a guide to supporting children exposed to domestic violence

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Refuse to pay child support, not pay on time, or give the wrong amount.
Follow you; spy on you; leave threatening notes, voice mails or e-mails;
destroy your property; call you when you don’t want him to.
• Children’s behaviour may be frustrating and hard to cope with. For instance,
they may be upset, whiny and tearful, or angry, demanding and defiant.
Remember that they may:
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Be missing their home, pets, toys, and friends.
Be worried about a new school.
Not understand why you left.
Be affected by how upset you are.
Miss their dad.
Have witnessed a lot of anger and disrespectful behaviour.
Feel sad, afraid, hurt, and want attention.
Be afraid of sleeping alone.
To be safe and comfortable you may need to:
• Arrange for children to be picked up in a different location for access visits with
their father.
• Arrange for their father to wait outside or in the lobby of your apartment
building. He should not come up to your apartment or to a place where there is
only one exit.
• Have someone else take them to their father and pick them up.
• Talk to your ex-partner calmly, but only about necessary matters related to the
children.
• Tell your children not to tell their father of their new address or telephone
number.
• Tell the school, library, community centre and any other agencies or government
departments that ask for your address that they must not give the children’s
father your new address.
• Get call blocking on the telephone.
• If your abuser has been granted unsupervised visits with your children, you may
need to problem-solve with them about:
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what to do if their father is intoxicated
how to deal with kidnapping attempts
how to keep safe during violent incidents
HELPING MY CHILD A GUIDE TO SUPPORTING CHILDREN EXPOSED TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 33