Lord, please help me to change - Judith Couchman

Getting past the fear of trying and failingFor years, I'v e bee n a n addic t withou t knowin g it . Wha thas looke d obviou s t o others ha s staye d invisibl e t o me .Partly because I haven't know n an y better. Pardy becaus eI've practiced denial . Partl y because I'v e feared tha t th e agon y o ffacing myself would grow too unbearable .I've bee n addicte d t o bolsterin g m y lo w self-esteem . Tha tmay not sound lik e much, bu t it' s snared m e i n a subtle bu t com -plex we b o f overdoing it . I n th e las t tw o decades a t one tim e o ranother—or al l a t once—I'v e overspent , overeaten , overcon -trolled, overachieved , an d overreacte d m y wa y through life . AndI've felt pain and remorse becaus e o f these actions .To cope , I chalked u p thes e "over " activitie s t o a creativ espirit, unti l severa l year s ag o whe n m y mothe r stunne d m e wit hreality. As lovingly as possible she said, "Judy , you're just dumpin gthings into a big, bottomless hol e insid e o f you." The translation :"You'll never be satisfied until you heal what's hurting internally. "Still, I didn't embar k o n a pilgrimag e towar d chang e righ taway. It' s take n time , trouble , an d disappointmen t t o admi t m yrunaway pain and problems and t o say, " I need t o change. "