The Vegas Voice July 2021

This Really Ain’t No Dress Rehearsal!
By: Vicki Wentz / Vicki’s Voice
You know how when you’re young, you sort of
don’t worry much about making mistakes
or screwing things up, because somewhere, in the
back of your mind, you know, you are positive,
that you’ll have a chance to do it right “later”?
I mean, like on your “second time around” or whatever? Like
dropping out of Pre-Med to become a
mime, or choosing a drug-free labor
and delivery, or marrying the totally
wrong person?
You’ll have a chance to fix that
“later” right?
Here’s a hint - WRONG! So wrong!
So completely and astoundingly and
devastatingly wrong that it could be
the wrongest wrong thing on the
planet!
Oh, I know what they say: Life is
short. You only live once. This is no
dress rehearsal, blah, blah, blah. Who listens? But “they” were right, my
friend - and we were WRONG!
As you can plainly see, I have been traumatized by this revelation,
because I, for one, had a whole slew of things I’d been planning to go
back and “fix.” And suddenly, here I am in middle age (shut up) and
frightening things are happening to my mind, my memory, my body,
and my prospects…and I just became aware that there are no doovers!
And not only can I not “fix” previous mistakes, but I have also “aged
out” of lots of things I used to do.
For example, there’s no way I could be a waitress again, even if I
wanted to, which I don’t, but still, it’s the principle. Why?
Because I couldn’t be on my feet carrying heavy stuff all day and
wearing one of those cutesy uniforms with the lacy apron, as I could -
and did - throughout my growing-up life. (I couldn’t even sell clothes
at Nordstrom’s - same reasons, minus the apron.)
It’s also too late to play the lead opposite Kevin Costner in any movie
on earth. Why? Please.
And I used to play tennis. I played it well, fiercely, competitively, and
even sweatily. Then, I broke my leg in a zillion places, which resulted
in screws, pins, casts, doom, gloom, and a permanently slightly crooked
ankle. No more tennis.
So, being the courageous, take-it-on-the-chin, get-back-up-on-thehorse
girl I am, I immediately retired under the bed whimpering that
life held nothing more for me. Eventually, I was coaxed out by the new
Double-Stuff Oreos
And I swore that I would only
remain on the couch until I figured
out what new sport might strike my
fancy.
Turns out, tennis was it - the only
physical activity in my repertoire.
I was cavalier about it because I
thought I’d have plenty of time to do
it over the right way – eventually.
Then, I started noticing how
many things I could no longer
physically do with my physical self.
Like kneeling - even in church. Like
lifting the extra-large-size ketchup bottle.
Like walking up a flight of stairs without calling the paramedics.
I was astonished. And angry as hell! So, I went to the gym to meet the
new personal trainer. He said, “Hello, my name is Mr. Later. ”
So, now I am literally trying to “fix” my body…and never was there
a more formidable task, although I know I’m not the only one who
thought we’d have another chance to get it right.
I know you people out there who’ve been watching TV and ordering
pizza in blissful ignorance of Mr. Later, so maybe we could all “fix”
things together. I’m not guaranteeing an offer from “Vogue Magazine”
and I’m not saying you’ll be able to serve in the military...or even at
IHOP.
But we won’t just be standing around waiting for a “do-over” that
never comes…and we’ll damn well be able to pick up the ketchup and
carry it up the stairs!
Vicki Wentz is a writer, teacher and speaker living in North
Carolina. Readers may contact her - and order her new children’s
book! - by visiting her website at www.vickiwentz.com.
44
July 2021
Thank You Susan
Loyal reader Susan Roberts
put to good use our previous
Vegas Voice editions. Rather than
“lining bird cages” she was able
to handcraft the pages to make a
wonderful basket.
We proudly placed it on our TV/
YouTube video set for all to see.
Thank you Susan!