Group Analytic Contexts, Issue 77, September 2017

58 Group-Analytic Society International - Contexts
those you might have had have difference with, in the face of this
unknown can suddenly feel like dear friends.
But – you don’t see any. Now yogurt in hand you approach a
likely table. Two of the seats have bags on them. Another has
somebody’s coffee cup. The person over there you know usually has
breakfast with her friends. S/he is a big noise and at this time of the
morning you don’t feel up to the possible polite rejection or toleration.
In reality, whoever I joined at a table, known or not, I was
almost universally welcoming and indeed these conversations were
some of the most interesting of the conference. The ability to manage
this easily is called social competence. For some people even thinking
about this will seem like tiresome self-absorption.
Probably over the five days all of us had lonely moments. It
can feel shaming. This is not the same as the much-needed alone
moment but I think it is related to the theme. We want to belong.
Above all I loved the symposium experience. Wouldn’t
have missed it. It inspired and exhausted me. Left me in awe of the
universal use of English and the work being done all over the world.
It made me think. I am still thinking.
Further
Somebody looking at this asked why I persist in saying grown-up and
not professional? For me the concept of the professional is somebody
who is at the top of their game having trained or experienced enough
to be so called. Fear of showing that this might not always be the case,
rather than being interest in it and what it might mean, can be
opportunity missed. In the context of the symposium the myriad of
possible connections for me intensified the childish place. We were
not grown-up but the label regressive sounds pejorative.
In our work, I feel there is the tendency to think that only the
end result is what we aspire to. So, the therapist or conductor is
required to be sufficiently theruppt to be able to stay in the adult place
whatever difficult or emotive material he witnesses. Not that s/he is
not affected but that s/he is able to stay on his therapeutic perch on
behalf of the patient/client.
My dilemma is that I am more interested in the journey to get
to this point than the goal. I am drawn to people with flaws. I think
the true trade is vulnerability. If you show me how clever you are, but
don’t show me your sores, I might not connect deeply with you. It
might be difficult for my relationship with you to be anything other
than patronised if we say can only relate as professionals. If we are a
group of totally sorted people, what connection is to be made except