Womens_Health_USA_JulyAugust_2017

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FITNESS like “Don’t dull your sparkle to make other people more comfortable,” to the unsparing “Sweat is just your fat crying” memes. She wants women to be strong, but not too hard on themselves as they work toward that strength. Before she could teach that kind of self-acceptance to others, however, she had to find it herself. A PAINFUL PAST It didn’t come easily. “My father left when I was 2,” she reveals, a life-changing event she now believes instilled in her the “feeling that I could never be loved” and ultimately led her to fall for a string of abusive boyfriends. Emily was also mercilessly bullied by other girls. “In grade school, they’d make frog noises when I walked past because I had big eyes, and they called me Stick Creature because I was skinny,” she remembers. By age 11, she was so unhappy that her doctor prescribed an antidepressant. When her wide blue-gray eyes and willowy legs caught the attention of male students, the girl-on-girl torment escalated: Emily was pushed into lockers and chased home from school. Hoping to boost Emily’s confidence in her looks, her mother enrolled her in a modeling course at 13. By her late teens, she was scoring gigs for fashion and bikini shoots, but that made her feel worse. “I’d go to castings and compare myself to the other women,” she says. “I would think, I’m not pretty enough or skinny enough. But I kept modeling because I needed praise to feel loved.” By her early twenties, Emily was “on the verge of an eating disorder,” she says. Daily two-hour cardio sessions and a diet of carrots, celery, and hummus kept her at a size 0, “but I wasn’t fit or healthy. I had so much self-hate that sometimes I didn’t feel like I wanted to live.” She also had a “nasty boyfriend” who was not only unfaithful and controlling but threatening and physically abusive. “I had to get a restraining order on him,” she says. “In retrospect, it was like a horrible movie.” THE TURNING POINT There was no place to go but up, and Emily’s first moves in that direction began to take shape in 2009, when she was 24. “I started looking at muscle and fitness magazines, and the women seemed so strong and healthy. I loved the idea of using weights to transform your body, to look and feel powerful.” At the gym, she traded cardio machines for the weight room, playing around with lat pulldowns and biceps curls that, she now admits, “I was probably doing all wrong.” At the same time, Emily reconnected with a friend of a friend, Declan Redmond, a former commando in the Australian army and an experienced weightlifter. The two started training together, with short bursts of HIIT and heavy weights. Emily noticed a difference in her physique within six weeks: Her arms and legs had grown more defined and she’d begun etching out abs. As she continued reshaping her body from “twig” to “strong, fit machine”—in the process gaining almost 30 pounds, most of it pure muscle—her confidence blossomed too. Fueled by a steady stream of post-workout endorphins, her depression melted away, and she was able to stop taking the antidepressants that had been part of her life for a dozen years. “Before, I had this cloudy feeling, and now, the sun was shining. I thought, This is what being alive is like. I felt like a superhero.” Not everyone was on board with Emily’s new passion. “Some friends wrinkled their noses at my muscles. One looked at my arms and shoulders and said I looked ‘disgusting, like a man.’” A bikini company airbrushed her abs out of photos. A fashionhouse rep gestured at Emily’s sculpted arms and said, “It’s too much.” “And I was tiny then compared to now!” Emily marvels. It was high school all over again—not fitting in, not being accepted. URBAN OUTFITTERS SWEATSHIRT, SKINS SHORTS, GARMIN TRACKER 68 WOMENSHEALTHMAG.COM / July/August <strong>2017</strong>
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