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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Bridget, Alicia, Amanda, Dr. Sheng, Kim & Ashley<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Average Loss Month One: 17.5lbs<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
2 <strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
1166 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 777-3223 • www.mendabody.net<br />
Eating Healthy Can Taste Great!
“Let’s start by taking a smallish nap, or two.” — Winnie the Pooh<br />
Iron Man<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Tim walks into work,<br />
and both of his ears<br />
are all bandaged up.<br />
Jimbo says, “What<br />
happened to your<br />
ears?”<br />
Tim replies, “Yesterday<br />
I was ironing a shirt<br />
when the phone rang<br />
and I accidentally answered<br />
the iron.”<br />
Jimbo says, “Well, that<br />
explains one ear, but<br />
what happened to your<br />
other ear?”<br />
“Well, jeez, I had to<br />
call the doctor!”<br />
Two Words<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A guy joins a monastery<br />
and takes a vow of<br />
silence. He’s allowed<br />
to say two words every<br />
seven years. After the<br />
first seven years, the<br />
elders bring him in and<br />
ask him for his two<br />
words.<br />
“Cold floors,” he says.<br />
They nod and send<br />
him away. Seven more<br />
years pass and they<br />
bring him in for his two<br />
words.<br />
He clears his throat<br />
and says, “Bad food.”<br />
They nod and send<br />
him away. Seven more<br />
years pass and they<br />
bring him in for his two<br />
words. “I quit,” he says.<br />
“That’s not surprising,”<br />
the elders say. “You’ve<br />
done nothing but<br />
complain since you got<br />
here.”<br />
Dogs have about 100 different facial expressions, most of them made with the ears.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by Maine<br />
Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with<br />
offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn,<br />
Maine, USA.<br />
Published and distributed since<br />
1996 throughout Central Maine<br />
and mailed to subscribers all over<br />
the Free World. Subscriptions are<br />
$30/year. Send a check made out to<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> to:<br />
PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212<br />
I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.<br />
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While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> tries very hard to ensure<br />
the accuracy of the information in our client’s<br />
advertisements and our publication in general,<br />
we are not responsible for vendor availability,<br />
typographical errors, technical inaccuracies,<br />
product pricing errors, or omissions.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
4<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
I swear like a sailor, but use please and thank you like a saint. I’m complicated.<br />
UAD Proof Sept., Dec. <strong>2016</strong> Page tbd
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Stressed spelt backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.<br />
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Out ‘n About at<br />
Taber’s Annual<br />
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UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 5<br />
Dan Hargreaves<br />
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Mary Dempsey<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5
Book Smart<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
After sending our son<br />
away to college, he<br />
would often [too often]<br />
call up asking for<br />
money.<br />
One time when he<br />
called my husband<br />
answered, “Sure we<br />
will send you money”<br />
he said, “and I also<br />
noticed that you left<br />
your Physics book<br />
here, should we send<br />
that also?”<br />
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.<br />
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“Uh, oh yeah, OK,” he<br />
responded.<br />
I asked him afterward<br />
how much he sent him.<br />
“$1,100,″ he said.<br />
When I gave him a<br />
surprised look, he explained,<br />
“Don’t worry,<br />
I taped a $100 check<br />
on the cover, and the<br />
$1,000 check inside<br />
the cover!<br />
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“Do not touch” must be the scariest things to read in Braille.<br />
Stand Up<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A new teacher was trying<br />
to make use of her<br />
psychology courses.<br />
She started her class<br />
by saying, “Everyone<br />
who thinks they’re<br />
stupid, stand up!”<br />
After a few seconds,<br />
Little Davie stood up.<br />
The teacher said, “Do<br />
you think you’re stupid,<br />
Little Davie?”<br />
“No, ma’am, but I hate<br />
to see you standing<br />
there all by yourself!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
6<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
When you stop and look around, life is pretty amazing.
Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles.<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
Taber’s Annual<br />
Sock Hop<br />
I just got a<br />
hole-in-one!<br />
Beat that.<br />
Sherri Lavoie<br />
Should I tell her I<br />
got two in a row?<br />
Shelby Rucker<br />
I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 7
Out ‘n About at<br />
Taber’s Annual<br />
Sock Hop<br />
That’s a horrible idea. What time?<br />
All of a sudden<br />
I feel like playing<br />
pool.<br />
Phil Lavoie<br />
Boys,<br />
stick out your<br />
tongue if you love<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
<strong>Digest</strong>!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
8<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
A top freestyle swimmer achieves a speed of only 4 miles per hour. Fish, in contrast,<br />
have been clocked at 68 mph.
I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth.<br />
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The Weight<br />
of Water<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
The speaker explained<br />
stress management to<br />
his audience by raising<br />
a glass of water and<br />
asking, “How heavy is<br />
this glass of water?”<br />
Answers called out<br />
ranged from .5 ounces<br />
to 1 pound.<br />
The lecturer replied,<br />
“The absolute weight<br />
doesn’t matter. It depends<br />
on how long you<br />
try to hold it.”<br />
“If I hold it for a minute,<br />
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“If I hold it for an hour,<br />
I’ll have an ache in my<br />
right arm.”<br />
I prefer my puns intended.<br />
Taber’s Lady Thunderbirds<br />
How did a<br />
‘sock hop’ get its<br />
name anyway?<br />
at the Taber’s annual Sock Hop<br />
The term Sock Hop<br />
came about because dancers<br />
were required to remove their<br />
hard-soled shoes to protect the<br />
varnished floor of the<br />
gymnasium.<br />
Rayven Niva, Kyla Sturtevant, Lily Grant & Victoria Copland<br />
Rats can swim for a 1/2 mile without resting, and they can tread water for 3 days straight.<br />
“If I hold it for a day,<br />
you’ll have to call an<br />
ambulance.”<br />
“In each case, it’s the<br />
same weight, but the<br />
longer I hold it, the<br />
heavier it becomes.”<br />
He continued, “And<br />
that’s the way it is with<br />
stress management. If<br />
we carry our burdens<br />
all the time, sooner or<br />
later, as the burden<br />
becomes increasingly<br />
heavy, we won’t be<br />
able to carry on.”<br />
“As with the glass of<br />
water, you have to put<br />
it down for a while and<br />
rest before holding it<br />
again. When we’re refreshed,<br />
we can carry<br />
on with the burden.”<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 9
Out ‘n About at<br />
Taber’s Annual<br />
Sock Hop<br />
I’m aiming for<br />
Lake Auburn. Watch<br />
this!<br />
Before coffee, I’m a hot mess. After? I’m a wide awake hot mess.<br />
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(continued from previous page)<br />
“So, before you return<br />
home tonight, put the<br />
burden of work down.<br />
Don’t carry it home.<br />
You can pick it up<br />
tomorrow. Whatever<br />
burdens you’re carrying<br />
now, let them down<br />
for a moment if you<br />
can.”<br />
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
10<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good<br />
as bacon.” — Doug Larson
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 11
English<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
The turkey was wrongly named after what was thought to be it’s country of origin.<br />
Let’s face it - English is<br />
a crazy language.<br />
There is no egg in<br />
eggplant,<br />
nor ham in hamburger;<br />
neither apple or pine in<br />
pineapple.<br />
English muffins weren’t<br />
invented in England or<br />
French fries in France.<br />
Sweetmeats are<br />
candies while sweetbreads,<br />
which aren’t<br />
sweet, are meat.<br />
We take English for<br />
granted. But if we<br />
explore its paradoxes,<br />
we find that...<br />
quicksand can work<br />
slowly,<br />
boxing rings are<br />
square,<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
and a guinea pig is<br />
neither from Guinea<br />
nor <strong>Digest</strong> is it a pig.<br />
May <strong>2016</strong><br />
Texas Wind<br />
AD PROOF<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A visitor asked a West<br />
Texas cowboy, “Do you<br />
ever get tornadoes out<br />
here?”<br />
Hi Joline,<br />
Please review your<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will run as you see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
The cowboy replied,<br />
“Yeah, we had one a<br />
while back, but it ran<br />
into a sandstorm outside<br />
of town and got<br />
ripped to pieces. The<br />
wind received blows so byhard out<br />
in West Texas that at a<br />
drive-in theater it once<br />
blew Gene Autry right<br />
out of the saddle.”<br />
April 24th<br />
Thank you!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Jimbo<br />
12<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
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“The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.”<br />
– Doug Larson<br />
UAD Proof <strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> Page 9<br />
Caden & Ashley<br />
Bob & Jackie<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13
Back In Time<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
For her 40th birthday,<br />
the wife said, “I’d love<br />
to be ten again.” So<br />
that Saturday, we had a<br />
heaping stack of chocolate-chip<br />
pancakes,<br />
her favorite childhood<br />
breakfast. Then we hit<br />
the playground and a<br />
merry-go-round. We<br />
finished the day with a<br />
banana split.<br />
“So how did you enjoy<br />
being a kid for a day?”<br />
I asked.<br />
“Great,” she said. “But<br />
when I said I wanted to<br />
be ten again, I meant<br />
my dress size.”<br />
Problem<br />
Solved<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Henry always worried<br />
about everything all his<br />
life. But one day his<br />
coworkers noticed<br />
Henry seemed like a<br />
changed man.<br />
“He who doesn’t hope to win has already lost.” – Simon Bolivar<br />
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They remarked that he<br />
didn’t seem to be the<br />
least bit worried about<br />
anything. Henry said<br />
he’d hired a professional<br />
worrier and no longer<br />
had any problems.<br />
So his coworkers<br />
asked, “A professional<br />
worrier? What does<br />
that cost?”<br />
“Two grand a week.”<br />
Henry responded.<br />
“Two grand a week!<br />
How on earth are you<br />
going to pay him?”<br />
“Let him worry about it.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
14<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
My heart says chocolate but my jeans say salad.<br />
Matt Leonard<br />
LA Metropolitan Chamber<br />
of Commerce
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when<br />
you realize you’re wrong.<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
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All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.<br />
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts - Waxing<br />
Dalia, Katie,<br />
Megan, & Mary<br />
54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444<br />
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />
’s<br />
Adult Case Management Services, Now Accepting Clients!<br />
UAD Proof JULY <strong>2016</strong> Page 16<br />
This party<br />
was<br />
AWESOME!<br />
F<br />
in,<br />
our<br />
. It<br />
see<br />
not<br />
h<br />
OUR SERVICES:<br />
Case Management • Housing Resources<br />
Therapy • Wellness & Recover Center<br />
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PO Box 1319 Lewiston ME 04243-1319 • www.commonties.org<br />
No Déjà vu please...I Don’t want to go through that again.<br />
Callie & Julia<br />
Dairy Joy<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 15
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
December 2014<br />
AD PROOF<br />
Hi Stephanie,<br />
Please review your<br />
proof carefully. Dave, Mike It<br />
will run as & you Gerry see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> received Andy’s by<br />
July 27th<br />
April <strong>2016</strong><br />
Thank you!<br />
AD Jimbo PROOF<br />
office 783-7039<br />
Hi Nick, fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Please Eileen review showing your of<br />
proof carefully. Fatso It<br />
will run as you see<br />
Hey did you guys<br />
it if changes see all those are AWESOME not<br />
silent<br />
received auction by items!!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
16<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
March 23rd<br />
Thank you!<br />
Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Dustin & Cynthia<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome<br />
Nancy<br />
NO COST HEARING EXAMS AVAILABLE<br />
TO THE COMMUNITY!<br />
Call us today!<br />
Rhonda<br />
410 Main St, Lewiston<br />
Call Rhonda today to schedule your<br />
NO COST Hearing Screening!<br />
330-2369<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page tbd<br />
868 Auburn Rd. Turner 207-225-2140 www.northeasternfirearms.com<br />
Fire Arms, Ammo & Accessories • Gunsmithing on Premise<br />
Buying One Gun or Entire Collection • Trades Welcome<br />
HEAT OR COOL<br />
UAD Proof April <strong>2016</strong> Page 16<br />
any part of your home with ease.<br />
Ductless heat pumps are super quiet & efficient.<br />
$<br />
500 Rebate*<br />
from efficiency Maine *Call for details<br />
137 Spring St., Auburn • 786-3246<br />
www.nadeausrefrigeration.com<br />
My dentist said I needed a crown. I was like, I know, right?
No matter how big and bad you are, when a two year old hands you a toy phone,<br />
you answer it.<br />
Singled Out<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
After a teacher had<br />
finished his English<br />
lecture and his class<br />
had filed out, a tenth<br />
grader stayed behind<br />
to confront him.<br />
“I don’t appreciate<br />
being singled out,” he<br />
told his teacher.<br />
The teacher was confused.<br />
“What do you<br />
mean?”<br />
“I don’t know what the<br />
‘oxy’ part means, but I<br />
know what a ‘moron’<br />
is, and you looked<br />
straight at me when<br />
you said it.”<br />
People who make me laugh until I’m physically in pain are my favorite kind of people.<br />
Right Beside<br />
Me<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
On his death bed, an<br />
old Jewish man says<br />
to his wife, “Oh, Sarah,<br />
when the shop burned<br />
down you were right<br />
beside me, no?”<br />
“Sure I was dear,” his<br />
wife replied.<br />
“When the Nazis drove<br />
us out of our beloved<br />
Deutschland you were<br />
beside me again, no?”<br />
“I was, dear.”<br />
“And now you’re at my<br />
death bed, aren’t you?”<br />
“I am, darling.”<br />
“I’m starting to think<br />
you’re bad luck,<br />
Sarah.”<br />
I saw a Buddhist lamp. It was very enlightening.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17
Headed for<br />
Divorce<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
An elderly man in<br />
Phoenix calls his son,<br />
John in New York and<br />
says, “I hate to ruin<br />
your day but I have to<br />
tell you that your mother<br />
and I are divorcing;<br />
forty-five years of<br />
misery is enough.”<br />
“Pop, what are you<br />
talking about?” John<br />
screams.<br />
“We can’t stand the<br />
sight of each other any<br />
longer,” the old man<br />
says. “We’re sick of<br />
each other, and I’m sick<br />
of talking about this, so<br />
call your sister in<br />
Chicago and tell her.”<br />
and he hangs up.<br />
Frantic, the son calls<br />
his sister, Janet, who<br />
explodes on the phone.<br />
“They’re not getting<br />
divorced if I have<br />
anything to do about it,”<br />
Janet shouts, “I’ll take<br />
care of this.”<br />
Janet calls Phoenix immediately,<br />
and screams<br />
at the old man, “You<br />
are NOT getting<br />
divorced! Don’t do a<br />
single thing until I get<br />
there. I’m calling John<br />
back, and we’ll both be<br />
there tomorrow. Until<br />
then, don’t do a thing,<br />
DO YOU HEAR ME?”<br />
and hangs up.<br />
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for<br />
your mom.<br />
New Auburn Social Club<br />
A benefit for<br />
Hors d’oeuvre & Snacks • Donations Accepted<br />
Friday, <strong>September</strong> 16th<br />
LA HARLEY BAND<br />
8pm-midnight<br />
Open to the Public<br />
Be a Froot Loop in a bowl full of Cherrios.<br />
Surf & Turf Dinner<br />
(Members Only)<br />
Sunday,<br />
<strong>September</strong> 11th<br />
2pm<br />
Tickets: $15/per person<br />
(must be purchased by Wed. Sept. 8th)<br />
Full Service Caterer<br />
• Weddings<br />
• Holiday Gatherings<br />
• Company Parties<br />
• Full Bar Service<br />
• Tables, Chairs, Tents,<br />
Dance Floors & More!<br />
Professional service<br />
at an affordable price!<br />
The old man hangs up<br />
and turns to his wife<br />
and say, “Okay, they’re<br />
coming for Thanksgiving,<br />
Now what do we<br />
tell them for<br />
Christmas?”<br />
No job too big or too small!<br />
Call Us Today for a Free Quote: 207-345-9009<br />
Diana & Larry Roy<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
18<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the<br />
dog like I’m a blackjack dealer.<br />
UAD Proof Sept. <strong>2016</strong> Page 20
6<br />
y’s<br />
OF<br />
n,<br />
your<br />
y. It<br />
see<br />
re not<br />
y<br />
th<br />
!<br />
39<br />
8<br />
.com<br />
I can find no good reason to act my age.<br />
Since 1940<br />
Thank You for another<br />
Great Season!<br />
See You Next Year!<br />
Golf Open 10am - Dark through Sept. weather permitting<br />
Restaurant closes <strong>September</strong> 18th<br />
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com<br />
• Restaurant<br />
• Miniature Golf<br />
• Driving Range<br />
• Ice Cream Stand<br />
PAINT DAY<br />
Sun., Sept 11 th 3pm<br />
Hosted by<br />
Wicked Illustrations<br />
Call to reserve your space.<br />
784-2521<br />
Rhinos are in the same family as horses, and are thought to have inspired the<br />
myth of the unicorn.<br />
SUNDAY<br />
Baked Ziti<br />
$<br />
6.00<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Mini Pizza<br />
1 topping $<br />
2.99<br />
2 toppings $<br />
3.99<br />
Since 1953<br />
Open Daily 9am - 10pm<br />
MONDAY<br />
The Fergy<br />
sm $<br />
2.99<br />
lg $<br />
5.75<br />
LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Meatball Subs<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Spaghetti Dinners<br />
1 meatball, salad,<br />
sm $<br />
3.35 w/ch $ 3.99<br />
garlic bread, drink<br />
lg $<br />
6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $<br />
5.99<br />
FRIDAY<br />
$1.00 OFF<br />
Any Large Pizza<br />
SATURDAY<br />
2 Ham or Salami<br />
Italians<br />
$<br />
7.99<br />
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.99<br />
The stomach acids in a snake’s stomach can digest bones and teeth but not fur or hair.<br />
UAD Proof August May <strong>2016</strong> <strong>2016</strong> Page Page TBD19<br />
Hunting Dog<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Jimbo and Tim are<br />
going hunting. Jimbo<br />
says to Tim, “I’ll send<br />
my dog out to see if<br />
there are any ducks<br />
out in the pond. If there<br />
aren’t any ducks out<br />
there, I’m not going<br />
hunting.”<br />
The dog comes back<br />
and barks twice. Jimbo<br />
says, “Well I’m not<br />
going to go out. He<br />
only saw two ducks out<br />
there.”<br />
Tim says, “You’re<br />
going to take the dog’s<br />
barks for the truth?”<br />
Tim doesn’t believe<br />
it, so he goes to look<br />
for himself. When he<br />
gets back he says, “I<br />
don’t believe it where<br />
did you get that dog?<br />
There really are only<br />
two ducks out there!”<br />
Jimbo says, “Well, I got<br />
him from the breeder<br />
up the road. If you<br />
want, you can get one<br />
from him, too.”<br />
Tim goes to the breeder<br />
and says he wants<br />
a dog like the one his<br />
friend Jimbo has. The<br />
breeder obliges and<br />
Tim brings the dog<br />
home, tells it to go out<br />
and look for ducks.<br />
Minutes later the dog<br />
returns with a stick in<br />
it’s mouth and starts<br />
whacking Tim.<br />
Outraged, Tim takes<br />
the dog back to the<br />
breeder and says,<br />
“This dog is a fraud.<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
Hi Greg,<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
20<br />
Sept. 2015<br />
AD PROOF<br />
Please review your<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
Who’s next to<br />
will run as you see<br />
get dunked?<br />
it if changes are not<br />
received by<br />
August 27th<br />
Thank you!<br />
Pam or Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
greg@abcpool.com<br />
Emma Bunyea<br />
(continued from page)<br />
I want my money<br />
back!”<br />
The breeder asks Tim<br />
what the dog did.<br />
Tim tells him that when<br />
he sent the dog out to<br />
look for ducks, it came<br />
back with a stick in<br />
its mouth, shaking it<br />
around and hitting him<br />
with it!.<br />
The breeder says,<br />
“Tim, all he was trying<br />
to tell you was that<br />
there are more ducks<br />
out there than you can<br />
shake a stick at!”<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
The bones of a pigeon weigh less than its feathers.<br />
PROTECT WHAT YOU LOVE!<br />
Schedule<br />
your pool<br />
closing now!<br />
1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston • 783-0858 or 1-800-244-0858<br />
Mon - Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-4 • www.abcpool.com<br />
UAD Proof Sept. 2015 Page 19<br />
I’m not much on seizing the day. I just kind of poke it with a stick.<br />
BEFORE<br />
AFTER<br />
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it creates. We help protect children<br />
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✓ Enroll in KeyBank Relationship Rewards and mention this ad by 9/30/16<br />
Call or Visit your local KeyBank Branch for more info:<br />
600 Center Street, Auburn • 207-786-5412<br />
12 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-753-6488<br />
See us online at www.Key.com
I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role, then realize I’m not an actor.<br />
The American Legion<br />
FAMILY<br />
OPEN<br />
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 1pm - close<br />
Thursday, Friday, Saturday noon to close<br />
Sunday noon to close<br />
Hall Rentals Available<br />
Call for more information<br />
207-782-1118<br />
William J. Rogers Post 153<br />
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118<br />
Activities - Members & Guests Welcome<br />
CHECK OUT - HAPPY HOUR FRIDAYS<br />
Free Appetizers & Drink Specials<br />
KARAOKE W/ JEAN LOUIS<br />
Fri. & Sat. evenings 7-11pm in <strong>September</strong> (except 9/16)<br />
BREAKFAST BUFFET SUNDAY 9/18<br />
8-10am $7/per person<br />
BEAN & HOT DOG DINNER 9/24<br />
4-6pm $8/adults • $4/children<br />
SYNTAX featuring vocals & rhythm guitar of Rachel Blackerby,<br />
guitar by Dan Bisbee & Special Guest Musicians • Fri. 9/16 8-11pm<br />
Teachers are there for you; not because of you.<br />
Thank a teacher today!<br />
Lit Up His<br />
World<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
One day Thomas<br />
Edison came home<br />
and gave a paper to<br />
his mother. He told her,<br />
“My teacher gave this<br />
paper to me and told<br />
me only to give it to my<br />
mother.”<br />
His mothers eyes were<br />
tearful as she read the<br />
letter out loud to her<br />
child: Your son is a<br />
genius. This school is<br />
too small for him and<br />
doesn’t have enough<br />
good teachers for<br />
training him. Please<br />
teach him yourself.<br />
Many, many years<br />
after Edison’s mother<br />
died and he was now<br />
one of the greatest inventors<br />
of the century,<br />
he was looking through<br />
old family things. Suddenly<br />
he saw a folded<br />
paper in the corner of<br />
a drawer in a desk. He<br />
took it and opened it<br />
up, On the paper was<br />
written: Your son is<br />
addled (mentally ill).<br />
We won’t let him come<br />
to school anymore.<br />
Edison cried for hours<br />
and then he wrote in<br />
his diary: Thomas Alva<br />
Edison was an addled<br />
child, by a hero mother,<br />
became the genius<br />
of the century.”<br />
183 Lisbon St, Lisbon<br />
207-353-9862<br />
www.QCA.me<br />
More turkeys are raised in California than in any other state in the United States.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
If you stumble, make it part of the dance.<br />
I paid for<br />
my fame!<br />
Abrey, Cheryl &<br />
Dan<br />
Alexis dunking<br />
Dr. Cain while<br />
Michelle Gagne looks on.<br />
Annette helping<br />
Kacei<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
22<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
“A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissinger
Each year, Americans spend more on cat food than on baby food.<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
The Lewiston Auburn Metropolitan Chamber of Commerce<br />
will, once again, be hosting<br />
“Downtown Trick-or-Treat Halloween Celebration”<br />
on Lisbon Street!<br />
Join Us!<br />
Friday, October 28 th<br />
4pm - 6pm<br />
Dunking the<br />
Auburn Mayor,<br />
Jonathan LaBonte<br />
The LA Metro Chamber will be in Dufresne Plaza (72 Lisbon<br />
St., Lewiston) both before and during the event, where we will<br />
hand out trick-or-treat bags and maps indicating participating<br />
businesses. See page 31 for even more information.<br />
Surely not EVERYBODY was Kung Fu fighting.<br />
Tracy Draper &<br />
Tim Rucker<br />
DeeDee<br />
Captured Moments<br />
DeeDee & Paul<br />
Life is better when you’re laughing.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23
A Leg Up<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
90% of the toothpicks available in America are manufactured in Maine.<br />
An Old man went to the<br />
doctor complaining of<br />
a terrible pain in his leg.<br />
“I am afraid it’s just old<br />
age,” replied the doctor,<br />
“there is nothing we<br />
can do about it.”<br />
“That can’t be,” fumed<br />
the old man, “you don’t<br />
know what you are<br />
doing.”<br />
“How can you possibly<br />
know I am wrong?”<br />
countered the doctor.<br />
“Well it’s quite obvious,”<br />
the old man<br />
replied, “my other leg is<br />
fine, and it’s the exact<br />
same age!”<br />
Be Polite<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
One day, Jimbo and<br />
Thomas went to a<br />
restaurant for dinner.<br />
As soon as the waiter<br />
took out two steaks,<br />
Jimbo quickly picked<br />
out the bigger steak for<br />
himself.<br />
Thomas wasn’t happy<br />
about that: “When are<br />
you going to learn to<br />
be polite?”<br />
Jimbo: “If you had the<br />
chance to pick first,<br />
which one would you<br />
pick?”<br />
Thomas: “The smaller<br />
piece, of course.”<br />
Jimbo: “What are you<br />
whining about then?<br />
The smaller piece is<br />
what you want, right?”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
24<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Throw kindness around like confetti.
M A I N E ’ S # 1 P R E M I E R S T E A K H O U S E<br />
Get your grilling<br />
meats at Mac’s!<br />
Every Monday:<br />
20% off Burgers<br />
30% off all drafts<br />
Celebrating 22 Years!<br />
•CATERING•<br />
Events Big and Small<br />
We’ve Got You Covered<br />
Mac’s Grill<br />
“Where the locals eat!”<br />
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn 207-783-6885<br />
www.MacsGrill.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
January <strong>2016</strong><br />
AD PROOF<br />
Say yes to new adventures.<br />
We have buyers searching NOW for the following homes:<br />
Single Family home with first floor master bedroom...........................$175,000-$225,000<br />
Executive Ranch........................................................................$250,000-$350,000<br />
Lakefront Camp............................................................................under $300,000<br />
If you know someone who wants to sell a home that fits the above descriptions, call us TODAY!<br />
Hi Marnie,<br />
Please review your<br />
Jerry<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will run as you see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> received Andy’s by<br />
Dec. 22nd<br />
July <strong>2016</strong><br />
Thank you!<br />
AD PROOF Jimbo<br />
office Jo 783-7039 & Travis<br />
Hi Anna, fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
26<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
Please review your<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will run as you see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
received by<br />
June<br />
Wendy<br />
22nd<br />
&<br />
Samantha<br />
with our special guests<br />
Thank you!<br />
Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Shelby, Julie &<br />
Nicholas<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Marnie DuBois<br />
207-344-3230<br />
195 Center St. • Auburn • DuBoisRealtyGroup.net<br />
UAD Proof January <strong>2016</strong> Page 10<br />
GOLF UAD & Proof BOWLING July <strong>2016</strong> TOURNAMENT<br />
Page tbd<br />
Brian DuBois<br />
NOW SERVING LEWISTON/AUBURN AREA<br />
Heating Oil • K-1 Kerosene • Bulk Diesel<br />
Locally Owned<br />
& Operated<br />
Competitive<br />
Pricing!<br />
Now Accepting<br />
New Customers<br />
Inaugural Swing Pin Tournament<br />
Co-Hosted by<br />
Sparetime Recreation &<br />
Apple Valley<br />
Sat. October 1 st<br />
FMI Call<br />
Apple Valley 784-9773<br />
or Sparetime Recreation<br />
786-2695<br />
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can<br />
do nothing for him.
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.<br />
The Diagnosis<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Peter, an 82 year-old<br />
man, went to see<br />
Doctor Lucan to have<br />
a full physical checkup.<br />
A few days later, Dr<br />
Lucan saw Peter walking<br />
through the village<br />
with a stunning young<br />
woman on his arm.<br />
The doctor turned to<br />
Peter and spoke quietly,<br />
but clearly, “You’re<br />
really doing well, aren’t<br />
you?”<br />
Peter smiled happily,<br />
“Oh yes, but I’m only<br />
doing what you said,<br />
Doc, Get a hot mamma<br />
and be cheerful.”<br />
I’m a brilliant brunette with lots of blond moments.<br />
Dr Lucan grimaced<br />
and retorted, “I didn’t<br />
say that, Peter. I said,<br />
You’ve got a heart<br />
murmur, be careful.”<br />
Where Would<br />
He Be?<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A women’s lib speaker<br />
was addressing a<br />
large group and said,<br />
“Where would man be<br />
today if it were not for<br />
woman?”<br />
She paused a moment<br />
and looked around the<br />
room. “I repeat, where<br />
would man be today if<br />
it were not for woman?”<br />
From the back of the<br />
room came a voice,<br />
“He’d be in the Garden<br />
of Eden eating<br />
strawberries.”<br />
Be happy, it drives people crazy.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27
A Letter Home<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
There is no angry way to say bubbles.<br />
Dear Ma and Pa,<br />
I am well. Hope you<br />
are. Tell Brother Walt<br />
and Brother Elmer the<br />
Marine Corps beats<br />
working for old man<br />
Minch by a mile. Tell<br />
them to join up quick<br />
before all of the places<br />
are filled.<br />
I was restless at first<br />
because you get to stay<br />
in bed till nearly 6 a.m.<br />
But I am getting so I like<br />
to sleep late.<br />
Tell Walt and Elmer all<br />
you do before breakfast<br />
is smooth your cot,<br />
and shine some things.<br />
No hogs to slop, feed<br />
to pitch, mash to mix,<br />
wood to split, fire to lay.<br />
Practically nothing.<br />
Men get to shave but<br />
it is not so bad, there’s<br />
warm water. Breakfast<br />
is strong on trimmings<br />
like fruit juice, cereal,<br />
eggs, bacon, etc., but<br />
kind of weak on chops,<br />
potatoes, ham, steak,<br />
fried eggplant, pie and<br />
other regular food, but<br />
tell Walt and Elmer you<br />
can always sit by the<br />
two city boys that live on<br />
coffee. Their food, plus<br />
yours, holds you until<br />
noon when you get fed<br />
again. It’s no wonder<br />
these city boys can’t<br />
walk much.<br />
We go on “route marches,”<br />
which the platoon<br />
sergeant says are long<br />
walks to harden us. If<br />
he thinks so, it’s not my<br />
place to tell him different.<br />
A “route march” is about<br />
as far as to our mailbox<br />
at home. Then the city<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
28<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Life is too short to remove the USB safely.
The next time there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
guys get sore feet<br />
and we all ride back in<br />
trucks.<br />
y’s<br />
our<br />
. It<br />
see<br />
not<br />
h<br />
F<br />
The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money.<br />
Time to Renovate Your Bathroom?<br />
No Job too BIG or too small<br />
207-210-2888 • OPORENOVATION.COM<br />
The sergeant is like a<br />
school teacher. He nags<br />
a lot. The Captain is<br />
like the school board.<br />
Majors and colonels just<br />
ride around and frown.<br />
They don’t bother you<br />
none.<br />
I keep getting medals<br />
for shooting. I don’t<br />
know why. The bullseye<br />
is near as big as<br />
a chipmunk head and<br />
don’t move, and it ain’t<br />
shooting at you like the<br />
Higgett boys at home.<br />
All you got to do is lie<br />
there all comfortable<br />
and hit it. You don’t<br />
even load your own<br />
cartridges They come in<br />
boxes.<br />
Then we have what<br />
they call hand-to-hand<br />
combat training. You<br />
get to wrestle with them<br />
city boys. I have to be<br />
real careful though, they<br />
break real easy.<br />
It ain’t like fighting with<br />
that ole bull at home.<br />
I’m about the best they<br />
got in this except for<br />
that Tug Jordan from<br />
over in Silver Lake, I<br />
only beat him once.<br />
He joined up the same<br />
time as me, but I’m only<br />
5’6″ and 130 pounds<br />
and he’s 6’8″ and near<br />
300 pounds dry.<br />
Be sure to tell Walt and<br />
Elmer to hurry and join<br />
before other fellers get<br />
onto this setup and<br />
come stampeding in.<br />
Your loving daughter,<br />
Alice<br />
9<br />
Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 29<br />
com<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 29
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.<br />
OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm<br />
SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET<br />
For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus 375-8502<br />
Karen<br />
Honest Boss<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
My boss pulled up to<br />
work with his sweet<br />
new sports car this<br />
morning and I complimented<br />
him on it.<br />
Nikki & Sarah<br />
Check out our<br />
daily specials!<br />
$<br />
2.50<br />
OFF<br />
When You Buy Any<br />
3 Large Hot or Cold<br />
Sandwiches<br />
May not be combined with daily specials. Exp 9.30.16<br />
He stepped out of<br />
his car, put his hand<br />
on my shoulder and<br />
replied, “Well, if you<br />
work hard, set goals,<br />
stay determined and<br />
put in long hours, I can<br />
get an even better one<br />
next year.”<br />
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.<br />
Out ‘n About at the Summer Block Party<br />
All photos by Captured Moments Photography<br />
Spark<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A couple walking in the<br />
park noticed a young<br />
man and woman sitting<br />
on a bench, passionately<br />
kissing.<br />
“Why don’t you do<br />
that?” said the wife.<br />
“Honey,” replied her<br />
husband, “I don’t even<br />
know that woman!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
30<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Joe, Kevin, Dane, Heidi, Jeff, Stephanie & Gary<br />
I’m photogenic, I look best with the filters called “lights off” and “darkness”.
“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” — Dr. Seuss<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
Jonathan LaBonte<br />
Mayor of Auburn<br />
The Lewiston Auburn Metropolitan Chamber of<br />
Commerce will, once again, be hosting<br />
“Downtown Trick-or-Treat Halloween Celebration”<br />
on Lisbon Street!<br />
Joey & Kay<br />
Join Us!<br />
Friday, October 28 th • 4pm - 6pm<br />
The LA Metro Chamber will be in Dufresne Plaza (72 Lisbon St., Lewiston) both<br />
before and during the event, where we will hand out trick-or-treat bags and<br />
maps indicating participating businesses.<br />
Ken<br />
This community event engages our downtown businesses and<br />
invigorates our community spirit by promoting Lisbon Street as a<br />
walkable, safe, family-friendly place.<br />
There are opportunities for other local businesses, not just those with<br />
storefronts on Lisbon Street, to participate. Please call Deborah at the LA<br />
Metro Chamber for details. 783-2249<br />
Sponsorship opportunities are available.<br />
How is soy sauce black and soy milk white when soybeans are green?<br />
Kelly & Kim<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 31
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Block Andy’s Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
Where’s the<br />
mechanical bull?<br />
August <strong>2016</strong><br />
AD PROOF<br />
Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you, no one would believe it.<br />
Hi Michelle,<br />
Please review your<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will run as Randy you see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
The New Beatles<br />
received by<br />
July 27th<br />
Thank you!<br />
Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
Paul, John & Bill<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
40 East Ave. Lewiston Next to Sea40 Hours: Mon-Thurs. 10a-9p;<br />
Fri. 11a-11p; Sat. 10a-11p<br />
Sun. 10a-9p<br />
207-783-3888<br />
Visit Our Website for<br />
Hop & Hibachi<br />
Birthday Party Options<br />
#aeroairpark<br />
www.aeroairpark.com<br />
Kyle & Natalie<br />
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Book your<br />
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Call to Reserve Your Space Today!<br />
Buy 1 hour<br />
jump get 2nd<br />
jumper at<br />
1/2 price<br />
✃<br />
not to be combined<br />
with any other offer<br />
exp. 9/30/16<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
32<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
My IQ test came back negative.<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 32
Cry a river, build a bridge, get over it.<br />
Bringing Worlds Together for Veterans<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Summer Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
Signs and<br />
Notices<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
On a Plumbers truck:<br />
“We repair what your<br />
husband fixed.”<br />
On the trucks of a local<br />
plumbing company:<br />
“Don’t sleep with a drip.<br />
Call your plumber.”<br />
Robert Foley<br />
Former U.S. Navy SEAL Robert Foley will be the keynote speaker at<br />
the upcoming Bringing Worlds Together Conference for Veterans,<br />
Family Members, and Community.<br />
Saturday, <strong>September</strong> 17th, 9:00AM – 4:00PM<br />
University of Maine, Farmington<br />
Olsen Center<br />
The conference is offered by Tri-County Mental Health Services.<br />
Foley is an inspirational speaker who speaks nationally for U.S.<br />
Veteran groups and others. His presentations address sensitive issues<br />
on Post Traumatic Stress (PTS), Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI),<br />
Military Sexual Trauma (MST,) and Veteran Suicide. On <strong>September</strong><br />
17th Foley will convey powerful strategies to curb veteran suicide<br />
and share opportunities for collaboration between mental health<br />
professionals and one of their most valuable unrecognized resource<br />
tools… Veterans.<br />
After his keynote speech Foley will be joined in the morning and<br />
afternoon conference sessions by Portland-based psychiatrist. Ben<br />
Grasso, MD to discuss “B.A.M.” Body Alarm Management, which<br />
is a unique, model of understanding how to live with the ancient<br />
biology in all our brains. Dr. Grasso and Robert Foley will offer a<br />
road map for coping with PTS as a natural, predictable consequence<br />
of exposure to the horrors of war.<br />
For more information on Robert’s endeavors visit:<br />
https://operationveteranwellness.wordpress.com<br />
Or Email him directly at operationveteranwellness@gmail.com<br />
Or call Jerry DeWitt at 207-783-9141 x 228.<br />
TCMHS Veterans Outreach Specialist and Vietnam Era Veteran Jerry<br />
DeWitt is a driving force in the outreach and conference planning;<br />
“This conference will show the many paths each of us might take to<br />
find our way back home from service life to civilian life,” he says.<br />
Funds for travel expense scholarships are available through Veterans<br />
for Peace. Contact Doug Rawlings at rawlings@maine.edu.<br />
See their ad on page 17.<br />
Mya<br />
Mike Hamlin &<br />
Debbie Bodwell<br />
Mike Reid &<br />
Craig Norcross<br />
Pizza shop slogan:<br />
“7 days without pizza<br />
makes one weak.”<br />
Door of a plastic<br />
surgeon’s office:<br />
“Hello. Can we pick<br />
your nose?”<br />
A towing company:<br />
“We don’t charge an<br />
arm and a leg. We<br />
want tows.”<br />
A non-smoking area: “If<br />
we see smoke, we will<br />
assume you are on fire<br />
and take appropriate<br />
action.”<br />
On a maternity room door:<br />
“Push. Push. Push.”<br />
At an optometrist’s<br />
office:<br />
“If you don’t see what<br />
you’re looking for,<br />
you’ve come to the<br />
right place.”<br />
In a podiatrist’s office:<br />
“Time wounds all<br />
heels.”<br />
At the electric company:<br />
“We would be de-lighted<br />
if you send in your<br />
bill. However, if you<br />
don’t, you will be.”<br />
In a restaurant window:<br />
“Don’t stand there and<br />
be hungry. Come on in<br />
and get fed up.”<br />
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”<br />
– Douglas Adams<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33
L A t<br />
Good news from around Lew<br />
Hey L/A, keep watching (and reading) every month for more great stuff like what you’re about<br />
to read... We’re sure you’ll find it heartwarming and amazing.<br />
We’ll be on the look out for more local heroes, so if you know of one PLEASE let us know!<br />
SUMMER BLOCK<br />
PARTY<br />
Written by Sonya Purington, Director<br />
of Marketing & Communications,<br />
Make-A-Wish Maine<br />
Did you make the Summer<br />
Block party? Yes? Well you were<br />
in good company. Over 600 people<br />
joined the fundraising party at<br />
Mac’s Grill for one reason: to raise<br />
money to grant wishes for kids in<br />
Androscoggin County.<br />
The impact wishes have<br />
on kids battling life-threatening<br />
medical conditions is profound. A<br />
wish is more than a nice to have.<br />
Its serves as a positive light when<br />
everything else in their young lives<br />
might not be as bright as we’d all<br />
want it to be. It serves as a distraction<br />
and allows the child to focus<br />
on something other than the next<br />
appointment, painful surgery or<br />
procedure.<br />
When a child faces a<br />
life-threatening medical condition,<br />
they lose control of so many things<br />
in their lives. They have no control<br />
over what’s happening to their<br />
body. They have no control when<br />
their next operation is. They have<br />
no control over how much medication<br />
they take. But what they do<br />
have control of is one very magical<br />
thing – their most heartfelt wish,<br />
something often out of their wildest<br />
dreams, becomes a reality.<br />
“<br />
I’m proud to say that<br />
village…is right here<br />
in Lewiston/Auburn.<br />
And most importantly a<br />
wish gives them the will to keep<br />
going. In fact, 74% of parents<br />
“<br />
say that a wish marked a turning<br />
point in their child’s response to<br />
treatment. WISHES ARE THAT<br />
IMPORTANT.<br />
Statewide we’ve granted<br />
over 1300 wishes with 130 of those<br />
being kids in Androscoggin County.<br />
Last year alone we granted 7<br />
wishes to kids in this county and<br />
we’re on track to exceed that this<br />
year.<br />
The reality is, we simply<br />
could not do what we do without<br />
the support of area donors, volunteers<br />
and supporters who make<br />
wishes possible. Make-A-Wish is<br />
a Maine movement powered by<br />
Mainers that renews families and<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
34<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039
oday<br />
iston Auburn and Beyond!<br />
Photo courtesy of Colby Michaud, Praxis Production Studios<br />
communities disrupted by childhood<br />
illness. We firmly believe<br />
that it takes a village to make a<br />
wish happen. I’m proud to say that<br />
village…is right here in Lewiston/<br />
Auburn.<br />
There’s a phenomenon<br />
happening in this area that is truly<br />
an inspiration. We’re seeing more<br />
excitement and commitment to<br />
Make-A-Wish in this area than<br />
any other area in the state. Board<br />
members, Wish Granters, event organizers,<br />
donors and volunteers live<br />
right here in LA.<br />
There is no question that<br />
when people in this area hear a call<br />
for help, they step up. One of those<br />
businesses is <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
who organized last year’s first Summer<br />
Block Party at Mac’s Grill.<br />
Funds raised at that event granted<br />
2 wishes for kids in this area.<br />
One for Ben who lives with<br />
CF and wished to have a playset<br />
– one that kept him active and<br />
strengthened his degraded lungs.<br />
Earlier this summer, teams from<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s, Macs Grill and LA<br />
Metro Chamber spent a day building<br />
his playset for the surprise reveal.<br />
When asked how he felt about<br />
his new playset, Ben answered, “It<br />
makes me a million happy.”<br />
The second wish was for<br />
Logan – a HUGE Red Sox fan.<br />
His mom told him if he pushed<br />
through a rigorous cancer treatment<br />
he could have anything he<br />
wanted. His response: a baseball<br />
signed by his favorite player<br />
– Dustin Pedroia. While Logan’s<br />
mom didn’t have ability to make<br />
that happen, Make-A-Wish did!<br />
Last month, Logan spent a week in<br />
Boston on what he called ‘the ultimate<br />
Boston adventure’. He spent<br />
time with Dustin Pedroia and got<br />
the signed ball he only dreamed<br />
would be possible while undergoing<br />
treatment in the hospital.<br />
Preparation for the 2nd<br />
Annual Summer Block Party began<br />
earlier this year and a major goal<br />
was announced – the <strong>2016</strong> event<br />
aimed at raising funds to grant 4<br />
wishes to local kids.<br />
“<br />
...the Summer Block<br />
Party is the highest<br />
grossing external<br />
fundraising event in<br />
the state this year.<br />
I’m happy to announce<br />
that goal was met and exceeded<br />
thanks to partnerships, sponsors,<br />
“<br />
volunteers, attendees and supporters<br />
who joined us at Mac’s Grill on<br />
August 13. The day of fun featured<br />
a barbeque, live music, dunk tank,<br />
Mr. Drew and his animals, a silent<br />
auction and more. Locals came out<br />
in great number to join the fun<br />
and make wishes come true. In<br />
fact, the Summer Block Party is the<br />
highest grossing external fundraising<br />
event in the state this year. Five<br />
wishes will be granted as a direct<br />
result of the event.<br />
Kevin, Jill, Spencer<br />
& Kaylena (wish kid)<br />
At Make-A-Wish, we know<br />
wishes work wonders. Thanks to<br />
LA, we’re working wonders for kids<br />
right in your backyard! We look<br />
forward to sharing the stories of the<br />
5 wishes. ▀<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 35
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
36 <strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039
I think my smart phone is broken. I keep pressing the Home button, but I’m still at work.<br />
Available at:<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
He has no<br />
idea what is about<br />
to happen.<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Summer Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
Featuring FOREVERMARK DIAMONDS<br />
Since 1914<br />
600 Center Street,<br />
Shaw’s Plaza,<br />
Auburn<br />
207-784-6766<br />
DaysJewelers.com<br />
Michelle &<br />
Gerry Gagne<br />
Mac’s Grill<br />
David, Pat, Lisa, Mike, Kristine & Gerry<br />
Quality is Our Priority!<br />
Over 30 Years Experience<br />
Free Estimates<br />
207-841-5053<br />
lsfloorsanding@yahoo.com<br />
My boss does not tolerate any beards or mustaches. He is a real shave driver.<br />
Advice for the day:<br />
If you have a<br />
headache, do what<br />
it says on the aspirin<br />
bottle: Take two,<br />
and keep away from<br />
children.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 37
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Block Andy’s Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>September</strong> 2015<br />
AD PROOF<br />
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Hi Mike,<br />
Sonya Purington<br />
Please Make-A-Wish review your Maine<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will run as you see<br />
it <strong>Uncle</strong> if changes Andy’s are not<br />
received by<br />
Aug. JULY <strong>2016</strong> 27th<br />
George,<br />
Thank you!<br />
Lilliana &<br />
Pam or Ashley Jimbo<br />
Hi Rachel, office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
Please ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com review your<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will run as you see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
received by<br />
Felica & Jess<br />
Checking out the<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
38<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
AD PROOF<br />
June Oxygen 22nd, Bar<br />
Ready...<br />
<strong>2016</strong><br />
Aim...<br />
Thank you!<br />
Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Ethan<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Mike Smith,<br />
Owner<br />
HOME OF THE 2 YEAR WARRANTY ON ALL PARTS & LABOR!<br />
(no matter the mileage)<br />
Rachel Larrivee Massage Therapy<br />
Out ‘n About at the Balloon Festival Parade<br />
UAD Proof <strong>September</strong> 2015 Page tbd<br />
Offering on-site<br />
massage for the<br />
workplace & home<br />
183 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
754.7707 • LewistonMassage.com<br />
UAD Proof JULY <strong>2016</strong> Page tbd<br />
Kora Crazy Cops<br />
Rachel Larrivee Massage Therapy<br />
10 Years Experience<br />
Massage relieves stress &<br />
increases productivity.<br />
Now scheduling<br />
corporate accounts.<br />
*space limited<br />
183 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
754.7707 • LewistonMassage.com<br />
Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines<br />
around the city.
There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.<br />
Thursdays: Live Music on the Patio &<br />
Ladies Night - 1/2 priced drinks<br />
Friday: Guys Night Out! 1/2 priced Beer<br />
Coming Soon,<br />
New Seasonal<br />
Menu!<br />
What’s for<br />
Dinner?<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
Fred feared his wife<br />
Rhonda wasn’t hearing<br />
as well as she used<br />
to and he thought she<br />
might need a hearing<br />
aid.<br />
Not quite sure how to<br />
approach her, he called<br />
the family Doctor to<br />
discuss the problem.<br />
The Doctor told him<br />
there is a simple informal<br />
test the husband<br />
could perform to give<br />
the Doctor a better idea<br />
about her hearing.<br />
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />
333-3070 • railsmaine.com<br />
Closed Sunday & Monday<br />
Stay tuned...<br />
Monthly Events Coming Your Way Soon!<br />
I have a feeling my Guardian Angel is often shaking her head.<br />
Making wishes come<br />
true, awesome! Nice<br />
work everyone!!<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Summer Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
“Here’s what you do,”<br />
said the Doctor, “stand<br />
about 40 feet away<br />
from her, and in a<br />
normal conversational<br />
speaking tone see if<br />
she hears you. If not,<br />
go to 30 feet, then 20<br />
feet, and so on until<br />
you get a response.”<br />
That evening, the wife<br />
is in the kitchen cooking<br />
dinner, and he was<br />
in the den. He says<br />
to himself, “I’m about<br />
40 feet away, let’s see<br />
what happens.” Then in<br />
a normal tone he asks,<br />
“Honey, what’s for dinner?”<br />
No response.<br />
So the husband moves<br />
closer to the kitchen,<br />
about 30 feet from<br />
his wife and repeats,<br />
Rhonda, what’s for dinner?”<br />
Still no response.<br />
Dan, Chip & Ryan of the Auburn Fire Dept.<br />
Sorry, I didn’t mean to push all your buttons, I was looking for mute.<br />
Next he moves into the<br />
dining room where he<br />
is about 20 feet from<br />
his wife and asks,<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 39
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
It’s important to remember that exercise doesn’t work unless you tell a bunch of<br />
people about it.<br />
Kyleigh & Jordan<br />
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!<br />
Senator Nate Libby<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
“Honey, what’s for<br />
dinner?” Again, no<br />
response.<br />
So, he walks up to the<br />
kitchen door about<br />
10 feet away, “Honey,<br />
what’s for dinner?”<br />
Still no response.<br />
So he walks right up<br />
behind her. “Rhonda,<br />
what’s for dinner?”<br />
“Damn it Fred, for the<br />
FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
40<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
My hobbies include eating, and complaining that I’m getting fat.<br />
17th Annual<br />
Only $10<br />
per person with all<br />
the fixings!<br />
OPEN BLUES JAM<br />
Every Thursday Night<br />
LIVE MUSIC<br />
Every Friday & Saturday Night<br />
drink<br />
specials<br />
Saturday,<br />
<strong>September</strong> 17 th<br />
12pm - close<br />
Live Music by<br />
Black Cat Road<br />
50/50<br />
Raffle<br />
I saw a baby with a shirt that said, “I’m what happened in Vegas”.<br />
Give-aways<br />
I just spent 15 minutes looking for my phone in my car, using my phone as a flashlight.<br />
Call Now to book your<br />
Fall Lawn Maintenance!<br />
207-577-8756<br />
Carrierlandscape.com<br />
Accepting<br />
New Clients for All Your<br />
Winter Plowing & Maintenance<br />
Needs!<br />
Mainely Foot Care<br />
adds Massage<br />
Therapist<br />
Jessica Belanger<br />
Mainely Foot Care<br />
& Wellness is pleased to<br />
announce the addition of<br />
Jessica Belanger, a Licensed<br />
Massage Therapist<br />
and a member of the ABMP.<br />
Belanger graduated from<br />
Spa Tech Institute in Westbrook,<br />
Maine in 2010.<br />
She specializes in<br />
Deep tissue, Pregnancy<br />
and Postpartum Massage.<br />
Jessica is also trained in<br />
Swedish, Trigger Point,<br />
Neuromuscular and Chair<br />
Massage. She works with<br />
clients to blend various<br />
massage techniques to<br />
meet their individual needs.<br />
Jessica says, “Self<br />
care is so very important<br />
and we always seem to forget<br />
about ourselves. Everyone<br />
deserves a massage!<br />
So leave all your pains and<br />
troubles at the door and lets<br />
focus on you!!”<br />
Mainely Foot Care &<br />
Wellness is located at 155<br />
Center Street Building C<br />
in Auburn. Stop in or call<br />
them at 207-784-6699.<br />
Visit them online at mainelyfootcare.com.<br />
Call or text Jessica for<br />
your appointment @<br />
207-713-5334.<br />
See their ad on page 58.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 41
Signs<br />
Everywhere<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
How come “you’re a peach” is a compliment, and “you’re bananas” is an insult?<br />
A lady about 8 months<br />
pregnant got on a bus.<br />
She noticed the man<br />
opposite of her was<br />
smiling at her. She<br />
immediately moved<br />
her seat.<br />
This time the smile<br />
turned into a grin, so<br />
she moved again.<br />
The man seemed<br />
more amused.<br />
When on the fourth<br />
move the man burst<br />
out laughing. She complained<br />
to the driver<br />
and he had the man<br />
arrested.<br />
The case came up in<br />
court. The judge asked<br />
the man (about 20<br />
years old) what he had<br />
to say for himself.<br />
The man replied, “Well<br />
your Honor, it was like<br />
this: when the lady got<br />
on the bus, I couldn’t<br />
help but notice her<br />
condition. She sat<br />
down under a sign that<br />
said “The Double Mint<br />
Twins are coming” and<br />
I grinned.<br />
Then she moved and<br />
sat under a sign that<br />
said, “Logans Liniment<br />
will reduce the<br />
swelling”, and I had to<br />
smile.<br />
Then she placed<br />
herself under a deodorant<br />
sign that said,<br />
“Williams Big Stick did<br />
the trick” and I could<br />
hardly contain myself.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
42<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
What a Success!<br />
A BIG THANK YOU<br />
to our sponsors and everyone that contributed!<br />
Check out the back cover to see how many wishes<br />
you helped us grant!<br />
OUR SPONSORS<br />
Our media sponsor:<br />
Paul Colasante of<br />
Modern Woodmen of America<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
Bilodeau Insurance<br />
Cliff’s Auto Sales<br />
Debbie Bodwell<br />
American Concrete<br />
Electrical Systems of Maine<br />
Northeast Bank<br />
Richard Moylan Allstate Insurance<br />
East Coast Mortgage Group<br />
See You Next Year! Save the Date Saturday, August 12,2017<br />
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
I’m naming my TV remote Waldo for obvious reasons.<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
Jeff & Kim Hackett<br />
Joe Harrigan<br />
Norumbega Healing Arts<br />
This party<br />
gets our thumbs<br />
up!<br />
Jeff & Sparky<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
But your Honor, when<br />
she moved the fourth<br />
time and sat under a<br />
sign that said,<br />
“Goodyear Rubber<br />
could have prevented<br />
this accident!”... I just<br />
lost it.”<br />
CASE DISMISSED!<br />
I love how people say they’re “expecting” a baby, as if it might be something else,<br />
like a penguin.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 43
Technical<br />
Difficulties<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
A software manager, a<br />
hardware manager, and<br />
a marketing manager<br />
are August driving <strong>2016</strong> to a meeting<br />
when a tire blows. They<br />
get out of the car and<br />
look at the problem.<br />
AD PROOF<br />
The software manager<br />
says, “I can’t do anything<br />
about this - it’s a<br />
hardware problem.”<br />
Hi Ron Jane &<br />
Sarah,<br />
Please review your<br />
proof carefully.<br />
It will run as you<br />
see it if changes are<br />
not received by<br />
The hardware manager<br />
says, “Maybe if we<br />
turned the car off and<br />
on again, it would fix<br />
itself.”<br />
The marketing manager<br />
says, “Hey, 75% of<br />
it is working - let’s ship<br />
it!”<br />
July 27th<br />
Thank you!<br />
Jimbo or Pam<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
Cross-Eyed<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A man takes his<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Rottweiler to the vet<br />
and asks, “My dog’s<br />
cross-eyed...<br />
proof to:<br />
is there<br />
anything you can do for<br />
him?”<br />
Did you know? Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.<br />
Back 2 School Specials<br />
Buy One Get One<br />
FREE!<br />
on ALL Colors, Foils, Haircuts,<br />
Hair products, AND 60 Min Tanning<br />
Packages!<br />
Sarah Jeanne’s<br />
77<br />
Family Hair Care<br />
Tanning & Day Spa<br />
Sabattus St., Lewiston<br />
795-6778<br />
SarahJeannesLewiston.net<br />
If a man doesn’t have any fingers, can he be counted on?<br />
Out ‘n About at the Summer Block Party<br />
All photos by Captured Moments Photography<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 44<br />
exp. 8.31.16<br />
“Well,” says the vet,<br />
“let’s have a look at<br />
him.” So, he picks the<br />
dog up and examines<br />
his eyes, then checks<br />
his teeth.<br />
Finally, he says “I’m<br />
going to have to put<br />
him down.”<br />
“Why? Because he’s<br />
cross-eyed?”<br />
“No,<br />
because<br />
he’s<br />
really<br />
heavy.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
44<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Skidmarks<br />
People show their true colors unintentionally. Pay attention.
You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.<br />
For All Your Commercial & Residential<br />
Plumbing & Heating Needs!<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
CALL MIKE TODAY!<br />
207-754-4556<br />
Josh<br />
from the band, Skidmarks<br />
Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas<br />
Residential • Commercial • 24hr Emergency Service<br />
Men don’t get lost; they discover alternative destinations.<br />
’s<br />
our<br />
. It<br />
see<br />
not<br />
h<br />
9<br />
F<br />
om<br />
Back to<br />
School!<br />
Time to<br />
reserve<br />
your spot!<br />
rebekah@ninthtonestudios.com • 207-520-9453<br />
Results of Voice Lessons<br />
• Increase Volume, range & resonance<br />
• Gained confidence on and off the stage<br />
• Become a better musician, performer & MORE!<br />
Study voice with Rebekah Leonard, who holds a bachelor of music<br />
degree in voice performance and is a full member in the National<br />
Association of Teachers of Singing.<br />
“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.” — Aldous Huxley<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 52<br />
Jesse St. Laurent<br />
Roopers<br />
Did somebody say<br />
fries?<br />
John Higgins<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 45
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
“You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.” — Tina Fey<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
Breakfast & Lunch<br />
Specials Daily<br />
Karen & Zachary<br />
Pretty soon I’ll be<br />
cookin up some<br />
food for you!<br />
Ken Blais & Grandson, Avery<br />
• Unusual Omelettes<br />
• Crepes<br />
• Breakfast All Day<br />
• Extensive Menu<br />
87 Mill St.<br />
New Auburn<br />
753-0171<br />
(for take-out)<br />
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />
Sunday 7 am – noon<br />
Kait & Jimbo<br />
Pointing out the obvious<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 46<br />
Katie & Zando<br />
Matty B & Bonnie<br />
McHugh<br />
Out ‘n About at the Summer Block Party<br />
All photos by Captured Moments Photography<br />
Samantha<br />
Senator Eric Brakey<br />
Nicholas, Jenny, Mya & Conner<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
46<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
I dreamt I was drowning in an ocean of orange soda, but it was just a Fanta sea.
’s<br />
F<br />
our<br />
. It<br />
see<br />
not<br />
,<br />
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.<br />
FREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates<br />
Call Chrissy TODAY!<br />
Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction Guaranteed<br />
Giving Back to our Community<br />
Proud sponsor of “Cleaning fora Reason”<br />
• Office Cleaning<br />
• House Cleaning<br />
• Janitorial Services<br />
• Customized Cleaning<br />
• Floor Services<br />
chrissysdownhomecleaning@gmail.com<br />
UAD Proof February <strong>2016</strong> Page 47<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
Nikki<br />
9<br />
om<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong><br />
AD <strong>Uncle</strong> PROOF Andy’s<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
Hi Nel,<br />
August <strong>2016</strong><br />
Please review your<br />
proof AD carefully. PROOF It will<br />
run as you see it if<br />
changes are not<br />
Hi Paul,<br />
received by<br />
No Minimum Purchases!<br />
Please Aug 24th<br />
Next Day review Delivery yourin L/A<br />
UAD Proof May <strong>2016</strong> Page tbd<br />
Your LOCAL Source for Janitorial<br />
Cleaning & Maintenance Supplies<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will run as you see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
120 Mill St., Auburn • 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com<br />
Thank you!<br />
Pam or Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax received 777-3898 by<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
I’m an adult. I don’t cry over spilled milk unless it has coffee in it.<br />
July 27th,<br />
UAD Proof October 2015 Page tbd<br />
Sam & Mike<br />
Auburn Equestrian Farm on 16 Acres<br />
US.<br />
FOODS<br />
KEEPING KITCHENS COOKING<br />
Nel Morin, Territory Manager<br />
207.740.3398<br />
USFoods.com<br />
lionel.morin@usfoods.com<br />
This home offers a spacious<br />
Kitchen with hickory cabinets,<br />
beautiful pine floors, fireplace,<br />
mudroom, laundry room, pantry,<br />
deck, and horse barn with insulated<br />
workshop & 7 stalls. Completely<br />
updated including all major<br />
systems. Property bordered by<br />
The Cathy Fifield Team<br />
Fox Ridge Golf Course & woods.<br />
195 Center St, Auburn<br />
Close to turnpike & not far from<br />
Cathy: 207-576-6908<br />
shopping! Lots of options with this<br />
Matt: 207-577-0274<br />
property! $299,900<br />
cathyfifield.com<br />
We have<br />
Fresh Seafood,<br />
Catfish, Clams,<br />
Haddock, Mussels,<br />
Oysters, Salmon,<br />
Scallops, Shark,<br />
Swordfish, Trout, Tuna<br />
Call for Pricing<br />
& Samples<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
UAD Proof <strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> Page 47<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 47
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong><br />
Block<br />
Andy’s<br />
Party<br />
All photos by<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong><br />
AD PROOF<br />
Hi Ann,<br />
Please Shawn review “Big your Sexy”<br />
proof carefully. Holt It<br />
will run as you see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
received by<br />
Aug. 25th<br />
Thank you!<br />
Michelle, Jimbo Joey<br />
office 783-7039 & Kay<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
48<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
Rudy & Cindy<br />
Langelier<br />
Rosie & James<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Why do we say we slept like a baby when they wake up every two hours?<br />
Gift Cards, Merchandise,<br />
Disney Tickets, Hot Air Balloon<br />
Ride & Much More!!<br />
Celebrating DSP Week!<br />
Direct Support Professionals Week<br />
<strong>September</strong> 12-16<br />
THANK YOU<br />
for the difference you make<br />
in the lives of others!<br />
Ice Cream,<br />
Pancake Breakfast,<br />
Car Wash & More!<br />
A week<br />
dedicated to our<br />
Direct Support<br />
Professionals!<br />
A different activity every day<br />
to show our appreciation!!<br />
TICKET RAFFLE<br />
TO BENEFIT<br />
THE JFM LIFE CENTER &<br />
NAVIGATOR PROGRAMS<br />
Saturday, October 1st, Doors open at Noon<br />
Call 782-5999 or<br />
782-2591 FMI<br />
at the Auburn Middle School<br />
OVER 300 PRIZES DONATED BY AREA BUSINESSES!<br />
Once in a while someone amazing comes along; and here I am.<br />
UAD Proof <strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> Page TBD
’s<br />
F<br />
our<br />
. It<br />
see<br />
not<br />
d<br />
You can’t control the length of your life, but you can control the width and depth.<br />
Please vote on<br />
November 8th!<br />
Your Voice in Augusta<br />
Paid for and Authorized by Bruce Bickford<br />
for House. Margie Bickford, Treasurer<br />
Out ‘n About at the Battle of the Boats<br />
Bass Fishing Tournament with Community Credit Union<br />
L-R are Betsy Sibley, Brian Duncan, Bria Duncan, Xavier Duncan, Matthew Shaw,<br />
Lorraine Foster, Natalie Michaud, Chad Pelletier, Laurie Pelletier<br />
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!<br />
64 Lewiston Road, Gray<br />
657-4714 • ColeFarms.com<br />
• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily<br />
An expert in anything was once a beginner.<br />
• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar<br />
• Daily Specials<br />
UAD Proof July <strong>2016</strong> Page tbd<br />
The Tree<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A young man who was<br />
also an avid golfer found<br />
himself with a few hours<br />
to spare one afternoon.<br />
He figured if he hurried<br />
and played very fast, he<br />
could get in nine holes<br />
before he had to head<br />
home.<br />
Just as he was about to<br />
tee off an old gentleman<br />
shuffled onto the tee and<br />
asked if he could accompany<br />
the young man as<br />
he was golfing alone.<br />
Not being able to say no,<br />
he allowed the old gent<br />
to join him.<br />
To his surprise the old<br />
man played fairly quickly.<br />
He didn’t hit the ball far,<br />
but plodded along consistently<br />
and didn’t waste<br />
much time.<br />
Finally, they reached<br />
the 9th fairway and<br />
the young man found<br />
himself with a tough<br />
shot. There was a large<br />
pine tree right in front<br />
of his ball - and directly<br />
between his ball and the<br />
green.<br />
After several minutes of<br />
debating how to hit the<br />
shot the old man finally<br />
said, “You know, when I<br />
was your age I’d hit the<br />
ball right over that tree.”<br />
With that challenge<br />
placed before him, the<br />
youngster swung hard,<br />
hit the ball up, right<br />
smack into the top of the<br />
tree trunk and it thudded<br />
back on the ground not<br />
a foot from where it had<br />
originally lay. The old<br />
man offered one more<br />
comment, “Of course,<br />
when I was your age that<br />
pine tree was only three<br />
feet tall.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 49
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.<br />
Mr. Drew<br />
with Palatin<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
50<br />
Peter<br />
with Bernie<br />
Ron & Jane Kyllonen<br />
Sarah Jeanne’s<br />
Say cheese!<br />
Seth, Gary, Josh,<br />
& Christine<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Did You Know? Flamingos live to be in their 30’s.<br />
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)<br />
DAD’S PLACE<br />
REDEMPTION<br />
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551<br />
Bottle Drives<br />
Welcome!<br />
Back to School!<br />
Get Your returnables<br />
to Dad’s Redemption<br />
Today!<br />
✃<br />
Dad’s Redemption<br />
6¢<br />
on all 5¢ returns<br />
with this coupon.<br />
(must present coupon at<br />
Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />
UAD expires 9.30.16<br />
Better to be the one who smiled than the one who didn’t smile back.<br />
HUNGRY? STOP IN!<br />
Beer Cave! Indoor Air-Conditioned Seating! Lottery!
The best way to succeed in life is to start from scratch and keep scratching.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
Out ‘n About at the Summer Block Party<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
August <strong>2016</strong><br />
AD PROOF<br />
Hi Rosemary,<br />
Please review your<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will run as you see<br />
it if changes are not<br />
received by<br />
July 27th<br />
Skidmarks on the big screen<br />
Thank you! Here, have a seat.<br />
Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Celebrating<br />
National Assisted Living Week<br />
<strong>September</strong> 11-17, <strong>2016</strong><br />
Keep Connected<br />
Call for a Tour<br />
Rosemary Camire Knight<br />
207-783-0961<br />
Home for Senior Women<br />
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn<br />
www.chapmanhouse.org<br />
The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.<br />
I saw an ad for burial plots and I thought, that’s the last thing I need.<br />
Blackie’s Farm<br />
Fresh<br />
Produce<br />
Open Year Round<br />
966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 786-0005 • 6am - 7pm<br />
996 Sabattus St, Lewiston • 786-4356 • 6am - 6:30pm<br />
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 33<br />
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />
1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn<br />
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />
AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />
“Where you’re<br />
treated like family.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 51<br />
UAD Proof JULY 2015 Page 39
Tickle Your<br />
Punny Bone<br />
with Ron Hood<br />
Ron Hood is the Director of<br />
Owner Services for Owner<br />
Media Group. He is the<br />
most thorough, detailed and<br />
caring person you’ll ever meet.<br />
He’s also an internationally<br />
renowned PEZ collector, an<br />
amateur weather reporter,<br />
and a man of mystery. Join<br />
the fun on his Facebook page<br />
or send him a punny note at<br />
OTDweather@gmail.com<br />
<strong>September</strong> has arrived and that means another School Year<br />
begins. I drove myself so hard in school that I missed the learning<br />
curve. It’s not that I dislike school, it was just the principal of it.<br />
I decided to make a change and became an aggressive learner by<br />
hitting the books.<br />
I had a lot of problems with Math. In Geometry class, we weren’t<br />
getting anywhere, and it felt like we were going in circles. The<br />
teacher went crazy putting examples on the blackboard. As I<br />
recall, he certainly did a number on it. I learned that I stink at<br />
fractions. I wasn’t half as good as the class. Even equations were<br />
tough for me, because 2n+2n is 4n to me. In Trigonometry Class,<br />
I prayed before every test, hoping for a sine from above. Things<br />
just didn’t add up for me, but my teachers were always supportive.<br />
I ended up doing ok due to some prime factors. I understand that<br />
decimals have a point and finding area is integral to calculus.<br />
My favorite Math Teacher used to joke in class and say, “Math<br />
is important in everyday life. In fact, the biggest Knight at King<br />
Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size<br />
from too much pi.”<br />
I loved English and Language Arts Class; it spoke to me. My 9th<br />
grade English teacher kept our class Spell-bound and taught me<br />
the first hard rule of grammar...double negatives are a no-no!<br />
One day we had a special indoor picnic, but the teacher had an<br />
extreme fear of insects, and screamed like a little girl when he saw<br />
an antonym. We all laughed, but by the end of the year, he was<br />
feeling rather odd and announced his retirement from teaching. I<br />
am sure it was simply a case of post-grammatic stress disorder.<br />
We could not graduate without meeting the reading requirement.<br />
I loved the book about mazes so much that I got lost in it, and the<br />
book about hands was a real page turner. The teacher was going<br />
to make us read a book about phobias, but changed her mind<br />
because she was afraid it wouldn’t help us. Overall, the best books<br />
were the classics written by the following famous writers:<br />
* “When Does School Start?” by Wendie Belrings<br />
* “High School Math” by Kal Q. Luss<br />
* “The Best Subject in School” by Jim Klass<br />
Well, Jimbo is ringing the school door bell and telling me that class<br />
is over for this month. (Isn’t he a door a bell?). I gotta run while I<br />
can make the grade! OH, and just in case you were wondering...I<br />
was only sent to the Principals office once! I brought my clock in<br />
for show & tell and was sent to the office because it was tocking<br />
too much!<br />
See you next month!<br />
“Anything is possible if you’ve got nerve enough.”<br />
— J.K. Rowling<br />
Out ‘n About at the Battle of the Boats<br />
Bass Fishing Tournament with Community<br />
Credit Union<br />
1st Place Winners<br />
with Matthew Shaw:<br />
Mike Hogue &<br />
Fran Hogue<br />
2nd Place Winners:<br />
Dave Trask &<br />
Billy Grotten<br />
Guess Your Weight<br />
Winner<br />
Dan Fortin with<br />
Natalie Michaud &<br />
Matthew Shaw<br />
L-R: Peter Forbes, Glen Bruce, Mike Neveux, Steve Wilson,<br />
Will Watters, Mike Hogue, Dale Libby, Dan Fortin, Fran Hogue,<br />
Brian Dube, Betsy Sibley, Dave Trask & Billy Grotten<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
52<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel<br />
like you’re alone anymore.
’s<br />
F<br />
Isn’t it funny how red, white & blue represent freedom... Until they’re flashing behind you.<br />
Voted<br />
Best<br />
Plumber<br />
in LA!<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
our<br />
. It<br />
see<br />
not<br />
h<br />
9<br />
om<br />
’s<br />
6<br />
F<br />
e,<br />
our<br />
. It<br />
see<br />
not<br />
h<br />
Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.<br />
207-485-7357<br />
RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com<br />
Brad’s Precision Auto<br />
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 207-333-0364<br />
Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem...<br />
NO PROBLEM!<br />
UAD Proof May <strong>2016</strong> Page 53<br />
It’s Back to School Time!<br />
Don’t Let Car Trouble Slow Your Roll<br />
• Appointments required<br />
• Fully warranteed & certified<br />
• $65/hr labor rate<br />
Specializing in:<br />
Boilers,<br />
Water Softeners<br />
& Geo Springs<br />
Book your Back-to-School lessons now!<br />
• Guitar • Piano • Bass<br />
• Voice • Banjo • Mandolin<br />
• Violin • Ukulele • Brass & Woodwinds<br />
We also sell and service all types of instruments<br />
Main St. Music Lessons<br />
& Instrument Repair<br />
Authorized<br />
Service<br />
Center<br />
Brad’s mechanics:<br />
Norah, Marek, Isaiah & Mallory<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 53<br />
376-3376<br />
134 Main St., Auburn<br />
www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />
There should be confetti in tires, so when they blow out, it is still kind of an okay day.<br />
UAD Proof <strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> Page 53<br />
Lauren, Trisha<br />
& DeeDee<br />
Larry & Diana Roy<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
Do I have something<br />
on my shirt?<br />
Eileen holding<br />
“Fatso”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 53
Head Down<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A golfer tried three<br />
straight times to hit<br />
a golf ball over the<br />
inlet of water between<br />
him and the green.<br />
But each time the<br />
ball splashes into the<br />
water.<br />
In utter frustration the<br />
golfer said, “Caddie,<br />
take my clubs on in,<br />
I’m going to jump into<br />
the water and drown<br />
myself.”<br />
The caddie replied,<br />
“I doubt that, sir. You<br />
couldn’t keep your<br />
head down long<br />
enough to drown!”<br />
If we are not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?<br />
Authentic Applewood Smoked BBQ<br />
Join Us!<br />
Ribbon Cutting Ceremony<br />
<strong>September</strong> 14th<br />
12:15 - 1:15<br />
at Auburn-Lewiston Airport location<br />
Auburn-Lewiston<br />
Airport Location<br />
Now<br />
Open<br />
7am-2pm Until Sept. 14th<br />
80 Airport Dr. Auburn (Auburn Lewiston Airport) • Hours: 7am - 8pm • 753-1746 (take out available)<br />
Roadside: 200 Center St. Auburn (next to Republic Jewelry) • Hours: 11am - 8pm • 660-5512<br />
Hypochondriac<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Brian, one of the<br />
worlds greatest hypochondriacs,<br />
bumped<br />
into his doctor one day<br />
at the supermarket.<br />
“Doc!” Brian exclaimed,<br />
“I’ve been<br />
meaning to tell you, remember<br />
those voices I<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
kept on hearing in my<br />
head? I haven’t heard<br />
them in over a week!”<br />
March <strong>2016</strong><br />
“Wow! What wonderful<br />
news Brian! I’m so<br />
AD happy PROOF<br />
for you!” his<br />
doctor exclaimed.<br />
Hi Jamie,<br />
“Wonderful?” asked a<br />
dismal looking Brian.<br />
“There’s nothing<br />
wonderful about it. I’m<br />
Please review your<br />
afraid my hearing is<br />
proof starting carefully. to go now! It<br />
will run as you see<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
it if changes are not<br />
54 <strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
received by<br />
Feb. 24th<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Take the first step to a world without Alzheimer’s<br />
Saturday, <strong>September</strong> 17, <strong>2016</strong><br />
Time: Check-in 8am • Ceremony 9am<br />
Walk at 9:30am<br />
JT Reid’s<br />
Guns<br />
Purchasing<br />
Gun Collections<br />
of Any Size!<br />
86 Court St., Auburn<br />
777-3579<br />
www.jtreidsgunshop.com<br />
Location: Simard-Payne Memorial Park Lewiston<br />
Route Length: 2.5 miles<br />
Woodlands Memory Care of Lewiston is looking for participants<br />
To Register, Donate or Volunteer contact Cindy Allen 207-440-6040<br />
callen@woodlandsalf.com<br />
Hand Gun<br />
Safety Course<br />
Sept. 24 th 8am-1pm<br />
$<br />
75/pp with this ad<br />
Reg. $ 100.00<br />
Join Us at<br />
JT Reids Gun Show<br />
Oct. 15th & 16th<br />
9a-4p & 9a-3p<br />
$<br />
5/pp entry fee<br />
Did You Know? In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
207-783-7039<br />
(That’s not a threat.) It’s a fact.<br />
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST was audited by the Certification Verification Council (CVC),<br />
an independent, third-party reporting audit company. Who audits more than 3,700 publications<br />
nationwide. Our audit shows:<br />
2.5 *<br />
Readers per edition.<br />
Getting your ad up to 25,000<br />
impressions per month.<br />
National average:<br />
1.75*<br />
80.6% *<br />
frequently purchase products and<br />
services from ads seen in<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
National average:<br />
74.4%*<br />
58% *<br />
of our readers have an<br />
annual household income of<br />
$50,000 or more.<br />
National average:<br />
47%*<br />
52% *<br />
of our readers hang on to their<br />
<strong>Digest</strong> for a month or more,<br />
giving it coffee table status.<br />
National average:<br />
25%*<br />
It’s Verified – <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> Delivers!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
*Source: Fall 2015 CVC Audit Report. Ask to see entire report.<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 55
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Summer<br />
Block Party<br />
All photos by<br />
Captured Moments Photography<br />
Ted & Tasha<br />
“My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch,<br />
we both hated the vacuum.” – Elayne Boosler<br />
Maine’s<br />
BIG<br />
Hit Music Station<br />
Take us along on the Turnpike from Kennebunkport to Newport!<br />
Tanner Binette<br />
Steve<br />
with Tegu<br />
Learn more about the people of Maine on<br />
weekday mornings!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
56<br />
Tanner Marston<br />
with Wrangler<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
GLEASON MEDIA SERVICES<br />
555 Center Street, Auburn • 207-784-5868 • MainesBIGZ.com<br />
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
’s<br />
our<br />
. It<br />
see<br />
not<br />
h<br />
9<br />
F<br />
om<br />
Time to turn over a new leaf. With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.<br />
Sweet Pea Designs<br />
Always FREE<br />
Wedding Planner & Floral Studio<br />
Celebrating<br />
12 Years!<br />
SweetPeaFloralDesignsme.com<br />
Out ‘n About at the Summer Block Party<br />
Delivery in L/A<br />
UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page 57<br />
Shawn Holt & Mike Blais<br />
“My futures so<br />
bright...<br />
Jocelyn Vallee - Village Inn<br />
Photos courtesy<br />
of Cathy Case<br />
Venue: SMCC<br />
South Portland<br />
777-1520<br />
What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet.<br />
Fast<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Those three boys are<br />
in the schoolyard bragging<br />
of how great their<br />
fathers are.<br />
The first one says:<br />
“Well, my father runs<br />
the fastest. He can<br />
fire an arrow, and start<br />
to run, I tell you, he<br />
gets there before the<br />
arrow.”<br />
The second one says:<br />
“Ha! You think that’s<br />
fast! My father is a<br />
hunter. He can shoot<br />
his gun and be there<br />
before the bullet.”<br />
The third one listens<br />
to the other two and<br />
shakes his head. He<br />
then says: “You two<br />
know nothing about<br />
fast. My father is a<br />
civil servant. He stops<br />
working at 4:30 and he<br />
is home by 3:45!”<br />
Passenger<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A chauffeur worked for<br />
a woman who took her<br />
cat with her on rides.<br />
During one trip, the<br />
driver dropped her at a<br />
mall before he gassed<br />
up. The cat remained<br />
in the car, laying down<br />
on the top of the limousine’s<br />
back seat.<br />
The service station’s<br />
attendant often<br />
glanced at unusual<br />
passenger. Finally, he<br />
asked: “Sir, is that cat<br />
someone important?”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 57
CALL THE PROS<br />
Fire Sprinklers Save Lives!<br />
Harris Brothers Rubbish Removal<br />
r<br />
t<br />
e<br />
ot<br />
AlternAtive Sprinkler<br />
Fire protection<br />
Installation • Service • Inspections<br />
Dan Banker • 207-838-8930<br />
Join us for some Affordable FUN!<br />
$<br />
12 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100<br />
LYAF<br />
Sunday at 6:00PM<br />
UAD Proof July <strong>2016</strong> Page 31<br />
Wed., Thurs, & Friday<br />
at 6:30PM<br />
70 Main St, South Paris 1-844-ME-TRASH<br />
Residential~Commercial~Clean outs/Bulks<br />
Serving Oxford Hills, Minot, Hebron, Poland, Bridgton,<br />
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G O T T R A S H ?<br />
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This & A Whole Lot More!<br />
Milwaukee Power Tools Nuts, bolts, fasteners We make keys!<br />
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall<br />
475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394<br />
61 Mill Street, New Auburn<br />
207-783-6927 • MySelco.com<br />
Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4<br />
Build Your Dream Deck!<br />
Quality<br />
Workmanship<br />
since 1989<br />
Call now for prompt<br />
scheduling.<br />
Insured<br />
References<br />
FREE Quotes<br />
207-786-4414 • www.straightlineroof.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
58<br />
Mainely Foot Care & Wellness<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
Kathy Long<br />
Podologist<br />
Aesthetician<br />
Reflexologist<br />
Tiffany Parsons<br />
Massage Therapist<br />
Jessica Belanger<br />
Massage Therapist<br />
Foot Care • Massage<br />
Reflexology • Skin Care<br />
155 Center Street, Auburn<br />
(207) 784-6699 • mainelyfootcare.com<br />
UAD Proof March <strong>2016</strong> Page 31<br />
If people are talking about you behind your back, just fart.
Your Full Service<br />
Mechanical Repair Shop!<br />
25 Fern Street, Turner 207-225-5012<br />
CALL THE PROS<br />
2 & 4 Wheel<br />
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Front End Work<br />
Call Us Today!<br />
351 Lisbon St. Lewiston<br />
754-6284<br />
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Shanna<br />
Breton<br />
Butler Hill<br />
BEADS<br />
20% OFF<br />
with this ad<br />
1022 Minot Ave. Auburn • 241-8680 • wwwbutlerhillbeads.com<br />
LaBonte Financial Services, Inc.<br />
Accounting &<br />
Financial Planning<br />
Specialist<br />
Bert LaBonte, CPA, MBA, MST<br />
155 Center Street, Auburn<br />
782-9500 • bglcpa@aol.com<br />
Call<br />
for FREE<br />
Estimate!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
July <strong>2016</strong><br />
Hi Steve,<br />
Walk-ins Welcome<br />
AD PROOF<br />
Color • Highlights • Perms • Razor Cuts<br />
• Flat Tops • Fades • Regular Cuts<br />
Senior Citizens Welcome<br />
207-784-2545<br />
26 Nickerson Ave, Auburn<br />
(behind Great Falls Credit Union)<br />
Please review your<br />
Professional proof carefully. Office It Space Available<br />
Shared office space in desirable Lewiston location<br />
Affordable, will run as Newly you seeRenovated Suites<br />
it FMI: if changes Call or are text not 207-240-6415<br />
received by<br />
June 22nd<br />
Thank you!<br />
Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
fax 777-3898<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
Connie<br />
Norton<br />
roof August <strong>2016</strong> Page Pros<br />
EMERGENCY RESPONSE<br />
• Water Damage<br />
• Fire/Soot/Smoke Damage<br />
• Mold Remediation<br />
• Sewage<br />
Call Troy today<br />
for more information!<br />
You know what would make house cleaning a lot more fun? A maid.<br />
TIME FOR CARPET CLEANING!<br />
Carl<br />
CLEANING SERVICES<br />
• Carpets - Commercial & Residential<br />
• Hard Surface Floors<br />
• Tile and Grout<br />
• Post Construction Cleaning<br />
ServiceMaster Fire & Water Restoration<br />
29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn<br />
207-539-4452<br />
smfireandwater.com • smcarpetcleaning.com<br />
NOW HIRING!<br />
Come Join a Local Growing<br />
Team of Home Care<br />
Professionals<br />
Part Time • Flexible<br />
Mothers Hours • Weekend Hours<br />
207-753-1800<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Jeff<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 59
Office Genie<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> A sales Andy’s<br />
rep, an administration<br />
clerk, and the<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
manager are walking<br />
to lunch when they find<br />
an antique oil lamp.<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong><br />
They rub it and a Genie<br />
comes out. The Genie<br />
says, “I’ll give each of<br />
you just one wish”<br />
AD PROOF<br />
Hi Nancy,<br />
“Me first! Me first!”<br />
says the administration<br />
clerk. “I want to be in<br />
Please the Bahamas, review driving your<br />
proof carefully. It<br />
will She’s run as gone. you see<br />
it if changes “Me next! Me are next!” not<br />
says received the sales byrep. “I<br />
a speedboat, without a<br />
care in the world.” Poof!<br />
want to be in Hawaii,<br />
relaxing on the beach<br />
Aug with my 24th personal<br />
masseuse, an endless<br />
supply of Pina Coladas<br />
and the love of my life.”<br />
Thank you!<br />
Poof! Jimbo He’s gone.<br />
office 783-7039<br />
“OK, you’re up,” the<br />
fax Genie 777-3898 says to the<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
manager.<br />
The manager says, “I<br />
want those two back in<br />
the office after lunch.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
60<br />
What Year?<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
A couple of tourists<br />
were dining at a fine<br />
restaurant in Paris. After<br />
waiting for an hour,<br />
the husband finally<br />
was able to catch the<br />
waiter’s eye. “I want<br />
a bottle of your best<br />
wine,” he ordered.<br />
“What year?” asked the<br />
waiter.<br />
“Right now!” bellowed<br />
the tourist.<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 61
<strong>Uncle</strong><br />
A father and<br />
Andy’s<br />
son are<br />
hiking in the Grand<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
AD PROOF<br />
Hi Michele,<br />
The father points and<br />
Please review your<br />
says, “Son, native<br />
proof Americans carefully. have the<br />
It best will memory run as of you any<br />
people in the world”<br />
see it if changes are<br />
not The received young son thinks by<br />
he’s quite the smart<br />
9.24.15<br />
one and goes up to the<br />
Indian and says, “What<br />
did you have for break-<br />
Thank you!<br />
fast<br />
Jimbo<br />
last Tuesday.”<br />
or Pam<br />
office Without 783-7039 hesitation<br />
the fax Indian 777-3898 responds,<br />
ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
“eggs.” The son is<br />
impressed proof to: and goes<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />
the same hills, and lo<br />
<strong>Digest</strong><br />
AD PROOF<br />
Hi Paul & Kim,<br />
Please review your<br />
proof The Indian carefully. responds, It<br />
“Scrambled.”<br />
will run as you see<br />
it if <strong>Uncle</strong> changes Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> are not<br />
62<br />
Breakfast<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Canyon. They go<br />
around bends, over<br />
hills, October and through 2015<br />
nooks. They round<br />
another bend to see an<br />
American Indian sitting<br />
on a rock.<br />
on with the hike with<br />
his father.<br />
Thirty years later the<br />
son is now a grown<br />
man, and is hiking the<br />
same trail with his own<br />
son. He goes around<br />
the same bends, over<br />
and behold, rounds the<br />
corner and there is that<br />
same Indian on the<br />
August <strong>2016</strong><br />
same rock.<br />
He’s an older wiser<br />
man now, and will really<br />
test him. He walks<br />
up, raises his hand<br />
in greeting and says<br />
“HOW.”<br />
received by<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
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UAD Proof August <strong>2016</strong> Page tbd
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Sept. <strong>2016</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 63<br />
783-9098 Coming Soon!<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo
Do you think clouds look down on people and think, “that one’s shaped like an idiot”?<br />
T<br />
R<br />
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C<br />
K<br />
O<br />
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T<br />
R<br />
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A<br />
T<br />
with<br />
Cinderella never asked for a prince. She asked for a night off and a dress.<br />
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This many!<br />
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showed up to our 2nd Annual Summer Block Party!<br />
Fri. October 28th<br />
Check out our ad on<br />
page 23 & 31 for more<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
information.<br />
64 <strong>September</strong> <strong>2016</strong> 783-7039<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
THANK YOU!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com
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