July 2018

not correction out of love but
lashing out for the frustration I
somehow unknowingly caused. I
always walked on proverbial egg
shells never knowing when I was
in trouble until my step-father
hopped up out of his La-Z-Boy
recliner to whip me. He used his
narrow leather belt, leaving welts
on my small body. At times, I was
awakened in the middle of the
night to a spanking while being
screamed at for some infraction
I was not sure I did. As a result, I
saw God as a very distant being
sitting on His throne waiting for
me to mess up so He could jump
up to strike me with a lightning
bolt for some small sin I committed.
My parents were scary.
Harsh. I thought God was too. At
least, until I learned what God is
really like.
The example from my own life
is not an uncommon one. In the
Atlantic, a reader wrote in response
to a call for stories about
readers’ religious choices. One
shared her experience about being
horribly abused by her mother’s
boyfriend for years.
As a little girl she begged God to
make him stop only to be terribly
disappointed that He did not.
She came to the conclusion that
there was no God. If she wanted
life to improve she could only
rely on herself (Bodenner 2016).
Many adults grew up in families
with parents and other role models
who were terrible examples
of authority. This damaged their
view of authority figures and others
in charge of their welfare. It
also affected how they viewed
God. In many cases like these,
God may be seen as aloof, malicious,
or highly judgmental. In
the Atlantic reader’s story, she
believed He simply did not exist.
The opposite extreme also
seems to be true. Adults whose
parents and other authority figures
were laissez-faire or permissive
also see God in much
the same way as the adults to
whom they were entrusted. God
appears to be very permissive
and only gives love, without
giving discipline to His children
whom He loves (Proverbs 3:12).
If this were the case, God would
have said of Eli’s evil sons in 1
Samuel 2:12; 17; 29-30, “Oh,
well. Boys will be boys.” He
would not have punished Eli for
his sons’ atrocious behavior. But
that is not what really happened.
The result of permissive parenting
is also an inaccurate view
of God (What is Your Parenting
Style?).
Jaded by Church People
Spiritual abuse is a common
problem in many churches
throughout the world. It is very
much like hurling mud at the
windshields of seekers and
saints alike. My first husband, a
bi-vocational pastor, had a knack
of reaching people spiritually
abused by unhealthy churches.
We found those who were
younger when they experienced
spiritual abuse had no use for
God and church.
Slowly, they developed a curiosity
about why Don was so
different. He invited a man from
his secular job to church. This
man told him, “Make sure your
church’s insurance was paid
up because a lightning bolt will
strike me dead if I set foot in your
church!”
He was assured the insurance
was paid. This man came once,
unconvinced about the value of
attending church. We rejoiced
because he accepted Christ as
his Savior. Don had the privilege
of baptizing him. We prayed for
him to find a good church to help
him with his new faith. It was a
monumental change in his view
of God as his Heavenly Father.
It takes time in a safe place for
people to heal from the wounds
caused by the saints. Christians
are Jesus’ representatives in this
world. When Christ followers do
not behave as if we belong to
Him, the people hurt are likely
to mistake what kind of God
we claim to follow. The pastor
of Next Level Church was one
of those people. He now leads
this dynamic church whose mission
is to reach the spiritually
wounded (Terpstra 2005). How
we represent Jesus can deeply
affect how victims understand
the faithful love of God and His
purpose for the church.
Poor Discipleship
In one of the churches we served,
the Bible teachings seemed to
come from their church’s traditions.
They did not appear to
know how to study Bible without
viewing passages through the
smeared lenses of personal biases.
As I discovered what made
up the hodgepodge of their Bible
understanding, I offered to teach
a Bible Basics class. Through
our study, I could see some expressions
of “Ah-hah!”, but I
also encountered confrontation
40 www.faithfilledfamily.com July 2018