Violence against children, the voices of Ugandan ... - Raising Voices

What kind of relationships do we want to create with children?Many children reported fearing the adults aroundthem. Their level of anxiety increased in thepresence of adults, and many of them became shyand unable to express themselves. They felt thatadults were not willing to listen to their concernsand that adults saw children as needing to becontrolled rather than understood. They did notexpect fairness, onlycritical judgment,regarding theirshortcomings. Throughnarrative role playsas well as journals,children describedfeeling vulnerablewhen an adultinteracted with them,expecting the adult toembarrass or humiliatethem. These childrencraved a different kindof relationship, withina context of love andaffection, rather thanfear and shame.When adults were asked what kind of arelationship they wanted to create with children,their overriding concern appeared to be theirresponsibility to guide children on how to behaveand create a value system that reflected thetraditions of their community. Despite contraryexperience, many persisted in believing thatfear and shame were the most potent tools forachieving this and that it was in the best interestsof children to be subjected to this form of disciplineto create cohesive communities.Clearly, adults as a group do not persist in thisbelief because they harbour animosity or hatredtowards children. Most adults are trying toconstruct a relationshipwith children within thebelief that by assertingtheir power over children,they are acting in theinterest of the child.Yet in this study it alsobecame clear that thereis a crisis of confidencein this approach. Onlya third of the adults, forexample, believe thatbeating children actuallychanges their behaviour(see page 80). Manyadults recognized thatassociating fear andshame with an act does not teach the child whatis wrong with the act and hence help them grow,but merely creates fearful and shamed childrenwho repress their true nature to survive. Is thatour intention? Is that what we as a community areembarked on?I wish he would listen to me before beating meall the time. A small mistake - slap! Laugh tooloud - a cane! Many times I don’t even knowwhy he is beating me.14-year-old girl, WakisoPart Two Children’s Experiences 47