a guide to supporting children exposed to domestic violence

Len’s story
Len was terrified when his father began to hit his mother. He tried to step between
them, but his father yelled at him to go upstairs.
Len did what he was told, but he could hear his mother sobbing and begging his
father to stop. Later his father dragged Len out from under his bed and told him,
“It’s all your fault; that’s why we were fighting; you didn’t do your homework.”
Children learn many things by watching their parents. These include
communicating feelings, solving problems, coping with frustration, being
respectful, and having consideration for others.
Although some children in violent homes appear unaffected by the violence and
have no mental health problems, their experiences may influence their beliefs and
attitudes.
When children see their mother being abused
They may learn that:
• It’s OK to use violence.
• Violence is a way to get what you want.
• Violence is a way to solve problems.
• You can gain power and control over others by using violence.
• Abuse is a normal part of relationships.
• Any distressing feeling can be expressed as violence.
• Men are more important and more powerful than women.
• Women don’t deserve respect.
Children who are exposed to abuse may be more likely to be abusive or abused
when they are adults.
The effect on a child depends on:
• the severity of the abuse
• how often it happens
• how long it has gone on
HELPING MY CHILD A GUIDE TO SUPPORTING CHILDREN EXPOSED TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 14