HEALTHY FAMILIES FOR ETERNITY
FM_Planbook%202016-eng
FM_Planbook%202016-eng
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<strong>HEALTHY</strong> <strong>FAMILIES</strong> <strong>FOR</strong> <strong>ETERNITY</strong> REACH THE WORLD<br />
82<br />
street from the women’s college where I had been<br />
working. We were now parents of two young<br />
children. During the retreat our facilitators,<br />
Lennox and Ouida Westney, from Silver Spring,<br />
Maryland, engaged us in dialogue.<br />
During our conversation I (Willie) confessed<br />
to Elaine that I had prayed to God to help me<br />
solve our marital problems. My request was that<br />
if He would simply allow Elaine to go to sleep<br />
until resurrection morning things would work<br />
out much better for me. Please, I requested, allow<br />
her no pain or blood.<br />
My (Willie’s) appeal to God was that the<br />
tension and feelings of resentment taking place<br />
in our marriage were not what I had signed up<br />
for, and He couldn’t possibly want a leader in His<br />
church to be going through all the pressure I was<br />
experiencing at home. God knew that as a church<br />
leader I would not divorce my wife. And, after<br />
all, what we were experiencing in marriage—I<br />
conjectured in my state of frustration—was the<br />
fault of the conference leaders and other more<br />
seasoned pastors who had invariably dropped<br />
hints about my need to get married. God must<br />
have been sending a different message, but the<br />
brethren pushed me in this direction. After all,<br />
one of the conference administrators had asked<br />
me in front of Elaine, just a week after we started<br />
dating, “Do you think you can get this young<br />
woman to marry you?” And I fell for the trick and<br />
answered in my most confident voice, “I think<br />
so:’ Surely it was a ploy of Satan. But God would<br />
help me—so I argued with myself.<br />
Since God promises to give us His peace (John<br />
14:27) and supply all our needs (Phil. 4: 19), I<br />
(Willie) knew He would be reasonable enough<br />
to provide me a new, more amenable and more<br />
compatible spouse who would make my life<br />
happy, thus enabling me to serve more effectively<br />
in the ministry He had called me to. It is amazing<br />
what kind of conversations we think we can have<br />
with God when life takes strange turns because<br />
of poor choices we make when relating to our<br />
spouse. Incredible suspense filled me as I waited<br />
for a response from Elaine.<br />
I (Elaine) began to smile. I could see the<br />
expression on his face, not sure what to expect<br />
from me. So I shared with him my side of the<br />
same story. “You know, it’s funny;’ I said. “I<br />
prayed the exact same prayer.”<br />
The tension suddenly left the room. We<br />
laughed, looked at each other knowingly, and<br />
joined the other couples regrouping to continue<br />
listening to the biblical wisdom being presented<br />
by our guest presenters.<br />
The truth is, being in a position of leadership is<br />
not an inoculation against the rigors embedded in<br />
family life. Rather, it is often a barrier to stronger<br />
and healthier family relationships. The Bible is<br />
filled with examples of exactly that problem.<br />
As people in leadership, we are passionate<br />
and driven about our responsibilities. After all,<br />
God called us to make a difference, and we have<br />
committed ourselves to accomplishing that task<br />
in an outstanding way. Such determination is<br />
typically so strong that no one needs to encourage<br />
or persuade us to do our jobs well. We just do. It<br />
is the reason others often notice our potential and<br />
invite us to even greater leadership opportunities.<br />
What happens to leaders, though, is that we<br />
often lack healthy boundaries to manage our<br />
families and work so that both can fully benefit. We<br />
cannot easily turn off the passion and drive that we<br />
have for our calling when we get home. Although<br />
we love our spouse and children, we at the same time<br />
believe that the important work we are doing simply<br />
cannot wait. And with technology today making<br />
us available to anyone at any time, we must be<br />
disciplined or pay a heavy price. Such a reality often<br />
gets magnified for Christian leaders, because, after<br />
all, we are doing God’s work, and nothing is more<br />
important than that. Or is it?<br />
In our quest to be fully committed to the<br />
mission of the church, generations of church<br />
leaders have passed on the message to younger<br />
leaders that dedicated leadership means being<br />
on the job 24/7. Now, that may sound good and<br />
may feed our longing to be needed, but it is not<br />
compatible with the message in Scripture or the<br />
writings of Ellen G. White.<br />
Ellen White declares: “Nothing can excuse<br />
the minister for neglecting the inner circle for