a guide to supporting children exposed to domestic violence

Inez’s story
Daycare workers thought that four-year-old Inez was adorable. She was polite,
cooperative and obedient, and helped to look after the younger children. Her threeyear-old
brother Antonio, on the other hand, was aggressive, angry and disrespectful.
He teased and tormented the younger children.
Until they took some training about children exposed to partner violence, the
workers did not understand how these children could come from the same family.
of right and wrong and how to control their impulses. They are aware of some
basic feelings such as being angry, sad, and happy. They are beginning to be able
to play cooperatively with peers, to take turns and to share.
When a woman is being abused and has a preschooler:
• The preschooler may become excessively compliant and pleasing. Or
preschoolers may react to the tension and unhappiness with eating or sleeping
problems, or by clinging and separation anxiety. Or they may try to comfort
themselves with habits such as thumb-sucking or masturbation.
• A preschooler may mimic the abuse by hitting, being cruel to animals, breaking
toys and other items, fighting with other children, being defiant, swearing,
name-calling and yelling.
• Sometimes distressed preschoolers lose the skills that they have gained. For
example, they start to wet the bed again or go back to eating with their fingers.
• In preschool or daycare the child may seem unhappy or angry, may defy staff
and have problems getting on with other children.
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL-AGED CHILDREN
Between the ages of six and twelve, children are increasingly exposed to
experiences and expectations outside the family. Parents, however, are still their
main source of affection, protection, supervision and guidance.
Like younger children, elementary school-aged children need a positive,
supportive, caring relationship with their parent or parents.
They need to learn socially appropriate behaviour, to follow rules, to organize
themselves, and to control their impulses, moods and expression of feelings. They
need to learn how to develop trusting, caring, respectful relationships with others.
HELPING MY CHILD A GUIDE TO SUPPORTING CHILDREN EXPOSED TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 18