August 2023

What Would You Do to Avoid Going to the Dentist?
By: Vicki Wentz / Vicki’s Voice
You know, there are few things in life that are
guaranteed to cause my friends and family to
collapse with what I like to call “laugh cramps”
than when I injure myself.
I don’t mean to suggest
that they are not generally
sympathetic and concerned,
but...well, yes, I guess I
do; These people are cold,
I’m telling you, stone cold,
heartless human beings.
So, my sister and her
daughter were visiting me last
week, when my niece suddenly
looked at me and burst out
laughing, her eyes soon filling
with those I’m-howling-so-hard-I’m-crying tears, unable to verbalize
why for several minutes. Turns out, she was actually thinking of one of
these injury events, which I happened a few months ago.
Perhaps, dear reader, you will be kinder?
I had showered and dressed that morning in somewhat nicer garb to
go to the dentist (which I hate, so I try to distract him from considering
the drill by wearing something sort of…shall we say intriguing).
I had done my hair and put on big-girl shoes, and I was looking
fierce people. I thought if I lived through the dentist visit, maybe I’d
stroll by the Senior Center!
I had a little time to kill, so I took the dogs out to check the pool,
which involves cleaning
out the skimmers - often
saving the lives of whole
families of frogs, but hey, we
do what we can, am I right?
The girls, however, disdain
humanitarian work, so they
just mosey around.
With both skimmers clean
and the surface debris scooped
out, I was heading toward
the gate when the toe of my
shoe hit the corner of a stone embedded in the pool deck, and I went
airborne…again.
Now, being possessed with a keen and lightning mind, I immediately
deduced that I was going down, no two ways about it, and I had a
choice to make. I could try to save at least my top half, landing half-in
and half-out of the water, by twisting in the air and letting my waist hit
the rim of the pool.
However, my aforementioned keen mind replied, You will likely suffer
a broken rib or two, not to mention the probable concussion resulting
from a gigantic slam on the head, so you will lie here by the pool for
hours before you are discovered, because the dogs are not trained to do
anything in an emergency except bark at you.
My second choice was to fling myself out into the water completely,
which would result in thoroughly ruined hair, make-up and outfit, not
to mention the possible destruction of a pair of expensive big-girl shoes.
But, in midair, I chose option two.
Now, I haven’t mentioned the fact that this happened in early June,
and we had decided not to spend the money to heat the pool, but to
wait for the kind of days we’re suffering through right now to warm the
water throughout the summer. Yep, I hit that ice-water, bottom first,
fully clothed, made-up and coiffed, without a whimper.
Just grim resignation. As the water closed over my head, I thought,
“Of course!”(It did occur to me as I swam up from the depths that the
dentist would have to be rescheduled now, so there’s a blessing in every
affliction, my friend.)
When I surfaced, the dogs were standing side-by-side at the edge of
the pool staring at me, both heads cocked to the side. I swam to the
steps, my newly ironed pants and silk blouse flowing out behind me
and sat on the top step to take my big girl shoes off.
I looked at the girls. They looked back at me. It was obvious what
they were thinking: “Of course!”
44
August 2023
Vicki Wentz is a writer, teacher and speaker living in North
Carolina. Readers may contact her - and order her new children’s
book! - by visiting her website at www.vickiwentz.com.