Rude Awakenings - Forest Sangha Publications

^0 B O R D E R 06of homage to the Buddha and his teachings, which had helped me somuch. I did not do anything about it initially, because I realized thatwhile a walking pilgrimage around the Indian holy sites might be a“great idea,” the reality of trying to actually do it was likely to be farfrom pleasant. What finally compelled me to do something was theincreasing mess I was making of my life at the time.I was responsible for a large and very ambitious site at the GatesheadGarden Festival, which was to run for six months over the summer weleft. Another “great idea,” this was based on the habitat-creation work ofmy proper job: making a series of wetland nature reserves for birds ontheNorthumberlandcoast.Ihadfoundthesponsorship,andmyemployers,a small charity, were keen. But it had to be created within eighteenmonths, and I had to keep doing my old job at the same time. The siteeventually proved a great success: we won many awards, including “bestgarden,” and I got to be on all manner of television programs. However,there was an inverse relationship between my success and my personalhappiness. The more praise I got, the more I became aware of the messin my personal life. Trying to complete the site within a ludicrously tighttime frame while doing my old job had meant little time for my assistant,who became totally fed up with me; no time for friends and family,from whom I now felt cut off; and no wisdom in my love life: I wasinvolved with two women who did not want to share me when I did noteven have time for one. I reached a state of despair. So the idea of goingaway somewhere totally different started to appeal. The fact that itwould be difficult did not matter any more: I deserved a bit of hardship.From the first I had planned to invite a bhikkhu to come with me—but which one? I had thought of inviting Ajahn Amaro, or Ajahn Sucittowhom I had walked with before. But choosing my favourite bhikkhudid not feel right: instead I should go to the abbot and let him decide.The trouble was he might choose anyone! My mind sank at the thoughtof various possibilities. I would be with this monk day in, day out forsix months! When I did get up the courage to speak to him, Ajahn3 7