Lot's Wife Edition 1 2017

When you go out: dance, but not too
vigorously and don’t act like you like it
06.
In the past, it was weak to go out and
dance at nightclubs, but times have now
changed. Beware, though, modulating your
dancing is a key. Doing this will impress
your mates, and even better, catch the eye
of many beautiful ladies. In my experiences,
I have found the finger-wag and controlled
head movement to be pretty sweet dance
moves out on the floor. It allows you to still
scout out the women and the competition
without seeming to ‘into’ emotion and the
music playing. In fact, playing it cool is
essential. Only when you are able to latch
onto a girl dancing alone is it acceptable
to get more serious about things. If you
are lucky enough to find yourself in this
situation, quick, abrupt dance moves will
serve you well. Get especially close to the
girl, ideally from behind.
05.
the bar is a powerful way of channelling
article by nick bugeja
illustration by kelly simpson-bull
Stare at girls when you are trying to attract
them
With girls confidence is key. You have to
show them, and yourself, that you mean
business. The most effective way of getting
the attention of a girl is strong eye contact.
Staring relentlessly and without blinking is
the most pure way to do this. Deliberately
staring at a girl with her friends from across
that you want her. Ideally, standing with
your head slightly turned, staring, will give
you a more handsome, manly profile that
she won’t be able to resist.
Stare at guys walking down the street to show
them you mean business
The staring ‘plan of attack’ also goes for
other guys. Whether your by yourself or
with mates, if you see another pack or a
guy by himself a strong stare is a must. It
shows your prey that you own the town,
and lets them know not to mess with you.
Even greater importance is attached to
04.
this if you are with your girl, as you need
This is decidedly satire.
to send a clear message for them to back
right off. Once at Rats I was there with my
missus and this guy walked up to her and
whispered in her ear, asking her if she’d
seen some movie Raging Buck. I stared
at him the whole time and he fucked off.
That’s what that staring does – it scares
blokes off. Even if the bloke is on the other
side of the road, make sure you meet his
eyes with strong eye contact. It’s a sign of
your position on the top of the food chain.
Walk like you own the town.
Take your sporting life seriously
03.
The sporting field is a great place where
you can prove yourself a man. For whatever
sport you play: cricket, footy, rugby, baseball
(not netball unless there is girls on your
team), it is a great place to show your
physical superiority. This is important
for any man’s psychology, and equally
important to put down any man who is
not at your level. For cricket, this can be
achieved by bowling bouncers at 15-year-old
kids, abusing the umpire, and tensing your
biceps powerfully when you take a wicket.
On Saturday night, discussion of your
physical feats with your mates and female
suitors is a great way to impress.
Be the funniest and the centre of attention
The best way to stand out and be
remembered is to be the life of the party.
Wearing clothes that exhibit your best
physical features (usually biceps and pecks)
goes some way, but being a comedian is
probably the most foolproof way. These
two things combined are irresistible. Some
jokes guarantee to kill: anything Harambe-
02.
related, jokes about Trump, and jokes about
you bashing clowns. Always make sure to
dab.
If you feel insecure or threatened, either try to
belittle the person causing those feelings, or
passively-aggressively play-fight with them
(especially if girls are around)
If theres ever a bloke questioning you,
or trying to make out that you’re not a real
man, DO NOT TAKE IT. If this is done in a
social setting, do either one of two things:
1a. Divert attention away from what was
01. said about you by ruthlessly attacking the
person making the allegation/attack the
weakest bloke there. A hint of comedy in
this is good to insert, but still make it clear
you are ripping into their character. E.g. a
good small-dick comment is reliable.
1b. Play fighting with whoever talks shit
about your manliness is a good way to
reassert your male power. Act like you have
taken it well and just want to engage in
some fun male bonding, but underneath
that try your best to hurt and injure the
bloke without showing that you wanted to.
People will just think that you are naturally
strong if you do that. It is also a good way
to release the anger that is surely eating
away at you. The most important thing
here is to make sure you’re manliness is not
questioned. And if you react well, then it
will get you a bit of silent praise from your
mates and the girls will think that your
above your mates and the man for her.
creative/comedy 46-47