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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
$ave<br />
AUGUST<br />
<strong>2018</strong><br />
EST. 1996<br />
by transferring your Loan<br />
to Great Falls FCU<br />
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791 Kittyhawk Ave.<br />
Unit 5, Auburn<br />
richardmoylan@allstate.com<br />
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandautobody.com<br />
Insurance and coverages subject to terms. qualifications and availability. Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance<br />
Company, Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 1
Our Gravel Pit is located at 168 Middle Road<br />
(Rt. 9) in Sabattus.<br />
FROM STONE DUST TO ROCK,<br />
WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
2<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
784-7944<br />
stlaurentandson.com
I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.<br />
MODERN WOODMEN<br />
OF AMERICA<br />
AUGUST <strong>2018</strong><br />
ACTIVITIES<br />
Tuesday, <strong>August</strong> 7 th<br />
KP’s Place 4 -7pm<br />
245 Center St. Auburn<br />
Mem: $ 7.50 Guest: $ 8.50<br />
Tuesday, <strong>August</strong> 14 th<br />
Fielder’s Choice 4-7pm<br />
680 Minot Ave. Auburn<br />
Members & Guests: $ 2<br />
Thursday, <strong>August</strong> 16 th<br />
Val’s Drive-In 4-7pm<br />
925 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />
Mem: $ 5 Guest: $ 6<br />
Sat./Sun., <strong>August</strong> 18-19 th<br />
Great Falls Balloon Festival<br />
Pancake Breakfast 6 - 10am<br />
Mem: $ 4 Guest: $ 5<br />
Tuesday, <strong>August</strong> 21 st<br />
Taber’s 4-7pm<br />
470 Lake Shore Dr. Auburn<br />
Mem: $ 7 Guest: $ 8<br />
Tuesday, <strong>August</strong> 28 th<br />
Roy’s Breakfast 7 - 10am<br />
5 Washington Ave. Auburn<br />
Mem: $ 4 Guest: $ 5<br />
Wednesday, <strong>August</strong> 29 th<br />
Dairy Joy 3 -7pm<br />
Lewiston & Auburn locations<br />
Members & Guests: $ 1<br />
Aero Air Park 1 hour Pass<br />
Mem: $6 Guest: $8<br />
Funtown<br />
Amusement OR Splashtown<br />
Only Mem. $ 23 Guest: $ 24<br />
Combo Tix: Mem. $ 28 Guest: $ 29<br />
York’s Wild Kingdom<br />
Mem: $ 11 Guests: $ 12<br />
Water Country<br />
Mem: $ 30 Guests: $ 31<br />
Aquaboggan<br />
Mem: $ 15 Guests: $ 16<br />
Maine State 1-Day Vehicle Park<br />
Pass: Members: $ 4 Guests: $ 5<br />
Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to<br />
change. All activities can only be attended<br />
at the times listed. TICKETS ARE<br />
LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS<br />
ALLOWED FMI, please call our office<br />
782-1833, DO NOT CALL RESTAURANTS.<br />
*************************<br />
Tickets need to be purchased at the<br />
Modern Woodmen District Office,<br />
184 Webster St, Lewiston. Office hours are<br />
Monday-Thursday 9a-4p, Friday 9a-12noon,<br />
excluding holidays. Tickets can only be<br />
purchased 1 week in advance of the activity.<br />
No rain, no flower.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 3
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by Maine<br />
Mountain Ocean Group, Inc.<br />
with offices at 9 Grove Street,<br />
Auburn, Maine, USA.<br />
Published and distributed since<br />
1996 throughout Central Maine<br />
and mailed to subscribers all over<br />
the Free World. Subscriptions<br />
are $30/year.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com<br />
Office: 207-783-7039<br />
UAD Super Heroes<br />
There is beauty in simplicity.<br />
Smile bigger, laugh longer<br />
CAPTAIN<br />
JIMBO<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
4<br />
SPIDY<br />
TIM<br />
WONDER<br />
WOMAN<br />
PAM<br />
HULK<br />
SMASH<br />
THOMAS<br />
SUPERGIRL<br />
VANESSA<br />
IRONSIDES<br />
STEVE<br />
While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> tries very hard to<br />
ensure the accuracy of the information in our<br />
client’s advertisements and our publication in<br />
general, we are not responsible for vendor<br />
availability, typographical errors, technical<br />
inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or<br />
omissions.<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
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• We offer Care Credit<br />
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SmileAgainDentures.com<br />
Sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.<br />
3
Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.<br />
The Zoo<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A man was driving and<br />
saw a truck stalled on<br />
the side of the highway<br />
that had ten penguins<br />
standing next to it.<br />
The man pulled over<br />
and asked the truck<br />
driver if he needed any<br />
help.<br />
The truck driver replied,<br />
“If you can take<br />
these penguins to the<br />
zoo while I wait for<br />
AAA that will be great!”<br />
The man agreed and<br />
the penguins hopped<br />
into the back of his car.<br />
Think like a proton, stay positive.<br />
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I’m not fat, I’m just... easier to see.<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Taco Night! 4-7pm<br />
25¢<br />
L/A’s Hottest Breakfast Spot!<br />
Plain Jane<br />
Breakfast<br />
2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon,<br />
homefries & toast<br />
only<br />
$<br />
5<br />
COMEDY every Thursday, Friday & Saturday<br />
reservations highly recommended<br />
Two hours later, the<br />
trucker was back on<br />
the road again and decided<br />
to check on the<br />
penguins. He showed<br />
up at the zoo and they<br />
weren’t there!<br />
He headed back into<br />
his truck and started<br />
driving around the<br />
town, looking for any<br />
sign of the penguins,<br />
the man, or his car.<br />
While driving past a<br />
movie theater, the<br />
truck driver spotted the<br />
guy walking out with<br />
the ten penguins.<br />
The truck driver yelled,<br />
“What are you doing?<br />
You were supposed to<br />
take them to the zoo!”<br />
The man replied, “I did!<br />
I had some extra money<br />
so I took them to go<br />
see a movie, too.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 5
Give your home the protection<br />
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Call for a Tour<br />
Rosemary Camire Knight<br />
207-783-0961<br />
Home for Senior Women<br />
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn<br />
www.chapmanhouse.org<br />
P<br />
Maine’s Favorite Truck Dealership<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
6<br />
5 Star<br />
Dealership<br />
946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503<br />
FOUR WHEEL<br />
ALIGNMENT<br />
$<br />
69.95 reg.<br />
$<br />
89.95<br />
Certified Service<br />
Limit 1 per order, not to be combined w/ other offers.<br />
Expires <strong>August</strong> 31, <strong>2018</strong>. Restrictions may apply.<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
Certified Service<br />
$<br />
20 OFF<br />
with any maintenance<br />
of $ 100 or more.<br />
946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503<br />
Limit 1 per order, not to be combined w/ other offers.<br />
Expires <strong>August</strong> 31, <strong>2018</strong>. Restrictions may apply.<br />
946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503<br />
Four Tire rotation<br />
& balance<br />
ONLY $<br />
29.95<br />
Certified Service<br />
Limit 1 per order, not to be combined w/ other offers.<br />
Expires <strong>August</strong> 31, <strong>2018</strong>. Restrictions may apply.<br />
Rt. 4 Center St, Auburn • 207.784.3503 • 1.800.696.0766<br />
www.emersonchevy.com • M-F 8am-7pm; Sat 8am-5pm<br />
Plan today: Drink coffee, be awesome.<br />
DealerRater.com<br />
& Cars.com<br />
Certified Service<br />
$<br />
10 OFF<br />
any service repair<br />
946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503<br />
Limit 1 per order, not to be combined w/ other offers.<br />
Expires <strong>August</strong> 31, <strong>2018</strong>. Restrictions may apply.<br />
w
I get enough exercise pushing my luck.<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
3rd Annual<br />
Androscoggin Land<br />
Trust River Race<br />
What a<br />
great day!<br />
Poisson & Sons Auto Care Inc.<br />
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144<br />
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION<br />
Chris Robley &<br />
Julia Harper<br />
AUGUST<br />
INSPECTIONS<br />
ARE DUE!<br />
1968 - <strong>2018</strong><br />
Visit us<br />
today!<br />
Auto Repairs • Maintenance<br />
Inspections • K1 • Alignments<br />
Computer Diagnostics<br />
State Inspections & More!<br />
We are looking for Licensed Electricians • Apply within<br />
11 Library Avenue • Auburn<br />
Ben Randall<br />
What a<br />
cool trophy!<br />
e<br />
rs.<br />
www.RoySnow.com Serving Maine since 1947 207.782.3734<br />
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?<br />
Pawel Kruszewski<br />
& Aaron Boone<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 7
Out ‘n About at the<br />
3rd Annual<br />
Androscoggin Land<br />
Trust River Race<br />
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.<br />
I’m only smiling<br />
because I’m<br />
done.<br />
Pam Ashby<br />
80% of raising boys is telling them to take their hands out of their pants.<br />
TUXEDO HEADQUARTERS<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
8<br />
Mary Howes<br />
Go rapidly<br />
or don’t go at<br />
all!<br />
Doug Greene<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
For Any<br />
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S&J Tuxedo<br />
located INSIDE Sarah Jeanne’s<br />
77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston<br />
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Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee.
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
DadsPlaceCatering.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 9
Repent<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
One night a lady came<br />
home from her weekly<br />
prayer meeting, found<br />
she was being robbed,<br />
and she shouted out,<br />
“Acts 2:38: ‘Repent<br />
& be baptized & your<br />
sins will be forgiven.’”<br />
The robber quickly<br />
gave up & the lady<br />
called the police.<br />
While handcuffing the<br />
criminal, a policeman<br />
said, “Gee man, you<br />
gave up pretty easily.<br />
How come you gave<br />
up so quickly?”<br />
“She said she had an<br />
axe and two 38’s!” the<br />
robber replied.<br />
Empty<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Little Susie, a sixyear-old,<br />
complained,<br />
“Mother, I’ve got a<br />
stomach ache.”<br />
“That’s because your<br />
stomach is empty,” the<br />
mother replied. “You<br />
would feel better if you<br />
had something in it.”<br />
That afternoon, her father<br />
came complaining<br />
that he had a severe<br />
headache all day.<br />
Dealing with some people is like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall.<br />
Pool Builders OF<br />
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Call for details<br />
From start to finish<br />
1000 Minot Ave.<br />
Auburn<br />
795-7222<br />
photos are from actual Pool Builders job sites<br />
www.poolbuildersofmaine.com<br />
Ironing boards are surf boards that gave up on their dreams and got a boring job.<br />
The Fortin Group<br />
MAINE<br />
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26 Auburn Rd.<br />
Turner<br />
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Proudly serving the communities of Lewiston and Auburn for over<br />
one hundred years.<br />
F<br />
&<br />
5<br />
M<br />
S<br />
Ph<br />
Susie perked up,<br />
“That’s because it’s<br />
empty,” she said.<br />
“You’d feel better if you<br />
had something in it.”<br />
217 Turner Street<br />
Auburn<br />
207-783-8545<br />
70 Horton Street<br />
Lewiston<br />
207-784-4584<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
10<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
My day starts backwards. I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.
129% of people exaggerate.<br />
CELEBRATING<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
3rd Annual<br />
Androscoggin Land<br />
Trust River Race<br />
Where are the<br />
brakes!?<br />
Fresh Steak Cut<br />
& Ground Daily!<br />
BREAKFAST SPECIALS<br />
$<br />
5.95<br />
includes coffee or small beverage<br />
monday 2 eggs, sausage, home fries<br />
& toast<br />
tuesday 2 eggs, corned beef hash<br />
& toast<br />
wednesday 3 blueberry pancakes<br />
$<br />
1<br />
OFF<br />
any purchase<br />
of $ 6 .00<br />
or more<br />
Angela Sult<br />
Just a few<br />
rapids.<br />
5 Washington St. Auburn<br />
783-4304<br />
Mon. - Fri. 5am - 8pm<br />
Sat. & Sun. 6am - 8pm<br />
thursday French Toast<br />
friday 2 item omelet & toast<br />
saturday 2 golden pancakes &<br />
sausage<br />
1 coupon per order<br />
Please, no reproduction<br />
of coupons<br />
Phone orders are welcome<br />
sunday French Crepes<br />
expires 8.31.18<br />
Kevin Kelliher<br />
Traveling leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.<br />
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Schedule online at:<br />
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439 Lewiston Rd. Topsham<br />
I know looks aren’t everything, but I have them, just in case.<br />
Peter Rubins &<br />
Geoff Coombs<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 11
S<br />
Po<br />
S<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
3rd Annual<br />
Androscoggin Land<br />
Trust River Race<br />
Thank you<br />
to everyone that<br />
helped make today<br />
great!<br />
Shelley Kruszewski<br />
Marriage: when dating goes too far.<br />
DMR Sealcoating<br />
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• We Accept Cash, Check, & All Major Credit Cards<br />
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DMRSealcoating.com<br />
15<br />
Le<br />
7<br />
Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdown; notice how most women’s problems<br />
start with M E N.<br />
Stevie Gleason &<br />
Luke John Tittmann<br />
Gri<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
12<br />
Real Cyr<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.<br />
S<br />
Po
1567 Lisbon Street<br />
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OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK<br />
SUN. MON. TUES. 11 to 10<br />
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AUGUST SPECIALS<br />
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L/A & Beyond!<br />
$<br />
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Patriots vs Redskins 6:30 13 .99<br />
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Spaghetti & Meatball Sub w/ Fried Haddock w/ Lobster Mac &<br />
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steak tips &<br />
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Pork Potstickers garlic toast & Chips pepper & <strong>Uncle</strong> onion Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
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beer 12 .99<br />
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Patriots vs Giants 6:00<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 13<br />
Sunday - 12th Monday - 13th Tuesday - 14th Wednesday - 15th Thursday - 16th Friday - 17th Saturday - 18th<br />
Pot Roast Dinner Chicken Wings &<br />
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$<br />
9 .99 Tenders 75 ¢ each Pork Potstickers Stuffed Peppers Chips stuffed Haddock Ribeye<br />
75 ¢ each<br />
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8 .99 w/ lobster sauce<br />
bottled beverages bottled beverages<br />
$<br />
13 .99<br />
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$<br />
2.50<br />
Patriots vs Eagles 6:30<br />
Sunday - 19th Monday - 20th Tuesday - 21st Wednesday - 22nd Thursday - 23rd Friday - 24th Saturday - 25th<br />
Fried Shrimp Baked Broccoli & Fried Blooming Spaghetti w/ garlic Fettuccine Alfredo Buffalo Shrimp 3 Crabcakes w/<br />
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$<br />
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...with<br />
Jimbo
Ageless<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A 92 year old man is<br />
walking through a park<br />
and sees a talking<br />
frog.<br />
He picks up the frog<br />
and the frogs says, “If<br />
you kiss me, I will turn<br />
into a beautiful princess<br />
and be yours for<br />
a week.”<br />
I want treats, naps, cuddles and exercise. I’m basically a puppy.<br />
• Guitar • Piano • Bass<br />
• Voice • Cello • Mandolin<br />
• Violin • Ukulele • Brass & Woodwinds<br />
We also sell and service all types of instruments.<br />
The old man puts the<br />
frog in his pocket. The<br />
frog screams, “Hey if<br />
you kiss me, I will turn<br />
into a beautiful princess<br />
and be completely<br />
yours for a whole<br />
month.”<br />
The old man looks at<br />
the frog and says, “At<br />
my age I’d rather have<br />
a talking frog.”<br />
Proof<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
A man went to his<br />
lawyer and told him,<br />
“My neighbor owes me<br />
$500 and he won’t pay<br />
up. What should I do?”<br />
“Do you have any<br />
proof he owes you the<br />
money?” asked the<br />
lawyer.<br />
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“Nope,” replied the<br />
man.<br />
“OK, then write him a<br />
letter asking him for<br />
the $5,000 he owes<br />
you,” said the lawyer.<br />
“But it’s only $500,”<br />
replied the man.<br />
“Precisely. That’s what<br />
he will reply and then<br />
you’ll have your proof!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
14<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
...Your Security is Our Concern!<br />
207-783-2246<br />
150 East Ave. Lewiston • MaineInsuranceonline.com<br />
Calling all Contractors<br />
We’ve got you covered! 4<br />
I’m not bossy. I have leadership skills.
I meant to behave, but there were too many other options.<br />
13th Annual<br />
Since 1940<br />
• Restaurant<br />
• Miniature Golf<br />
• Driving Range<br />
• Ice Cream Stand<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
3rd Annual<br />
Androscoggin Land<br />
Trust River Race<br />
We done good,<br />
dad!<br />
Ben Fletcher &<br />
Ralph Fletcher<br />
r<br />
<strong>August</strong> 4th @ 7pm<br />
rollback prices!<br />
Great<br />
Family<br />
Fun!<br />
Glow in the Dark<br />
Mini Golf<br />
Paddle on<br />
over to Selco!<br />
Jeff Allen<br />
Join Us!<br />
36 Hole Lake Auburn Open*<br />
<strong>August</strong> 12 th @9:30am<br />
*Lake Auburn Open is a 36 Hole Mini Golf Tournament<br />
$20 entry fee • $ 500 1 st place • Cash prizes for top 5<br />
Saturday, <strong>August</strong> 11th & 25th<br />
9pm - 11:30pm<br />
Sittin’ on the<br />
dock of the bay<br />
Androscoggin.<br />
Golf Open 10am - 9pm • Restaurant 11am - 9pm<br />
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com<br />
How is it I can remember song lyrics from the 80’s but forget what I went into<br />
the next room for?<br />
Chris Robley<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 15
Out ‘n About at the<br />
3rd Annual<br />
Androscoggin Land<br />
Trust River Race<br />
I am<br />
Batman!<br />
207.784.1541<br />
easy@easyrentall.com<br />
20 South Ave.<br />
Lewiston<br />
EasyRentAll.com<br />
You never look good making someone else look bad.<br />
Competitive<br />
Rental<br />
Rates<br />
LA’s Premier Rental Company<br />
We Have The Equipment You Need!<br />
Ky<br />
th<br />
Colby Hunnewell<br />
& John Hunnewell<br />
You name it - We most likely rent it!<br />
You either get bitter or you get better.<br />
Daniel Trouant<br />
Stop by during the Balloon Festival<br />
for L/A’s Best Seafood!<br />
Large Groups Welcomed<br />
- Call Ahead<br />
Private Function Rooms<br />
Lounge and Dining Room<br />
Full Bar• Plenty of FREE Parking<br />
“Best Seafood Restaurant”<br />
Ten years in a row.<br />
Award Winning Chowder<br />
Family Owned<br />
for 3 Generations<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
16<br />
Aili Hartikka<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday<br />
villageinnmaine.com<br />
Music is the strongest form of magic.
Wanna hear a joke? Decaf<br />
Out ‘n About in Turner with Kyleigh Roy<br />
Kyleigh Roy, 6 years old of Turner, noticed trashed on the side of<br />
the road during a walk with her older sister. The following Saturday<br />
she asked her mom to go for a walk to pick up trash.<br />
WHEN YOU NEED A GOOD LAWYER<br />
EXPERIENCE MATTERS<br />
• Workers’ Compensation<br />
• Social Security Disability<br />
• Personal Injury<br />
• Vaccine Injury Compensation<br />
• Criminal Defense<br />
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PARADIE &<br />
RABASCO, PA<br />
As skilled and aggressive attorneys,<br />
we give honest, practical legal<br />
advice. With our experience, we have<br />
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and courtroom skills that ensure the<br />
best possible outcome for our clients.<br />
Verne E. Paradie, Jr.<br />
vparadie@lawyers-maine.com<br />
Edward Rabasco, Jr.<br />
erabasco@lawyers-maine.com<br />
Patrick Nickerson<br />
pnickerson@lawyers-maine.com<br />
217 Main St., Ste 400 • Lewiston<br />
207-333-3583<br />
www.lawyers-maine.com<br />
Love is just a word. You bring it definition.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 17
55<br />
•<br />
A<br />
P<br />
s<br />
•<br />
A<br />
A<br />
a<br />
•<br />
•<br />
•<br />
M<br />
•<br />
st<br />
S<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
18<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039
I like hashtags # because they look like waffles.<br />
551 Lincoln St. Lewiston schemengees.com<br />
9 BALL TOURNAMENT<br />
<strong>August</strong> 11th & 12th<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
3rd Annual<br />
Androscoggin Land<br />
Trust River Race<br />
777-1155<br />
SHOW ME THE GREEN<br />
Central<br />
Maine Dart<br />
League<br />
• 1st Meeting<br />
Aug. 20th @ 6pm<br />
Pick up rosters,<br />
sign-up your team<br />
• 2nd Meeting<br />
Aug. 27th @ 6pm<br />
All rosters & money<br />
are due<br />
• League will<br />
start on Monday,<br />
September 10th @ 7pm<br />
Sundays should have a pause button.<br />
Doors open at 10am<br />
Registration ends at 11:30am<br />
$50 Buy In<br />
Double Elimination - Race to 9<br />
Alternate Break<br />
$<br />
1,000 Added<br />
Must play Saturday to enter<br />
2nd chance Sunday<br />
2nd chance - $25 Buy-in<br />
Single Elimination - Race to 7<br />
$<br />
250 Added<br />
Coming Soon!<br />
NEWLY RENOVATED DINING ROOM<br />
• Baked Haddock<br />
• Hand Breaded Fried Haddock<br />
• Homemade Chicken Tenders & more!<br />
Independent<br />
Pool League<br />
• 1st Meeting<br />
Aug. 16th @ 6pm<br />
Pick up rosters,<br />
sign-up your team<br />
• 2nd Meeting<br />
Aug. 23rd @ 6pm<br />
All rosters & money<br />
are due<br />
• League will<br />
start on Thursday,<br />
September 6th<br />
Cornhole<br />
League<br />
In-House<br />
• 1st Meeting<br />
Aug. 21st @ 6pm<br />
Sign-up your team<br />
• 2nd Meeting<br />
Aug. 28th @ 6pm<br />
if needed<br />
• League will<br />
start on Tuesday,<br />
September 11th<br />
@ 6:30pm<br />
Lunch Specials for only $ 5 .49<br />
Now Available 7 days a week<br />
11am to 3pm, with one side<br />
10% OFF with Military ID. excludes specials<br />
APA Masters<br />
In-House<br />
League<br />
• 1st Meeting<br />
Aug. 22nd @ 7pm<br />
All rosters and<br />
sanction fee is due<br />
• No handicap<br />
league. 3 person<br />
team. A chance to<br />
go to Vegas<br />
• League will start<br />
on Wednesday,<br />
September 5th<br />
Eat in only<br />
Choice of sides:<br />
fresh cut fries, homemade grilled potatoes,<br />
homemade coleslaw, homemade<br />
baked beans or veggie of the day<br />
Megan Bauer &<br />
Richard Hodges<br />
It’s hard<br />
not to do the<br />
banana dance right<br />
now.<br />
Graham Bendickson<br />
& Lenoir Kelley<br />
Rick Speer<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 19
Out ‘n About at the<br />
3rd Annual<br />
Androscoggin Land<br />
Trust River Race<br />
Limits only exist in the mind.<br />
We’ve Moved! Come see us at our new location!<br />
222 Waterford Rd. Norway • 207-539-4300<br />
sales@doubletfence.com • www.doubletfence.com<br />
RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL • INDUSTRIAL<br />
Fencing • Flags • Flag Poles<br />
Chain Link • Cedar Fences • Split Rail • Dog Kennel • PVC Vinyl<br />
Ornamental • Custom Wood • Pipe Railing & Gates • Flags & Flagpoles<br />
T<br />
F<br />
F<br />
L<br />
20<br />
Terry Westcott<br />
Create your own sunshine.<br />
Making Technology Work For You!<br />
Specializing in Computer Networks,<br />
Server & Desktop Support, Routers & Firewalls, & MORE!<br />
Your Voice in <strong>August</strong>a<br />
Superior Technology Services Co.<br />
207.835.4090 • www.stsc.io<br />
Email: info@stsc.io<br />
Darren Ellis, Owner<br />
Paid for and Authorized by Bruce Bickford<br />
for House. Margie Bickford, Treasurer<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
20<br />
This race is<br />
so much fun! Let’s<br />
do it again next<br />
year!<br />
Diana Kruszewski<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.<br />
NOW OPEN!<br />
COME SEE US<br />
at our New Location!<br />
230 Main Street, Norway<br />
207.744.2578<br />
Hours: W/Th/Su 11a-8p • F/Sa 11a-9p<br />
Catering Services Available<br />
Call us for a quote<br />
Old age is when your favorite piece of software is a pillow.<br />
Fu<br />
g<br />
23
PA’S<br />
TRADIN’<br />
COMPANY Inc.<br />
BUY • SELL • TRADE<br />
Federal<br />
Firearms<br />
License<br />
PAWN<br />
Gun Background Checks/Transfers<br />
Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each<br />
1447 Main Street, Oxford<br />
Only 25 Minutes from Auburn & Gray<br />
Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm<br />
207-743-0709 or 1-877-743-0709<br />
Rule #1: Have fun!<br />
We have<br />
furniture &<br />
appliances<br />
for your<br />
camp!<br />
Items turn daily!<br />
Visit us today!<br />
Life Lessons<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Two men are traveling<br />
to Australia. Before<br />
they leave home, one<br />
of their dads gives<br />
them both a bit of<br />
advice.<br />
“You watch them Aussie<br />
cab drivers. They’ll<br />
rob you blind. Don’t<br />
you go paying them<br />
what they ask. You<br />
haggle.”<br />
At the Sydney airport,<br />
the men catch a cab to<br />
their hotel.<br />
!<br />
NOW HIRING LICENSED PLUMBER<br />
Full time plus benefits • Journeyman or higher • Join our growing company<br />
Stop in at our new location at 230 Rodman Rd. in Auburn,<br />
give us a call or email pgardner@nadeausrefrigeration.com<br />
Apply Today!<br />
230 Rodman Rd., Auburn • 786-3246 • nadeausrefrigeration.com<br />
What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.<br />
When they reach their<br />
destination, the cabbie<br />
says, “That’ll be twenty<br />
dollars, lads.”<br />
“Oh no you don’t! My<br />
dad warned me about<br />
you. You’ll only be<br />
getting fifteen dollars<br />
from me,” says one of<br />
the men.<br />
“You’ll only be getting<br />
fifteen from me too,”<br />
adds the other.<br />
Gone<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
A boy asks his father,<br />
“Dad, are bugs good to<br />
eat?”<br />
“That’s disgusting.<br />
Don’t talk about things<br />
like that over dinner,”<br />
the father replies.<br />
After dinner the father<br />
asks, “Now, son, what<br />
did you want to ask<br />
me?”<br />
“Oh, nothing,” the boy<br />
says. “There was a<br />
bug in your soup, but<br />
it’s gone now.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 21
Write It Down<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
I never thought I’d be the type to get up early in the morning to exercise!<br />
And I was right.<br />
There was an elderly<br />
couple who, in their old<br />
age, noticed that they<br />
were getting a lot more<br />
forgetful. They decided<br />
to go to the doctor.<br />
The doctor told them<br />
that they should start<br />
writing things down so<br />
they don’t forget.<br />
They went home and<br />
the old lady told her<br />
husband to get her a<br />
bowl of ice cream.<br />
“You might want to<br />
write it down,” she<br />
said.<br />
The husband said,<br />
“No, I can remember<br />
that you want a bowl of<br />
ice cream.”<br />
She then told her<br />
husband she wanted<br />
a bowl of ice cream<br />
with whipped cream.<br />
“Write it down,” she<br />
told him, and again<br />
he said, “No, no, I can<br />
remember: you want a<br />
bowl of ice cream with<br />
whipped cream.”<br />
Then the old lady<br />
said she wants a bowl<br />
of ice cream with<br />
whipped cream and a<br />
cherry on top. “Write<br />
it down,” she told her<br />
husband and again<br />
he said, “No, I got it.<br />
You want a bowl of ice<br />
cream with whipped<br />
cream and a cherry on<br />
top.”<br />
So he goes to get the<br />
ice cream and spends<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
22<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and<br />
a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and a spade.<br />
Did you know there are more airplanes in the oceans than there are<br />
submarines in the sky?<br />
A<br />
M<br />
V<br />
E<br />
1<br />
R
You can tell a lot about a woman by looking at her hands.<br />
Like if she’s holding a gun, she‘s angry.<br />
Sunday - Thursday 3 - 10pm<br />
Friday & Saturday 3 - 11pm<br />
Like us on Facebook @FranksLisbonFallsMaine<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
St. Laurent & Son<br />
Excavation<br />
We test all our<br />
aggregate.<br />
EST. 2017<br />
RESTAURANT & PUB<br />
We invite you to come dine<br />
in the presence of history<br />
EAT & Shop Local<br />
2 Main St. Lisbon Falls • (207) 407-4606<br />
ATTENTION LA Small Business Owners<br />
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limited time offer, conditions apply Check out our website for more information<br />
Contract must be signed by 9/30/18<br />
Emerald Janitorial<br />
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Patrick Morrison<br />
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Mike Magretto<br />
Veteran Owned & Operated<br />
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207-530-8890<br />
Don’t let your<br />
summer vacation get<br />
ruined by a costly<br />
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353-9862<br />
www.QCA.me<br />
Have your<br />
vehicle evaluated by a<br />
professional at Quality<br />
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Recieve 10% off up to $ 50 with any repairs of $ 50 or more<br />
exp. 8.31.18<br />
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she pregnant.<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
an unusually long time<br />
in the kitchen, over 30<br />
minutes. He comes out<br />
to his wife and hands<br />
her a plate of eggs and<br />
bacon. The old wife<br />
stares at the plate for a<br />
moment, then looks at<br />
her husband and asks,<br />
“Where’s the toast?”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 23
Tough Shot<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Skunks can accurately spray their smelly fluid as far as ten feet.<br />
A young man who was<br />
also an avid golfer<br />
found himself with a<br />
few hours to spare one<br />
afternoon. He figured if<br />
he hurried and played<br />
very fast, he could get<br />
in nine holes before he<br />
had to head home.<br />
9<br />
Just as he was about<br />
to tee off, an old gentleman<br />
shuffled onto<br />
the tee and asked if<br />
he could accompany<br />
the young man as he<br />
was golfing alone. Not<br />
being able to say no,<br />
he allowed the old gent<br />
to join him.<br />
To his surprise the<br />
old man played fairly<br />
quickly. He didn’t hit<br />
the ball far, but plodded<br />
along consistently<br />
and didn’t waste much<br />
time.<br />
Finally, they reached<br />
the 9th fairway and the<br />
young man found himself<br />
with a tough shot.<br />
There was a large pine<br />
tree right in front of<br />
his ball - and directly<br />
between his ball and<br />
the green.<br />
After several minutes<br />
of debating how to hit<br />
the shot the old man<br />
finally said, “You know,<br />
when I was your age<br />
I’d hit the ball right<br />
over that tree.”<br />
With that challenge<br />
placed before him, the<br />
youngster swung hard,<br />
hit the ball up, right<br />
(continued on page 26)<br />
l<br />
M<br />
B<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
24<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
You can’t be young forever, but immaturity can last a lifetime.
97 Ash St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
Sometimes it’s just more fun to take the low road.<br />
783-0668<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
St. Laurent & Son<br />
Excavation<br />
Look! I’m<br />
smiling!<br />
KARAOKE<br />
Every Thursday Night<br />
LIVE MUSIC<br />
Every Friday & Saturday Night<br />
Adam Barnies<br />
19 th ANNUAL<br />
Playing with<br />
rocks all day ain’t<br />
so bad.<br />
Denny Bly<br />
saturday<br />
Sept. 15 th<br />
12pm - close<br />
Only $ 10<br />
per person with all<br />
the fixings!<br />
live music<br />
Memphis Lightning<br />
Black Cat Road<br />
8pm to<br />
midnight<br />
4pm to<br />
8pm<br />
drink<br />
specials<br />
50/50<br />
Raffle<br />
Give-aways<br />
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss’ vacation’s more than he does.<br />
I make<br />
this job look<br />
good!<br />
Jimmy Pleau<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 25
(continued from page 24)<br />
smack into the top of<br />
the tree trunk and it<br />
thudded back on the<br />
ground not a foot from<br />
where it had originally<br />
lay.<br />
The old man offered<br />
one more comment,<br />
“Of course, when I was<br />
your age that pine tree<br />
was only three feet<br />
tall.”<br />
Salary<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Reaching the end of a<br />
job interview, the Human<br />
Resources Officer<br />
asks a young engineer<br />
fresh out of the Massachusetts<br />
Institute of<br />
Technology, “And what<br />
starting salary are you<br />
looking for?”<br />
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.<br />
207-783-3888<br />
40 East Ave.<br />
Lewiston<br />
Next to Sea40<br />
Mon-Thurs. 11a-9p<br />
Fri. 11a-11p; Sat. 10a-11p<br />
Sun. 10a-9p<br />
aeroairpark.com<br />
#aeroairpark<br />
UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT<br />
Check out<br />
the new<br />
birthday<br />
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The engineer replies,<br />
“In the region<br />
of $125,000 a year,<br />
depending on the benefits<br />
package.”<br />
The interviewer<br />
inquires, “Well, what<br />
would you say to a<br />
package of five weeks<br />
vacation, 14 paid<br />
holidays, full medical<br />
and dental, company<br />
matching retirement<br />
fund to 50% of salary,<br />
and a company<br />
car leased every two<br />
years, say, a red<br />
Corvette?”<br />
The engineer sits up<br />
straight and says,<br />
“Wow! Are you<br />
kidding?”<br />
The interviewer replies,<br />
“Yeah, but you<br />
started it.”<br />
SUMMER<br />
CAMP<br />
<strong>August</strong> 6 th - 10 th<br />
Only<br />
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Call for details<br />
783-3888<br />
Jump on by for some FUN!<br />
THE place to be<br />
this summer!<br />
BUY 1 GET 1<br />
JUMP<br />
FREE<br />
expires 8.31.18<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
26<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?
Never mind the dog, beware of the cat.<br />
LA’s One & Only True<br />
Habachi Experience!<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
Maine Turnpike<br />
Authority<br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
Shelby Whitehouse<br />
What if<br />
an EZ Pass could<br />
take us to the<br />
future?<br />
Sean Poage &<br />
Ebenezer Akakpo<br />
!<br />
Open Mic<br />
Every Wednesday<br />
7 - 10pm<br />
hosted by<br />
In the NICK of TOM<br />
LIVE MUSIC<br />
EVERY THURSDAY 7 - 9pm<br />
<strong>August</strong> 2 - Ron Bergeron<br />
<strong>August</strong> 9 - Jim Toscano<br />
<strong>August</strong> 16 - Double Entendre<br />
<strong>August</strong> 23 - Dave Perlman<br />
<strong>August</strong> 30 - Michael Krapovicky<br />
15% OFF<br />
Monday - Thursday<br />
Lunch Specials<br />
exp. 8.31.18<br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
40 East Ave., Lewiston<br />
207-795-6888<br />
www.sea40me.com<br />
Rosa James<br />
Robert Ferrara<br />
The sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s a beutiful day, and so are you.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 27
Out ‘n About at<br />
Maine Turnpike<br />
Authority<br />
Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don’t get to go on.<br />
FRIENDS<br />
Ben Bolduc<br />
Jason Thyen<br />
Stay in the<br />
fast lane, get your<br />
EZ Pass.<br />
10 PLATFORMS<br />
7 Radio Stations & 3 Streaming Plus Backup of Social Media<br />
Amanda<br />
Renyolds-Gregg<br />
• Maine’s Big Z: 105.5, 92.7, 1240<br />
• The OX: 96.9, 100.7, 1450 and SportsTime780<br />
• Streaming at MainesBigZ.com, SportsTime780.com & WOXO.com<br />
• Promotions on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & Websites<br />
Gleason Media Services<br />
Ou<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
28<br />
Alex Paquette<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
Do people who say “Exercise helps me relax” know about not exercising?
Two people walked into a building. You’d have thought one would have seen it.<br />
UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST<br />
presents<br />
Tricky Logic<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A doctor of psychiatry<br />
is doing his normal<br />
morning rounds at<br />
the hospital when he<br />
enters the ward.<br />
He finds Arnold sitting<br />
on the floor, pretending<br />
to saw a piece of wood<br />
in half. Meanwhile<br />
Mark is hanging from<br />
the ceiling by his feet.<br />
The consultant asks<br />
Arnold what he’s doing.<br />
Arnold smiles and<br />
answers, “Can’t you<br />
see I’m sawing this<br />
piece of wood in half?”<br />
Food, Fun, & Music to Benefit<br />
The consultant nods<br />
and continues talking<br />
to Arnold and inquires<br />
what Mark is doing<br />
on the ceiling. Arnold<br />
looks up and murmurs,<br />
“Oh, he’s my friend,<br />
but he’s a little crazy.<br />
He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”<br />
Our awesome sponsors:<br />
when: Saturday, Aug. 11 th • 1–9:30pm<br />
where: Outside @ Mac’s Grill<br />
cost: FREE (donations encouraged)<br />
fmi: LASummerBlockParty.com<br />
1052 Minot Ave.<br />
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LIVE MUSIC, KID ZONE, SILENT AUCTION<br />
FIREWORKS @ 9:00pm & MORE!<br />
The consultant looks<br />
up and notices that<br />
Mark’s face is turning<br />
red and blue.<br />
The consultant remonstrates<br />
with Arnold<br />
and says, “If he’s your<br />
friend, you should<br />
get him down from<br />
there before he hurts<br />
himself.”<br />
Arnold replies with a<br />
sigh, “What? And work<br />
in the dark?”<br />
Portland Safe Cliff Hammond<br />
Mechanics Savings Maine Family CU<br />
Bilodeau Insurance Electrical Systems<br />
Northeast Bank of Maine<br />
Auburn Exchange Club<br />
Media Partner:<br />
I’m 70% nicer after 3pm on Fridays.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 29
A<br />
How Can<br />
You Tell?<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
A woman walked into<br />
the kitchen to find<br />
her husband stalkin<br />
around with a fly<br />
swatter.<br />
“What are you doing?”<br />
she asked.<br />
“Hunting flies, ” he<br />
responded.<br />
“Oh, killing any?” she<br />
asked.<br />
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to<br />
put wheels on luggage?<br />
Keep your floors looking their best!<br />
ServiceMaster is LA’s experts<br />
for carpet cleaning, stripping,<br />
waxing & cleaning for tile and grout.<br />
Call for a free estimate!<br />
S<br />
“Yep, three males, two<br />
females,” he replied.<br />
Intrigued, she asked,<br />
“How can you tell them<br />
apart?”<br />
He responded, “Three<br />
were on a beer can,<br />
two were on the<br />
phone.”<br />
Now<br />
Hiring!<br />
Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow.<br />
29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn<br />
(800) 244-7630<br />
(207) 539-4452<br />
www.smfireandwater.com or www.smcarpetcleaning.com<br />
Dear Pets<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Dear Beloved Pets:<br />
The dishes with the<br />
paw print are yours<br />
and contain your food.<br />
The other dishes are<br />
mine and contain my<br />
food.<br />
ELEMENT ALLSTARS<br />
CHEERLEADING<br />
746 Main Street, Lewiston • 207-689-3145<br />
Please note:<br />
Placing a paw print in<br />
the middle of my plate<br />
and food does not<br />
stake a claim for it becoming<br />
your food and<br />
dish, nor do I find that<br />
aesthetically pleasing.<br />
C<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
30<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
When I went to the dentist for some root canal work, I lost my nerve.
o<br />
She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.<br />
Out ‘n About with<br />
John F. Murphy<br />
Homes<br />
at Bates College for the<br />
Special Olympic games<br />
I love my job!<br />
n<br />
0<br />
2<br />
m<br />
JT Reid’s Guns<br />
LA’S LARGEST<br />
SELECTION OF GUNS,<br />
ACCESSORIES & AMMO<br />
IN THE AREA!<br />
Rebecca Whalen,<br />
Eric Pessant<br />
& Mike Dudley<br />
When you’ve<br />
mastered the art<br />
of selfies...<br />
Be prepared!<br />
777-3579<br />
86 Court St., Auburn<br />
www.jtreidsgunshop.com<br />
Michele Bachelder,<br />
Sandy Tracy &<br />
Kristin Freeman<br />
Caring Family Dentists & Specialists!<br />
488 Sabattus St., Lewiston<br />
207-783-8800<br />
“Affordable Dental Excellence”<br />
AndroscogginDentalGroup.com<br />
Three things I’m grateful for: 1) Family 2) Friends 3) Caller ID so I can avoid<br />
family and friends.<br />
Sandy Tracy<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 31
CALL THE PROS<br />
COMPLETE<br />
MECHANICAL REPAIR<br />
I’ll have her<br />
back on the road in<br />
no time!<br />
Sp<br />
M<br />
25 Fern Street<br />
Turner, Maine 04282<br />
(207) 225-5012<br />
www.dickautobody.com<br />
A/C got you down? We can take care of that!<br />
6<br />
on all 5¢ returns<br />
¢ with this coupon.<br />
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />
Bottle Drives<br />
Welcome!<br />
REDEMPTION CENTER<br />
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 8.31.18<br />
SoleWise School of<br />
Reflexology<br />
306 hour certification course<br />
begins Oct. 6th, <strong>2018</strong><br />
155 Center St. Auburn<br />
Claire Guy<br />
LMT, Reiki Master, Reflexologist<br />
207-441-5670<br />
solewisereflexology@gmail.com • solewisereflexology.com<br />
Bert Gosselin<br />
Owner Operated<br />
207-713-4679<br />
bert.gosselin@gmail.com<br />
Con<br />
O<br />
Re<br />
Co<br />
Cl<br />
Ro<br />
Th<br />
9<br />
ELECTRICAL<br />
CONTRACTORS<br />
www.japelco.com<br />
207-224-8299<br />
John Alexander Pape<br />
Master Electrician<br />
Free Estimates<br />
since 1986<br />
Automatic &<br />
Wheeled Generators<br />
Security Camera Systems<br />
All things Electrical<br />
Contact me today!<br />
Do It Yourself Series<br />
Ductless Mini-Split<br />
Heat Pump A/C<br />
Sophistication Simplified<br />
• Quick Installation<br />
• Easy Connection<br />
• Fits in every home<br />
Now WiFi functionality<br />
7 Year Compressor &<br />
5 Year Parts Warranty<br />
Available at<br />
Plumbing & Heating Supplies<br />
60 Mill St. Auburn<br />
207-783-6927 • MySelco.com<br />
B<br />
Premier Cleaning Service<br />
Commercial Cleaning & More!<br />
15+ years Experience • Attention to Detail<br />
Fully Insured • Free Consultations • References<br />
Kim Poulin ~ 207.358.9542 or 207.689.5630<br />
Kim.Poulin@theprofessionalexperience.com<br />
Nel Morin<br />
207.740.3398<br />
USFoods.com<br />
lionel.morin@usfoods.com<br />
Sw<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
32<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
n<br />
d<br />
9<br />
m<br />
Specializing in<br />
Men’s Cuts<br />
Connie<br />
OFFERING<br />
Residential<br />
Commercial<br />
Clean Outs<br />
Roll Offs<br />
CALL THE PROS<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 26 Nickerson Ave, Auburn<br />
AD PROOF<br />
Hi Corrie,<br />
207-784-2545<br />
Please Color • Highlights review • your Perms<br />
proof<br />
Razor<br />
carefully.<br />
Cuts • Flat<br />
It<br />
Tops<br />
will<br />
Fades • Regular Cuts<br />
run as you see it if<br />
Senior Citizens Welcome<br />
changes are not<br />
received by<br />
July 25th<br />
Thank you!<br />
Pam or Jimbo<br />
office 783-7039<br />
(behind Great Falls Credit Union)<br />
Walk-ins<br />
Welcome<br />
Cindy<br />
844-ME-TRASH<br />
844-638-7274<br />
The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!<br />
design@<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
SERVING<br />
Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland<br />
Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples<br />
9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com<br />
Top It<br />
Frozen<br />
Dessert Bar<br />
Maine Gourmet<br />
Chocolates<br />
Open: Sun. - Thurs. 12-8pm • Fri. & Sat. 12-9pm<br />
207.241.0434 • 168-170 Main St. Auburn • 207.783.8472<br />
FARRELL ENTERPRISES<br />
BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED<br />
We get down & dirty so<br />
you don’t have to!<br />
Nearly Anything Removed<br />
UAD Proof <strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> Page 35<br />
Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!<br />
Fully Insured<br />
Michael Farrell<br />
207-576-2501<br />
Scuba Class<br />
RON’S<br />
Maine’s #1 Mechanical Repair Facility<br />
OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS<br />
805 Main Street Lewiston 784-7300<br />
Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise skindiversparadise.com<br />
Call us today!<br />
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales 375-4924<br />
Your table vacation awaits you!<br />
POLARITY WITH ANGELA<br />
book your appointment today!<br />
Swedish • Deep Tissue • Polarity • Off-site Chair • Pre & Post Natal<br />
185 Webster St. Lewiston • 207-240-6415<br />
Watch for<br />
upcoming<br />
QuickBooks<br />
classes!<br />
Bookkeeping Plus<br />
Take control of your business<br />
From basic bookkeeping to<br />
more complex financial needs<br />
9 Grove St. Suite 2 • Auburn<br />
782-8124<br />
bpluscld@myfairpoint.net<br />
Confucius Says: “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 33
LYAF<br />
CALL THE PROS<br />
$<br />
10 up to<br />
48 cards<br />
Games pay<br />
$<br />
50- $ 100<br />
Join us for some AFFORDABLE FUN!<br />
Thursday & Friday @ 6:30 • Saturday & Sunday @ 6pm<br />
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall<br />
475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394<br />
SR GENERAL CONTRACTORS<br />
SCREENED LOAM<br />
$<br />
18/yard<br />
Delivery in Lewiston/Auburn Area<br />
SEPTIC SYSTEMS<br />
Installation & Repair<br />
576-7667<br />
901 Center St. Auburn<br />
Monday - Friday 8am - 5pm<br />
207-784-9311<br />
1160 Rt 202, Greene<br />
Cell: 207 212.6923<br />
Shop: 207 946.6176<br />
Sales • Service<br />
Restorations<br />
LA Area’s Full Service Repair Facility<br />
Office & Light Industrial Cleaning<br />
Mike Magretto<br />
Veteran Owned & Operated<br />
Emerald Janitorial<br />
Services, LLC<br />
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com<br />
207-530-8890<br />
Blackie’s<br />
Farm Fresh Produce<br />
966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 207.786.0005<br />
Open Year Round<br />
6am - 7pm<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
34<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.
MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE<br />
Caters!<br />
Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays, Corporate Parties, and more!<br />
No event too BIG or SMALL... We cater it ALL!<br />
Get your<br />
grilling<br />
meats at<br />
Mac’s!<br />
EVERY MONDAY<br />
20% OFF<br />
All Burgers<br />
30% OFF<br />
All Drafts<br />
Join Us!<br />
SATURDAY, AUG. 11 th • 1 - 9:30pm<br />
Outside @ Mac’s<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 35
Good News<br />
& Bad News<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
A frog goes to a fortune<br />
teller to find out<br />
if he will ever find his<br />
one true love.<br />
The fortune teller<br />
reads his palm and<br />
tells the frog, “I have<br />
good news and I have<br />
bad news. Which one<br />
would you like to hear<br />
first?”<br />
The frog says, “Let me<br />
hear the good news<br />
first.”<br />
The fortune teller says,<br />
“You are going to meet<br />
the most beautiful girl,<br />
who is going to be<br />
very interested in you<br />
and will want to know<br />
all about you. She will<br />
want you to open up<br />
for her and you will<br />
give her your heart.”<br />
“That great!” says the<br />
frog. “So what’s the<br />
bad news?”<br />
“Well, you’re going to<br />
meet her in Biology<br />
class.”<br />
Collectibles<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
It takes me about 18 hours to fully wake up. And then it’s time for bed again.<br />
SUNDAY<br />
Baked Ziti<br />
$<br />
6.00<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Mini Pizza<br />
1 topping $<br />
2.99<br />
2 toppings $<br />
3.99<br />
“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.”<br />
– Doris Mortman<br />
It’s always a fun<br />
time at Taber’s!<br />
Since 1953<br />
Open Daily 9am - 10pm<br />
MONDAY<br />
The Fergy<br />
sm $<br />
2.99<br />
lg $<br />
5.75<br />
Out ‘n About at Taber’s<br />
LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Meatball Subs<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Spaghetti Dinners<br />
1 meatball, salad,<br />
sm $<br />
3.35 w/ch $ 3.99<br />
garlic bread, drink<br />
lg $<br />
6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $<br />
5.99<br />
FRIDAY<br />
$1.00 OFF<br />
Any Large Pizza<br />
SATURDAY<br />
2 Ham or Salami<br />
Italians<br />
$<br />
7.99<br />
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.99<br />
W<br />
O<br />
“What am I supposed<br />
to do with this?” grumbled<br />
a motorist as the<br />
policeman handed him<br />
a speeding ticket.<br />
I can’t believe<br />
they woke me up<br />
for this!<br />
O<br />
“Keep it,” the cop said,<br />
“when you collect four<br />
of them you get a<br />
bicycle.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
36<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
Rafael, Dan, Penelope, Ellen & Ricky Hardgraves<br />
Stress doesn’t match my outfit.
Bought a suit made from a cactus, I looked pretty sharp in it too.<br />
RETIRING? DOWNSIZING?<br />
Or thinking about buying or selling a home?<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Moxie Festival<br />
We’re headed<br />
to Frank’s,<br />
join us!<br />
We also do: Design-Build-Finance • Turn-Key Packages • Single or Multi-Level Homes • One Loan, No Construction Loan Needed<br />
Call us today!<br />
314 Center Street Auburn<br />
207.333.6001 mainesourcehomes.com<br />
Abraham Haske,<br />
Zane Ingerson,<br />
Shannon &<br />
Lindsey Haske<br />
Jon Mercier<br />
Principal Broker<br />
Bill Turner<br />
Broker<br />
Mark Turner<br />
Project Manager<br />
Brandon Caruso<br />
Sales Agent<br />
Rod Charest<br />
Sales Agent<br />
Toni Ferraro<br />
Associate Broker<br />
Deb Morin<br />
Associate Broker<br />
”<br />
Somebody stole my mood rings. I don’t know how I feel about that.<br />
Don’t let your boiler look like this!<br />
Boiler Cleaning Special<br />
$<br />
180 .00<br />
plus materials<br />
Oil boilers, natural gas boilers, propane boilers,<br />
all require annual cleanings & combustion<br />
efficiency tests for optimum efficiency!<br />
Brook, Callie &<br />
Alaina Richard<br />
Mmm..mm,<br />
that Moxie is<br />
good!<br />
CALL SANDY TODAY!<br />
754-4556<br />
OR EMAIL unitedpiping@roadrunner.com<br />
schedule NOW to beat the fall rush!<br />
Cleaning to include:<br />
Brush & Vacuum, Replace Oil<br />
Filter, Nozzle, Strainer/Air Filter,<br />
and Combustion Efficiency Test<br />
Special Ends <strong>August</strong> 31, <strong>2018</strong><br />
Ask us about the 50 gal. Bradford White heat pump water heater<br />
$<br />
750 Mail-in Rebate or $ 600 Instant Rebate<br />
Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas<br />
Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service<br />
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.<br />
Candidate Shawn<br />
Moody<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 37
Out ‘n About with<br />
John F. Murphy<br />
Homes<br />
at Bates College for the<br />
Special Olympic games<br />
It’s always good<br />
to be seen!<br />
Sarah Ouellette<br />
& Megan Dyer<br />
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.<br />
The American Legion<br />
FAMILY<br />
OPEN<br />
M/T/W: 1pm - close<br />
Th/F/Sat. noon to close<br />
Sun. noon to close<br />
Hall Rentals Available<br />
Call for more information<br />
207-782-1118<br />
Post153AmericanLegionAuburnME<br />
Always<br />
looking for<br />
new<br />
members!<br />
William J. Rogers Post 153<br />
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118 • Activities • Members & Guests Welcome<br />
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE W/ JEAN LOUIS<br />
Fri. & Sat. evenings 7-11pm in <strong>August</strong><br />
(Jerry Joe - <strong>August</strong> 10th & 24th • 4:30 - 6:30pm)<br />
BREAKFAST BUFFET SUN. AUG. 5 TH • 8-10am<br />
Adults $7 under 10 $4 50/50 Raffle • Benefits Post 153 supported activities<br />
MONTHLY MEETING WED. AUG. 15 TH • 7pm<br />
50/50, Raffle, & attending members have a chance to win $ 100, $ 50 or $ 25<br />
26 th Annual Great Falls Balloon Festival • Aug. 17-19<br />
Volunteers needed for Post 153 Booth - sign-up sheets posted in the legion<br />
DON’T MISS HAPPY HOUR FRIDAY’S 4-6P<br />
Miller Lite & Coors Light Specials & Appetizers<br />
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?<br />
Two<br />
thumbs up!<br />
“Where you’re treated like family.”<br />
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />
1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn<br />
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />
AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />
“Life is like an ice-cream cone: You have to learn to lick it!” – Charlie Brown<br />
Being happy doesn’t mean<br />
everything is perfect.<br />
It means you’ve decided to look<br />
beyond the imperfections.<br />
C<br />
Brandon Meserve<br />
OUR SERVICES:<br />
Case Management<br />
Housing Resources<br />
12 Bates St. Lewiston - 795-6710<br />
PO Box 1319 Lewiston 04243-1319<br />
www.commonties.org<br />
w<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
38<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?<br />
Friends<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
me<br />
s<br />
S<br />
In a crowded city at a<br />
crowded bus stop a<br />
beautiful young woman<br />
was waiting for the<br />
bus. She was decked<br />
out in a tight leather<br />
mini skirt with matching<br />
tight leather boots<br />
and jacket.<br />
n<br />
?<br />
1<br />
.<br />
.<br />
Come See Us<br />
For All Your<br />
Pool Needs!<br />
A closed mind is a good thing to lose.<br />
DON’T JUST DUMP MONEY<br />
IN YOUR POOL,<br />
CALL US...<br />
YOUR LOCAL POOL EXPERTS!<br />
www.abcpools.com • 207-783-0858 • 800-244-0858 • 1975 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston<br />
Tuesday would be a whole lot cuter if it were Friday.<br />
As the bus rolled up<br />
and it became her turn<br />
to get on the bus she<br />
became aware that her<br />
skirt was too tight to<br />
allow her leg to come<br />
up to the height of<br />
the bus’ first step. So<br />
slightly embarrassed<br />
and with a quick smile<br />
to the bus driver she<br />
reached behind her<br />
and unzipped her skirt<br />
a little thinking that this<br />
would give her enough<br />
slack to raise her leg.<br />
Again she tried to<br />
make the step onto<br />
the bus only to discover<br />
she still could not<br />
make the step. So,<br />
a little more embarrassed<br />
she once again<br />
reached behind her<br />
and unzipped her skirt<br />
a little more. And for<br />
a second time she<br />
attempted the step and<br />
once again, much to<br />
her chagrin she could<br />
not raise her leg because<br />
of the tight skirt.<br />
So with a coy little<br />
smile to the driver she<br />
again unzipped the<br />
offending skirt to give<br />
a little more slack and<br />
again was unable to<br />
make the step.<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 39
(continued from previous page)<br />
About this time the big<br />
Texan that was behind<br />
her in the line picked<br />
her up easily from the<br />
waist and placed her<br />
lightly on the step of<br />
the bus.<br />
Well, she went ballistic<br />
and turned on<br />
the would-be hero,<br />
screeching at him,<br />
“How dare you touch<br />
my body! I don’t even<br />
know who you are!”<br />
At this the Texan<br />
drawled, “Well ma’am,<br />
normally I would agree<br />
with you but after you<br />
unzipped my fly three<br />
times, I kinda figured<br />
that we were friends.”<br />
Good Idea<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
Dave asked his wife,<br />
Pauline, “What will you<br />
do if I die before you?”<br />
She thought for a<br />
minute before replying,<br />
“I will probably<br />
look to share a house<br />
with three other single<br />
or widowed women,<br />
maybe a little younger<br />
than me since I am still<br />
active for my age.”<br />
Pauline then asks,<br />
“What about you? What<br />
will you do if I die first?”<br />
Dave said, “Probably<br />
the same.”<br />
Did You Know?<br />
Be a Flamingo in a flock of pigeons.<br />
70 Broad St. Auburn • 207-783-8471<br />
Hours: Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm<br />
Fri. 8am - 7pm<br />
Sat. 8am - 6pm<br />
Sun. closed<br />
Roy’s FOODLAND<br />
www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com<br />
Ground Fresh Daily Hamburger • Steaks • Chicken • Pork<br />
See us for your<br />
BBQ needs!<br />
DELI<br />
Pizza, Sandwiches<br />
Chester Fried<br />
Chicken<br />
“The intelligent choice<br />
for today’s world.”<br />
Meat Package Specials!<br />
Saturday Bean Special<br />
Beans, Bread/Rolls, Cole Slaw<br />
Wednesday Italian Sandwich Special<br />
Ham, Salami or Veggie Italian only $1.99<br />
Don’t let them hide!<br />
KNOW WHO YOU<br />
HIRE!<br />
• National Sex Offenders<br />
Screening<br />
• Driving Record Check<br />
• Criminal Record Check<br />
CALL US TODAY! 207-783-0000<br />
KnowWhoYouHire.com<br />
Mens & Boys CUTS for<br />
Every day! $<br />
Walk-ins welcome!<br />
12<br />
Flat Tops • Fades • Mohawks • Waxing<br />
Marcel’s<br />
Tina, I<br />
filled in for you<br />
while you were<br />
out.<br />
Ohh<br />
NO!<br />
GROCERIES<br />
Beer / Wine<br />
Ham Salad<br />
Best Chicken<br />
Salad in Town<br />
A<br />
8<br />
9<br />
2<br />
Play-doh was first<br />
manufactured in Cincinnati,<br />
Ohio, originally<br />
meant to be used as a<br />
wallpaper cleaner.<br />
54 Mill Street, New Auburn<br />
783-3444<br />
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;<br />
Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />
Tim Rucker & Steve Simard of<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
40<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.
Fall down seven times, stand up eight.<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Moxie Festival<br />
m<br />
m<br />
m<br />
ed<br />
Hard to believe<br />
the paper this is<br />
printed on now cost 40%<br />
more! Help me end<br />
this tariff!<br />
AGENDA<br />
8:00AM Registration & Refreshments<br />
9:00AM Shot Gun Tee Off & Tournament Play<br />
2:00PM Cocktail Hour/Awards & Lunch<br />
Congressman<br />
Bruce Poliquin &<br />
Patti Gagne<br />
Payment Information<br />
$75 each or $300 per foursome<br />
Enclosed is my check payable to:<br />
Poland Fire Rescue B.A.<br />
Please charge my credit card in<br />
the amount of $_______<br />
Account#:_________________________________<br />
(Visa/MC/Amex/Discover)<br />
Crusher, of the<br />
Maine Red Claws<br />
Mommy,<br />
look at those<br />
clowns!<br />
Exp. Date:___________<br />
3/4 Digit Credit Card Verification Code:_____<br />
Cardholder Name:_________________________<br />
Signature:_________________________________<br />
Daphne &<br />
Stephanie Labadie<br />
Make it simple but significat.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 41
•<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Moxie Festival<br />
I think you’re suffering from lack of vitamin ME.<br />
Ac<br />
Cl<br />
Eathan & Jerry<br />
Zylia<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus (207) 375-8502<br />
C<br />
Ryan & Sharon<br />
Zylia<br />
Try us once, you’ll be a regular!<br />
Open 7 Days<br />
a week<br />
6am - 8pm<br />
Emily Libby,<br />
Julie-Ann Baumer<br />
& Jennifer Libby<br />
Roanna Santos,<br />
Aimee Shepard &<br />
Damien LaHayne<br />
FREE 2 liter<br />
with any<br />
Large Pizza<br />
Exp. 8.31.18<br />
Exp. 8.31.18<br />
Y<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
42<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
Dog fur is just a part of the home decor.
Accepting New<br />
Clients for <strong>2018</strong><br />
Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.<br />
Over 30 Years of In-Home Care & Staffing Services<br />
The<br />
Replacement<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
A woman answered<br />
the doorbell with a<br />
man standing on her<br />
porch.<br />
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES!<br />
• Top Pay<br />
• Earned Time Off<br />
• Work Your Schedule<br />
• Immediate Positions Available<br />
Senior Care & Medical Staffing<br />
Keeping people home & healthier.<br />
Serving:<br />
Auburn • Lewiston • Brunswick • Portland • Bangor • Bath • Sanford<br />
Springvale • York • Kittery • Western Maine & Parts of New Hampshire<br />
Call Us Today for Services 207.347.2377<br />
The man said, “I’m<br />
terribly sorry. I just ran<br />
over your cat and I<br />
would like to replace it<br />
for you.”<br />
The woman replied,<br />
“Well that’s alright with<br />
me, but how are you at<br />
catching mice?”<br />
Blinds • Shutters • Shades • Drapes • Home Automation<br />
Call now for your free in-home consultation!<br />
Budget Blinds of <strong>August</strong>a<br />
207-621-8200<br />
BudgetBlinds.com/augustame<br />
Each franchise independently owned and operated.<br />
IronHorse Court<br />
Prime Indoor Storage<br />
boats • rv’s • automobiles<br />
• Safe & Secure<br />
• Reasonable Rates<br />
Limited Space, Call Today!<br />
1 Bates St. Lewiston • 207.333.3242 • ironhorsecourt.com<br />
Family<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Do you<br />
enjoy being<br />
outdoors?<br />
Call Today!<br />
207-225-5627<br />
YEAR ROUND FLAGGERS<br />
FULL-TIME SUMMER POSITIONS AVAILABLE<br />
No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!<br />
www.atworkpersonnel.com<br />
The newlywed wife said<br />
to her husband when<br />
he returned from work,<br />
“I have great news for<br />
you. Pretty soon, we’re<br />
going to be three in this<br />
house instead of two.”<br />
Her husband ran to her<br />
with a smile on his face<br />
and delight in his eyes.<br />
He was glowing of<br />
happiness and kissing<br />
his wife when she said,<br />
“I’m glad that you feel<br />
this way since tomorrow<br />
morning, my mother<br />
moves in with us.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 43
Convincing<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
My brain has too many tabs open.<br />
The school principal<br />
called Joe and said,<br />
“Your son Billy has<br />
been telling lies.”<br />
Joe replied, “Well tell<br />
him he’s damn good at<br />
it, I don’t even have a<br />
son!”<br />
Three<br />
Wishes<br />
Submitted by Pam Ashby<br />
Blais<br />
Flowers<br />
& Garden center<br />
Quality & Service<br />
is our Top Priority<br />
Same family values since 1953<br />
There’s still time to plant<br />
your perennials!<br />
Stop in today!<br />
We have a large selection<br />
R<br />
The CEO of a large<br />
company was walking<br />
to the cafeteria along<br />
with two of his administrative<br />
assistants.<br />
Upon tripping on a bottle,<br />
a genie appeared<br />
and asked the threesome<br />
if they would like<br />
to each make a wish.<br />
The first administrative<br />
assistant excitedly<br />
exclaimed, “I wish I<br />
was on a beach in a<br />
tropical island!”<br />
Immediately her wish<br />
was granted. The next<br />
administrative assistant<br />
proclaimed, “I<br />
wish I was on a tour of<br />
France!” Immediately<br />
her wish too, was<br />
granted.<br />
Being that it was now<br />
his turn to make a wish<br />
the CEO exclaimed “I<br />
want the two of them<br />
back in their offices<br />
right after lunch!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
44<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
539 Webster St. Lewiston • 207.783.8566 • sales@blaisflowers.com • blaisflowers.com<br />
Mon.-Fri. 8a-5p • Sat. 9a-2p • Sun. closed<br />
The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side.<br />
See Us for Fall Sports<br />
Reunions<br />
Road Races &<br />
Charity 5k’s<br />
Contractors &<br />
Landscapers<br />
Quality<br />
Products<br />
Reasonable<br />
Pricing<br />
CALL US FOR A<br />
QUOTE TODAY!<br />
205 Washington St.<br />
South, Auburn<br />
207-784-4184<br />
coastaltshirts.com<br />
Out ‘n About at the Moxie Festival<br />
Lydia Colston &<br />
Tracy Steuber<br />
I want a<br />
Moxie, and I<br />
want it now!<br />
Erin Kennedy<br />
Paul Robinson<br />
Slugger<br />
There are so many scams on the Internet these days.... for $19.95 I can show you<br />
how to avoid them.<br />
W<br />
F<br />
ex
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.<br />
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Moxie Festival<br />
m<br />
l<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
Rita<br />
comes to Rolly’s<br />
even on her day off,<br />
the food is that<br />
GOOD!<br />
Rita Fournier, Betty Ann Thomas,<br />
Jim Thomas & Brenda Kay<br />
Breakfast & Lunch<br />
Specials Daily<br />
• Unusual Omelettes<br />
• Crepes<br />
• Breakfast All Day<br />
• Extensive Menu<br />
87 Mill St.<br />
New Auburn<br />
753-0171<br />
(for take-out)<br />
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />
Sunday 7 am – noon<br />
Margit Minit &<br />
Gianni Desrosiers<br />
A locksmith can be a key resource to have.<br />
The Farm Stand is<br />
OPEN!<br />
Whiting Farm Stand<br />
Fresh picked vegetables & local products for sale!<br />
Watch for more<br />
exciting items in the<br />
coming months!<br />
Come support your local farm!<br />
Supported by:<br />
Aleena & Stephanie<br />
Desrosiers<br />
I’m going to<br />
need to see your<br />
license and<br />
registration.<br />
876 Summer St., Auburn • 782-2726<br />
I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 45
Out ‘n About at the<br />
Moxie Festival<br />
I never lose. I either win or I learn.<br />
Lewis<br />
200 Gorham Rd. South Portland • 613.9715<br />
Come see<br />
us at Frank’s!<br />
See our ad on pg.<br />
23!<br />
BUY ONE<br />
REGULAR PRICED<br />
ENTREE AND<br />
GET ONE<br />
REGULAR PRICED<br />
ENTREE FOR<br />
FREE<br />
Not valid on holidays. Excludes tax,<br />
gratuity and alcohol. Cannot be<br />
combined with other offers or<br />
discounts. 1 coupon per table only.<br />
Expiration Date: 8/31/18<br />
GET A<br />
FREE<br />
APPETIZER<br />
WITH THE<br />
PURCHASE<br />
OF A REGULAR<br />
PRICED ENTREE<br />
Not valid on holidays. Excludes tax,<br />
gratuity and alcohol. Cannot be<br />
combined with other offers or<br />
discounts. 1 coupon per table only.<br />
Expiration Date: 8/31/18<br />
RECEIVE<br />
$5 OFF<br />
A PURCHASE OF<br />
$20<br />
OR MORE<br />
Not valid on holidays. Excludes tax,<br />
gratuity and alcohol. Cannot be<br />
combined with other offers or<br />
discounts. 1 coupon per table only.<br />
Expiration Date: 8/31/18<br />
Nicole Sautter &<br />
Traci Austin<br />
I need a<br />
cold Moxie!<br />
LEWISTON<br />
754 Main St.<br />
(207) 376-445<br />
TOPSHAM<br />
Topsham Fair Mall<br />
(207) 725-5009<br />
BREWER<br />
383 Wilson St.<br />
(207) 307-7008<br />
AUBURN<br />
279 Center St.<br />
(207) 784-9559<br />
AUGUSTA<br />
60 Western Ave.<br />
(207) 512-8140<br />
WATERVILLE<br />
371 Main St.<br />
(207) 680-9130<br />
Plus tax where applicable. Available at participating locations.<br />
With the purchase of any pizza<br />
CrazyBread ® (8-piece order)<br />
& Crazy Sauce ®<br />
Senator<br />
Eric Brakey<br />
FOR IN_STORE PURCHASE ONLY<br />
OFFER EXPIRES 8.31.18 Valid only<br />
at the Lewiston or Auburn Little Caesars ®<br />
location(s). Not good with any other offers.<br />
Void where prohibited or tax.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
46<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039<br />
You don’t have to be perfect to be amazing.
s.<br />
s.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Aug. <strong>2018</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com 47
Bookkeeping • QuickBooks Hosting & Consulting<br />
Billing • MaineCare Billing • Budgeting<br />
Accounts Receivable Management • Financial Reporting<br />
Tel: 207-795-0663<br />
kbrunelle@RCCmaine.com<br />
www.RCCmaine.com<br />
Serving Greater LA<br />
Since 1997<br />
Kevin Michael Brunelle<br />
Certified Public Accountant<br />
219 Mount Auburn Ave., Auburn<br />
Schedule your<br />
appointment with<br />
Dr. Chen<br />
today!<br />
783-1351<br />
730 Center St. Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza<br />
auburnfamilydental.me<br />
Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most.<br />
Julie Poulin<br />
Branch Manager<br />
NMLS#509652<br />
207-576-9083<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
48 <strong>August</strong> <strong>2018</strong> 783-7039 <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com
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