Uncle Andy's Digest - June 2018
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

JUNE<br />

<strong>2018</strong><br />

EST. 1996<br />

Richard Moylan<br />

(207) 777-0050<br />

791 Kittyhawk Ave.<br />

Unit 5, Auburn<br />

richardmoylan@allstate.com<br />

207-782-7113<br />

Get Your FREE<br />

Quote Today!<br />

Insurance and coverages subject to terms. qualifications and availability. Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance<br />

Company, Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandautobody.com<br />

Voted Greater L/As Best Mortgage<br />

Company Four Years Running!<br />

2014, 2015, 2016 & 2017<br />

*Market Surveys of America*<br />

Great Rates • Great Service • Great Staff<br />

Great Falls<br />

Federal Credit Union<br />

www.GreatFallsfcu.com<br />

34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1

Our Gravel Pit is located at 168 Middle Road<br />

(Rt. 9) in Sabattus.<br />

FROM STONE DUST TO ROCK,<br />

WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

2<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

784-7944<br />

stlaurentandson.com

Did You Know? The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache on<br />

a standard playing card.<br />

MODERN WOODMEN<br />

OF AMERICA<br />

JUNE <strong>2018</strong> ACTIVITIES<br />

Sunday, <strong>June</strong> 3 rd 6:30-11am<br />

Kiwanis Club Pancake Breakfast<br />

St. Dominic Academy, Auburn<br />

Mem: $4 Guest: $5<br />

Sunday, <strong>June</strong> 3 rd 7:30-10am<br />

American Legion Breakfast<br />

Sabattus Mem: $ 5 Guest: $ 6<br />

Saturday, <strong>June</strong> 9 th 9am-Noon<br />

Community Shredding Event<br />

Modern Woodman District Office<br />

184 Webster St. Lewiston<br />

**Limit 3 boxes (Residential Only)<br />

Free: accepting donations to benefit The<br />

Greater Androscoggin Humane Society<br />

Saturday, <strong>June</strong> 9 th 5-6pm<br />

American Legion Ladies’<br />

Auxiliary Unit #31<br />

426 Washington St. N. Auburn<br />

Mem: $ 6 Guest: $ 7<br />

Tuesday, <strong>June</strong> 12 th 4-7pm<br />

Fielder’s Choice 680 Minot Ave.<br />

Auburn Members & Guests $ 2<br />

Thursday, <strong>June</strong> 14 th 4-7pm<br />

Val’s Drive-In 925 Sabattus St.<br />

Lewiston Mem: $ 5 Guest: $ 6<br />

Tuesday, <strong>June</strong> 19 th 4-7pm<br />

Taber’s 470 Lake Shore Dr.<br />

Auburn Mem: $ 7 Guest: $ 8<br />

Friday, <strong>June</strong> 22 nd 2pm<br />

Seacoast Adventure Park<br />

Basic Challenge Aerial Adventure<br />

Windham Mem: $ 20 Guest: $ 21<br />

Must arrive at 2pm. Only selling 40 tix.<br />

Must purchase by <strong>June</strong> 20th<br />

Tuesday, <strong>June</strong> 26th 7-10am<br />

Roy’s Breakfast<br />

5 Washington Ave. Auburn<br />

Mem: $ 4 Guest: $ 5<br />

Wednesday, <strong>June</strong> 27 th 3-7pm<br />

Dairy Joy Lewiston or Auburn<br />

Auburn Members & Guests $ 1<br />

Aero Air Park 1 hour Pass<br />

Members & Guests $ 1.00<br />

Funtown<br />

Amusement OR Splashtown<br />

Only Mem. $ 23 Guest: $ 24<br />

Combo Tix: Mem. $ 28 Guest: $ 29<br />

Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to<br />

change. All activities can only be attended<br />

at the times listed. TICKETS ARE<br />

LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS<br />

ALLOWED FMI, please call our office<br />

782-1833, DO NOT CALL RESTAURANTS.<br />

*************************<br />

Tickets need to be purchased at the<br />

Modern Woodmen District Office,<br />

184 Webster St, Lewiston. Office hours are<br />

Monday-Thursday 9a-4p, Friday 9a-12noon,<br />

excluding holidays. Tickets can only be<br />

purchased 1 week in advance of the activity.<br />

Aren’t you curious about why people talk about a shoe when sneezing?<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

is published by the first<br />

Friday of every month by Maine<br />

Mountain Ocean Group, Inc.<br />

with offices at 9 Grove Street,<br />

Auburn, Maine, USA.<br />

Published and distributed since<br />

1996 throughout Central Maine<br />

and mailed to subscribers all over<br />

the Free World. Subscriptions<br />

are $30/year.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com<br />

Office: 207-783-7039<br />

UAD Super Heroes<br />

Tom goes to the drive up window, hands the clerk a $10 bill and says, “surprise me,<br />

I never get what I order anyway!”<br />

smile again dentures<br />

801 Webster Street, Lewiston • SmileAgainDentures.com<br />

514-0660<br />

FREE CONSULTATIONS<br />

Or email us at:smileagaindentures@gmail.com<br />

CAPTAIN<br />

JIMBO<br />

SPIDY<br />

TIM<br />

WONDER<br />

WOMAN<br />

PAM<br />

HULK<br />

SMASH<br />

THOMAS<br />

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IRONSIDES<br />

STEVE<br />

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!<br />

affordable dentures<br />

Also see us for:<br />

• Full Dentures<br />

• Immediate Dentures<br />

• Partial Dentures<br />

• Rebases<br />

• Relines<br />

• Repairs<br />

• All work done in house,<br />

including metal frameworks<br />

Poorly fitting or<br />

broken dentures<br />

repaired on-site,<br />

usually same-day<br />

service!<br />

• We now offer Care Credit<br />

• Most Dental Insurances Accepted<br />

• We also accept Credit & Debit Cards<br />

• Not a MaineCare Provider<br />

Mike & Joe<br />

Adkins,<br />

licensed<br />

denturists<br />

While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> tries very hard to<br />

ensure the accuracy of the information in our<br />

client’s advertisements and our publication in<br />

general, we are not responsible for vendor<br />

availability, typographical errors, technical<br />

inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or<br />

omissions.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

4<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Jack and Jill were not very smart... Who goes up hill to find water?<br />

UAD Proof May, Aug, Nov 2017 Page 4

I achieved my personal best today in the 100 yard dash. Yup, I made it 45 yards!<br />

Out ‘n About at the<br />

Franco Center<br />

for the Annual Buccaneer<br />

Banquet<br />

Arrgh, I’m one<br />

lucky pirate!<br />

Fern & Heidi<br />

Langlois<br />

If you ever see me out running, please kill whatever is chasing me.<br />

Jimbo Marston<br />

Mitchell Thomas &<br />

Jennifer Groover<br />

A healthy nap not only makes you feel better, it also shortens the workday.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5

Give your home the protection<br />

it deserves.<br />

Call for a Tour<br />

Rosemary Camire Knight<br />

207-783-0961<br />

Home for Senior Women<br />

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn<br />

www.chapmanhouse.org<br />

T7<br />

Maine’s Favorite Truck Dealership<br />

5 Star<br />

Dealership<br />

946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503<br />

FOUR WHEEL<br />

ALIGNMENT<br />

$<br />

69.95 reg.<br />

$<br />

89.95<br />

Certified Service<br />

Limit 1 per order, not to be combined w/ other offers.<br />

Expires <strong>June</strong> 30, <strong>2018</strong>. Restrictions may apply.<br />

Certified Service<br />

$<br />

20 OFF<br />

with any maintenance<br />

of $ 100 or more.<br />

946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503<br />

Limit 1 per order, not to be combined w/ other offers.<br />

Expires <strong>June</strong> 30, <strong>2018</strong>. Restrictions may apply.<br />

946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503<br />

Four Tire rotation<br />

& balance<br />

ONLY $<br />

29.95<br />

Certified Service<br />

Limit 1 per order, not to be combined w/ other offers.<br />

Expires <strong>June</strong> 30, <strong>2018</strong>. Restrictions may apply.<br />

DealerRater.com<br />

& Cars.com<br />

Certified Service<br />

$<br />

10 OFF<br />

any service repair<br />

946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503<br />

Limit 1 per order, not to be combined w/ other offers.<br />

Expires <strong>June</strong> 30, <strong>2018</strong>. Restrictions may apply.<br />

Rt. 4 Center St, Auburn • 207.784.3503 • 1.800.696.0766<br />

www.emersonchevy.com • M-F 8am-7pm; Sat 8am-5pm<br />

w<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

6<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

My wife is so romantic, she said I’m a work of art. Or a piece of work, something like that.

Sometimes I wonder what ever happened to people who stopped and asked<br />

me for directions.<br />

Admittance<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

e<br />

rs.<br />

at.<br />

THRIFTY CAR MART<br />

733 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 777-7200<br />

Spring Truck & SUV<br />

SALE!<br />

All Units Online<br />

On-the-spot Financing!<br />

WWW.THRIFTYCARMART.COM<br />

We are looking for Licensed Electricians • Apply within<br />

11 Library Avenue • Auburn<br />

www.RoySnow.com Serving Maine since 1947 207.782.3734<br />

What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?<br />

Mike and John were<br />

out walking their dogs<br />

on a hot day, when<br />

they pass by a pub.<br />

Mike looks at his friend<br />

John and says “Let’s<br />

go in there for a quick<br />

drink.”<br />

John replies, “They<br />

won’t let us in with our<br />

dogs.”<br />

“Sure they will, just<br />

follow my lead.”<br />

Mike walks up to the<br />

pub, and sure enough<br />

the doorman tells him,<br />

“I’m sorry but I can’t let<br />

you in here with your<br />

dog.”<br />

Mike replies, “But I’m<br />

blind and this is my<br />

seeing-eye dog.”<br />

The doorman says,<br />

“Okay, well in that<br />

case, come on in.”<br />

John sees this and decides<br />

to do the same<br />

thing. He walks up to<br />

the front door, but the<br />

doorman says, “Sorry<br />

sir, you can’t come in<br />

here with a dog.”<br />

John replies, “I’m blind<br />

and this is my seeing-eye<br />

dog.”<br />

The doorman responds,<br />

“I don’t think<br />

so buddy. You mean<br />

to tell me you have a<br />

chihuahua for a seeing-eye<br />

dog?”<br />

John stops for a second<br />

looking confused,<br />

and says, “They gave<br />

me a chihuahua?”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 7

Out ‘n About at the<br />

Franco Center<br />

for the Annual Buccaneer<br />

Banquet<br />

Selling advertising<br />

can be a lot like walking<br />

the plank.<br />

Vanessa Harlow<br />

Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?<br />

The BBQ Pit<br />

Block Party<br />

<strong>June</strong> 27 th • 5pm to close<br />

Sponsored by LA Harley<br />

$10 BBQ Meal<br />

(pulled pork, beans, slaw, rib ends & cornbread)<br />

Ice Pik & Bud Light Specials<br />

Private Event Room<br />

No room charge option, call for details • Seats up to 100<br />

Birthday • Anniversary • Baby Shower • Graduation<br />

Join Us ON OUR<br />

Prime Rib Saturdays • 4 pm<br />

American Grill Menu added<br />

Shrimp Scampi, Chicken Alfredo, 10oz. Sirloin<br />

outdoor patio<br />

& More!<br />

838 Lisbon St. • 241-2644 • www.theBBQpit.me<br />

Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.<br />

Sue Marston<br />

This guy<br />

means<br />

business!<br />

Jimbo Marston &<br />

Fern Langlois<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

8<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

My calculator is missing the minus button, but on the plus side it still works.

One Stop Shop for ALL Your Catering Needs!<br />

l<br />

)<br />

in<br />

ONE STOP<br />

SHOP SERVICE<br />

CATERING<br />

• Full Bar Service<br />

• Tents<br />

• Tables & Chairs<br />

• Dance Floor<br />

• Stage & Lighting<br />

• Port-a-potties<br />

Professional service<br />

at an affordable price!<br />

• Summer Parties<br />

• Lobster Bakes<br />

• Corporate Events<br />

• Weddings<br />

BOOK NOW!<br />

Dates are filling fast!<br />

Call Today for a Free Quote:<br />

345-9009<br />

DadsPlaceCatering.com<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 9

Limited<br />

Availability<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

George was going to<br />

bed when his wife told<br />

him that he’d left the<br />

light on in the shed.<br />

George opened the<br />

door to go turn off the<br />

light but saw there<br />

were people in his<br />

shed stealing things.<br />

He immediately<br />

phoned the police, who<br />

asked, “Is someone in<br />

your house?”<br />

George said, “No,” and<br />

explained the situation.<br />

Then they explained<br />

that all patrols were<br />

busy, and that he<br />

should simply lock his<br />

door and an officer<br />

would be there when<br />

available.<br />

George said, “Okay,”<br />

hung up, counted to<br />

30, and phoned the<br />

police again.<br />

“Hello, I just called you<br />

a few seconds ago<br />

because there were<br />

people in my shed.<br />

Well, you don’t have to<br />

worry about them now<br />

because I’ve just shot<br />

them all.”<br />

Telling jokes at the coffee shop this morning turned out to be quite a brewhaha.<br />

Pool Builders OF<br />

From start to finish<br />

1000 Minot Ave.<br />

Auburn<br />

795-7222<br />

photos are from actual Pool Builders job sites<br />

www.poolbuildersofmaine.com<br />

One good turn will get you most of the blankets.<br />

MAINE<br />

We Carry All Your Pool<br />

Chemicals & Accessories<br />

Pools • Patios • Fences • Sheds • Hardscaping<br />

The Fortin Group<br />

26 Auburn Rd.<br />

Turner<br />

225-2013<br />

Congratulations to Roger Bouffard on fifty years in funeral service.<br />

You’re the best!<br />

F<br />

&<br />

5<br />

M<br />

S<br />

Ph<br />

Then he hung up.<br />

Within five minutes<br />

three squad cars, an<br />

Armed Response unit,<br />

and an ambulance<br />

showed up. The police<br />

caught the burglars<br />

red-handed.<br />

217 Turner Street<br />

Auburn<br />

207-783-8545<br />

70 Horton Street<br />

Lewiston<br />

207-784-4584<br />

(continued on page 12)<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

10<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

I wonder if the guy who coined the term, “One Hit Wonder”, came up with<br />

any other phrases.

Two can live as cheaply as one, but only for half as long.<br />

CELEBRATING<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Frank’s Restaurant<br />

& Pub in Lisbon Falls<br />

This place<br />

has a lot of Moxie<br />

to it.<br />

Fresh Steak Cut<br />

& Ground Daily!<br />

BREAKFAST SPECIALS<br />

$<br />

5.95<br />

includes coffee or small beverage<br />

monday 2 eggs, sausage, home fries<br />

& toast<br />

tuesday 2 eggs, corned beef hash<br />

& toast<br />

wednesday 3 blueberry pancakes<br />

$<br />

2<br />

OFF<br />

any purchase<br />

of $ 6 .00<br />

or more<br />

Tiana Healy &<br />

Neil Buckley<br />

5 Washington St. Auburn<br />

783-4304<br />

Mon. - Fri. 5am - 8pm<br />

Sat. & Sun. 6am - 8pm<br />

thursday French Toast<br />

friday 2 item omelet & toast<br />

saturday 2 golden pancakes &<br />

sausage<br />

1 coupon per order<br />

Please, no reproduction<br />

of coupons<br />

Watch out! This<br />

one is trouble!<br />

Phone orders are welcome<br />

sunday French Crepes<br />

expires 6/30/18<br />

In order to be a mountain climber, one should be in peak condition.<br />

Affordable Chiropractic Care for the whole family!<br />

No Insurance • No Referrals • No Hassles<br />

$<br />

30 per visit<br />

$<br />

50 whole family<br />

Sam Purcell &<br />

Danny Lewis<br />

Weekly memberships<br />

starting at $ 67/month<br />

Schedule online at:<br />

www.207chiro.com<br />

871 Court St. Auburn<br />

(207) 401-2000<br />

439 Lewiston Rd. Topsham<br />

If we weren’t meant to juggle, tennis balls wouldn’t come three to a can.<br />

Brandon Desilv<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 11

Out ‘n About with<br />

Maine Tourism<br />

Association<br />

for their 97th Annual<br />

Meeting<br />

Plan ahead - It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.<br />

DMR Sealcoating<br />

DRIVEWAY MAINTENANCE & REPAIR<br />

15<br />

Le<br />

7<br />

Ellie Espling &<br />

Cyndi Robbins<br />

• Asphalt Seal Coating<br />

• Hot Rubberized Crack Filler<br />

• Driveway/Walkway Edging<br />

• Hand & Spray Application<br />

• Hot Asphalt Patching<br />

• Commercial & Residential<br />

14 Years<br />

Experience!<br />

• We Accept Cash, Check, & All Major Credit Cards<br />

FREE ESTIMATES • 207-740-7655<br />

DMRSealcoating.com<br />

The road to success is always under construction.<br />

Jim Handy<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

12<br />

Scott Riccio<br />

(continued from page 10)<br />

One of the policemen<br />

said to George, “I<br />

thought you said that<br />

you’d shot them!”<br />

George said, “I thought<br />

you said there was<br />

nobody available!”<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.<br />

S<br />

S<br />

S

1567 Lisbon Street<br />

Lewiston<br />

777-6353<br />

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK<br />

SUN. MON. TUES. 11 to 10<br />

WED. - SAT. 11 to 11<br />

gridironrestaruant.com<br />

KIDS MENU<br />

FOR KIDS 12 AND UNDER<br />

CHICKEN TENDERS<br />

with one side $ 4.99<br />

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH<br />

with one side $ 4.50<br />

CHEESEBURGER<br />

with one side $ 4.50<br />

PEPPERONI PIZZA<br />

with one side $ 4.99<br />

FRIED SHRIMP<br />

with one side $ 6.99<br />

KRAFT MAC-N-CHEESE<br />

with one side $ 4.50<br />

PENNE PASTA W/<br />

SPAGHETTI SAUCE<br />

with one side $ 4.50<br />

PENNE PASTA W/<br />

ALFREDO SAUCE<br />

with one side $ 4.50<br />

PENNE PASTA W/<br />

BUTTER<br />

with one side $ 4.50<br />

GRILLED CHICKEN<br />

BREAST<br />

with one side $ 4.50<br />

JUNE SPECIALS<br />

Thank You L/A<br />

& Beyond!<br />

$<br />

9 .99<br />

Friday - 1st<br />

Salmon Pie<br />

Saturday - 2nd<br />

Meatloaf<br />

Sunday - 3rd Monday - 4th Tuesday - 5th Wednesday - 6th Thursday - 7th Friday - 8th Saturday - 9th<br />

Chop Suey Grilled Reuben Meatball Sub Stuffed Peppers Chicken Sausage & Baked Lobster Shrimp Casserole<br />

Wrap<br />

$<br />

6 .99 $<br />

$<br />

7<br />

8 .99 .99 $<br />

6 .99 Shrimp Jambalaya Mac & Cheese $<br />

$<br />

12<br />

9 .99<br />

.99<br />

$<br />

9 .99<br />

Sunday - 10th Monday - 11th Tuesday - 12th Wednesday - 13th Thursday - 14th Friday - 15th Saturday - 16th<br />

Shepard’s Pie Lobster Grilled Broccoli & Ham Meat Lasagna Bacon Wrapped Baked Crab New England<br />

$<br />

7 .99 Cheese<br />

Quiche<br />

stuffed Haddock<br />

$ Steak Tips<br />

Lobster Roll<br />

w/ lobster sauce<br />

$ $<br />

9<br />

12 6 .99<br />

.99 .99 $<br />

12 .99 $<br />

13 .99<br />

$<br />

14 .99<br />

Sunday - 17th Monday - 18st Tuesday - 19th Wednesday - 20th Thursday - 21st Friday - 22nd Saturday - 23rd<br />

Spaghetti<br />

Beef Baked BBQ half Broccoli & Cheese Salmon Veggie Lasagna Philly Steak &<br />

w/ meat sauce Chimichanga Chicken dinner stuffed shells Croquettes<br />

Cheese Calzone<br />

$<br />

$<br />

9 .99 $<br />

8 .99 $<br />

9 .99 8 .99<br />

$<br />

7 .99 $<br />

8 .99<br />

$<br />

9 .99<br />

Sunday - 24th Monday - 25th Tuesday - 26th Wednesday - 27th Thursday - 28th Friday - 29th Friday - 30th<br />

Crabcakes Beef Burrito<br />

& Bean Chicken Pot Pie Clam Dinner<br />

Strip Baked Haddock Friday Oysters Beans & Franks<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

$<br />

8 $ .99 7 Au Gratin<br />

.99 $<br />

$<br />

8 .99 $<br />

13<br />

12 .99 $<br />

6 .99<br />

.99<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13<br />

$<br />

9 .99<br />

$<br />

9 .99<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo

Out ‘n About at<br />

Frank’s Restaurant<br />

& Pub in Lisbon Falls<br />

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.<br />

13th Annual<br />

M<br />

Restaurant • Mini Golf Course<br />

Driving Range • Ice Cream Stand<br />

August 4 th<br />

L<br />

Jessica Hoyt<br />

Family Fun Recreation Facility<br />

on the shores of Lake Auburn<br />

13<br />

Shawn Pesce &<br />

Hannah Darling<br />

Call us for Party & Group Outing Info!<br />

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • tabersgolf.com • 207-784-2521<br />

We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

14<br />

Sally Darling<br />

Bonnie & David<br />

Carroll<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

*<br />

NEW SUMMER<br />

MENU *<br />

Jumbo Maine Lobster<br />

Roll & Seafood Chowder<br />

* NEW PATIO *<br />

Live Acoustics<br />

Stand-up<br />

Comedy Every<br />

Friday &<br />

Saturday Night<br />

with host<br />

Sam Pelletier<br />

BLT Mega Burger<br />

Every Thursday Night<br />

34 Court St. Auburn • OPEN @ 8AM WED. - SUN. • FACEBOOK.COM/HOBCOMEDYVENUE<br />

The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the<br />

fire trucks ruined it.

Never trust a dog to watch your food.<br />

Main St. Music Lessons<br />

& Instrument Repair<br />

L/A’S MUSIC ACCESSORY HEADQUARTERS!<br />

134 Main St., Auburn • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com 376-3376<br />

Out ‘n About at Frank’s Restaurant & Pub<br />

The<br />

Difference<br />

Submitted by Steve Simard<br />

Steven answered<br />

a help wanted ad,<br />

seeking a professional<br />

welder with pay ranging<br />

$18-$28 an hour.<br />

When he arrived Steven<br />

was told he would<br />

have to take a welding<br />

test. When he finished<br />

he turned in two sets<br />

of welds. The first was<br />

the worst weld anyone<br />

has ever seen and<br />

the second weld was<br />

absolute perfection, a<br />

thing of beauty.<br />

When the boss asked<br />

Steven to explain this,<br />

he replied, “The first<br />

one is $18 an hour, the<br />

second one is $28 an<br />

hour.”<br />

r<br />

Watch<br />

out! Ava has<br />

that look in her<br />

eyes.<br />

Mike & Amiee Corson with Emily, Ava & Leila<br />

We’ve got you covered!<br />

A Psychiatric<br />

Fairytale<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

At a psychiatric ward:<br />

“Doctor, what should<br />

we do with the new<br />

guy in room 6? He<br />

believes he’s a wolf.”<br />

Doctor: “Whatever you<br />

do, don’t let his grandmother<br />

visit!”<br />

E<br />

Locally Owned & Operated<br />

207-783-2246<br />

150 East Ave. Lewiston • MaineInsuranceonline.com<br />

Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 15

Deathly Quiet<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

An Uber passenger<br />

tapped the driver on<br />

the shoulder to ask<br />

him a question.<br />

The driver screamed,<br />

lost control of the car,<br />

nearly hit a bus, went<br />

up on the sidewalk,<br />

and stopped inches<br />

from a store window.<br />

For a second everything<br />

went quiet in the<br />

car, then the driver<br />

said, “Look man, don’t<br />

ever do that again. You<br />

scared the daylights<br />

out of me!”<br />

The passenger apologized<br />

and said, “I didn’t<br />

realize that a little tap<br />

would scare you so<br />

much.”<br />

The driver replied,<br />

“Sorry, it’s not really<br />

your fault. Today is my<br />

first day as an Uber<br />

driver – I’ve been<br />

driving a hearse for the<br />

last 25 years.”<br />

Quotable<br />

Quote<br />

“Never give up, and be<br />

confident in what you<br />

do. There may be tough<br />

times, but the difficulties<br />

which you face will<br />

make you more determined<br />

to achieve your<br />

objectives and to win<br />

against all the odds.”<br />

– Marta<br />

An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that<br />

it might be true.<br />

207.784.1541<br />

easy@easyrentall.com<br />

20 South Ave.<br />

Lewiston<br />

EasyRentAll.com<br />

LA’s Premier Rental Company<br />

We Have The Equipment You Need!<br />

• Sweepers • Loader Backhoes • Rollers<br />

• Screens & Crushers • Trench Boxes • Trailers<br />

• Chippers, Trenchers, & Grinders • Dump Trucks<br />

• Excavators, Dozers - small to large<br />

Competitive<br />

Rental<br />

Rates<br />

• Spring Clean-up Equipment<br />

• Roll-off Containers<br />

• Equipment Rentals<br />

• Storage Containers<br />

• Easy Self-Storage<br />

You name it -<br />

We most likely<br />

rent it!<br />

The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don’t have.<br />

O<br />

Jo<br />

“T<br />

The<br />

was<br />

Bus<br />

ics,<br />

bur<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

16<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Can you make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water?

Take away the looks, money, charm and success and, really, there’s no real difference between me<br />

and George Clooney.<br />

Out ‘n About at the Museum LA Maine Innovation Expo<br />

Joe Philippon<br />

Driving Simulator<br />

WHEN YOU NEED A GOOD LAWYER<br />

t<br />

Robbie Porter<br />

Bonney Eagle Robotics Team<br />

Rachel Desgrosseilliers,<br />

“The Rose” & Kathy Becvar<br />

Aaron Schmitz<br />

The Maine Innovation Expo was held at Museum L-A on Saturday, May 19th. It<br />

was a day to celebrate creativity, ingenuity, and innovation from all around Maine.<br />

Businesses and students were able to showcase their inspiring work, from robotics,<br />

to drone racing, optical juggling, and a featured talk by Ken Hodgkins, (Auburn)<br />

Maine’s Own Spaceman. It was a fun and educational day for all attendees.<br />

EXPERIENCE MATTERS<br />

• Workers’ Compensation<br />

• Social Security Disability<br />

• Personal Injury<br />

• Vaccine Injury Compensation<br />

• Criminal Defense<br />

• Medical Malpractice<br />

PARADIE &<br />

RABASCO, PA<br />

As skilled and aggressive attorneys,<br />

we give honest, practical legal<br />

advice. With our experience, we have<br />

developed formidable negotiation<br />

and courtroom skills that ensure the<br />

best possible outcome for our clients.<br />

Verne E. Paradie, Jr.<br />

vparadie@lawyers-maine.com<br />

Edward Rabasco, Jr.<br />

erabasco@lawyers-maine.com<br />

Patrick Nickerson<br />

pnickerson@lawyers-maine.com<br />

217 Main St., Ste 400 • Lewiston<br />

207-333-3583<br />

www.lawyers-maine.com<br />

Time may be a great healer, but it can be a lousy beautician.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17

Out ‘n About at<br />

Frank’s Restaurant<br />

& Pub<br />

Dawn & Mike<br />

Dumas<br />

Diane Dubois &<br />

Jerry Lessard<br />

I hate when I’m running on the treadmill for half an hour and look down to see it’s<br />

been only 4 minutes.<br />

Enjoy Your Summer with Georgio’s<br />

Fill Your Cooler Here!<br />

Our reasonably priced<br />

food will allow you<br />

to spend more money<br />

on the fun stuff!<br />

Italians / UFO’s / Pizza<br />

Pasta Salad / Finger Rolls<br />

& so much MORE!<br />

On the go?<br />

Grab one of our<br />

Breakfast<br />

Sandwiches<br />

Italian Sandwich<br />

Rolls<br />

8 Rolls / $4<br />

no minimum<br />

Homemade<br />

Donuts<br />

Your life doesn’t get better by chance. It gets better by choice.<br />

Hamburger buns<br />

4 Rolls / $2<br />

no minimum<br />

Our bakery items are baked fresh daily!<br />

GEORGIO’S<br />

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />

783-2981<br />

See our specials on Facebook or mygeorgios.com<br />

Cli<br />

55<br />

S<br />

Out ‘n About with DuBois Realty during RED Day cleaning up Whiting Farm<br />

Rick, Diane &<br />

Jackie<br />

Come see us<br />

at Frank’s!<br />

Alexis Wentworth<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

18<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Marnie DuBois, Brian DuBois, Kathy Whitney, Dan Kane, Julie Poulin,<br />

Jozette Forastiere, Paul Meek, Katie Martin w/ baby Rudi Therrien<br />

How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?

s<br />

Clinging onto the past and living is like driving forward while watching the rear view mirror.<br />

551 Lincoln St. Lewiston schemengees.com<br />

777-1155<br />

9 BALL TOURNAMENT<br />

9 BALL TOURNAMENT<br />

August 11th & 12th<br />

Doors open at 10am<br />

Registration ends at 11:30am<br />

$50 Buy In<br />

Double Elimination - Race to 9<br />

Alternate Break<br />

$<br />

1000 Added<br />

Must play Saturday to enter<br />

2nd chance Sunday<br />

2nd chance - $25 Buy-in<br />

Single Elimination - Race to 7<br />

$<br />

250 Added<br />

FREE Schemengees Summer Bash FREE<br />

Schemengees wants to say THANK YOU, and is throwing a party!<br />

Open to all Pool, Darts & Cornhole teams.<br />

August 4th: starting at noon with a buffet at 1pm • Door Prizes,<br />

giveaways, raffles, music, games & MORE!<br />

INDEPENDENT<br />

A Division<br />

POOL<br />

LEAGUE<br />

BBB Division<br />

A Miracle<br />

Submitted by Steve Simard<br />

A man struggles up<br />

the church steps with<br />

crutches. He goes to<br />

the holy water bowl,<br />

dips his finger in and<br />

makes the sign of the<br />

cross. He then throws<br />

his crutches away. The<br />

alter boy watching this<br />

runs to get the priest.<br />

He tells the priest, “A<br />

man with crutches just<br />

entered the church and<br />

went to the holy water<br />

bowl, made the sign of<br />

the cross and threw his<br />

crutches away.”<br />

The priest says, “It’s<br />

a miracle! A miracle!<br />

Where is he?”<br />

The alter boy says, “On<br />

the floor near the holy<br />

water.”<br />

Potato Sack<br />

Submitted by Vanessa Harlow<br />

Tim, Jimbo and Steve<br />

are running from the<br />

police. They run into<br />

an old barn and hide in<br />

potato sacks.<br />

The Cage No Spin Zone<br />

Brian Plourde, Dave Jellison & Roger<br />

Rossignol (Mike Olcot & Carlton<br />

Gagnon who are not shown)<br />

BB Division<br />

3 Bro’s & a Doe<br />

Tim St.Pierre, Dave Hodgkin,<br />

Amy Saucier & Rob Maheux<br />

1st Place<br />

Winners<br />

Schemengees Money Shot<br />

Nick Levesque, Brent Gagne,<br />

Barry Deletetsky, Tim Cassidy &<br />

Craig Charpentier (Alan Jockem who<br />

is not shown)<br />

BN Division<br />

Webber Club Whack ‘Em<br />

Floyd Ingals, Eileen Freve,<br />

Terry Freve & Danny Hebert<br />

The officer chasing<br />

them walks into the<br />

barn looking for them.<br />

He kicks the first sack<br />

with Tim inside and he<br />

responds with a, “Woof<br />

woof!” The cop thinks<br />

it’s a dog, so he walks<br />

to the next one. He<br />

kicks the second bag<br />

with Jimbo inside, and<br />

he says, “Meow meow!”<br />

The cop believes it’s a<br />

cat and moves on. He<br />

kicks the third bag with<br />

Steve inside, and he<br />

yells, “Potato potato!”<br />

And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19

Out ‘n About at<br />

Kristi’s Cafe<br />

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... Smoking bacon will cure it.<br />

Adrianne,<br />

can I be your<br />

Rocky?<br />

Adrianne Bolton<br />

& Paul Carpentier<br />

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.<br />

Your Voice in Augusta<br />

PEOPLE LOVE MAGAZINES.<br />

of all media, which do U.S. internet users say they<br />

TRUST THE MOST?<br />

PRINT.<br />

Paid for and Authorized by Bruce Bickford<br />

for House. Margie Bickford, Treasurer<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

20<br />

Quotable<br />

Quote<br />

“When all the world<br />

appears to be in a<br />

tumult, and nature itself<br />

is feeling the assault<br />

of climate change, the<br />

seasons retain their<br />

essential rhythm. Yes, fall<br />

gives us a premonition of<br />

winter, but then, winter,<br />

will be forced to relent,<br />

once again, to the new<br />

beginnings of soft greens,<br />

longer light, and the<br />

sweet air of spring.”<br />

– Madeleine M. Kunin<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.<br />

COME SEE US<br />

at our New Location!<br />

beginning <strong>June</strong> 6th<br />

230 Main Street, Norway<br />

207.744.2578<br />

Hours: W/Th/Su 11a-8p • F/Sa 11a-9p<br />

Catering Services Available<br />

Call us for a quote<br />

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21

P<br />

F<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Frank’s Restaurant<br />

& Pub<br />

Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught.<br />

FRIENDS<br />

Sophie & Becky<br />

Bray<br />

YUM!<br />

S<br />

F<br />

Owen Bray<br />

We love<br />

this place!<br />

10 PLATFORMS<br />

7 Radio Stations & 3 Streaming Plus Backup of Social Media<br />

Au<br />

Marrianne & Ken<br />

Withers<br />

proud parents to owner,<br />

Traci Austin<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

22<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

• Maine’s Big Z: 105.5, 92.7, 1240<br />

• The OX: 96.9, 100.7, 1450 and SportsTime780<br />

• Streaming at MainesBigZ.com, SportsTime780.com & WOXO.com<br />

• Promotions on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & Websites<br />

Gleason Media Services<br />

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.<br />

8<br />

&

Sometimes, being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting.<br />

Like us on Facebook @FranksLisbonFallsMaine<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Frank’s Restaurant<br />

& Pub<br />

Visit us, we’re<br />

lots of fun!<br />

Sunday - Thursday 3 - 10pm<br />

Friday & Saturday 3 - 11pm<br />

EST. 2017<br />

RESTAURANT & PUB<br />

Burger Mondays<br />

20% OFF all burgers<br />

Take out available • Exp. 6.30.18<br />

(207) 407-4606<br />

2 Main Street • Lisbon Falls, Maine 04252<br />

My IQ came back negative.<br />

Poisson & Sons Auto Care Inc.<br />

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144<br />

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION<br />

We have a<br />

check list for your<br />

vehicle!<br />

Vehicle Check<br />

List<br />

p<br />

p<br />

JUNE INSPECTIONS<br />

ARE DUE!<br />

Auto Repairs • Maintenance • Inspections • K1 • Alignments<br />

Computer Diagnostics • State Inspections & More!<br />

Traci Austin<br />

Owner<br />

“Where you’re treated like family.”<br />

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />

1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn<br />

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />

AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />

A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.<br />

86 Court St., Auburn<br />

777-3579<br />

HUGE<br />

Selection of<br />

Fire Arms,<br />

Ammo<br />

& Accessories!<br />

Don’t be a victim...<br />

www.jtreidsgunshop.com<br />

Be Prepared!<br />

Skip from Dube’s<br />

Flower Shop<br />

an avid Yankee’s fan, made<br />

a bet with Kevin Simoneau<br />

of The Fortin Group, and a<br />

Red Sox fan. We imagine<br />

Kevin won the bet. GO SOX!<br />

st.<br />

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

24 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo

I lost my voice today... I can’t tell you how annoying it is.<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Schemengee’s Bar<br />

& Grill<br />

Winners play<br />

pool at<br />

Schemengee’s!<br />

Dawn Cloutier &<br />

Lee Brunei<br />

State Partners, 1st place<br />

Becky & Tony<br />

Gunnels<br />

State Partners, 2nd place<br />

Heather Wentzell<br />

State Singles 2nd place<br />

winner<br />

When I die I want my last words to be, “I left a million dollars under the......”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25

Deal with<br />

the Devil<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

My wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because,<br />

“Everyone just eats it.”<br />

A seasoned golfer had<br />

been playing for 20<br />

years, but he’d never<br />

managed his ultimate<br />

goal: a hole-in-one. As<br />

he was chipping away<br />

in a sand trap one day,<br />

moving nothing but<br />

sand, he voiced the<br />

thought. “I’d give anything<br />

— anything — to<br />

hit a hole-in-one.”<br />

“Anything?” came a<br />

voice from behind. He<br />

turned to see a grinning,<br />

red-clad figure<br />

with neatly polished<br />

horns and sharpened<br />

tail.<br />

“What did you have<br />

in mind?” the golfer<br />

inquired.<br />

“Well, would you give<br />

up half of your sex<br />

life?” asked the devil.<br />

“Yes, yes I would,” the<br />

golfer said with little<br />

hesitation.<br />

“It’s a deal then,” the<br />

devil said as he faded<br />

discreetly from sight.<br />

On the very next hole,<br />

the golfer did it. The<br />

ball soared from his<br />

club on a perfect arc<br />

right into the hole. And<br />

for good measure,<br />

every other hole he<br />

played that round, he<br />

holed out. As he was<br />

putting his clubs away,<br />

the figure in red appeared<br />

once more.<br />

“Now for our bargain,”<br />

he said.<br />

(continued on next page)<br />

g<br />

23<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

26<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

The best way to keep a job is to work at it!<br />

Kurk Lalemand of Next<br />

Level Business Coaching<br />

makes it his mission<br />

to expand <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />

<strong>Digest</strong> in Florida! Apparently<br />

Jimbo thought Kurk<br />

knew he meant printing.<br />

Somehow Kurk had ice<br />

cream on his mind...<br />

My Job<br />

- Foster a robust business environment<br />

- Stand up for Veterans issues<br />

- Reduce taxes for Mainer’s<br />

- Encourage voter participation<br />

- Demand common sense governance<br />

- Fight for a fiscally prudent government<br />

- Support local control of education<br />

Please call, text, email pape@legislature.me 207.224.8299<br />

I WILL NEVER TAKE TAX PAYER FUNDING<br />

PAID FOR AND AUTHORIZED FOR BY THE COMMITTEE TO<br />

ELECT PAPE FOR HOUSE CHIP PALMER, TREASURER<br />

A women’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it more often.<br />

Just found my birth certificate. Ugh, it’s official: I’ve gained weight.<br />

NOW HIRING HVAC TECHNICIAN<br />

Full time plus benefits • Join our growing company<br />

Stop in at our new location at 230 Rodman Rd. in Auburn,<br />

give us a call or email pgardner@nadeausrefrigeration.com<br />

Apply Today!<br />

230 Rodman Rd., Auburn • 786-3246 • nadeausrefrigeration.com<br />

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.<br />

(continued from previous page)<br />

“You remember you<br />

must give up half of<br />

your sex life?”<br />

The golfer frowned.<br />

“That presents a bit of<br />

a problem,” he said.<br />

“You’re not backing out<br />

of this,” cried the figure<br />

with a swish of his tail.<br />

“We’ve struck a bargain<br />

and you agreed<br />

to it.”<br />

“Yes, of course. But I<br />

do have a problem,”<br />

the golfer explained.<br />

“Which half of my sex<br />

life do you want –<br />

the thinking or the<br />

dreaming?”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27

2<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Schemengee’s Bar<br />

& Grill<br />

Becky Gunnells<br />

State Singles 1st place<br />

The next<br />

round is on<br />

me!<br />

Who remembers when a journey of a thousand miles began with Dad saying,<br />

“I know a shortcut.”?<br />

Now located inside The Gym<br />

Congratulations<br />

ELEMENT<br />

ALLSTARS<br />

on their championship winning season<br />

4 Teams One Dream<br />

ESPN Center D2 Summit Cheer Competition, Orlando Florida, May <strong>2018</strong><br />

Xenon 1st Place<br />

(junior level 3)<br />

A<br />

K<br />

w<br />

in<br />

tr<br />

le<br />

m<br />

John Ragan<br />

State Singles, 1st place<br />

Chrome 1st Place<br />

(small senior level 4)<br />

Nitrogen 6th Place<br />

(senior level 2)<br />

B<br />

We’ll take 3 doubles!<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

28<br />

Tammy Veilleux,<br />

Michelle Roy &<br />

Dan Thibodeau<br />

BN Division 2nd place<br />

Schemengees Chalk is<br />

Cheap<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Neon 2nd Place<br />

(youth level 2)<br />

746 Main St. Lewiston<br />

207-689-3145<br />

~ New Summer Class Schedule ~<br />

starting after<br />

July 4th<br />

~ Weight Loss Challenge Coming Soon ~<br />

~ Ask about Couch to 5k Event ~<br />

Ask about Element All Star members Gym rates<br />

Can you imagine the world without cameras? I just can’t picture it.<br />

Fo<br />

la<br />

Th<br />

An<br />

ho

Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M’s<br />

because let’s be honest here.<br />

ATTENTION RESTAURANT OWNERS<br />

ServiceMaster does commercial kitchen & hood exhaust cleaning!<br />

Keep your facility healthy and safe<br />

with regular cleaning and degreasing.<br />

Kitchen hood exhaust systems<br />

trap airborne grease which can<br />

lead to deadly fires if not properly<br />

maintained.<br />

Star Stuck<br />

Submitted by Gene Couillard<br />

Paul Newman founded<br />

the Hole in the<br />

Wall Gang Camp for<br />

children stricken with<br />

cancer, AIDS, and<br />

blood diseases.<br />

One afternoon, he<br />

and is wife, Joanne<br />

Woodward, stopped by<br />

to have lunch with the<br />

kids.<br />

Call for a free estimate!<br />

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn<br />

(800) 244-7630<br />

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A counselor at a nearby<br />

table, suspecting<br />

the young patients<br />

wouldn’t know Newman<br />

was a famous<br />

movie star, explained,<br />

“That’s the man who<br />

made this camp<br />

possible. Maybe<br />

you’ve seen his picture<br />

on his salad dressing<br />

bottle?”<br />

Blank stares.<br />

“Well, you’ve probably<br />

seen his face on his<br />

lemonade carton.”<br />

An eight-year-old girl<br />

perked up. “How long<br />

was he missing?”<br />

Old-fashioned<br />

Submitted by Steve Simard<br />

r<br />

Left to right in the Chicago Times on April 11, 1931 is:<br />

Jimbo Marston, Larry Roy, Denis Webber, & Don Mercier.<br />

Four members of the “Maniac Crime Family” were arrested when they took a hot tub time machine back to 1931 and<br />

landed in Chicago. They went to Capone’s, a local speakeasy, and they had no idea that booze and gambling was illegal.<br />

They all resisted arrest until the coppers compromised and let the Maniac’s hold some futuristic magazine called <strong>Uncle</strong><br />

Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>. Luckily, they broke out of jail, because no one would send bail money. They made their way back to the<br />

hot tub time machine in the nick of time and landed back to Florida, mostly unscathed.<br />

I walked into the<br />

kitchen and asked my<br />

daughter for a phone<br />

book, she laughed at<br />

me, said I was old, and<br />

passed me her smart<br />

phone.<br />

To make a long story<br />

short, the spider’s<br />

dead, her phone is<br />

broken and she’s now<br />

in her bedroom crying.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 29

Just Ducky<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.<br />

A woman brought a<br />

very limp duck into a<br />

veterinary surgeon. As<br />

she laid her pet on the<br />

table, the vet pulled out<br />

his stethoscope and<br />

listened to the bird’s<br />

chest.<br />

After a moment or<br />

two, the vet shook his<br />

head and sadly said,<br />

“I’m sorry, your duck,<br />

Cuddles, has passed<br />

away.”<br />

The distressed woman<br />

wailed, “Are you sure?”<br />

“Yes, I am sure. Your<br />

duck is dead,” replied<br />

the vet.<br />

“How can you be so<br />

sure?” she protested. “I<br />

mean you haven’t done<br />

any testing on him or<br />

anything. He might just<br />

be in a coma or<br />

something.”<br />

The vet rolled his eyes,<br />

turned around and left<br />

the room. He returned<br />

a few minutes later<br />

with a black Labrador<br />

Retriever. As the duck’s<br />

owner looked on in<br />

amazement, the dog<br />

stood on his hind legs,<br />

put his front paws on<br />

the examination table<br />

and sniffed the duck<br />

from top to bottom. He<br />

then looked up at the<br />

vet with sad eyes and<br />

shook his head. The<br />

vet patted the dog on<br />

the head and took it out<br />

of the room.<br />

A few minutes later he<br />

returned with a cat. The<br />

cat jumped on the table<br />

and also<br />

(continued on next page)<br />

Saturday, August 11 th<br />

1 - 9pm<br />

Fun for<br />

Everyone!<br />

• Kid’s Zone w/ 95’ Inflatable<br />

Obstacle Course<br />

• HUGE Silent Auction<br />

• Dunk Tank<br />

• Face Painting<br />

• Mr. Drew & his animals too<br />

• Great Food<br />

• Beer Garden & Full Bar<br />

• 50/50<br />

Join our amazing<br />

sponsors!<br />

Call<br />

783-7039<br />

FMI<br />

OUTSIDE @ MAC’S GRILL<br />

1052 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />

A great<br />

Community Event!<br />

WISH Sponsor<br />

UNCLE ANDY’S D<br />

presents<br />

Food, Fun, & Music<br />

hosted by<br />

Sponsor of<br />

STRENGTH<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

30<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

I heard you tell your wife to calm down... I, too, like to live dangerously.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option.<br />

(continued from previous page)<br />

ANDY’S DIGEST<br />

presents<br />

& Music to Benefit<br />

hosted by<br />

3<br />

LIVE BANDS!<br />

1:00-3:00pm Farmhouse Project<br />

3:00-5:00pm Chad Porter Trio<br />

6:00-9:00pm The Veggies<br />

Fireworks at 9pm<br />

Because of YOU<br />

we’ve been able to raise over<br />

$100,000 and grant 14 wishes to local<br />

kids facing critical illnesses. Help<br />

us make our 4th Annual event<br />

the best yet!<br />

A Summer Event You<br />

Won’t Want to Miss!<br />

delicately sniffed the<br />

bird from head to foot.<br />

The cat sat back on its<br />

haunches, shook its<br />

head, meowed softly<br />

and strolled out of the<br />

room.<br />

The vet looked at the<br />

woman and said, “I’m<br />

sorry, but as I said, this<br />

is most definitely, 100%<br />

certifiably, a dead<br />

duck.”<br />

The vet turned to his<br />

computer terminal, hit<br />

a few keys and produced<br />

a bill, which he<br />

handed to the woman.<br />

The duck’s owner, still<br />

in shock, took the bill.<br />

“$150!”<br />

She cried, “$150 just<br />

to tell me my duck is<br />

dead!”<br />

The vet shrugged,<br />

“I’m sorry. If you had<br />

just taken my word for<br />

it, the bill would have<br />

been $20, but with the<br />

Lab Report and the Cat<br />

Scan, it’s now $150.”<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

the <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />

<strong>Digest</strong> Office<br />

ponsor of<br />

TRENGTH<br />

Sponsor of<br />

HOPE<br />

Sponsor of<br />

JOY<br />

Community<br />

Sponsors<br />

Portland Safe<br />

Media Partner:<br />

Office dog, Lydia, wants to<br />

know who will share this<br />

nice cigar with her?<br />

I can almost always tell when a movie doesn’t use real dinosaurs.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 31

Out ‘n About at<br />

Schemengee’s Bar<br />

& Grill<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />

<strong>Digest</strong><br />

There are two types of people in this world: people you want to drink with and people<br />

who make you want to drink.<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong><br />

AD PROOF<br />

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Please Linda review Poussard your<br />

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proof carefully. It<br />

Keg Kickers<br />

will run as you see<br />

it if changes are not<br />

received by<br />

May 23rd<br />

Thank you!<br />

Becky Gunnells &<br />

office Tony 783-7039 Gunnells<br />

design@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />

BB Division 2nd place -<br />

Keg Kickers<br />

Rucker taught<br />

me that when<br />

you’re in the <strong>Digest</strong>,<br />

thumbs up is the<br />

way to go!!<br />

207-783-3888<br />

40 East Ave. Lewiston • Next to Sea40<br />

LA’s ONLY<br />

indoor<br />

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• Open jump arena<br />

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zone for children<br />

under 8.<br />

Jacob Bissonnette<br />

& Roger Dudoi<br />

A Division 2nd Place -<br />

Pastime Club Skrubs<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

32<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Fun for all ages!<br />

Hours: Mon-Thurs. 11a-9p; Fri. 11a-11p; Sat. 10a-11p • Sun. 10a-9p<br />

UAD Proof <strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> Page 18<br />

A great<br />

place to<br />

celebrate<br />

special<br />

events!<br />

Spider web (noun): A thing you walk into which suddenly turns you into a karate master.<br />

“Th

Is it too early to be looking forward to Friday?<br />

Japanese Cuisine<br />

LA’s One & Only True<br />

Habachi Experience!<br />

Missing<br />

You<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

Dave went on a<br />

business trip for a few<br />

days.<br />

When he returned, his<br />

wife reported that the<br />

dog really missed him.<br />

CELEBRATE<br />

YOUR<br />

GRADUATION<br />

AT SEA40!<br />

Don’t forget about Dad<br />

on Father’s Day!<br />

<strong>June</strong> 17th<br />

Open Mic<br />

Every Wednesday<br />

7 - 10pm<br />

hosted by<br />

In the NICK of TOM<br />

LIVE MUSIC EVERY THURSDAY 7 - 9pm<br />

<strong>June</strong> 6 - Double Entendre<br />

<strong>June</strong> 14 - Peter’s Big Adventure<br />

<strong>June</strong> 21 - Phil Fortier<br />

<strong>June</strong> 28 - Donnie Hebert<br />

Japanese Cuisine<br />

40 East Ave., Lewiston<br />

207-795-6888<br />

www.sea40me.com<br />

“She spent every<br />

night at the front door,<br />

awaiting your return,”<br />

she said.<br />

“What an example of<br />

true love,” Dave replied.<br />

“I wonder if you’d<br />

be that concerned<br />

about me?”<br />

“Honey,” she answered,<br />

“if you were<br />

gone overnight, and I<br />

didn’t know where you<br />

were, you can be sure<br />

I’d be waiting for you at<br />

the front door.”<br />

Kids<br />

Comments<br />

Submitted by Pam Foulke<br />

As I was nursing my<br />

baby, my cousin’s<br />

six-year-old daughter,<br />

Krissy, came into the<br />

room.<br />

Never having seen<br />

anyone breast feed before,<br />

she was intrigued<br />

and full of all kinds of<br />

questions about what I<br />

was doing.<br />

After mulling over my<br />

answers, she remarked,<br />

“My mom has<br />

some of those, but I<br />

don’t think she knows<br />

how to use them.”<br />

r.<br />

“The reading of all good books is like conversation with the finest men of past centuries.”<br />

– Rene Descartes<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33

CALL THE PROS<br />

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MECHANICAL REPAIR<br />

• State Inspections<br />

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• FREE Shuttle Service<br />

Bert Gosselin<br />

Owner Operated<br />

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bert.gosselin@gmail.com<br />

Sp<br />

M<br />

Con<br />

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Bottle Drives<br />

Welcome!<br />

6<br />

on all 5¢ returns<br />

¢ with this coupon.<br />

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />

(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 6.30.18<br />

$<br />

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Milwaukee Power Tools Nuts, bolts, fasteners We make keys!<br />

Expires <strong>June</strong> 30, <strong>2018</strong><br />

61 Mill Street, New Auburn<br />

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Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4<br />

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O<br />

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Th<br />

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207.740.3398<br />

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lionel.morin@usfoods.com<br />

Sw<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

34<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

The deeper the pit you’re falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly.

n<br />

d<br />

9<br />

m<br />

s<br />

!<br />

!<br />

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s!<br />

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CALL THE PROS<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong><br />

26 Nickerson Ave, Auburn<br />

(behind Great Falls Credit Union)<br />

AD PROOF<br />

Hi Corey,<br />

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Please review your<br />

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office 783-7039<br />

Walk-ins<br />

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The only thing we design@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />

don’t throw away is our customer service!<br />

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Order now for Father’s Day!<br />

Open: Wed/Thurs 3-7pm • Fri-Sun 12-8pm • Sun. 12-7pm<br />

207.241.0434 • 168-170 Main St. Auburn • 207.783.8472<br />

FARRELL ENTERPRISES<br />

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED<br />

We get down & dirty so<br />

UAD Proof <strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> Page 27<br />

you don’t have to!<br />

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book your appointment today!<br />

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Watch for<br />

upcoming<br />

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classes!<br />

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more complex financial needs<br />

9 Grove St. Suite 2 • Auburn<br />

782-8124<br />

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The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 35

LYAF<br />

CALL THE PROS<br />

$<br />

10 up to<br />

48 cards<br />

Games pay<br />

$<br />

50- $ 100<br />

E<br />

A<br />

Join us for some AFFORDABLE FUN!<br />

Thursday & Friday @ 6:30 • Saturday & Sunday @ 6pm<br />

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall<br />

475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394<br />

E<br />

SCREENED LOAM<br />

$18/yard<br />

Delivery in Lewiston/Auburn Area<br />

576-7667<br />

901 Center St. Auburn<br />

Monday - Friday 8am - 5pm<br />

207-784-9311<br />

Cell:<br />

207<br />

212.6923<br />

Shop:<br />

1160 Rt 202, Greene<br />

207<br />

946.6176<br />

Sales • Service • Restorations<br />

LA Area’s Full Service Repair Facility<br />

207 530-8890<br />

Serving Lewiston & Auburn<br />

Office & Light Industrial<br />

Blackie’s<br />

Farm Fresh Produce<br />

966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 207.786.0005<br />

Open Year Round<br />

6am - 8pm<br />

W<br />

N<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

36<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a<br />

Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE<br />

EVERY MONDAY<br />

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SAVE THE DATE!<br />

SATURDAY, AUG. 11 TH<br />

EVERY TUESDAY<br />

75¢<br />

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hosted by<br />

Dad deserves it!<br />

Treat Dad at Mac’s this Father’s Day!<br />

We Cater!<br />

Mac’s<br />

offers the best<br />

catering service<br />

around!<br />

Cheers to all the<br />

awesome dads out<br />

there!!<br />

Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,<br />

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No event too BIG or SMALL...<br />

We cater it ALL!<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 37

Out ‘n About at<br />

Garden Spot Farm<br />

for their annual Open House<br />

No kids, we<br />

don’t pick the flowers<br />

here!<br />

Stephanie Merrill<br />

with Violet & Levi<br />

I just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.<br />

GET TO KNOW OUR AGENTS<br />

314 Center Street<br />

Auburn<br />

207.333.6001<br />

mainesourcehomes.com<br />

Toni Ferraro<br />

Associate Broker<br />

Toni@MaineSource.com<br />

Our Inventory is Selling Fast!<br />

Agent Type: Residential buying or selling<br />

Specialty: Single family, multi-family & condos<br />

Lives in: Auburn<br />

MLB Team: Boston Red Sox<br />

Maine Favorites: Golf & snowboarding<br />

Call Toni today to schedule a<br />

Free CMA on your home.<br />

NOW is the time to plan if you are selling<br />

or buying, or doing both.<br />

My diaper<br />

doesn’t smell like<br />

roses.<br />

Jon Mercier<br />

Principal Broker<br />

Bill Turner<br />

Broker<br />

Mark Turner<br />

Project Manager<br />

Brandon Caruso<br />

Sales Agent<br />

Rod Charest<br />

Sales Agent<br />

Toni Ferraro<br />

Associate Broker<br />

FO<br />

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?<br />

Nolan, Stella & Jasper<br />

with mom & dad, Adam<br />

& Gennifer Haynes<br />

Since 1953<br />

Open Daily 9am - 10pm<br />

LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />

SUNDAY<br />

Baked Ziti<br />

$<br />

6.00<br />

MONDAY<br />

The Fergy<br />

sm $<br />

2.99<br />

lg $<br />

5.75<br />

TUESDAY<br />

Meatball Subs<br />

WEDNESDAY<br />

Spaghetti Dinners<br />

1 meatball, salad,<br />

sm $<br />

3.35 w/ch $ 3.99<br />

garlic bread, drink<br />

lg $<br />

6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $<br />

5.99<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

38<br />

Ella & Brandon<br />

Brooks<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

THURSDAY<br />

Mini Pizza<br />

1 topping $<br />

2.99<br />

2 toppings $<br />

3.99<br />

FRIDAY<br />

$1.00 OFF<br />

Any Large Pizza<br />

Why kill time when you can make it work for you?<br />

SATURDAY<br />

2 Ham or Salami<br />

Italians<br />

$<br />

7.99<br />

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.99

p.<br />

os<br />

g<br />

So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite ‘maybe next time’ isn’t the<br />

correct response?<br />

GREENHOUSE & GARDEN CENTER<br />

OPEN EVERY DAY 8 - 5<br />

896 Lawrence Rd. No. Pownal • 207-688-4462<br />

Check us out on<br />

Bulk deliveries<br />

available<br />

www.GardenSpotFarm.com<br />

& our website for weekly specials & seasonal hours<br />

• Mulch<br />

• Loam<br />

• Compost<br />

Call ahead for bulk & delivery orders<br />

FOR ALL YOUR FLOWER AND VEGETABLE GARDEN NEEDS<br />

There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler.<br />

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.<br />

Proven Winners<br />

10” Hanging Baskets<br />

10” Fuchsia hanging baskets $ 28<br />

Annual Flats, Herb & Vegetable<br />

Flats & Pots • Geraniums<br />

Tree & Shrubs<br />

Asparagus &<br />

Strawberry Roots<br />

Seed Potato • Seeds<br />

Full Line of<br />

Bagged Mulch • Soils<br />

Fertilizers • Pro-Mix<br />

Garden Tools • Potting Soil<br />

10 greenhouses full<br />

of annual, perennial,<br />

vegetable and<br />

herb plants!<br />

Out ‘n About at Stanford University, Silicon Valley, California<br />

Man, this<br />

magazine is everywhere!<br />

Dr. Hannah Giasson, Genevieve Chorhummel & Carol White St. Pierre.<br />

Paint Job<br />

Submitted by Vanessa Harlow<br />

Sarah, wanting to earn<br />

some extra money, decided<br />

to hire herself out<br />

as a handyman-type<br />

and started canvassing<br />

a wealthy neighborhood.<br />

She went to the<br />

front door of the first<br />

house and asked the<br />

owner if he had any<br />

jobs for her to do.<br />

“Well, you can paint my<br />

porch. How much will<br />

you charge?”<br />

“How about fifty dollars?”<br />

Sarah answered.<br />

The man agreed and<br />

told her that the paint<br />

and ladders that she<br />

might need were in<br />

the garage. The man’s<br />

wife, inside the house,<br />

heard the conversation<br />

and said to her husband,<br />

“Does she realize<br />

that the porch goes<br />

all the way around the<br />

house?”<br />

The man replied, “She<br />

should. She was standing<br />

on the porch.”<br />

A short time later, Sarah<br />

came to the door to<br />

collect her money.<br />

“You’re finished already?”<br />

he asked.<br />

“Yes,” Sarah answered,<br />

“and I had paint left<br />

over, so I gave it two<br />

coats.”<br />

“Impressed, the man<br />

reached in his pocket<br />

for the $50. “And by<br />

the way,” Sarah added,<br />

“that’s not a Porch, it’s<br />

a Ferrari.”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 39

Falling vs.<br />

Flying<br />

Submitted by Steve Simard<br />

A guy decides to try<br />

sky diving. He goes<br />

through the classes,<br />

then his first jump and<br />

as he falls, the parachute<br />

fails to open.<br />

To his surprise he sees<br />

a man flying up from<br />

the ground.<br />

He yells to him, “Do<br />

you know anything<br />

about parachutes?”<br />

The other guy yells<br />

back, “No, do you<br />

know anything about<br />

gas grills?”<br />

I hate mosquitoes... I mean, I know I’m delicious, but damn.<br />

The American Legion<br />

FAMILY<br />

OPEN<br />

M/T/W: 1pm - close<br />

Th/F/Sat. noon to close<br />

Sun. noon to close<br />

Hall Rentals Available<br />

Call for more information<br />

207-782-1118<br />

Post153AmericanLegionAuburnME<br />

Call or stop in<br />

to see how you<br />

can become a<br />

member!<br />

William J. Rogers Post 153<br />

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118 • Activities • Members & Guests Welcome<br />

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE<br />

W/ JEAN LOUIS<br />

Fri. & Sat. evenings 7-11pm in <strong>June</strong><br />

(Jerry Joe - <strong>June</strong> 1st & 15th • 4:30 - 6:30pm)<br />

MONTHLY MEETING<br />

WED. JUNE 2O TH • 7pm<br />

50/50, Raffle, & attending members have a chance to win $ 100, $ 50 or $ 25<br />

HAPPY HOUR FRIDAYS ARE BACK!<br />

Miller Lite & Coors Light Specials & Appetizers<br />

If you were a triangle you’d be acute one.<br />

838 Lisbon St. • 241-2644<br />

15% OFF<br />

CUSTOMER<br />

APPRECIATION<br />

COUPON<br />

Food, Fun &<br />

Entertainment<br />

Limit one per visit<br />

(restrictions may apply)<br />

expires 6.30.18<br />

Making Technology Work For You!<br />

Specializing in Computer Networks,<br />

Server & Desktop Support, Routers & Firewalls, & MORE!<br />

Superior Technology Services Co.<br />

207.835.4090 • www.stsc.io<br />

Email: info@stsc.io<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s<br />

<strong>Digest</strong><br />

Darren Ellis, Owner<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Garden Spot Farm<br />

for their annual Open House<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

40<br />

Being in the<br />

<strong>Digest</strong> is my dream<br />

come true!<br />

Kathy Brown &<br />

son, Lauren Brown<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.<br />

Caring Family Dentists & Specialists!<br />

488 Sabattus St., Lewiston<br />

207-783-8800<br />

AndroscogginDentalGroup.com<br />

Please review your<br />

“Affordable Dental Excellence”<br />

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.<br />

August 2016<br />

AD PROOF<br />

Hi Greg,<br />

proof carefully. It<br />

will run as you see<br />

it if changes are not<br />

received by<br />

July 27th<br />

Thank you!<br />

Jimbo<br />

office 783-7039<br />

fax 777-3898<br />

ads@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />

w

me<br />

Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don’t want to go.<br />

TUXEDO HEADQUARTERS<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Garden Spot Farm<br />

for their annual Open House<br />

25<br />

!<br />

E!<br />

S&J Tuxedo<br />

located INSIDE Sarah Jeanne’s<br />

77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston<br />

207-795-6778<br />

Sarah Jeanne’s • 77 Sabattus St, Lewiston • Family Hair Care, & Tanning • Suit & Tuxedo Sales & Rental<br />

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.<br />

Lilli & Lindsi<br />

Hanson<br />

r<br />

6<br />

y’s<br />

OF<br />

Come See Us<br />

For All Your<br />

Pool Needs!<br />

HOURS:<br />

Mon. - Fri. 9a - 5p<br />

Sat. 9a - 4p<br />

closed Sunday<br />

Jeff & Chelsea<br />

Shock<br />

your<br />

ly. It<br />

u see<br />

re not<br />

y<br />

th<br />

!<br />

39<br />

8<br />

.com<br />

www.abcpools.com • 207-783-0858 • 800-244-0858 • 1975 Lisbon Rd. Lewsiton<br />

My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at<br />

least half full.<br />

Amela MacDonald<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 41

P<br />

Out ‘n About with<br />

99.9 The Wolf<br />

at the Free Listener Show<br />

with Jordan Davis and<br />

James Barker Band<br />

Join us at the<br />

4th Annual Summer<br />

Block Party on August<br />

11th @<br />

Ma’cs Grill.<br />

For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.<br />

D<br />

a<br />

W<br />

Michelle Taylor<br />

Morning DJ @ 99.9 The Wolf<br />

Bert Asselin<br />

LA Harley Band<br />

Daniel Johnson<br />

LA Harley Band<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

42<br />

Guess Who?<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Everything I like is expensive, illegal or won’t text me back.

My doctor told me that taking up jogging could add years to my life. He was right,<br />

I feel ten years older already.<br />

Don’t be afraid to move on<br />

and start a new chapter.<br />

We’re here for you!<br />

12 Bates St. Lewiston - 795-6710<br />

PO Box 1319 Lewiston 04243-1319<br />

www.commonties.org<br />

OUR SERVICES: Case Management • Housing Resources<br />

Out ‘n About at Garden Spot Farm for their annual Open House<br />

Speak to Me<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

An old woman was sitting<br />

on the porch with<br />

her husband, sipping a<br />

glass of wine.<br />

“I love you so much,”<br />

she says. “In fact, I<br />

doubt I could live without<br />

you. I know I don’t<br />

want to even try to get<br />

through a single day<br />

without you.”<br />

Her husband is almost<br />

speechless. “Is that<br />

you talking, or the<br />

wine?” he asks.<br />

“It’s me,” she replies.<br />

“Talking to the wine.”<br />

Proper<br />

Manners<br />

Submitted by Gene Couillard<br />

Working as a pediatric<br />

nurse, I had the difficult<br />

assignment of<br />

giving immunization<br />

shots to children.<br />

Patricia Dupere, Grace Bertrand, Crystal Sirois and Dawson Pillow<br />

One day, I entered<br />

the examining room<br />

to give four-year-old<br />

Lizzie her needle. “No,<br />

no, no!” she screamed.<br />

“Lizzie,” scolded her<br />

mother, “that’s<br />

not polite behavior.”<br />

With that, the girl<br />

yelled even louder,<br />

“No,<br />

thank<br />

you!<br />

No, thank<br />

you!<br />

I hate how spiders just sit there on the walls and act like they pay rent.<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 43

The Next Guy<br />

Submitted by Steve Simard<br />

Jimbo walks into a<br />

bar and has a couple<br />

of beers. Once he is<br />

done, the bartender<br />

tells him he owes<br />

$9.00. “But I paid,<br />

don’t you remember?”<br />

says Jimbo.<br />

“Okay,” says the bartender,<br />

“If you said you<br />

paid, you did.”<br />

Jimbo then goes<br />

outside and tells Steve<br />

that the bartender can’t<br />

keep track of whether<br />

his customers have<br />

paid.<br />

Steve then rushes in,<br />

orders a beer and later<br />

pulls the same stunt.<br />

The barkeep replies,<br />

“If you say you paid, I’ll<br />

take your word for it.”<br />

“The intelligent choice<br />

for today’s world.”<br />

My wife is my favorite ex-girlfriend.<br />

Don’t let them hide!<br />

KNOW WHO YOU<br />

HIRE!<br />

• National Sex Offenders<br />

Screening<br />

• Driving Record Check<br />

• Criminal Record Check<br />

CALL US TODAY! 207-783-0000<br />

KnowWhoYouHire.com<br />

Out ‘n About with 99.9 The Wolf at the Free Listener Show<br />

Soon Steve goes into<br />

the street, sees Tim,<br />

and tells him how to<br />

get free drinks.<br />

Tim hurries into the<br />

bar and begins to<br />

drink Long Islands<br />

when, suddenly, the<br />

bartender leans over<br />

and says, “You know, a<br />

funny thing happened<br />

in here tonight. Two<br />

men were drinking<br />

beer, neither paid and<br />

both claimed that they<br />

did. The next guy who<br />

tries that is going to<br />

get punched right in<br />

the nose.”<br />

“Don’t bother me with<br />

your troubles,” Tim<br />

responds. “Just give<br />

me my change and I’ll<br />

be on my way.”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

44<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

183 Lisbon St, Lisbon<br />

353-9862<br />

www.QCA.me<br />

Don’t let your<br />

summer vacation get<br />

ruined by a costly<br />

break down.<br />

Have your<br />

vehicle evaluated by a<br />

professional at Quality<br />

Care Auto<br />

Recieve 10% off up to $ 50 with any repairs of $ 50 or more<br />

exp. 8.31.18<br />

I love asking kids what they want to be when they grown up. I’m still looking for ideas.<br />

Y<br />

F

Admit it... life would be boring without the <strong>Digest</strong>.<br />

The Village Inn<br />

Out ‘n About with<br />

99.9 The Wolf<br />

at the Free Listener Show<br />

with Jordan Davis and<br />

James Barker Band<br />

This one is for<br />

you, LA!<br />

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796<br />

Treat Dad to Dinner<br />

this Father’s Day!<br />

Now taking reservations<br />

782-7796<br />

Surf & Turf Combos<br />

Best Seafood Restaurant<br />

10 years in a row!<br />

Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com<br />

Jordan Davis<br />

My nephew found a cassette tape in my house. It was like watching early man<br />

discovered fire.<br />

t<br />

.<br />

Androscoggin<br />

& Cumberland<br />

Areas<br />

Call Today!<br />

207-225-5627<br />

YEAR ROUND FLAGGERS<br />

FULL-TIME SPRING/SUMMER POSITIONS AVAILABLE<br />

No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!<br />

www.atworkpersonnel.com<br />

My girlfriend prepared breakfast for me this morning. I could tell she’d never<br />

made cornflakes before.<br />

Julie Girouard,<br />

Jordan Davis &<br />

Shelby Rucker<br />

Pretty cool getting<br />

rising stars here<br />

in LA!<br />

Heather Pollock<br />

& Derek Roy<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 45

Hanging Out<br />

with Grampy<br />

Submitted by Gene Couillard<br />

Out bicycling one day<br />

with my eight-year-old<br />

grandson, Caden, I got<br />

a little wistful.<br />

“In ten years,” I said,<br />

“You’ll want to be with<br />

your friends and you<br />

won’t go walking,<br />

biking, and swimming<br />

with me like you do<br />

now.<br />

Caden shrugged. “In<br />

ten years you’ll be<br />

too old to do all those<br />

things anyway.”<br />

I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.<br />

HELP WANTED<br />

Now Hiring<br />

Full time Barber Stylist<br />

Experienced with Men’s Cuts<br />

Call Tina @ 783-3444<br />

Marcel’s<br />

54 Mill St., New Auburn • 783-3444<br />

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;<br />

Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />

Out ‘n About at the Franco Center for the Buccaneer Banquet<br />

You gotta<br />

keep your eye on<br />

these pirates at all<br />

times!<br />

I highly recommend<br />

Tina! She has<br />

been cutting my hair<br />

for 38 years!<br />

Tony Bruno<br />

O<br />

O<br />

Birds ‘n Bees<br />

Submitted by Pam Foulke<br />

On the way back from<br />

a Cub Scout meeting,<br />

my grandson innocently<br />

said to my son,<br />

“Dad, I know babies<br />

come from mommies’<br />

tummies, but how do<br />

they get there in the<br />

first place?”<br />

After my son hemmed<br />

and hawed awhile, my<br />

grandson finally spoke<br />

up in disgust, “You<br />

don’t have to make<br />

up something, Dad. It’s<br />

okay if you don’t<br />

know the answer.”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

46<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Chris L’Hommedieu, Mitchell Clyde Thomas and Glenn Atkins.<br />

Smoothie’s & Sunshine at Heidi’s!<br />

Come enjoy our Patio<br />

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm<br />

Sun 10am-8pm<br />

600 Turner St., Auburn • 784-3434 AND 415 Philbrook Ave. S. Portland • 773-4800<br />

You can’t be sad when holding a cupcake.<br />

heidisauburn.com<br />

I<br />

P<br />

•<br />

•<br />

•<br />

S<br />

•

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.<br />

Don’t let your boiler look like this!<br />

Boiler Cleaning Special<br />

$<br />

180 .00<br />

plus materials<br />

Oil boilers, natural gas boilers, propane boilers,<br />

all require annual cleanings & combustion<br />

efficiency tests for optimum efficiency!<br />

Out ‘n About with<br />

99.9 The Wolf<br />

at the Free Listener Show<br />

with Jordan Davis and<br />

James Barker Band<br />

CALL SANDY TODAY!<br />

754-4556<br />

OR EMAIL unitedpiping@roadrunner.com<br />

schedule NOW to beat the fall rush!<br />

Cleaning to include:<br />

Brush & Vacuum, Replace Oil<br />

Filter, Nozzle, Strainer/Air Filter,<br />

and Combustion Efficiency Test<br />

Special Ends July 31, <strong>2018</strong><br />

Ask us about the 50 gal. Bradford White heat pump water heater<br />

$<br />

750 Mail-in Rebate or $ 600 Instant Rebate<br />

m<br />

0<br />

Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas<br />

Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service<br />

I saw a store that has a sign that reads, ‘We treat you like family!’<br />

Yup, NOT going in there.<br />

Maine Chapter of the International Association<br />

of Arson Investigators<br />

10th Annual<br />

PIERRE “PETE” J. SIMARD BENEFIT GOLF TOURNAMENT<br />

sponsored by:<br />

JOIN US<br />

Tuesday, <strong>June</strong> 12th<br />

8:30am tee time shotgun start<br />

Poland Spring Country Club<br />

Rte. 26 Poland Spring<br />

BENEFITS GO TO:<br />

• Maine Chapter of the International<br />

Association of Arson Investigators<br />

• Annual Joseph C. Menezes Scholarship Program<br />

• Assisting individuals continuing education in Fire<br />

Service Paramedic/EMT Service<br />

• Law Enforcement<br />

FEE: $ 70/PP -<br />

$<br />

280.00/TEAM OF 4<br />

• Includes 18 holes w/ cart<br />

• Coffee & snack at registration<br />

• Beverage cart available on course<br />

• 50/50 Raffle, Mulligans & Contests<br />

• Awards & Prizes presented<br />

at post tournament buffet<br />

FMI Contact:<br />

Steve Simard at 207-754-1815<br />

ssimard77659@roadrunner.com<br />

or Gary Simard at<br />

g157simard2roadrunner.com<br />

Sponsorships<br />

Available<br />

I don’t know why I keep making mistakes if you guys aren’t willing to learn from them.<br />

Jordan Davis<br />

It’s true!<br />

Tim really is<br />

married!!<br />

Vickie & Tim<br />

Rucker<br />

The best things<br />

in life start with<br />

the letter “S”<br />

Sunshine<br />

Sleep<br />

Singing<br />

Sprinkles<br />

Spizza<br />

Sdonuts<br />

Stacos<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 47

T<br />

Out ‘n About with<br />

Barclay’s Skindiver’s<br />

Paradise<br />

at the American Legion<br />

Post 31 for the Lungs<br />

for Larry benefit<br />

We wish you<br />

the best, Larry!<br />

You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid that acts just like you.<br />

70 Broad St. Auburn • 207-783-8471<br />

Hours: Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm<br />

Fri. 8am - 7pm<br />

Sat. 8am - 6pm<br />

Sun. closed<br />

Roy’s FOODLAND<br />

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com<br />

Ground Fresh Daily Hamburger • Steaks • Chicken • Pork<br />

DELI<br />

Pizza<br />

Sandwiches<br />

Chester Fried<br />

Chicken<br />

Meat Package Specials!<br />

Saturday Bean Special<br />

Beans, Bread/Rolls<br />

Wednesday Italian Sandwich Special<br />

Ham, Salami or Veggie Italian only $1.99<br />

GROCERIES<br />

Beer / Wine<br />

Ham Salad<br />

Best Chicken<br />

Salad in Town<br />

Karen & Mike<br />

Mathieu<br />

Summers in<br />

the <strong>Digest</strong> are<br />

the best!<br />

Linda & Jeff<br />

Dupuis<br />

Who wants<br />

to go diving with<br />

me!?<br />

Over 30 Years of In-Home Care & Staffing Services<br />

Accepting New<br />

Clients for <strong>2018</strong><br />

Derek Roy<br />

Ian Barclay<br />

Dirty McCurdy Band<br />

Senior Care & Medical Staffing<br />

Keeping people home & healthier.<br />

Serving:<br />

Auburn • Lewiston • Brunswick • Portland • Bangor • Bath • Sanford<br />

Springvale • York • Kittery • Western Maine & Parts of New Hampshire<br />

Call Us Today for Services 207.347.2377<br />

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES!<br />

• Top Pay<br />

• Earned Time Off<br />

• Work Your Schedule<br />

• Immediate Positions Available<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

48<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Embrace the glorious mess that you are.

Worrying means you suffer twice.<br />

Diagnosis<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

m<br />

m<br />

m<br />

d<br />

The man told his<br />

doctor that he wasn’t<br />

able to do all the things<br />

around the house that<br />

he used to do. When<br />

the examination was<br />

complete, he said:<br />

“Now, Doc, I can take<br />

it. Tell me in plain<br />

English what is wrong<br />

with me.”<br />

“Well, in plain English,”<br />

the doctor replied,<br />

“you’re just lazy.”<br />

“Okay,” said the man.<br />

“Now give me the<br />

medical term so I can<br />

tell my wife.”<br />

It’s Time<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

Trust me, when I woke up this morning I had no plans to be awesome. But it happens.<br />

Out ‘n About at Garden Spot Farm for their annual Open House<br />

A pregnant woman<br />

hobbles into the hospital<br />

with one hand on<br />

her back.<br />

y<br />

A nurse asks her<br />

what’s wrong, and<br />

the pregnant woman<br />

screams, “Shouldn’t!<br />

Wouldn’t! Didn’t!”<br />

The nurse shakes her<br />

head and says, “I’m<br />

sorry…I don’t understand.”<br />

The pregnant woman’s<br />

face contorts in pain<br />

as she shouts, “Can’t!<br />

Won’t! Don’t!”<br />

!<br />

le<br />

Sheila, Blake, Madow & Alex Finamore<br />

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over!<br />

The nurse, bewildered,<br />

turns to a doctor.<br />

“Admit her,” the doctor<br />

said. “She’s having<br />

contractions.”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 49

Out ‘n About with<br />

Barclay’s Skindiver’s<br />

Paradise<br />

at the American Legion<br />

Post 31 for the Lungs<br />

for Larry benefit<br />

Rich Chaisson<br />

Dirty McCurdy Band<br />

To be honest, I’m just winging it, life, motherhood, my eyeliner...<br />

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET<br />

2 Main Street, Sabattus 375-8502<br />

Try us once, you’ll be a regular!<br />

DAILY SPECIALS:<br />

Monday: Ham Italian .................. sm. $1.59...... lg. $2.59<br />

Tuesday: 10” 1-topping Pizza ... $3.99<br />

Wednesday: Chicken Salad ........ sm. $1.99...... lg. $3.49<br />

Thursday: Bowl of Chili............. $3.99<br />

BLT........................... sm. $1.99...... lg. $3.49<br />

Friday: Tuna Italian .................... sm. $1.99...... lg. $3.49<br />

Saturday: Baked Beans ............. qt. $3.59........ pt. $2.59<br />

Sunday: ....................................... $2.00 off any large pizza<br />

S<br />

Rockin it for<br />

Larry!<br />

May not be combined with daily specials. Exp 6.30.18<br />

OPEN 7 Days<br />

6am - 8pm<br />

One day I will make onions cry.<br />

Jesse & Stephanie<br />

St. Laurent<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

50<br />

Seth Ross<br />

Dirty McCurdy Band<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

I meant to behave, but there were too many other options.

ays<br />

m<br />

Since<br />

1954<br />

Don’t let anyone treat you like a yellow Starburst, you are a pink Starburst.<br />

Rollodrome<br />

Summer SK8 Schedule<br />

Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm<br />

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00<br />

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm<br />

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 9:30pm<br />

Closed afternoons starting<br />

Father’s Day Weekend<br />

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940<br />

www.rollodrome.com<br />

Out ‘n About with Barclay’s Skindiver’s Paradise at the American Legion<br />

Post 31 for the Lungs for Larry benefit<br />

Thank<br />

you for making<br />

the benefit a<br />

succcess!<br />

Scott McCurdy, Ian Barclay, Rich Chaisson, Drummer Seth Ross<br />

Sweet<br />

Nothings<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

The crusty Navy<br />

Master Chief noticed a<br />

new face and barked<br />

at him, “Get over here!<br />

What’s your name,<br />

sailor?”<br />

“John,” the new seaman<br />

replied.<br />

“Look, I don’t know<br />

what kind of bleeding-heart<br />

pansy crap<br />

they’re teaching<br />

sailors in boot camp<br />

these days, but I don’t<br />

call anyone by his<br />

first name,” the chief<br />

scowled. “It breeds<br />

familiarity, and that<br />

leads to a breakdown<br />

in authority. I refer to<br />

my sailors by their last<br />

names only; Smith,<br />

Jones, Baker, Jackson,<br />

whatever. And<br />

you are to refer to me<br />

as ‘Master Chief.’ Do I<br />

make myself clear?”<br />

“Yes, Master Chief!”<br />

“Now that we’ve got<br />

that straight, what’s<br />

your last name?”<br />

The seaman sighed.<br />

“Darling, My name is<br />

John Darling, Master<br />

Chief.”<br />

“Okay,<br />

John,<br />

here’s<br />

what I want<br />

you to do...”<br />

I have a good heart, but my mouth...<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 51

Pets<br />

Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />

A Game Warden is<br />

walking along a beach<br />

one morning when<br />

he spots a man with<br />

a bucket of lobsters.<br />

The Warden walks up<br />

to the man, flashes<br />

his badge and says,<br />

“You’re in big trouble,<br />

buddy. Poaching<br />

lobsters is a serious<br />

offense.”<br />

The man answers,<br />

“You’ve got it all wrong,<br />

these lobsters are my<br />

pets! Every morning I<br />

take them out for some<br />

exercise. I let them<br />

swim around in the<br />

ocean for a few minutes<br />

and then whistle<br />

them back in.”<br />

The Warden looks at<br />

the man skeptically<br />

and says, “Okay then,<br />

prove it.”<br />

I have too many flaws to be perfect, but too many blessings to be ungrateful.<br />

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I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.<br />

International T-Shirt Day<br />

<strong>June</strong> 21st<br />

Come check out what we<br />

have for lawn & garden<br />

needs!<br />

Out ‘n About at Frank’s<br />

Restaurant & Pub<br />

We make a<br />

great team!<br />

R<br />

The man proceeds to<br />

throw the lobsters into<br />

the ocean and both he<br />

and the Warden stand<br />

there waiting. After a<br />

couple minutes the<br />

Warden looks at the<br />

man and says, “That’s<br />

long enough, now<br />

whistle your lobsters<br />

back in.”<br />

The man turns to the<br />

Warden and says<br />

“Lobsters? What<br />

lobsters?”<br />

Did You Know?<br />

A flea can jump up<br />

to 200 times its own<br />

height. That is the<br />

equivalent of a human<br />

jumping the Empire<br />

State Building.<br />

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Tiana Mae Lacombe, Matt Koza<br />

& Alexis Wentworth<br />

Frank’s excellent Bartender Corps<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

52<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Be a Fruit Loop in a world of Cheerios.

“Learn the rules so you can break them, like an artist.” — Pablo Picasso<br />

Out ‘n About at<br />

Schemengee’s Bar<br />

& Grill<br />

Rolly’s Diner<br />

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />

Bruce Bickford & Rolly<br />

One of<br />

the best places in<br />

LA for breakfast or<br />

lunch!<br />

Breakfast & Lunch<br />

Specials Daily<br />

• Unusual Omelettes<br />

• Crepes<br />

• Breakfast All Day<br />

• Extensive Menu<br />

87 Mill St.<br />

New Auburn<br />

753-0171<br />

(for take-out)<br />

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />

Sunday 7 am – noon<br />

Fred Daily &<br />

Nick Bergeron<br />

BBB Divison 2nd place -<br />

Schemengees Stick ‘Em Up<br />

I may be a potato now, but someday I’ll turn into fries and you’ll all want me.<br />

Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!<br />

NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs<br />

Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working<br />

with people in their home and in the community?<br />

Join our team of caring professionals!<br />

Rex Garey &<br />

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BBB Divison 2nd place -<br />

Schemengees Stick ‘Em Up<br />

Jacob... is<br />

this how you do<br />

it?<br />

Apply online at JFMhomes.org<br />

or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn<br />

John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all<br />

local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.<br />

So it turns out, that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.<br />

See Jacob on page 32<br />

Dustin Lessard<br />

BBB Divison 2nd place -<br />

Schemengees Stick ‘Em Up<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 53

New Golfer<br />

Submitted by Jimbo<br />

A retiree was given a<br />

set of golf clubs by his<br />

co-workers.<br />

Thinking he’d try the<br />

game, he asked the<br />

local pro for lessons,<br />

explaining that he<br />

knew nothing whatever<br />

of the game.<br />

The pro showed him<br />

the stance and swing,<br />

then said, “Just hit the<br />

ball toward the flag on<br />

the first green.”<br />

The novice teed up<br />

and smacked the<br />

ball straight down<br />

the fairway and onto<br />

the green, where it<br />

stopped inches from<br />

the hole.<br />

“Now what ?” the fellow<br />

asked the speechless<br />

pro.<br />

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.<br />

Blais<br />

Flowers<br />

& Garden center<br />

Quality & Service<br />

is our Top Priority<br />

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“Uh... you’re supposed<br />

to hit the ball into the<br />

cup.” the pro finally<br />

said.<br />

“Oh great! NOW you<br />

tell me,” said the<br />

beginner.<br />

Quotable<br />

Quote<br />

Your “Local” Heating, Cooling & Refrigeration Specialist!<br />

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“There should be no<br />

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always something you<br />

can do, and succeed at.<br />

While there’s life, there<br />

is hope.”<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

54<br />

– Stephen Hawking<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

Heating Refrigeration Air Conditioning Preventative<br />

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m<br />

MAY<br />

AD<br />

er<br />

!<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

<strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 55

Bookkeeping • QuickBooks Hosting & Consulting<br />

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Tel: 207-795-0663<br />

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www.RCCmaine.com<br />

Serving Greater LA<br />

Since 1997<br />

Kevin Michael Brunelle<br />

Certified Public Accountant<br />

219 Mount Auburn Ave., Auburn<br />

Schedule your<br />

appointment with<br />

Dr. Chen<br />

today!<br />

783-1351<br />

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Remember that sometimes, not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.<br />

Julie Poulin<br />

Branch Manager<br />

NMLS#509652<br />

207-576-9083<br />

<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />

...with<br />

Jimbo<br />

56 <strong>June</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039 <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com

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