BMW 5 SERIES here is no person in <strong>South</strong> <strong>Africa</strong> who suffers a T greater crush of expectation in <strong>2017</strong> than our terrifically dapper Minister of Finance: Malusi Gigaba. He must convince people, with more money than they’ll ever be able to spend, to transfer some of their breathtaking wealth to <strong>South</strong> <strong>Africa</strong>. And at the moment, nobody’s interested. Malusi needs a miracle. Similarly, it’s the unenviable position the luxury sedan finds itself in during <strong>2017</strong>, too. It also requires a miracle, because people with more money than sense, aren’t buying luxury cars with four-doors anymore. They’re all purchasing five-door SUVs. And for BMW’s 5 Series, that is a rather huge problem. For decades, it has been BMW’s most important car. For professional automotive engineers and badly dressed automotive writers alike, in a moment of reflection and unflinching honesty, when asked which is the best car in the world, the answer has inevitably been 5 Series. Fast yet smooth. Dynamically rewarding. Sumptuously comfortable. Elegantly restrained in appearance. Unfortunately, none of this matters anymore. Why? Because 5 Series lacks gravel travel appropriate ground clearance and styling reminiscent of a uranium fed 5-door hatchback, it’s destined to be ignored. In the late 1990s <strong>South</strong> <strong>Africa</strong> was the undisputed destination for emerging market investment capital and fourth-generation 5 Series was the pinnacle of sub-limousine luxury car ownership. In <strong>2017</strong>, both are being tragically disregarded. It’s a solemn time for <strong>South</strong> <strong>Africa</strong> and the automotive world. Overpaid consultants are presenting odious forecasting charts in German automotive company boardrooms, not so much predicting, but confirming, for the death of sedans. But much like <strong>South</strong> <strong>Africa</strong>, with its history of resilience and courageous ability to always counter and overwhelm the sceptics, 5 Series heroically remains BMW’s profit pony, accounting for 25% of the company’s balance sheet black ink. The seventh-generation 5 is (ironically) closer to being a true 2/3rds 7-Series than ever before. The only real difference between the cars, despite a few millimetres of size and some styling details, are their structures: 7 has traces of carbon in its frame; the seventh 5, only metal. It’s a collection of very special metals, though, immaculately sourced and formed, delivering a range of cars 100kg lighter than their predecessors despite carrying an impressive array of new technologies, many of which are there to counter your failings at the helm. Despite most of its fundamental bits being new, G30 5 Series is an alarmingly subtle styling evolution over the F10 it replaces. It’s certainly not reminiscent of the quantum design leap which characterised E28 becoming E34 in the late 1980s. The cabin’s ergonomics and interfacing is tailored to people of my laughable smartdevice ignorance, a swathe of haptic and intuitive technologies, presented with great modesty. BMW’s latest evolution of iDrive boasts PlayStation controller-type feedback and seamless menu interfacing. There’s even gesture control, if the idea imitating a mad amateur orchestra conductor, practising in traffic, appeals to you. There’s a ghost in the machine, though. An artificial driver amidst the python-like looms and wiring harnesses of 5 Series. An autonomous-driving alter ego, capable of safely piloting better than you. Only insurance and legislative issues prevent this 5 Series from completely driving itself. Although the autonomous system won’t loop a traffic circle, I found it unnervingly capable of tracking traffic at 120kph, with the unflinching accuracy of an SAAF Mokopa missile – once locked-on to a lead car ahead. All the infotainment and driver assistance technology is merely BMW being on-trend. It’s not what 5 Series is supposed to be. This is a car built to devour distances, the kind of distances which convince people that domestic flying is superior to driving. As <strong>Top</strong><strong>Gear</strong>, we could never be agreeable to that and BMW has ensured that you don’t ever have to be, either. In Germany, where you can drive very civilly at 250kph, cars such as 5 Series are true air-travel alternatives. Calculate the compound time wastage of travelling to an airport, checking-in, being inappropriately touched by security and then waiting to fly… And inevitably, an autobahn routed luxury sedan of prodigious performance is often quicker. Admittedly the gravel travel ability and pothole-proof suspension bits of a luxury SUV make sense for detouring, but those stability systems and active dampers constantly heaving against the hippopotamus-like centre of gravity are annoying. German luxury SUVs are brilliantly over-engineered but awfully blunt to drive. “ I found it unnervingly capable of tracking traffic at 120km/h” Until the M5, this is as high up the ladder as the 5 Series goes BMW’s in-line sixes have gained much provenance along with performance 88 JUNE <strong>2017</strong>
Air comes in, voodoo happens, then it exits Who’s to say we weren’t driving along at this point? Lane markings were up for debate. Engage scenery mode. BMW 540i Price: R985 300 Engine: 2998cc 6-cyl petrol turbo, 250kW, 450Nm Transmission: 8-spd ZF RWD Performance: 0-100km/h in 5.1secs, 250km/h Economy: 6.5l/100km, 159g/km Weight: 2070kg JUNE <strong>2017</strong> 89
Change language