September 2018

FROM THE EXPERT ASK DR. RENAE
My sister is
not invisible
Dear Dr. Renae,
My friends often overlook greeting my
sister when we meet at school even
though she is standing right next to
me. My sister is very shy and spends
most of her time with my friends and
me. It really feels rude when they
use only my name when referring to
my parents or my home. I am too
embarrassed and hurt to remind
them that they are not using good
manners. How can I kindly point this
out to them?
My sister’s best friend
Dear my sister’s best friend,
That is a rude situation. From the sounds of your question,
it seems you need to be the one to say something to your
friends. You do not need to be embarrassed for doing or
saying the right thing — there are many ways you can express
kindness through words without being a doormat. A way
you can kindly point that out to them would be without your
sister there. I would say something along the lines of “hey
guys, there’s something that’s been on my mind lately when
it comes to my sister. As you know, she is with us all the time
and I notice nobody seems to be acknowledging her presence.
I would appreciate it, since you’re my friends, if you would
include her more. It would mean a lot to both me and my
sister.”
A friend who cares
Dear my sister’s best friend,
Kudos to you for wanting to stand up for your sister. If you feel
uncomfortable addressing the problem directly, perhaps the
best way to go about this is by subtly throwing your sister’s
name into conversations. If someone talks about a movie your
sister likes, you could say, “Hey, my sister loves that movie,
too!” By mentioning her repeatedly, people will probably start
to get the message that they should notice her more. Another
thing you could do is instead of assuming you can take your
sister with you when you hang out with your friends, ask
them if it’s OK for her to tag along. That way, they will start
recognizing that she’s not just an extension of you; she is her
own individual. It sounds like you’re a wonderful sibling who
really cares about the people in your family.
Dear my sisters best friend,
A caring teen
Although it may be difficult, the best way to solve this dilemma
is to talk to your friends about it. It’s important to have your
sister’s input on the situation before you confront your friends
to make sure she is on the same page as you. Make sure
that she would be OK with you talking to your friends about
this issue. If she agrees and wants you to speak for her to
your friends, then you can talk to them about being more
inclusive with your sister. The best way to do that would be
to sit down with them somewhere private and explain your
feelings to them. They should value your opinion and take
into consideration what you are saying. I’m sure they did not
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SEPTEMBER 2018