A local woman missing- Mary Kubica

girl. She just lost her mother. She can’t lose her father, too. I won’t let
you do this to him,” I say, and for the first time, I’m sure. Killing
Shelby is one thing. But letting Jason take the fall for it is another,
because that’s premeditated and purposeful. I can’t get Grace off my
mind, imagining her growing up without a mother’s or a father’s love.
“I’m calling the police.”
The conviction in my voice is unmistakable. I see a change come
over Bea. She’s bemused at first. She stares, openmouthed. “You
can’t do that,” she pleads with me. Her voice changes, becoming
less domineering, more desperate. She softens and for the first time
since we killed Shelby, I see that tough exterior crack. “Please,
Meredith. Please think this through. I beg of you,” Bea says. “I can’t
go to jail. I wouldn’t survive it. I’m not as strong as you are.”
“No, you’re not,” I tell her. “You’re stronger.”
She shakes her head. She doesn’t believe that she is stronger
than me. “If I go to jail, Kate will leave me. She’ll move on while I’m
gone. We’ll have nothing when we finally get out. You and me. Not
one fucking thing, Meredith.” She’s begging now.
I close my eyes. I imagine a world ten or twelve years from now,
when Bea and I are finally released from prison. Delilah and Leo
would be teenagers by then. They’d be in high school. I wouldn’t get
to see them grow up. They might hate me because of it. They might
be resentful, embarrassed, ashamed. Would Josh bring them to visit
me? Would I even want them to come, to see me incarcerated?
Josh, in my absence, might find and fall in love with another woman.
It kills me to consider these things.
“We’ll get a good lawyer,” I tell her. “Josh has clients who are
defense attorneys. We’ll find one who can help us. Think about it,
Bea. We have no prior criminal charges. Neither of us has been
charged with a prior DUI. We can work out a plea bargain.”
“And what would that be?” she asks, miffed. “Five years instead of
ten? Do you have any fucking clue what five years in jail would be
like? We wouldn’t survive five minutes.”
It doesn’t matter what the consequences are. I can’t live with
Shelby’s death on my conscience. I don’t want to live like this.
Shelby will never see her daughter grow up. Why should I?
“I’m sorry, Bea. I have to do this.”