a guide to supporting children exposed to domestic violence

6
Living with children
exposed to violence in their home
Living in a violent home can have long-lasting effects on children. Some children
are affected more than others. But all children tend to be influenced by, and often
copy, the behaviour of adults in their household.
It is likely that you, as their mother, are trying to cope with the children’s difficult
behaviour. They may be copying the abuser and may be aggressive, demanding
and self-centred. Or, perhaps scared by the violence, they may be timid, whiny
and withdrawn. Or they may have other difficulties.
You may feel burned-out, angry, frustrated and resentful about having to cope
with a difficult bunch of children. And you may be living with the constant
anticipation of further abuse.
They are reacting to what is going on, or has gone on in the past, at home. They
may feel angry, insecure, vulnerable or sad.
You can have a positive influence
Focusing on children’s emotional needs may help you see where they are hurting,
what they need, and what you can do. All is not lost. Even if you are being
abused or have been abused in the past, you can have a positive influence on
your children’s lives.
It is very important to remember that all children are not the same. Some children
are thousands of times harder to bring up than others. Some children, right from
the beginning, are very active, have a short attention span, have short fuses,
don’t like changes, get frustrated easily, and have mood swings. This kind of child
is much more likely to have temper tantrums or be defiant.
Also remind yourself that children, particularly school-aged children, are influenced
by many experiences and interactions. School, siblings, friends, neighbours, the
community, TV, and videogames all play a role.
Blaming yourself for your child’s behaviour is not only untrue, it is extremely
unhelpful. There are positive things you can do.
HELPING MY CHILD A GUIDE TO SUPPORTING CHILDREN EXPOSED TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 36