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Cape May Wicker 1930 Route 9, Clermont | 609-624-3031 Open Daily 9-5 203 Sunset Boulevard, West Cape May | 609-884-1849 Open Thursday-Sunday 9-5 30% off all Christmas Decor Page 34 EXIT ZERO December 10, 2020 Valid through 12/26 Candles not included in sale capemaywicker.net
The Old Fogey Ah, those good old Cape May days... by Jackson D’Catur We are not, as a city, especially well placed to laugh at climate change. Oh, I know, we have our plans for a 10-foot seawall around the entire perimeter, and yes, Cape May does, as a geological oddity, f loat (we sit on a thick layer o pumice stone). But still, it would not be ideal for a beach town to not have a beach, or to require visitors to drive by boat or helicopter. So we will do our bit in the ight against global warming, and ban all motorized vehicles, apart from those electricity-powered ones favored by those earnest young antiquers who come to town to pretend not to know the value o old furniture in our barn sales. I miss the days when the loudest noise was the cry o the seabirds, the clip-clop o horses’ hooves and the shriek o oiled young men slapping each other’s bare buttocks with beach towels. And I am driven to incoherent rage in summertime when it takes me 90 minutes to cross the road without falling under the wheels o a barge-sized car full o credulous Shoebies. O course, that does give us some unique challenges, such as how to transport the thousands o eager tourists from the train station just over the canal (more on that at a later time) to the beaches, eateries and hotels where we delicately separate them from their crumpled dollar bills. We switly ruled out walking: by my calculations, Shoebies can manage around a mile per hour, and I will not have our fair city resemble the retreat from Moscow. Horses are an option, as are alpacas from local farms, but we would need around 10,000, and the manure would make it a summer to remember. There was talk o reviving the old Mechanical Walkway, not dissimilar to those in modern airports, though the original Cape May one, whilst a steam-powered marvel, was tricksy — i memory serves, a runaway f lywheel caused it to speed up to 30mph and deposit a few hundred people o the end o the Point. Also, the idea has been mooted that we launch or much-delayed monkey-pedicab scheme, which would allow us to combine our twin passions o animal rescue and cycling. The trials were a success last time, save for that unfortunate incident with the passing banana truck. Also, the hurled scat. So we are excitedly inessing the details o the perfect solution. I cannot go into exact speciics: suice o to say that those o you who love trampolines will be beside yourselves with excitement, and that we will be utilizing empty lots every 100 yards between the canal bridge and the beach. December 10, 2020 EXIT ZERO Page 35
Page 1 and 2: EXIT ZERO cape may’s peppy period
Page 3 and 4: 12/5: Fundraiser For Matt’s Stock
Page 5 and 6: A Cape May Classic SINCE 1926 OPEN
Page 7 and 8: The Best Holiday Dinner begins at G
Page 9 and 10: Harbor View RESTAURANT, MARINA & BA
Page 11 and 12: 12/5: Fundraiser For Matt’s Stock
Page 13 and 14: Romantic Seaside Getaway 9 Luxr Gue
Page 15 and 16: 11/28: Around 4pm At Exit Zero Fill
Page 19 and 20: Undertow Terry O’Brien’s legend
Page 21 and 22: December 10, 2020 EXIT ZERO Page 21
Page 23 and 24: Brinch with the grinch sunday, dec
Page 27 and 28: December 10, 2020 EXIT ZERO Page 27
Page 29 and 30: The Theater Column By arts columnis
Page 33: Christmas Gifts from FUDGE KITCHEN
Page 37 and 38: 11/28: Around 2pm On Small Business
Page 39 and 40: The Activity Column Catherine Dugan
Page 47 and 48: Bird Droppings Dispatches from the
Page 49 and 50: 11/28: Naval Air Station Wildwood P
Page 51 and 52: The Answer Lady invites inquiries f
Page 53 and 54: Enrich Your Life... Adopt An Animal
Page 55 and 56: Enrich Your Life... Adopt An Animal
Page 57 and 58: PROPERTY PAGES 101 Whilldin is a be
Page 61 and 62: BARBARA MPHERSON Realtor Sales Asso
Page 65 and 66: 512 Washington Mall, Cape May • 6
Page 69 and 70: 1624 New Jersey, Cape May 4 Bedroom

V18 N37

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