Always Only You by Chloe Liese (z-lib.org).epub

“Hey. I’m sorry.” I set a hand on his thigh, and Sweet St. Nicholas Stuck in
the Chimney this man’s legs are granite hard. I yank my hand back like I burned
it.
Ren clears his throat and accelerates as the light turns green. “You don’t
need to apologize, Frankie.”
I feel like he’s holding something back, but I’m terrible at figuring out
moments like these. These are the times when being autistic is frustrating and
exhausting. Especially when people don’t know what you’re up against.
I don’t talk about autism at work. I mask, which is another way of saying, I
do what I need to do in order to seem “normal,” which is why Ren and the guys
only see Frank the Crank, serious, no-smiles me. But sometimes I wish Ren
knew. Because right now he doesn’t understand how much I need him not to
dance around the truth but give it to me straight. I can’t see through those gauzy
linguistic layers like so many can.
It nearly comes tumbling out of my mouth, but instead I shift in my seat
again and change the subject.
“So…I have something to tell you.” Might as well lower the boom now.
“Paps got a picture of us leaving for lunch together. Twitter blew up. There
might be minor conjecture that we’re together.”
Ren hits the brakes hard, lurching us forward. “I’m sorry, what?”
“It’ll blow over, Zenzero.” I grip the handle above the car door, just in case
I’m in for another jolt.
A furious blush crawls up his neck and darkens his cheeks. “Oh.”
“Oh?” I poke his shoulder. “You’re going monosyllabic on me.”
He starts sputtering, his cheeks darkening to raspberry red.
I try to ignore that stab to my pride. Is it so terrible to be temporarily linked
to me this way?
“Ren. Relax. It’ll die down on its own. And if you want it to go away faster,
put yourself out there and go on some actual dates. Got yourself seen with
another woman—”
“No,” he says sharply. Taking a long slow exhale, Ren grips the steering
wheel tight, then relaxes his fingers. “Sorry, that came out harsh. I’m flustered.
What I meant to say was, I’m not interested in dating right now.”
A weird surge of jealousy pricks me. Who is this woman he’s waiting for,
who has this deep claim on his heart?
“This woman better be worth it, Bergman.”
His mouth is tight. He shakes his head. “I’m…it’s not…” Sighing, he turns
the van into the hospital parking garage and nabs an accessible parking space. I
pull out my parking sticker and hook it around his mirror.