Rude Awakenings - Forest Sangha Publications

^0 S E C O N D M O O N 06stupa, trying to keep awake, and then finishing with Ajahn Sucitto—butwith that familiar feeling of having failed again.A J A H N S U C I T T OThat night there was no moon at all. We began the meditation vigil atthe Parinirvana Stupa some time after sunset, when everything wasquiet. The stars lit up the stupa. Its hard surface was like all the ideas wehave about transcending existence.We lit incense, chanted and sat together for a while. The fatigue fromthe walk unrolled heavy waves of lethargy: before midnight my mindwas shutting down in dullness, and I alternated walking with sittingmeditation to stay awake. It was a long night and chilly: Nick produceda welcome flask of hot tea at twelve; the tea and the gratitude felt good.Later walking dully around the towering shrine in the thin starlight,scraps of Rilke’s poem about the Buddha flickered in the blankness:...Illuminated in your infinite peace,a billion stars go spinning through the night,blazing high above your head.But in you is the presence thatwill be, when all the stars are dead.By three-thirty, I couldn’t even pronounce “transcending existence.”We climbed awkwardly over the railings to get back into the vihara. I feltgrateful for the flowers though, giving their sweetness to the night whenno one was around to appreciate them. Something very pure in that.With the more mellow frame of mind that a vigil leaves one in, I couldappreciate the vihara for what it was. It was much easier to meditatethere than on the road. There were pictorial signs posted up remindingpeople to be quiet, particularly in the vihara’s main shrine room. Andthe place was quiet, with long covered walkways around the courtyardwhich were excellent for walking meditation. I spent most of the next9 2