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Chizuk<br />
From C (Conception)<br />
To A (Adoption)<br />
One Couple’s Journey to Resolution<br />
By Rachel Chana Bas Sarah<br />
SHAAREI TIKVAH/ CHANUKAH <strong>2009</strong><br />
We know that Hashem has a plan for each of us.<br />
But, like a good mystery novel, we are often left<br />
in suspense as to what it is. We pray for answers and when<br />
the mystery persists, it may seem as though Hashem isn’t<br />
answering us. But, actually He is. One night years ago, when<br />
I discovered that I wasn’t pregnant again, I clutched my belly<br />
and cried to my husband, “Hashem is telling us His plan.<br />
Each month it’s the same. He might as well skywrite it over<br />
our apartment windows. And His message would spell,<br />
ADOPT!” But, it took us several more years – until our 10th<br />
wedding anniversary – to hear, accept and embrace this<br />
message.<br />
During most of our aggressive medical treatment, I<br />
prayed to Hashem, “Please let us conceive this month.” We<br />
knew adoption would give us the family we so desperately<br />
wanted, but it was steeped in layers of loss, pain and failure.<br />
We said we wouldn’t adopt until we could open our hearts<br />
to love through adoption. We would never put our children<br />
at risk by not being able to accept and love them completely.<br />
Friends would say, “You will wake up one morning and<br />
feel differently. You will be ready to take action. You will feel<br />
resolved.” Perhaps this happened to others, but to us? In the<br />
meantime, over a period of a few years, I telephoned adoptive<br />
parents for their attorneys, approaches and feelings<br />
about adoption. Were they happy that they had adopted?<br />
The answer was a resounding “yes.”<br />
“You mean,” I’d persevere, “you don’t feel any differently<br />
about this child than you would have had he or she been<br />
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