CHECK Berlin #2

EN
sexual health
On the other hand, it is
clearly because the PrEP
does not protect against
gonorrhea and the like. So
you don‘t get HIV, but you
get everything else.
Bareback sex is a matter
of negotiation
Hand on your heart, who
has experienced this: in
the heat of the moment
and after maybe one beer
too many, you are quickly
undressed and ready for
anything. You just want
more pure closeness. And
when there is no condom at
hand, the negotiations usually
start: I‘m healthy, take
the PrEP, I‘m undetectable,
whatever. Then sometimes
the mood changes from
heated up to slightly threatening.
And while saying
something along the lines
of „Don’t be a killjoy“ is not
yet a coercion or emotional
blackmail, doesn‘t this normalize
the non-acceptance
of boundaries? If I think it‘s
ok to have sex without a
condom, the other person
has to see it that way too.
A Canadian blogger puts
it this way, “We are in a
cultural war that is largely
fueled by PrEP. Bareback
sex changes from product
of negotiation to an
expectation and demand.
The practices that move the
social context of bareback
sex toward expectation
or demand directly instill
a culture of rape. Because
they detract from the
acceptability of a person
setting their own conditions
of consent, in this case
condom use.”
Condomshaming as
a symptom of a rape
culture
You have to know that in
the context of this statement
the young man claims
to have been gray-raped.
Before the act, the use of
a condom was agreed. The
sex partner did not abide by
the agreement, which the
young man only noticed a
little later. Such trickery is
also called „stealthing“ and
is classified in many countries
as a sexual offense and
serious bodily harm.
It can now be argued that
the risk of unsafe sex when
taking PrEP is mainly a bacterial
problem. But it’s certainly
not right to call those
who initially reject bareback
sex are all poorly-informed
and want to discriminate
aginst HIV-positive people.
As with body-shaming, it’s
not what you say but how
you say it. Of course, you
don‘t have to sleep with
men you don‘t find attractive.
And you don‘t have to
use a condom if you don‘t
want to. But telling people
that they are less valuable
or privileged because of
their looks or their attitude
towards safer sex is not ok.
And if you use PrEP or U
= U * as an argument to
replace your partner‘s consent
context with your own,
you are not only shifting
the context of scientific
authority. You expose condom-shaming
as a one-sided
negotiating tactic that
is used to take something
that the other is unwilling
to give. And that‘s exactly
what the young blogger
means when he talks about
rape culture.
Perhaps it can be expressed
more simply: Instead of
saying, „No fats“ or „No condoms“,
state what you actually
mean. „Prefer skinny“ or
„Looking for barebare sex“.
It signals to people what
your preferences are and
avoids the exclusionary prejudice
inherent to negative
comments. And remember
to say “please”. (ts)
* undetectable = untransmissable
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