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Rude Awakenings - Forest Sangha Publications

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^0 T H I R D M O O N 06Bhante was jovial and animated. Antiquated pictures of holy places inBurma decorated the dining room; but now that had all given way tothe power-lust of the current military regime. Like Cambodia, andTibet. What refuge had Buddhism provided for any of them?The vigil wasn’t so bad. We were in two rooms up on the roof. I satoutside the room with the stars and the gloom. You can’t control it, youcan’t not care about it, you can’t grasp it, you can’t forget it. “Let go ofit,” recommended Ajahn Sumedho. It doesn’t always work like that—Idon’t see where I’m holding on. Some moments it did all drop, and whatwas terribly “me” was seen as a pattern of mind created by the wish tobe clear, or certain, or accepted. That wish always hindered the naturalpeace of the mind. When a letting go occurred, everything was light,the self-importance of despair was humorous, and you wondered howyou could have forgotten that. “I’ll remember and do better next time,”chirps the mind, assuming ownership and authority, and thereby pavesthe way for the next black hole when it can’t bring about the sameprocess. The whole trap was set around “I am”: the need to get life undercontrol by figuring it out or attaining something.“This is deathlessness: the freedom of the heart through nonclinging,” saidthe Buddha. What was I stuck on this time? I needed to find a calm placewhere I could check things out.So, the day after, we decided to go up into the hills, where thingswould be more conducive. There was a Nipponzan Myohoji stupa—the“Santi (Peace) Stupa” up there. It would probably have a few adjoiningrooms where we could stay and thereby avoid being ordered off the hillsby the police.The climb was reasonable enough, beginning in the late afternoon.Nick couldn’t bear to go round the long way via the road and the causeway,constructed, apparently by Bimbisara, as a convenient route toascend to Vulture’s Peak to see the Buddha. Instead we had to take ashortcut, which involved following a narrow stepped path through thescrubby forest up the side of the hill. We even got to glimpse some giant2 3 0

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