Lot's Wife Edition 1 2017

Wot’s Life? With Agony Aunt
edition one
Agony Aunt and friends will be here all
year to answer your anonymous questions.
Q.
What happens when you die?
You’re reborn as a bug for asking such a
shit question. Or you go to heaven, or to hell.
Or you just cease to exist. Or maybe you just
live in an urn above a mantle?
Personally, I’d say that it depends on your
own beliefs and no one has come back from
the dead to tell me otherwise.
A.
Q.
I have feelings for my cousin. What
should I do?
You should transfer to the University of
Tasmania.
If anything progresses it is incest to
conceive a child so I suggest you adopt. But
in Australia apparently it’s legal to marry first
cousins. So whatever, I guess it’s fine.
A.
lot’s wife
Q.
I am attracted to my co-worker and he
asked me out to dinner but I’m pretty sure
he has a girlfriend.
Firstly you don’t seem convinced that he
has a girlfriend so probably just confirm that
it’s true. Talk to him up front and see what
he says. Or ya know, stalk his Facebook
and Instagram and the respective girl’s
A. Facebook and Instagram just to confirm if
he does indeed have a girlfriend.
You could always casually slip it into
conversation? But odds are if he asked you
out on a date he’s keen and maybe he has an
open relationship or something or maybe he
just wants to be friends. I suggest you clarify
with him before you get more involved.
Q.
Do you have any suggestions or tips for
taking sexy photos? I am a 22 year old
girl but I have never done it before. I have
just started seeing a guy and I want him to
know what he’s missing out on when we
can’t see each other as we both have busy
work schedules.
A.
Personally, I suggest you keep your face
out of it because what if he turns out to be a
twat and shows lots of people, ya know? Or
alternatively just gather blackmail material
on him and go wild with your photos.
But I feel like you can’t really go wrong
with taking sexy photos, you’re literally
sending them a pic of your boobs, they’re
not allowed to complain and they have to
love it regardless.
Q.
Q.
My friends don’t want full communism
A.
like I do. Please help.
Find new friends, you don’t need people
like that in your life.
O - Week is the time to branch out and
A.
to make new friends so make sure you go
to as many events as you can and befriend
as many people as you can because who
knows, maybe they want full communism
too!
Q.
If I’m wearing a choker, does that mean
I like anal?
According to memes (the highest source
of authority there is) yes, but I’d like to see
the empirical evidence behind it.
It probably just means that you like
chokers and accessorising your neck to be
frank.
A.
Q.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it
hurt losing your virginity?
Guess you’ll just have to try it to find out
but we’ll say a 4.
But in all seriousness, I doubt that the first
time is great for anyone and if they say it
is they’re probably a liar. So don’t fret, it’ll
probably be over in 40 seconds anyway.
A. Read a few Cosmo articles to prepare
yourself, I find Cosmo to be enlightening!