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6<br />

Heather’s Tips - Holding Cards<br />

By: Heather Latimer / Helpful Hints<br />

Charlene Mintz is the owner of the Spring<br />

Mountain Bridge Club where men and<br />

women of all ages enjoy her lessons and almost<br />

daily sessions of playing bridge. Alas! The older<br />

ones were often afflicted with excruciating hand cramps due to holding<br />

cards for an extended time.<br />

That’s until Charlene’s doctor told her about Glaceau Smartwater.<br />

Now she drinks a half bottle and her members are benefiting from the<br />

recommendation.<br />

Heather, who sits North where she’s responsible for keeping the<br />

official score as well as playing the cards, used to suffer agonizing<br />

hand spasms. She had trouble holding and pulling cards and, much<br />

to the chagrin of the winners, her writing of scores was occasionally<br />

indecipherable.<br />

A tennis champion, whose profile appeared in a magazine, confessed<br />

that dill pickles saved him from hand cramps. Since reading that,<br />

Heather has been swallowing a tablespoonful before attending games<br />

and happily playing for 3 hours without distress.<br />

Other players crippled with arthritis kept dropping cards and<br />

interrupting the game whilst diving under the table to retrieve them.<br />

Charlene remedied that by lending sufferers a small fan-shaped cardholder<br />

that rests on the table and shields the cards from opponents.<br />

The player merely plucks each card from the card-holder and sets<br />

it down on the table. Now several players carry their own device and<br />

use it for home games too. Item #8409 from Barclay Bridge Supplies,<br />

800/274-2221.<br />

Heather Latimer is a nationally recognized specialist in making<br />

difficult subjects easy and author of 17 books. Her biography,<br />

and latest book “How to Overcome Once-Easy Tasks That Are Now<br />

Pains in The You-Know-What,” are accessible on www.amazon.<br />

com/heatherlatimer/howtoovercomeonceeasy.<br />

September 20<strong>18</strong><br />

For Football Fans<br />

By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs<br />

Are you ready for some football? In honor of<br />

Publisher Dan’s long time devotion to his<br />

New York Giants (but for other football fans, just<br />

fill in your favorite team) I ask you to consider<br />

the following:<br />

Q: What do the NY Giants and possums have in common?<br />

A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!<br />

Q: How do you keep the NY Giants out of your front yard?<br />

A: Put up goal posts.<br />

Q: What’s the difference between the NY Giants and a dollar bill?<br />

A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.<br />

Q: How many NY Giants does it take to change a tire?<br />

A: One, unless it’s a blowout. In which case, they all show up<br />

Q: What do the NY Giants and Billy Graham have in common?<br />

A: They both can make 60,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus<br />

Christ!”<br />

Q: What is the difference between a NY Giants’ fan and a baby?<br />

A: The baby will stop whining after a while.<br />

And my favorite: All of the Seven Dwarfs were marching through<br />

the forest one day when they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White,<br />

who was following behind, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and<br />

called out to her fallen comrades.<br />

From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “The NY Giants<br />

are Super Bowl contenders.” Snow White thought to herself, “Thank<br />

God! At least Dopey survived!”<br />

Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The <strong>Vegas</strong> <strong>Voice</strong> and<br />

has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny<br />

submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.<br />

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