Vegas Voice 3-17 web

You Gotta Laugh
By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs
The Anniversary Present: Bob
forgot his wedding anniversary. His
wife was mad.
She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in
the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better
be there!”
The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out
the window to find a box gift wrapped in the middle of the
driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
One final note: Bob has been missing since Friday!
French Computer: A language teacher was explaining
to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English
counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine
or feminine. “House” in French, is feminine - “la maison”,
while “pencil” in French is masculine - “le crayon.”’
One puzzled student asked, “What gender is a computer?”
The teacher thought it would be a good exercise to have the
students decide what they thought the gender should be.
So she split the class into two groups appropriately enough,
by gender and asked them to decide whether “computer”
should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were
required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be
of the feminine gender (“la computer”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term
memory for possible later review.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you constantly
find yourself spending more money on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers
should be masculine (“le computer”) because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them
on.
2. They have a lot of data, but still can’t think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but most of
the time, they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had
waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model!
Survey Says: There is a new survey about women and how
they feel about their asses. The results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat; 10% of women think
their ass is too skinny and 60% of women say they don’t care.
They still love him, he’s a good man and they wouldn’t trade
him for the world!
Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The Vegas Voice and
has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny
submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.
Mart’s Top Ten
By: Marty Allen / Hello Dere
1
. It is better to have loved and
lost…much better!
2. You know a boy is growing up
when he stops wanting to go out with girls and wants to stay
home with them.
3. Irving: “It’s our 10th anniversary and you look the
same as you did when I married you.” Sarah: “I should. I’m
wearing the same dress!”
4. Wife: “Before we got married, you told me you were well
off.” Husband: “I was and I didn’t know it!”
5. Reporter: “You play beautifully. What made you take up
the piano?” Musician: “My glass of beer kept falling off the
violin.”
6. Shirley: “What a beautiful coat. It must have cost a
fortune.” Sylvia: “No, it only cost one kiss.” Shirley: “One
that you gave your husband?” Sylvia: “No. One he gave to our
maid!”
7. Times sure have changed. When did you ever see a liquor
store with a “Back to School” sale?
8. Whether or not a girl can be had for a song depends on a
man’s pitch!
9. The wildest thing happened in New York last month.
Some guy held up a Sperm Bank!
10. Remember: No naked man ever lost his keys.
Bonus: All marraiges are happy. It’s the living together
afterwards that’s tough.
For over the past decade, Marty Allen has performed with his on
and off stage singing partner Karon Kate Blackwell.
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