Hofstadter, Dennett - The Mind's I

Beyond Rejection 251As my hand moved down I was prepared for the swerve of hip. I couldn't feel apenis and I did not expect to find one. I did not call it "gash." Though that term is foundoccasionally in space-marine slang and often among the small number of malehomosexuals of the extreme S&M type (Secretary & Master). I first learned the term afew days later from Dr. Means. She said that traditional male-male pornography revealedtypical male illusions about female bodies: a "rich source of information about bodyimagepathologies." She was certainly right in pointing out that "gash" was how I feltabout it. At first.I was not only scrawny, I was almost hairless. I felt really naked, naked anddefenseless as a baby. Though my skin was several shades less fair -and I passed a scar. Iwas almost relieved to feel the curly groin hair. Gone. Sticklike legs. But I did feelsomething between my thighs. And knees. And ankles, by Sol.At first I thought it was some sort of tube to take my body wastes. But as I feltdown between my legs I could tell that it wasn't covering those areas. It was attached atthe end of my spine-or rather it had become the end of my spine, stretching down to myfeet. It was my flesh. I didn't quite intend it-at that point I can't say that I intendedanything, I was so shook-but the damned thing flipped up from the bottom of the bed likea snake, throwing the sheet over my face.I screamed my head off."Cut it off" was what I said after they had given me enough betaorthoamine tostop me flailing about. I said this several times to Dr. Germaine Means, who had directedthe rest of them out of the room."Look, Sally-I'll call you that until you select a name yourself-we are not going tocut your tail off. By our calculations such a move would make terminal rejection almostcertain. You would die. Several thousand nerves connect your brain with your prehensiletail. A sizable portion of your brain monitors and directs your tail-that part of your brainneeds exercise and integration like any other component. We taped the pattern of yourmind into your present brain. They have to learn to live together or you get rejection. Inbrief, you will die."Dr. Means continued to read me the riot act. I would have to learn to love my newbody-she practically gushed with praise for it-my new sex, my new tail. I would have todo a lot of exercise and tests. And I would have to talk to a lot of people about how I felt.And I should feel pleased as pisque to have an extra hand.My new body broke into a cold sweat when I realized that I had truly-no choice. Iwasn't poor, assuming what I had heard yesterday was true. But I certainly couldn't affordan implant, let alone a desirable