January 2017

REAL TALK
Why don’t we
Communicate
anymore?
by Celeste Catania-Opris, Ph.D.
Open communication may be
considered one of the key
ingredients for maintaining a
successful marriage. Yet, one of the
most common issues affecting couples
today is the inability to directly talk to
one another. Why is it so difficult? Many
of us remember talking to our partners
on the phone for hours at a time. Now
it may seem as if you don’t have the
time or energy to ask, “How was your
day?” This change may be due to several
outside influences affecting the way we
communicate with our partners.
Responsibilities:
Balancing a job, taking care of your
children, and making time for family and
friends can be rather challenging and
overwhelming for a couple. There are only
so many hours in a day and fulfilling these
responsibilities can be exhausting. By the
end of the day, most people don’t have
the energy or drive to start a meaningful
conversation with their partner. Still, in
order to effectively communicate with
your significant other, you must remember
to offer each other the same amount of
time and respect that you would give to a
friend or family member. Ask your partner
how he/she is feeling today, say thank you
to one another, and acknowledge each
other’s efforts. Most importantly, show
each other appreciation and these small
changes can offer you a starting point for
effective communication as a couple.
106
Technology:
How many times a day do
you or your partner check Facebook,
Instagram, or Twitter? The use of
technology may affect your relationship in
a very negative way. People can feel left
out or ignored by the excessive use of
technology. Try to limit the time you use
social media. If you are on your phone
in bed every night before going to sleep,
then you may be unintentionally shutting
out your partner. Your significant other is
lying next you and wants to feel needed by
you. Make eye contact with one another
and try to initiate a conversation. Start with
small talk, such as something that made
you laugh that day or discuss a situation
that frustrated you at work. These minor
shifts can ultimately lead you both towards
effective communication.
Comfort:
All parents raise their children differently.
Nevertheless, our upbringing may impact
the way we respond and react as adults.
For instance, if a little boy were to get hurt,
some parents would expect him to brush
it off and to not cry, whereas other parents
may instantly comfort their son. Girls, on
the other hand, are frequently hugged,
reassured, and often spoken to by a
majority of parents when they get injured
or begin crying. Essentially, boys may
learn to be closed off and girls may in turn
learn to be more vocal. This doesn’t
JANUARY 2017
apply to every family, but
it does happen. The issue
lies once we become adults
and enter a relationship. Our
roles can then become jaded, resulting in
misunderstandings and even unnecessary
arguments.
We behave in ways that are familiar to
us and make us feel comfortable. Being
aware of your background and discussing
these factors with your significant
other may prove to be beneficial and
advantageous for your relationship,
especially when trying to understand your
partner’s habits and tendencies. These
ideas can also help you to make sense
of why your partner may communicate
in certain ways. In turn, participating in
this open discussion may lead you both
towards communicating effectively.
Tell your partner how you would like to be
spoken to and recognize that your partner
may not be purposefully talking to you in
a way that turns you off or pushes you
away. Perhaps it may be the only way he/
she knows how to communicate. Always
strive to understand one another. There
may be times of uncertainty within your
relationship, but remember that the love
you share is real and it is uniquely yours. P
Celeste Catania-Opris, Ph.D., LMFT,
is the owner of Therapy for The Modern
Housewives of South Florida Inc. in
Coral Springs;
TherapyForModernHousewives.com.