a guide to supporting children exposed to domestic violence

• If they continue to hit/swear, send them to another room to cool off. If you’re
afraid they’re so angry that they might hurt themselves or destroy property,
insist that they sit quietly where you can see them. You may need to hold a
younger child.
• Go off to another room yourself. Stop any interaction until they are calm. Don’t
choose this option if children are getting hurt or property destroyed.
• When they are calm, problem-solve with them about other ways to handle the
issue.
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO MANAGE THEIR ANGER
Teach your children how to communicate anger without being disrespectful. You
can show them how to use “I statements.” For instance: “When you take my doll
without permission, I feel angry/hurt/sad.”
They can also learn other ways to express angry feelings. Examples: scribbling on
or tearing up paper or old phone books, doing push-ups, skipping, running round
the block, talking, writing or drawing about their feelings.
With young children who are angry, diversion may be best. Try to shift a toddler
or preschooler’s attention away from what they are mad at. Give them something
else to do.
Meng‘s story
Meng had been a quiet and obedient child. When her family immigrated to Canada
she was intimidated by Canadian children, who seemed noisy and often did not
respect their parents.
Meng married young, to an older man. After the first child was born her husband
became angry and irritable. He wanted Meng’s attention and resented the time she
spent with the children. He told her she was a useless wife and mother, and criticized
everything she did. Sometimes he hit her.
When her second child became defiant, had temper tantrums and called her names,
Meng was horrified and scared. She didn’t know what to do.
With the help of a Children Who Witness Abuse counsellor, she realized that her
husband’s behaviour was influencing the children. The children attended a Children
Who Witness Abuse group and Meng talked to a counsellor. The children learned
about safe ways of expressing anger, and Meng was able to use these ideas at
home.
HELPING MY CHILD A GUIDE TO SUPPORTING CHILDREN EXPOSED TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 43