BLUSH Winter 2019

BLUSH | LEISURE & LIFESTYLE
EXERCISE: is it a punishment or a celebration
of what our bodies can do? The answer all depends
on who you follow...
There are billion-dollar industries built on keeping me feeling
bad about my body and about my life in general. I am
bombarded with conflicting messages of ‘love yourself’ and
other self-improvement stuff. I am told that positive body image
is the new diet plan – oh my mistake, because I thought it was
Paleo-vegan-Keto-organic-clean eating, whole foods – that was
a mouth full of ‘my bad’.
Then there are the exercise plans that go along with it
all; HITT, CrossFit, Orange Theory, Bootcamp, F45, Barry’s,
SoulCycle... Dare I say it, but Yoga is just as bad; Bikram,
Kundalini, Hatha, Vinyasa, Ashtanga all claiming to do various
things to help me achieve whatever it is I think I need to
improve.
The best news of all, is that I don’t even have to leave
home to have all this help in getting that 2019 body life
transformation. There are countless blogs and influencers
sprouting the benefits of everything I didn’t realise I need. Not
only that, but my obsession with screens has also weighed in.
Seriously there is an APP for everything that has anything to
do with body shape, image, eating plans, wazoo detox teas,
drinks and shakes, aroma therapy oils, and misting sprays that
can make you sleep, feel, live better.
I am guilty of having all of the above. I have on my phone
right at this very moment APPs for meditating, (used six or so
times), for the gym (which I actually used consistently for at least
one month), a whole foods pantry guide (I can’t work it out so
I’m going to delete it soon promise), aroma therapy oil mixes
guide (I have opened it), power yoga (I watched it
a couple of times on the couch), running log ( I use
this as I do run — well kind of more a shuffle-run
of sheer desperation – but more on that topic later),
FitnessPal (I use this on and off to make myself feel
bad for eating anything that has flavour).
I don’t just have one of these APPs, I have
several. All of them downloaded in the vain hope
that they will somehow miraculously transform me,
but alas, nope. I however, won’t give in to making
any actual APP purchases – I won’t actually buy the
whole APP, I just do the free ad-riddled versions
that cut out when it starts to get interesting, which
may I add, is probably why I am not Gigi Hadid
strutting for Victoria’s Secret. Yep that’s definitely
the reason.
And now for my next trick I
will make 10 kilos disappear
and 15 kilos reappear...
Last year, I lost ten kilos through literal blood, sweat and tears
and a few tantrums; I had to walk to Mountain Everest Base
Camp, get sick from the altitude, vomit consistently for ten days
to lose that weight – maybe I should make an APP on that!
When I did finally receive the recognition that I was desperate to
hear – oh you look great, you’ve lost weight! – it was tarnished
with despair as I knew that deep down it wasn’t going to last
and I was left wishing that no one had said anything.
Too make-up for the ‘failure’ that I knew was coming – the
inevitable weight rebound – I proudly pranced about telling
everyone how I’d lost ten kilos and have become a vegan
on ethical grounds, (not really, I was still really queasy at the
thought of certain foods – meat being one of them). I am sure
they secretly wished that I’d hurry up and put back on those
I swing from
restrictive eating to
all in my mouth, the
classic yo-yo dieter.
ten kilos and an extra
five kilos. Why? Not
because they dislike
me or because they’re
jealous... no, it’s because
they feel like a failure
too! They are feeling
even lower now because
someone managed to do
it, someone else grabbed
the golden ring even just for a fleeting moment.
I scheduled in my fancy planner gym sessions; to roll out my
yoga mat and sit in my space; I even scheduled cooking that
whole-food dinner, and for those few weeks when the stars
and planets aligned, I was smug and self-righteous.
52 BLUSH | WINTER 2019 sevenstarmedia.co.uk