StarCat/CatStar

FROM THE BOWELS OF UNSCIENTIFIC
THOUGHT:
OBESITY
(SATIRE)
!
By John Alexander
!
!
Obesity is a big problem in the United States- one-third of adults and 20% of
children are affected- and I have a theory about where it all started.
Now, I’m sure you’ll all agree that except for a handful of old people
hanging around, everyone that we see today is either a descendent of the
baby boomers or a baby boomer themselves.
You see, obesity started with the baby boomers- and this is how it
happened.
Back in the day- when the boomers were little kids- the playgrounds were
pretty simple. There was the swing set, the monkey bars, the slide- maybe
a merry-go-round- and most importantly- the see-saw.
There were also- in each classroom- maybe one or two kids who were
teased because they were overweight. Today, it’s called bullying, but back
then, it was just the way that it was- par for the course. So, not only were
these kids teased in the classroom, but, on the playground, these
overweight kids were at a serious- and significant- disadvantage. They had
trouble climbing the monkey bars; they couldn’t get the swing to go as high
as the other kids; their weight made their trip down the slide absurdly
slow; and they couldn’t run fast enough to get the merry-go-round spinning
in a way that made being on it fun. So, everything on the playground held
the potential for ridicule and derisive laughter- everything except the seesaw.
Yes, once they were on their end of the see-saw, they were both
unmatchable and unsurpassable- and that’s where obesity started, on the
see-saw.