel alignment 

& balancing 

• Complete brake 

work 

• Engine tune-up 

• Lube-oil-filter 

• State Inspections 

60 Minot Ave., Auburn • 782-6666 or 783-2026 

OUR TIRES 

How do you get off a non-stop flight? 

Ellie Legare 


36 

Q: Did you hear about 

the dentist who married 

a manicurist? 

A: After a month, they were 

fighting tooth and nail! 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

The Legare’s 

(front): Ellie, champion free throw shooter. 

(back): Jaden, Jared, Sarah & Anna 

I'm getting my demons some exorcise equipment.

Don’t forget 

to get your 

grilling meats 

at Mac’s! 

Come Watch 

Your Favorite 

Baseball Team 

We have 11 T.V.’s in our 1,300 sq. ft bar area! 

Not a bad seat in the house! 

Every Monday 

20% off Burgers 

& 30% off all 

drafts! 

Let Mac’s 

Cater Your 

Next Event! 

Put me 

in Coach! 

Mark Your Calendar... 

Join us August 15th for a HUGE 

outdoor bash! 

We’re helping UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST 

celebrate their 20th Anniversary!! 

Live music by the Whiskey Militia 

Wishing 

all the Moms a 

very Happy Mother’s 

Day! 

Mac’s Grill • 1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • macsgrill.com

Late 


Steve Cleary was in his 

early 50's, retired and 

had started a second 

career. However, he 

just couldn't seem to 

get to work on time. 

Every day he was 5, 

10, 15 minutes late. 

However, he was a 

good worker, really 

clever, so the owner 

was in a quandary 

about how to deal with 

it. Finally, one day he 

called Steve into the 

office for a talk. 

“Steven, I have to tell 

you, I like your work 

ethic, you do a top 

class job, but you're 

being late so often is 

quite a worry.” 

“Yes, I realize that, sir, 

and I am working on it,” 

replied Steve. 

Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes. 

Are You Tough Enough? 

2nd Annual Obstacle Course 

and MUD Run 

May 30th • 9:00am – 2:00pm 

at Geiger Elementary School 

601 College Street, Lewiston 

Rain or Shine! 

COME ONE, COME ALL 

$ 

8pp when you register by May 23rd or $ 10pp the day of the event. 

The first 500 children to finish will receive a Tough Gator T-shirt! 

More info at toughgatorchallenge.com 

“I'm pleased to hear 

that you are a team 

player. It's odd though, 

you're coming in late. I 

know you're retired 

from the Navy. What 

did they say if you 

came in late there?” 

They said, “Good 

morning, Admiral.” 

Jimbo: "This morning 

my dad gave me soap 

flakes instead of corn 

flakes for breakfast." 

Tom: "I bet you were 

mad." 

Jimbo: "Mad? I was 

foaming at the mouth!" 

Julia Groover demonstrates extreme 

muddiness to teacher, Brianna Lunn. 

Tough Gators Maisy Bolduc, Cecilia Miller 

& Emily Fournier pose after completing 

the challenge in 2014. 

Photos by Cindy Lemieux 


38 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy. 

Outdoor Patio 

NOW Open! 

Here’s 

my first ever 

selfie. 

• Sandwiches, Wraps, 

Salads & Smoothies 

• Party Platters & Boxed Lunches 

• Breakfast Served All Day 

HOURS: 

Mon-Sat 7am-9pm 

Sun 10am-8pm 

Locally Owned & Operated 

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com 

Anger: the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind. 

Brycin Vachon 

& Ken Carlin 

Both of these guys are relatives 

of Nicole Vachon at For 

The Love of Hair. Son and 

Grandfather. 

Happy 

Mother’s 

Day! 

GLOBAL 

WARMING 

Out ’n About at Sparetime & Bowl for 

Kids Sake for Big Brother Big Sister 

Team Bi-Polar Rollers: Vickie Rucker, 

Kim Hinson, Danielle Marston, 

Chelsea Beatty & Angela Wentworth 

I am probably single... because i didnt forward those chain messages in 2008. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Out ’n About at the 15th Annual 

Celebrity Waiter Dinner 

What was I 

thinking??? 

If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later. 

Sudoku Puzzle for May 2015 

(Level: Intermediate) Hints on page 42. Answers on page 49. 

That was a 42 year old 

mustache! Oh well, 

we raised $800!* 

Steve Huber 

of Huber Associates 

*$800 was raised to see Steve lose his 

mustache. That money will go to the 

Sexual Assault Prevention and Response 

Service. 

MOM 

turned upside down is 

WOW 

You’re all truly amazing! 

Happy Mother’s Day!! 


40 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to avoid the beeps 

at the end.

I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first. 

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! 

• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily 

• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar 

• Daily Specials 

• Open Mic on Wednesday Nights 

• Live Music on Friday Nights 



Grand Opening 

64 Lewiston Road, Gray 

657-4714 • ColeFarms.com 

Debra Ann Sellinger 

Owner of Mend A Body 

& Michelle Gosselin 

Out ’n About at Mend A Body’s Grand Opening 

Kristy Leconte, Ashley Eng, Allie Hopkins, 

Amanda Davenport-Lothrop, Debra Ann & Jane Campbell 

Celebrating 11 Years in Business! 

Sweet Pea Designs 

Don’t forget Mother’s Day! 

FREE Delivery in L/A 

Flower Shoppe 

Check out our website and Facebook page 

for Celebratory surprises! 

777-1520 

SweetPeaFloralDesignsme.com 

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. 

"Nobody beats Vitas 

Gerulaitis 17 times in a 

row." 

– Vitas Gerulaitis 

(having finally triumphed 

after losing 16 times in a 

row to Jimmy Connors) 

Q: What do you call a 

person who just downloaded 

1,000 puns 

from the Internet? 

A: Well e-quipped 


...with 

Jimbo 


Out ’n About at Mend A Body’s Grand Opening 

Visit 

www.mendabody.net 

to learn more about what we 

do. Our team of fitness 

instructors are ready, 

willing and able to help you 

reach your overall 

wellness goals! 

Ashley Eng, Debra Ann, Dylan & Michael Sellinger 

Use our advertisers first. 

We’ll both appreciate it! 

Sudoku Hints 

Puzzle on page 40. 

Repelling 


Jane Campbell, Allie Hopkins 

& Kristy Leconte 

MOMS ROCK! 

Take Your Mom 

to one of our 

advertising 

restaurants for 

Mother’s Day! 

A priest was invited to 

attend a house party. 

Naturally, he was properly 

dressed and wearing 

his priests collar. 

Did you hear about the support group for compulsive talkers? It's called On & On Anon. 

A little boy kept staring 

at him the entire 

evening. Finally, the 

priest asked the little 

boy why he was staring. 

The little boy 

pointed to the priest's 

neck. 

When the priest finally 

realized what the boy 

was pointing at, he 

asked him, "Do you 

know why I am wearing 

that?" 

The boy nodded his 

head yes, and replied, 

"It kills fleas and ticks 

for up to 3 months." 

SUNDAY 

Baked Ziti 

$ 

6.00 

THURSDAY 

Mini Pizza 

1 topping $ 

2.99 

2 toppings $ 

3.99 

Since 1953 

Sun – Thurs: 9am-10pm; Fri & Sat: 9am-11pm 

MONDAY 

The Fergy 

sm $ 

2.50 

lg $ 

5.00 

LuiggisPizzeria.com 

TUESDAY 

Meatball Subs 

WEDNESDAY 

Spaghetti Dinners 

1 meatball, salad, 

sm $ 

3.35 w/ch $ 3.99 

garlic bread, drink 

lg $ 

6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $ 

5.25 

FRIDAY 

$1.00 OFF 

Any Large Pizza 

SATURDAY 

2 Ham or Salami 

Italians 

$ 

7.99 

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50 


42 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode. 



Waiter Dinner 

Laurie Cyr-Martel 

TCMHS 

Don’t let Paul 

distract you from 

looking at my ad on 

page 30... 

Rachel Larrivee, LMT 

& Paul Jalbert 

All About You Salon 

Rita Myrick 

Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Promises 


Walking along the 

beach, Dave tripped 

over a half-buried 

kerosene lantern. He 

rubbed its side and 

sure enough, a genie 

materialized. 

"I can't grant your 

wishes," explained the 

freed spirit, "but I'll give 

you three gifts for releasing 

me: a potion to 

cure ill health, a very 

large diamond, and a 

dinner date with a famous 

movie star. By 

tomorrow afternoon, 

you will have received 

all these gifts." 

When Dave returned 

home from work the 

next evening, he excitedly 

asked his mother 

if anything had been 

delivered. 

"Yes," she replied. "It's 

been an unusual day. 

At 2 p.m., a 55-gallon 

drum of chicken soup 

arrived. About a halfhour 

later, a telegram 

came saying that a 

long-lost relative had 

left you a minor-league 

baseball stadium. Ten 

minutes ago, MGM 

called, inviting you to 

dinner with Lassie 

tonight." 

I'm pretty sure my dogs only sit in the window and watch me leave so they know 

when it is safe to sit on the couch. 

Assisted Home Care II 

“Our Family 

Assisting Your Family” 

Assisting Families since 1997. 

• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency 

• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief 

• 24 hour Personal Care and Response 

• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers 

• Assist with Independent Living at Home 

Now expanding 

our services to the 

Midcoast Region! 

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org 

Considering a NEW Used Vehicle? 

Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current 

vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense. 

Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise! 

Call for a FREE Quote! 

Make Your 

old car look & 

run like 

NEW! 

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500 

A Mexican magician 

tells the audience he 

will disappear on the 

count of three... 

He says "uno, dos..." 

and *poof* he disappears 

without a tres! 

Submitted by Shannon Wilson 


44 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

Stop looking for trouble. I'm right here.

My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I'm lucky I eat at all. 

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place 

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm 

(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays) 

DAD’S PLACE 

REDEMPTION 

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 

Spring has Sprung! 

Get Your returnables 

to Dad’s Redemption 

Today! 



Waiter Dinner 

My celebrity 

status just went 

through the roof! 

Bottle Drives 

Welcome! 

Totally Engaged! 

✃ 

Dad’s Redemption 

6¢ 

on all 5¢ returns 

with this coupon. 

(must present coupon at 

Redemption Center prior to counting) 

UAD expires 5.31.15 

Rosie Gravel 

Sabrina Yocono 

Sexual Assault Prevention & 

Response Services 

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 

Victoria Rogers & 

Kevin McBean Jr 

Who else would have us? 

You have to agree. 

Although we may be a bit odd, 

We suit each other to a T. 

So we've decided it's time, 

To finally step up. 

We just got engaged, 

So wish us good luck! 

Angela Spinney & Nicole Morris 

Owners/Stylists 

50 Mechanic Falls Road, Poland 

(next to McMorrow Auction Company) 

207-241-2424 

Tues - Fri 9am - 6pm; Sat 9am - 2pm 

Walk-Ins Welcome! 

$ 

12 Men’s Cuts 

6th cut HALF OFF! 

Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs? 


...with 

Jimbo 



46 

Waite’s Country 

Café Opens in 

Mechanic Falls 

Shawn & Mitzie Waite 

opened Waite’s Country 

Café, located at 15 Elm 

Street in Mechanic Falls on 

March 4 of this year. They’re 

open 7am - 2pm and serve 

breakfast all day and lunch 

starting at 11am. Plus baked 

goods made fresh daily. 

Shawn wanted a pizza 

joint. Mitzie wanted a small, 

cozy restaurant that was 

warming and family oriented. 

Shawn compromised and 

jokingly told the Digest that 

he wasn’t giving up his idea 

of at least getting pizza on 

the menu. 

Mitzie has been cooking 

since she was 12 years old. 

She learned Italian cooking 

from one grandmother and 

Southern cooking from another. 

They both stressed 

the importance of cooking 

everything from scratch, 

using only the freshest ingredients. 

Mitzie’s dad, George, 

taught her all about southern 

biscuits, sausage gravy and 

corned beef hash. 

It’s a family affair at the 

café, their daughter, Karissa, 

does a lot of the waitressing 

and at 14 does a great job. 

Shawn preps and lends a 

hand wherever needed. He 

also handles the bookkeeping 

and the marketing for the 

restaurant. Mitzie is the 

cook, which she is passionate 

about, using the skills 

taught to her by her family. 

Giving back is very important 

to the Waite’s. They 

are very active in their 

church and their Christian 

faith keeps them on point. 

They give 10% of their profit 

to a local shelter. Mitzie is 

excited to see the café grow 

so they can give more. 

This down home countrythemed 

café is a must visit 

for breakfast or lunch. You’ll 

also enjoy the local crafts for 

sale on their shelves. Stop in 

and check them out for yourselves. 

Be sure to follow 

them on Facebook to catch 

all their daily specials. 



...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler. 

Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem... 

NO PROBLEM! 

• Appointments required 

• Fully warranteed & certified 

• $60/hr labor rate 

Brad’s Precision Auto 

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn 

We 

love power 

tools! 

333-0364 

Brad’s mechanics: (front) Dan & Mallory 

(back) Marek, Eli & John 

The Breakfast Club at Georgio’s in Auburn 

This is like our 

second home... 

Hopefully Peg 

won’t start charging 

us rent! 

It’s my job 

to keep the floor clean 

and I have no problem with 

that. The benefits are 

outstanding. 

(l to r): Anita Malia, Roger Dufault, Joe Cyr, Bill Adams, Lorraine O’Neil, 

Paula Baril, Roland Bergeron, Derek Laliberte & Bella 

I'm having some vision trouble today. I can't see myself doing anything.

If it weren't for Spring Forward and Fall Back, I'd never get any exercise at all. 

Give Mom the Day Off! 

Buy her a house cleaning gift certificate! 

10% Off a $50 Gift Certificate 

15% Off with $100 or more Certificate 

• Excellent References, Dependable & Trustworthy 

• Complete Home & Office Cleaning 

• Move-ins & Move-outs, Construction Clean-up 

• Daily, Weekly & Monthly Programs 

Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction Guaranteed 

FREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates 

Call Chrissy TODAY! 

My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh. 

Brain Teaser Answers 


1. _e_er = fever 

2. __eue = queue 

3. __o = zoo 

4. ma_ = mat 

5. _p_a_e_ = speaker 

6. _erso_ = person 

Sponsor 

7. ___k_am_on = backgammon 

8. _ouse = house 

9. _a_ = wax 

10. _ur_ = jury 

11. ___igent = diligent 

I don't have a Fitbit. But I have a couple of fat bits. 

Dressed Up 


The man was immaculately 

dressed. Fitted 

out more for the Ritz 

than the street. But in 

the street he lay 

dressed in black tail 

suit, patent leather 

shoes, top hat and bow 

tie, and very dead. 

“How did he get here?” 

asked Patrolman Muldoon. 

“He threw himself off 

the roof,” said a bystander. 

“Does anyone know 

the man?” said Muldoon. 

“I do,” said Barrie 

Quinn. 

“What religion is he?” 

asked the policeman. 

“Catholic, Protestant, 

Jewish, Muslim?” 

“None at all,” said 

Quinn. “He's an atheist!” 

“What a shame,” said 

Muldoon. “All dressed 

up and nowhere to go!” 

Come see us 

at our NEW 

Location! 

We’re now at 

61 Mill Street in 

New Auburn 

(in the old Pontbriand 

Hardware building) 

61 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706 

Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com 

Walk-ins 

Welcome 

740-6316 

$ 

10 CUTS 

184 Turner St. Auburn 

(Next to Coastal T-shirts) 

hwilliamsbarber.com 

Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4 

Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12 

I don't need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Backfired 


I‘d call my fashion style "clothes that still fit." 

I've long maintained 

that the distinction between 

"professionals" 

and "amateurs" is often 

very slight, often 

amounting to little more 

than that the former 

are paid and the latter 

are not. This is in no 

small measure because 

professional arrogance 

has been 

known to become 

intolerable if left 

unchecked. 

So it happened that a 

patient was making his 

first visit to the doctor. 

"And whom," began 

the physician with utmost 

dignity, "did you 

consult about your illness 

before you came 

to me?" 

"Only the pharmacist 

down at the corner," 

replied the patient. 

The doctor could not 

conceal his contempt 

for the medical advice 

of the great uneducated 

who are not 

qualified to practice 

medicine. 

Sorry I didn't show up for our date but I wanted you to have a good time. 

Out ’n About at Waite’s Country Café in Mechanic Falls 

Check out our 

ad on page 30 

would ya? 

"And what sort of 

ridiculous advice did 

that fool give you?" 

"He told me," replied 

the patient innocently, 

"to come and see 

you..." 


48 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

A quick stop to get 

some nourishment... 

and lots of coffee! 

Katina & Josh Tice and Troy Roma 

Harris Bros. Rubbish Removal 

At my age rolling out of bed is easy in the morning. Getting up off the floor 

is another story.

I'm gonna have to get new pets, I'm running out of passwords. 

600 Center St. • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 784-6766 • www.DaysJewelers.com 

Since 1914 

Watch Battery Special! 

All batteries 

Only 

$ 

1 .00 Expires 5.31.15 

Spring is here! 

Limit one 

watch battery 

per customer 

How Dare 

They 

Somebody called me 

'pretentious' the other 

day. 

I nearly choked on my 

grande, extra hot 

caramel macciado with 

half 2% milk and half 

whole milk, one 

splenda, no whipped 

cream, but drizzled 

with caramel on top, 

double-cupped instead 

of one of those 

sleevey-things. 

Out ’n About at Marcel’s Barber Shop in New Auburn 

Oh, the things 

we’ve seen over 

the years... 

I think 

I have something 

stuck in my ear. 

Judy Hlister, Tina Croteau 

& Heather Swift 

The painting above right hangs on the wall inside Marcel’s Barber 

Shop. 

What do gardeners do when they retire? 

I don’t have abs. I have flabs. 

Sudoku Answers 


At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine. 


...with 

Jimbo 


Delivery 

Day 

Jimbo, 

if you don’t mind, 

I’m gonna take a 

couple of these 

for closer 

inspection. 

If age is just an attitude, I could use an attitude adjustment. 

We’ve 

Moved! 

250 Center Street, Auburn 

Suite 206 

(above Cosmo Prof) 

Come See Us at Our New Home! 

Get in shape for Summer with our 

MAY SPECIAL 

Rich Durney 

of Alliance Press delivers 

the Digests every month. 

Two huge pallets full of 

monthly humor. 

FAIL 

I failed my driver's test 

today. 

The instructor asked 

me "What do you do at 

a red light?" 

I said "I usually check 

my emails and see 

what people are up to 

on Facebook." 


50 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

250 Center St. Auburn, Suite 206 

333-3069 

yourbestskinofmaine.com 

My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.

Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off? 

Marcotte joins 

Sarah Jeanne’s 

Nancy 

Marcotte 

Sarah Jeanne’s is 

pleased to announce the 

addition of Nancy Marcotte 

to their team. Located 

at 77 Sabattus 

Street in Lewiston, they 

are a full service salon offering 

family hair care, 

day spa services, tanning 

and suit & tuxedo sales 

and rental. 

Nancy brings 17 

years experience to the 

salon. She has continued 

her education through the 

years, stayed up on all 

the latest trends in the 

Beauty Industry, including 

Framesi, Matrix and Paul 

Mitchell hair color. 

She loves the art of 

hair design and takes 

great pride in her work. 

She specializes in color 

and foiling & men’s cuts. 

She typically cuts hair for 

members of the whole 

family. 

Nancy would like to 

welcome her clients to 

book an appointment at 

her new location. Call her 

at Sarah Jeanne’s at 795- 

6778. Visit their website: 

sarahjeannes.com and 

be sure to like them on 

Facebook to see all the 

specials they offer. 

See their ad on page 

24. 

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone." – Anthony Burgess 


...with 

Jimbo 


Apples 


The children were lined 

up in the cafeteria of a 

Church elementary 

school for lunch. 

At the head of the table 

was a large pile of apples. 

The nun made a 

note, and put it on the 

apple tray... 

'Take only ONE. God is 

watching.' 

I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just bring broke. 

“Studies Show... 

Morale Drastically Improves 

With Office Furniture!” 

– JackMcCracken 

Motivational Office Furniture Guru 

Moving further along 

the lunch line, at the 

other end of the table 

was a large pile of 

chocolate chip cookies. 

A child had written a 

note, 'Take all you 

want. God is watching 

the apples.' 

Armed & 

Dangerous 


One night a lady came 

home from her weekly 

prayer meeting, found 

she was being robbed, 

and she shouted out, 

"Acts 2:38: 'Repent & 

be baptized & your sins 

will be forgiven.'" The 

robber quickly gave up 

& the lady rang the police. 

Is your office 

in need of an 

upgrade? 

Stop in and talk 

to the PREMIER 

Office Solutions 

Specialists in the 

state! 

Whether you just 

need a new office 

chair or a 

complete office 

redesign, 

See us 

first! 

While handcuffing the 

criminal, a policeman 

said, "Geez, man you 

gave up pretty easily. 

How come you gave 

up so quickly?" 

The robber said, "She 

said she had an axe 

and two 38's!" 


52 


...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

550 Lisbon Street in the Pepperell Mill, Lewiston 

(former Sherm Arnolds Flooring & Kitchen) • www.cubiclesinmaine.com 

783-4820 or 1-866-464-CUBE 

I don’t like morning people... or mornings... or people.


54 

Mistaken 

Identity 


The light turned yellow, 

just in front of him. He 

did the right thing, 

stopping at the crosswalk, 

even though he 

could have beaten the 

red light by accelerating 

through the intersection. 

The tailgating woman 

was furious and 

honked her horn, 

screaming in frustration, 

as she missed her 

chance to get through 

the intersection, dropping 

her cell phone and 

makeup. 

As she was still in midrant, 

she heard a tap 

on her window and 

looked up into the face 

of a very serious police 

officer. The officer ordered 

her to exit her 

car with her hands up. 

He took her to the police 

station where she 

was searched, fingerprinted, 

photographed, 

and placed in a holding 

cell. 

After a couple of hours, 

a policeman approached 

the cell and 

opened the door. She 

was escorted back to 

the booking desk 

where the arresting officer 

was waiting with 

her personal effects. 

He said, "I'm very sorry 

for this mistake. You 

see, I pulled up behind 

your car while you 



...with 

Jimbo 

783-7039 

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. 

Maine Chapter of the International Association 

of Arson Investigators 

7th Annual Pierre “Pete” J. Simard 

Benefit Golf Tournament 

Sponsored by: 

Thursday June 18, 2015 

8:30 tee time / shotgun start 

Poland Spring Country Club • Rte. 26 Poland Spring, ME 

Sponsors 

We are looking for hole sponsors and donations. 

We ask for your consideration in supporting this great cause. 

Benefits 

Maine Chapter of the International Association of Arson Investigators 

Annual Joseph C. Menezes Scholarship Program 

Assisting individuals continuing education in Fire Service 

Paramedic/EMT Service • Law Enforcement 

• Fee: $65.00/pp / $260.00 per team of 4 

• Includes: Round of 18 holes with cart 

• Morning registration includes coffee & snack 

• Beverage cart will be provided on course 

• 50/50 Raffle, Mulligans, Contests 

• Awards & Prizes will be presented during a 

post match buffett banquet. 

The number 13? Not on my watch!! 

FMI Contact 

Steve Simard at 207-754-1815 or 

ssimard77659@roadrunner.com 

Gary Simard at 

g157simard@roadrunner.com or 

Tim Allen at 

tallen@roadrunner.com

✃ 

Early mornings are great for spending time with the family: then they spoil it 

by waking up. 

Just Darn Good Deals 

Get 10% OFF 

Darn Good Deal ad. 

207-783-7039 

$ 

5 OFF 2 LARGE 

PIZZAS! 

2 Large 1-topping pizzas $15.99 (Reg. $20.99) 

Limit one per customer per visit. 

Expires 531.15 (UAD) 

✃ 

Sabattus 

Main Street Market 

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502 


were blowing your 

horn, flipping off the 

guy in front of you and 

cussing a blue streak 

at him. I noticed the 

'What Would Jesus Do' 

bumper sticker, the 

'Choose Life' license 

plate holder, the 'Follow 

Me to Sunday- 

School' bumper sticker, 

and the chrome-plated 

Christian fish emblem 

on the trunk, so naturally....I 

assumed you 

had stolen the car." 

ONLY $ 1.00 

✃ 

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 5.31.15 (UAD) 

600 Center St, Auburn •784-6766 

daysjewelers.com 

FREE DESSERT 

✃ 

Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 4.30.15 (UAD) 

40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888 

Sea40me.com 

$ 

1. OFF 

$10 or more 

Breakfast or Lunch. Limit one per customer per visit. 


✃ 

(UAD) 

Egg-ceptional Restaurant 

5 Pigeon Hill Rd, McFalls • 998-5577 

✃ 

Buy one dozen Whoopie Pies 

and get the 2nd dozen for $1. 

Every Mon. Tues. & Wed. only. Expires 5.31.15 (UAD) 

161 Lincoln St. 

Lewiston 

784-7042 

LabadiesBakery.com 

on all 

5¢ returns 

✃6 ¢ (must present coupon at 

Redemption Center prior to counting) 

Expires 5.31.15 (UAD) 

DAD’S PLACEREDEMPTION 

23 Pleasant St. McFalls • 345-5551 

ONLY $ 

5.00 

Expires 5.31.15 (UAD) 

Dad’s Place 

23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls 

345-5551 • DadsPlace.info 

✃ 

On-the-job 

Training 


A young man who 

wants to see the world 

signs on to a 

steamship to be trained 

as a helmsman. He 

masters the classroom 

instruction and then 

starts his practical 

training on the wheel of 

the vessel. In his first 

lesson, the mate gives 

him a heading, and the 

young fellow holds to it. 

Then the mate orders, 

"Come starboard." 

Pleased at knowing immediately 

which way 

starboard is, the young 

man leaves the helm 

and walks over to his 

instructor. 

The mate has an incredulous 

look on his 

face as the helm 

swings freely. Then, 

rather gently considering 

the circumstance, 

he asks politely, "Could 

you bring the ship with 

you?" 

Retired astronauts are paid exorbitantly. 


...with 

Jimbo 


If you are bored, put on a cape, then you can be Super Bored!" 

A hand car wash 

or a complete recon, 

we do it all. 

CALL OR STOP IN 

TODAY!! 

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm 

Fri. by appointment 

After a LONG Winter 

your vehicle deserves 

to be treated 

like it’s at the 

spa! 

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. 

Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit 

with results that you will be proud to show off. 

Visit us at our state of the art office at: 

730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza 

783-1351 

Same Day Emergency Care 

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider 

LIQUID 

SUNSHINE 

Car Wash & Detail 

865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004 

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com 

UncleAndysDigest.com

May 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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