Lord, please help me to change - Judith Couchman

THK NEW , IMPROVE D YO UBut the n m y friend Kimberl y go t married . I n th e first yea rshe gained a husband, in-laws , a house, a baby. So when w e dine dout one evening , I wasn't read y for deja vu."You know, " she said , " I hav e a husband an d a daughte rnow, and I still don't fee l grown up . When wil l it ever happen? "I didn't know . Bu t sinc e the n I'v e pondered ou r percep -tions of adulthood an d maturity .rue t o th e American way , we've defined maturit y b y peo -ple, places , things . Hardl y eve r ourselves . Bu t it' s n owonder. Developin g matur e characte r trait s can b e difficult ; it'seasier t o posses s someone o r somethin g tha n t o change what' sinside us . So acquisition, rather tha n character , becomes the mea -sure of maturity .Except it' s not working . We'r e stil l glancing ove r our shoul -ders, wondering i f our tru e identities , ou r rea l characte r flaws ,will lea k out . We're producin g emotionall y stagnan t adult s wh orelate lik e children, despit e wha t the y own. We're creatin g addic -tive, abusive behavior . And whe n we'r e confronte d wit h it , we'r erunning away .We're eve r changing our circumstance s bu t selc'.< m chang -ing ourselves .That describe d m e for years. Switchin g from job to job an dhome t o home, I thought alterin g m y circumstances an d accumu -lating professiona l accomplishment s woul d mak e m e a bette rperson. Instead , th e pressure o f switching locale s intensified wha tneeded t o change insid e of me. After the fifth job , I complained t oa friend, " I can switc h locations, but I always take myself with me! "I knew I needed t o slow down an d change—t o recove r fromthe terrible loneliness of running away .Covering up our problem s gets lonely, which i s much differ -ent from simply being alone. Aloneness can hel p u s mature. "Thi sis the essenc e o f coming o f age—to lear n ho w t o stand alone, "wrote Anne Morro w Lindbergh i n Gift from the Sen. "She must fin dher tru e center alone . She mus t becom e whole." 41It's been sai d tha t t o be adul t i s to be alone. Bu t with Chris twe can say , "t o b e matur e i s to fee l whole whe n we'r e alone. "Throughout th e Bible , godliness i s defined b y who w e are a s indi -viduals rather tha n b y who we're with , or what w e do, or what w eown, or what w e know .125