Adventure Magazine December 2019/January 2020

EXPLORING THE WORLD'S LARGEST LAGOON
NEW CALEDONIA
I’m sunning myself on the bow of a
yacht, flickers of shade momentarily
passing as the sail dances in light
air. Rhythmic slaps of water on hull
providing a meditative soundtrack.
Dark circles move ahead of us in
the water, the surface swirling and
breaking as five adult humpbacks
appear, encouraging their young to
jump and dive. Their size dwarfs the
yacht, a marine circus providing a
spectacle you can only dream of.
They’re not fazed by us as they dive
beneath the boat pausing momentarily
to take a peak.
Humpbacks are the real show-stoppers in
New Caledonia, where the lagoon dominates
the landscape. This is one of the largest marine
reserves in the world, and has been a World
Heritage Site since 2008. It’s also a nesting
sites for illustrious turtle breeds, rare crab
species, tropical seabirds and other marine
wildlife. Welcome to David Attenborough
country - I feel privileged to be here.
With a week on my itinerary, sailing is only
the first of many lagoon adventures. I’m also
booked for a jetski mission and lead myself into
a false sense of security. I’ve seen the groups
at home - tourists trailing behind the instructor
in matching wetsuits and high-vis vests,
motoring at half speed around the harbour.
“This will be tame” I think.
The myths were quickly dispelled. A gruff
looking Frenchman of solid build presents
himself as our guide, two days of thick stubble
and mirrored sunglasses making him look like
Liam Neeson in the movie Taken. His safety
briefing consists of the words ‘”accelerator,
no brake” and a few hand signals, before
he opens throttle and takes off through the
channel, jumping wakes on the way.
A hundred metres behind, I fight to keep
up, clinging onto the handlebars like wolverine
and levitating from my seat with every bump.
I try to ride standing so not to give myself a
spinal realignment, but my puny legs don’t have
the quad-strength to cope. Crossing the lagoon
is a full-body workout but I’m rewarded with
sheltered waters, and a handful of giant sea
turtles on the other side. I toast my wind-swept
body in the sunshine and circumnavigate a tiny
uninhabited island before jetting off to explore
the reef behind Îlot Maître.
The lagoon offers the perfect playground for all water activies
Once back on dry land, I spend the
afternoon lazing around at Chateau Royal
– the only resort in town that’s right on the
beachfront. It has an epic pool area complete
with a swim up bar and boasts an indoor Aquatonic
Pool where you can work out and do spin
classes underwater. Bizarre concept, and I’m
disappointed to have missed the last class of
the day. For the macho men it’s important to
note, it’s compulsory to the rock the speedo
here – so if you don’t want to fish a pair from
the lost property then BYO.
Another must see attraction in Nouméa is
the busy waterfront produce market where stall
keepers sell piles of bluespine, unicornfish,
prawns of every denomination, lobsters, greenfringed
mussels, oysters, marlin, mahi-mahi,
octopus and crab. I discover big, ruby-red
chunks of glistening tuna piled at every other
shop and make sure my plate is loaded with
them at dinner.
Interestingly, after the stall keepers cleanup
for the day, their water runoff leads into the
Port Moselle marina. Those with keen eyes will
spot shark cruising alongside the promenade
waiting for an extra snack – although none big
enough to chomp a limb.
When I’m not on the water or in it, I’m flying
over it. From the seat of a tiny ultralight plane in
Bourail, I take off over an intensely hued stretch
of sea and sublime lenticular reef. I gaze over a
lagoon that goes on for kilometres before finally
breaking in toothpaste-white billows of surf onto
the reef. It’s a coral patchwork filled with every
shade of blue, from azure to turquoise, so vivid
and piercing it’s as though a filter has been
applied to the landscape.
Shadows haunt the lagoon below – slow
moving shapes of turtles and rays seeking
shelter in the shallow waters. And where the
reef drops into deep ocean, fishing boats loll
and are later are seen heaving under the weight
of their catch.
Rumour has it that you can surf this
western coast too. I’m booked for an afternoon
at ‘Secrets’ - a perfect left-hander that’s been
compared to Macaronis in the Mentawais.
Unfortunately I get a call saying it’s too small
today, curbing plans of long lefts and glassy
barrels. The wetsuit and wax in my bag a
constant weighing reminder of waves breaking
and departing without me. Nonetheless,
it’d be an epic destination for those keen
to road-trip from Noumea. Manu Hernu,
one of New Cal’s best surfers runs guided
boat expeditions here so fear of localism is
disbanded.
As the week wraps up, I board a plane back
to Auckland reflecting on parting words from my
guide: “Remember, nothing bad ever happens
here. In the water, or on the beach. You just
swim, explore, have a Number One beer and
watch the sunset”. C’est bon. It’s all good.
Fresh fish from the produce market
ADVENTUREMAGAZINE.CO.NZ 107