Lord, please help me to change - Judith Couchman

THK NEW , IMPROVE D YO U"Judy," she said , "let' s start prayin g abou t him , askin g Go dto reveal what the relationship should be. "I agreed, neve r suspectin g Hi s answer. I n les s than tw oweeks, m y clinging, can't-think-of-anyone-but-hi m emotion s left .They had bee n replace d wit h th e confidence that Terry could b emy friend.Remarkably, I had changed .As with anythin g i n God's economy , wha t appeared t o b enegative turne d positive . Hi s answer gav e u s freedom, direction ,protection. I knew m y boundaries wit h Terry; I had bee n shielde dfrom the wounds o f loving the wrong person .After that, I thought th e struggl e wa s over. Bu t the n well -intentioned friend s and stranger s wouldn't believ e me . The ywould smil e and nod , convince d tha t I denied deepe r feelings ,that I couldn't enjo y a man's company withou t windin g up a t th ealtar or a t leas t i n hi s bed.For som e reason , the y couldn't o r wouldn't believ e i n rea lchange.(J) / ou'r e stil l the same old Judy I'v e always known. "(Z)/ Thos e ar e th e las t words I want t o hear . Eve n whe n it' smeant a s a compliment fro m a longtime friend , that assessmen tsinks me . 1 wan t peopl e t o kno w tha t I' m different , that I'v estruggled t o get better , tha t I'v e changed .Instead, the y casually negate m y efforts.I have t o remind mysel f tha t people' s assumption s ca nemerge from a lack of information, not from the fact that I haven'tchanged. Fo r example, severa l months ago , a friend said t o me ,"Oh, Judy, you're jus t alway s working!"My sensitive antenna picke d u p on tha t one. Fo r the las t tw oyears I had consciously chosen t o work less. I had quit doing overtimeat the office, taken fe w writing assignments, and accomplished a lot ofnothing. Bu t Donna didn't kno w that. She lived i n another town . Shehadn't see n me for a few years. She believed old information.God, help me, I thought. / don V want to feel slighted by her assessment.Then withou t thinking , I told Donn a tha t sh e wa s wrong ,that sh e neede d t o update he r facts , that I had worke d har d a tchange and I wanted he r t o believe it .