a guide to supporting children exposed to domestic violence

• You may have pooled your earnings and assets with your partner, without the
necessary legal protection. You may be afraid that you will lose everything you
put into the relationship, including your home.
USEFUL TIPS
Contact the LGTB Centre (“The Centre”). The Centre provides information, referrals,
and peer support for lesbian, gay, trans and bisexual people.
Telephone: 604- 684-6869 (7:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.)
Toll-free: 1-800-566-1170 (7:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.)
Website: http://www.lgtbcentrevancouver.com
Stress management and self-care
While you decide what to do next, you must look after yourself and stay as
healthy and calm as possible. Mothers in families usually put their own health and
emotional needs last.
Safety concerns for you and your children come first and may conflict with your
ability and desire to have a healthy lifestyle. While getting enough sleep, eating a
healthy diet and exercising regularly can help you to cope, it may not be possible
for you to do this. Your partner may keep you awake or wake you up during the
night. You may not have control over the family’s food budget, or you may feel
you have to buy only the food your partner wants. He may not allow you out of
the home to exercise.
One way that women try to maintain a safe place for their children is to put the
needs and demands of their partner first. While this can be a wise decision for
your safety and the safety of your children, you may feel exhausted and
overwhelmed trying to anticipate and meet your partner’s needs and demands.
You may have learned that trying to meet your own needs has put you at risk
with your partner because he insists on being at the centre of the relationship.
You may already have your own strategies for managing. Here are some additional
ideas:
• Have regular physical check-ups.
• Have your own private space somewhere in your home, however small.
• Take time alone for yourself if you can.
• Visit and talk with supportive friends and relatives.
• Talk about the effects of your partner’s abuse with people you can trust.
HELPING MY CHILD A GUIDE TO SUPPORTING CHILDREN EXPOSED TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 31