Tropicana Nov-Dec 2017 #116 Celebrating the Classics

THE SWING
Chopping my way from scrubby patch to scrubby
patch, I doff an imaginary bush hat to his incredible
achievement. I’m discovering, you see, that not only is
the Nullarbor Links the longest golf course in the world;
it is arguably it’s toughest. After an acceptable start, my
play heads south. Reloading on the fourth tee under the
curious gaze of a group of kangaroos, I manage to avoid an
encounter with any reptiles.
By now, however, it is my game that has become
poisonous. Six more shots and four putts on the
deceptively speedy artificial green and I’m signing for a
10 – translation ‘woeful’. It’s an ignominious pattern that
will repeat itself on virtually every hole from here until
Kalgoorlie, the final stop for westbound golfers.
We know that the course is not a conventional one,
but it is totally unique and golfers love playing it
“We don’t pretend to be something we’re not,” says
Caputo as I join him at the bar at the Madura Roadhouse,
the centre of another tiny community on the Roe Plains.
The place is very typical of the roadhouses dotted along
the lonely Eyre Highway – accommodation in two parallel
rows of low concrete buildings, plain but adequate, and a
restaurant that does a roaring trade in giant breakfasts,
burgers and T-bone steaks. It also has a homely bar with
Robert Stock, a pro from
Manchester, England, sketched
out plans for the new holes using
Google Maps. The rest of the budget
was spent on AstroTurf greens and
tees as well as some rudimentary
land clearing.
threadbare carpets and a line in tacky sporting memorabilia.
“We know that the course is not a conventional one,” Caputo
tells me. “But it is totally unique and golfers love playing it.”
While my golf skills have vanished as rapidly as a wombat
disappearing down its hole, I’m enjoying the non-playing
portion of the experience. The scenery is barren, but strangely
beautiful. It is also surprisingly rich in anecdotes for such an
empty place.
In Eucla, on the border of South and West Australia,
I learn about the ‘Nullarbor Nymph’. When professional
kangaroo shooters reported that a comely, half-naked blonde
was living among the roos in the rugged and unforgiving
wilds outside Eucla, the story caused quite a stir, with the news
reported around the globe.
The tale, of course, turned out to be a ruse, concocted
sometime in the early seventies over a few beers by the
kangaroo shooters and a passing journalist who happened to
be drinking in the roadhouse. It is easy to see why locals might
want to create fantastical diversions such as the Nullarbor
Nymph as you push onwards through the seemingly endless
flat, treeless terrain.
But remote as it is, the scenery possesses a widescreen
grandeur that is hard to dismiss. At the towering Bunda Cliffs,
HOLE 18: CY
O’CONNOR
HOLE,
KALGOORLIE
ON A MISTY
MORNING
61 NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2017 | TM