The Vegas Voice 12-19

You’ll Want to Visit the Linen Closet
By: Vicki Wentz / Vicki’s Voice
When my children were little and Christmas
was approaching, I, a single, exhausted
mother, would begin to panic. I had no teaching
job yet, so our income came from substitute
teaching, babysitting and working the corner by the Senior Center!
This allowed very little for Christmas presents...or food! So, I began to
give creative homemade gifts.
One summer I made crabapple jelly (I do NOT recommend this and
will never do it again in life!) and it was yummy. I froze it for Christmas
presents, but when thawed in December, it became quite liquidly - so,
I stuck a bow on each jar and called it an ice-cream topping. See?
Creative!
The next summer, I saw a recipe for cranberry liqueur. I bought a
big plastic garbage can with a tight lid, threw in a ton of cranberries
and gallons of vodka, put the lid on and stored it in the linen closet for
four months.
I did peak occasionally, thrilled with knowing my Christmas
shopping would be almost nil. (And, during those four months, when
my children gave me, say, a blinding migraine that would kill most
people? - I’d climb into that plastic bin for a blissful visit during their
naps...just kidding; that was only a dream...I think.)
In December, I bought lovely glass bottles to put the liqueur in, and
it was this rich, ruby color…it was a gorgeouth preshent (hic!) if I do
shay sho myshelf!
The following year, I made three kinds of nuts - one sweet, one
smoky and one with ground red pepper that gave you a sort of…um...
afterglow. And I packaged some of each concoction in a little Christmas
baggie with a ribbon, then tied them all together as an adorable gift for
family and friends - some of whom thanked me later with that wideeyed,
stunned expression one gets when one’s mouth is in flames.
One year I decided to make oyster stew and give it to everyone on
Christmas Eve, when (according to Catholic tradition) you’re supposed
to eat only fish. I followed an old, delicious recipe: lots of oysters, rich
cream, Worcestershire and Tabasco.
I then put some stew in each glass container and topped it with a
ribbon. Astonishingly imaginative, inexpensive, heartfelt and lovingly
presented!
You know, it’s amazing how many people don’t like oyster stew. Like,
seriously don’t like it, as in making those gagging noises when they spy
an oyster in their soup. (Ok, no one actually gagged in front of me...
except my sister, who gags regularly at stupid stuff...but I heard the
reports.)
This year, it’s fudge sauce for my friends. My mother made the most
STUPEFYINGLY PHENOMENAL fudge sauce that really should be
marketed! (In fact, I would like my personal moment of death to be
at the same instant that this fudge sauce is poured directly into my
mouth.) But, my family can make the fudge sauce themselves, so what
can I make for them?
Cookies? Please, we’re all up to here in cookies! My basil pesto?…
never mind. I broke the food processor with that cauliflower I was
chopping to make
a cauliflower
pizza crust, which
is, I now realize,
an actual crime
against nature!
Well, what
if I build them
something? Like,
how hard can it be
to saw and hammer
together a little
stool? Of course,
that would likely
end up giving the
gift of me in the From everyone in my family to yours, merry,
emergency room. merry Christmas and a very happy New year!
Guess it’s back to
the liqueur…although, I think Walmart has a system-wide alert on
me for buying all those plastic bins and cranberries every year…could
be terrorist-related? Especially the 7 gallons of vodka.
Merry Christmas to y’all!
Vicki Wentz is a writer, teacher and speaker living in North
Carolina. Readers may contact her - and order her new children’s
book! - by visiting her website at www.vickiwentz.com.
Expires 12/31/19
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