The Vegas Voice July 2021

Paraprosdokian
By: Adrea Nairne-Barrera / Senior Moments
just learned a new word and although it
I is a mouthful to repeat, the meaning is a
sentence with an unexpected ending. In Greek it
is “against expectations” and humorists use them all the time.
When Groucho Marx exclaimed “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful
evening, but this wasn’t it” - it was a Paraprosdokian.
Zsa Zsa Gabor once said “He taught me housekeeping; when I
divorce, I keep the house.” And some of the most serious people have
said the most unexpected things:
Ronald Reagan – “Thomas Jefferson once said ‘We should never
judge a president by his age, only by his works.’ And ever since he told
me that, I stopped worrying.”
Winston Churchill – “We can always count on the Americans
to do the right thing after they have exhausted all other possibilities.”
George H. W. Bush – “People say I’m indecisive, but I don’t know
about that.”
Benjamin Franklin – “Three may keep a secret, if two of them
are dead.”
Herbert Hoover – “Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the
national debt.”
Author Stephen King – “I have the heart of a small boy – in a glass
jar on my desk.” A little creepy but totally unexpected, nonetheless.
Just for fun, here are a few more from the internet not credited to
anyone in particular:
1. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
is research.
2. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
3. In filing out an application where it says, “In case of emergency,
notify,” answer “a doctor.”
4. Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
5. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
6. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
And although some may seem insulting, they are said in fun only.
But this last one got my attention: Going to church doesn’t make you
a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Adrea likes to opine and find the lighter side of life as a senior.
6
July 2021
You Gotta Laugh
By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs
How To Tell if You Live in Sun City:
1. Comfort comes before style.
2. College students look like 12-year-olds.
3. You gained 30 pounds overnight.
4. You rather sleep then go out.
5. You have a favorite spatula.
6. You’re always annoyed.
7. Everything feels like a chore.
8. Everything hurts.
9. The bathroom is your favorite room.
*This Month’s Work From Home Tip: Blowing on the wine in
the mug will help convince your Zoom meeting that your tea is hot.
*Words of Wisdom
1. Never in the history of calming down has anyone calm down by
being told to calm down.
2. Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X. She’s never
coming back and don’t ask Y
*My Meeting in a Bar: Having already downed a few power drinks,
she turned around, faced me, looked me straight in the eye and said,
“Listen here. I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere.
“Their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the
ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on. It doesn’t
matter to me. I just love it.”
With my eyes now wide with interest I responded: “No kidding. I’m in
government too. Are you State or Federal ?”
*And My Stupid Statement of the Month: My wife came home
from Albertson’s complaining about the cashier being a royal PITA. I
asked her if she was at the self-checkout.
Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The Vegas Voice and
has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny
submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.