on-writing-well

216 ON WRITING WELL
Ade was a reporter. "He was just sitting unsuspectingly in front
of a sheet of paper," Jean Shepherd writes in a fine introduction
to his anthology, The America of George Ade, "when the innocent
idea came to him to write something in fable form, using
the language and the clichés of the moment. In other words,
slang. To let people know that he knew better than to use slang
in writing, he decided to capitalize all suspicious words and
phrases. He was mortally afraid people would think he was
illiterate."
He needn't have worried; by 1900 the Fables were so popular
that he was earning $1,000 a week. Here's "The Fable of the
Subordinate Who Saw a Great Light":
Once there was an Employé who was getting the Nub
End of the Deal. He kicked on the long Hours and the small
Salary, and helped to organize a Clerks' Protective Association.
He was for the Toiler as against the Main Squeeze.
To keep him simmered down, the Owners gave him an
Interest. After that he began to perspire when he looked at
the Pay-Roil, and it did seem to him that a lot of big, lazy
Lummixes were standing around the shop doing the Soldier
Act. He learned to snap his Fingers every time the Office Boy
giggled. As for the faithful old Book-Keeper who wanted an
increase to $9 and a week's Vacation in the Summer, the best
he got was a little Talk about Contentment being a Jewel.
The saddest moment of the Day for him was when the
whole Bunch knocked off at 6 o'clock in the Evening. It
seemed a Shame to call 10 Hours a Full Day. As for the Saturday
Half-Holiday Movement, that was little better than
Highway Robbery. Those who formerly slaved alongside of
him in the Galleys had to address him as Mister, and he had
them numbered the same as Convicts.
One day an Underling ventured to remind the Slave-Driver
that once he had been the Friend of the Salaried Minion.