MARCH 2008

some decorum please
Churches are asking brides to tone it down
When it comes to planning
a wedding, how much is
too much? Chaldean
churches are grappling with that issue
as an increasing number of weddings
become larger and more elaborate.
Dismayed with giant bridal parties
of as many as 14 attendants on each
side, Fr. Frank Kalabat has asked couples
marrying at St. Thomas in West
Bloomfield to limit themselves
to four bridesmaids
and groomsmen.
“There have been a few
‘yeas,” but mostly ‘nays,’”
Fr. Kalabat said of the policy
he adopted about five
months ago. “I’m getting a
lot of pressure to go back
to the old way.”
Fr. Kalabat is not unsympathetic
to the family demands put on the
wedding couple, but said it’s time
for a change. “It’s more about them
concentrating on more important
things like saying ‘I do’ and spending
the rest of their lives doing,” he
said. “Not, who do I put in, who do
I not put in, and family pressure
like, how dare you take only three
out of seven cousins?”
Church leaders fret that couples
can lose focus, concentrating so
much on the wedding that they’re
forgetting about the marriage.
“The whole mission of the
church is to move people’s focus
beyond the physical and material to
the spiritual,” said Fr. Kalabat. “It’s
been getting too extreme. Change
needs to start somewhere; this is one
little thing but it becomes an opportunity
to talk to the couple and say,
BY JOYCE WISWELL
Fr. Manuel Boji
‘where is your concentration?’”
St. Joseph in Troy is not limiting
wedding parties, but Msgr. Zouhair
Toma (Kejbou) asks attendants in
large parties to sit in the front pew
during the service, leaving only the
best man and maid of honor at the
couple’s side. “Preserve the dignity of
the celebration,” he advised.
“Some of these elaborate and
meaningless arrangements
people are throwing to
show off,” said Msgr. Toma.
“Don’t steal the light from
what is actually happening
– placing your love in front
of the altar to be blessed in
the eyes of the church.”
Another pet peeve is too
much skin shown by brides
and their attendants. “There needs
to be more respect in my estimation,”
said Fr. Manuel Boji of Mother
of God in Southfield. “I ask them to
dress properly for church.”
Fr. Kalabat jokingly said he asks
brides to show only their eyes. In
reality, he does not want to see cleavage,
bare shoulders or exposed backs.
Such requests can fall on deaf ears, so
St. Thomas is taking a harder stand.
“Now I tell them, if you don’t
wear a shawl we will provide one —
even if it doesn’t match your dress,”
said Fr. Kalabat, adding with a
chuckle, “That scares them.”
St. Joseph also discourages revealing
dress. “No spaghetti straps”
declares a sign at the entrance.
“We want to preserve the dignity
and self respect of all the people in
there,” said Msgr. Toma. “This is not
a fashion parade.”
the wedding guide
“LOVE IS FRIENDSHIP SET ON FIRE.” – JEREMY TAYLOR
28 CHALDEAN NEWS MARCH 2008